Jana Duggar 16: Living in a Tiny House in Daddy's Backyard

[Nothing if not critical]

I agree. I also feel that with dysfunctional families, there's almost always at least one sibling who will defend their parents, no matter how shitty their parenting was. Because apparently some people find it easier to deal with the pain by pretending that everything was just great and lying to themselves. Not my preferred strategy, but I think it's fairly common.

[JermajestyDuggar]

1 hour ago, LillyP said:

I think we might not see as many siblings leave you might think, mostly out of fear of being cut off from their brothers and sisters. I think there are probably several who look at Jill's life and are envious of the freedom and support she has, but have also seen how she's basically become ostracized from her family. We all know she's not welcome at the big house and it seems she has very limited contact with siblings (even though they claim to all still be close) and I'd bet there's been enough fear instilled in the remaining siblings that they don't want to risk losing those relationships. I feel bad for the younger siblings because if anything, the older siblings branching out is only going to make JB double-down on their perspective partners. He's going to only want them to marry a spouse who will toe-the-line, not pull them away.

But I will say that the family is very obviously growing apart. When they were all unmarried, except Josh, they were together 24/7. It’s extremely different now. Justin lives in Texas. Jinger lives in California. So many of them seem to live lives mostly away from the TTH. Some have made new friends, take trips far away from home without JB and Michelle. Sure some are still up JB’s ass. But some definitely aren’t. And they aren’t being blocked from coming to the TTH on holidays. I think as you age and have your own family, your priorities naturally shift. Your parents aren’t the most important people anymore. Your spouse and kids are. So it may not seem so horrible to be blocked from coming to the TTH those 5 times you stop by a year if you have in laws that will be there to support you. If you have a church that supports you. If you have friends that support you. Having your family cut you off is much more painful when they are your entire world. 

[Idlewild]

For the ones who are still at home, we don’t know how much they know about the negative side of the Duggars. They have known a comfortable life in a big house- not the sharing beds and hiding food that Jill talked about.

I also expect they were given a very much redacted version of the abuse scandal and probably Josh’s crimes too. There will have been a lot of ‘people persecute us because we’re godly’ I’m sure. Their internet and TV access is probably regulated too. On another thread it’s been reported that Jed is straight out of the traps defending the Duggar brand - which doesn’t surprise me. I suspect for both Jana and Anna, their silence will be golden, ie bought.

[CanadianMamam]

On 5/29/2023 at 3:45 PM, SassyPants said:

The sister who surprised me the most is Jessa. She was always the mouthy, opinionated one. She is the one who raised the most hell, per her parents. Um, worse than Josh, not likely. Anyhow, back in the day if I was going to predict which of the older sisters would be living in LA, wearing skinny jeans and controlling her fertility, I would have picked Jessa, not Jinger. Jessa was shown to be both spunky and adventurous (sky jumping, anyone). Jinger was shown to like fake tans and coffee, and was rather shy as she got older. Of course, Jill has made the most strides. 

Because Jim and Michelle worked on Jessa. They knew she was a potential problem, so they focused on her. There was the quote about how once you convinced Jessa of something, she would dig her heels in and be loyal to the end. Jinger the follower and Jill the perfect Daughter weren't seen as potential flight risks, Jessa was. 

[Coconut Flan]

Sometimes it's the quiet ones you have to watch and also the gung ho ones are the ones who are frequently the easiest to defect.  One a true believer finds one lie or flaw, the whole house can fall.  It seems like for Jill it was the TLC contract  

[Cam]

4 hours ago, LillyP said:

I think we might not see as many siblings leave you might think, mostly out of fear of being cut off from their brothers and sisters. I think there are probably several who look at Jill's life and are envious of the freedom and support she has, but have also seen how she's basically become ostracized from her family. We all know she's not welcome at the big house and it seems she has very limited contact with siblings (even though they claim to all still be close) and I'd bet there's been enough fear instilled in the remaining siblings that they don't want to risk losing those relationships. I feel bad for the younger siblings because if anything, the older siblings branching out is only going to make JB double-down on their perspective partners. He's going to only want them to marry a spouse who will toe-the-line, not pull them away.

Yes, exactly. The title of Jill’s book “Counting the Cost” says it all. Some things were taken, some things were lost from her when she chose to stand up for herself. There was a price to pay for her sanity. Not just broken family relationships but she had to own up to the fact that her life wasn’t what she thought it was and some people weren’t the wonderful people she thought they were. 

Here’s the thing. A lot of people against IBLP and the Duggars still give Derick credit for how he’s helped Jill, blah, blah, blah. But he didn’t give up what she did. 

And yes, JB will double down on prospective spouses for his remainder kids. Still, Jill and Jinger may provide a blueprint if any of them want to loosen the restrictions on their lives. They will have to weigh the cost if they think its worth it.

Edited June 1, 2023 by Cam

[Father Son Holy Goat]

6 hours ago, Cam said:

Yes, exactly. The title of Jill’s book “Counting the Cost” says it all. Some things were taken, some things were lost from her when she chose to stand up for herself. There was a price to pay for her sanity. Not just broken family relationships but she had to own up to the fact that her life wasn’t what she thought it was and some people weren’t the wonderful people she thought they were. 

None of this is fair either. There’s no reason Jill or anyone should have to weigh the cost of their mental health vs a relationship with their family. I feel angry on her behalf because I’ve had to make the same choices. 

Edited June 2, 2023 by Father Son Holy Goat

[MaryOrMartha]

12 hours ago, CanadianMamam said:

Because Jim and Michelle worked on Jessa. They knew she was a potential problem, so they focused on her. There was the quote about how once you convinced Jessa of something, she would dig her heels in and be loyal to the end. Jinger the follower and Jill the perfect Daughter weren't seen as potential flight risks, Jessa was. 

Well that's where their half-assed parenting fucked up.

My mother has always said: it's the quiet ones you have to watch.

[IReallyAmHopewell]

I just hope Jill's book is TRUTH and not "her truth." I want her to tell the real story, accurately. I hope Jana is getting some peace in her tiny house. I also hope she is single because she likes it. (I doubt that). Sarah Maxwell married at about 40--there's still "hope" for "poor" Jana, bless her heart [snark]

[Father Son Holy Goat]

I wonder if Jana will read Jill’s book.

[Hera]

On 6/1/2023 at 12:42 PM, CanadianMamam said:

Because Jim and Michelle worked on Jessa. They knew she was a potential problem, so they focused on her. There was the quote about how once you convinced Jessa of something, she would dig her heels in and be loyal to the end. Jinger the follower and Jill the perfect Daughter weren't seen as potential flight risks, Jessa was. 

They’ve also better trapped Jessa.

Jill and Jinger both married men who can support them without JB’s financial help. Derrick has no need for JB’s money, and for all his flaws, I really don’t see Jeremy being okay being supported by JB, his wife’s father. But supported by McArthur or his ilk or his own wife? Sure, no problem.

Anyway, that ability to be financially independent allows those two daughters room to think and be mentally independent, as well. 

I’d be shocked if Ben can really support himself, his wife and a passel of kids on a part-time rural preachers salary. And while Jessa shills on instagram or whatever, she ain’t out there writing books. They’re almost certainly getting some sort of financial help from JB and that help comes with strings. And therefore, even if Jessa were inclined to think for herself, she’s got a strong incentive not to do so.  She’s in a similar boat as Jana and Anna in that regard. 
 

Although, in that same vein, it wouldn’t surprise me if Jana’s backyard tiny house and the other older kids’ trip around the world was their reward for staying the course during the trial. Pretty powerful incentives not only for the older kids but also to show the younger ones the “benefits” of keeping your mouth shut. 

Edited June 6, 2023 by Hera

[Idlewild]

@Hera agreed- and it may not all be financial. Both Jill and Jinger have limited their family size to what is manageable- Jessa may still need her younger sisters to step in and help with housework or babysitting.

Jinger has jumped on the bandwagon to use the documentary to further plug her own book and is shilling other stuff on Instagram- so no, Jeremy absolutely does not mind being kept by his wife.

[JermajestyDuggar]

8 minutes ago, Idlewild said:

@Hera agreed- and it may not all be financial. Both Jill and Jinger have limited their family size to what is manageable- Jessa may still need her younger sisters to step in and help with housework or babysitting.

Jinger has jumped on the bandwagon to use the documentary to further plug her own book and is shilling other stuff on Instagram- so no, Jeremy absolutely does not mind being kept by his wife.

I imagine people watching the documentary with a huge amount of disturbing and shocking info and then buying Jinger’s book and being bored to death. I didn’t read her book but I’ve read reviews that it’s full of Bible quotes and pretty boring. It’s very different from the documentary.

[Idlewild]

@JermajestyDuggar, yes from what I have read, Jinger’s book is very much about how she found a new cult rather than being open about the more dangerous aspects of IBLP and the people that used her to promote it. She is definitely riding the wave caused by Jill and I imagine Jill’s book is going to sell more- which will no doubt irk her and Jeremy further.

[Father Son Holy Goat]

1 hour ago, Idlewild said:

@Hera agreed- and it may not all be financial. Both Jill and Jinger have limited their family size to what is manageable- Jessa may still need her younger sisters to step in and help with housework or babysitting.

4 is a larger but still within the realm of normal. They could still chose to limit their family size at this point, and might have to if things blow up at the TTH.

[SassyPants]

From what I read about Jinger’s book (haven’t read the book) it sounds like Jinger’s book is shilling the praises of her new church, while distancing herself from Gothard and the Institute’s principles. 

I think Jill’s book sounds as if it might be more about her personal experience with fundamentalism and the effects on her life.

[SassyPants]

After watching the documentary, I am more convinced than ever that Jana is totally single by choice. I think she has thought it through and realized that the only way that she can have the life she wants, not answering to a spouse who expects to all call the shots, including having endless children and housework, is to keep to herself. In the show she was shown to be one who liked to stay in the background. I think with all that she saw and was required to do growing up, Jana just decided hell no.

It sounds like she has a place to herself, has friends and a fairly quiet life. Good for her. 

[Idlewild]

I think Jana is single by choice, with the caveat that she would probably like to have a partner, but what she would like is unlikely to be available in the pool of men JB would approve of and I don’t see her rebelling against her parents. 
She lives a comfortable life and would need someone who could maintain that, so not someone who would expect her to be constantly shilling stuff to pay the bills. She doesn’t seem to be impressed by intellectuals or pseudo intellectuals like Derick or Jeremy. Plus she seems to be still all in with their brand of Christianity, so any spouse would have to have the same beliefs. The stark truth is that there will be few wealthy men in that ‘church’ her age who want a wife the same age - they seem to go for much younger. The Duggar brand isn’t as universally attractive among fundies any more - so people like star struck Ben are less likely to emerge. 
I can see her marrying in the coming years to an older guy who is maybe widowed, who isn’t bothered about having a quiver full of kids.

[Cam]

21 hours ago, Hera said:

I’d be shocked if Ben can really support himself, his wife and a passel of kids on a part-time rural preachers salary. And while Jessa shills on instagram or whatever, she ain’t out there writing books. They’re almost certainly getting some sort of financial help from JB and that help comes with strings. And therefore, even if Jessa were inclined to think for herself, she’s got a strong incentive not to do so.  She’s in a similar boat as Jana and Anna in that regard. 
 

 

Do you think Jessa signed that lifelong contract that Jill mentions in the documentary? 
 

21 hours ago, Hera said:

Although, in that same vein, it wouldn’t surprise me if Jana’s backyard tiny house and the other older kids’ trip around the world was their reward for staying the course during the trial. Pretty powerful incentives not only for the older kids but also to show the younger ones the “benefits” of keeping your mouth shut. 

Ooh, good point and very possible. It’d also be more of JB’s passive aggressive way of getting back at Jill

 

21 hours ago, Idlewild said:

@Hera agreed- and it may not all be financial. Both Jill and Jinger have limited their family size to what is manageable- Jessa may still need her younger sisters to step in and help with housework or babysitting.

Definitely. 

21 hours ago, Idlewild said:.

Jinger has jumped on the bandwagon to use the documentary to further plug her own book and is shilling other stuff on Instagram- so no, Jeremy absolutely does not mind being kept by his wife.

I don’t want to reinforce the construct that it must be the husband in the relationship being the one who’s financially supporting the wife. If Jinger is the main breadwinner, good. 

[Smee]

7 minutes ago, Cam said:

Do you think Jessa signed that lifelong contract that Jill mentions in the documentary? 
 

Ooh, good point and very possible. It’d also be more of JB’s passive aggressive way of getting back at Jill

 

Definitely. 

I don’t want to reinforce the construct that it must be the husband in the relationship being the one who’s financially supporting the wife. If Jinger is the main breadwinner, good. 

That would be fine if they had anything close to equal household and parental responsibilities but we all know she’s the primary carer.

[viii]

I think people give Jana here far too much credit. I doubt she's single by choice. Nothing she has said has ever shown that she doesn't want to be married and have children. Instead, she's talked largely about how she keeps waiting for the perfect man so she can get married and become a mother. I think Jana is completely under her parents' control and I think she's happy to be there. Nothing Jana has ever said has made me think she's a smart, calculating woman who knows how to survive in that world. She's JB's puppet and does what she's told. Let's not forget that Jana was mainly in charge of the younger children and we know that includes beating them. She's no different than Michelle to me. 

[shesinsane]

4 hours ago, viii said:

I think people give Jana here far too much credit. I doubt she's single by choice. Nothing she has said has ever shown that she doesn't want to be married and have children. Instead, she's talked largely about how she keeps waiting for the perfect man so she can get married and become a mother. I think Jana is completely under her parents' control and I think she's happy to be there. Nothing Jana has ever said has made me think she's a smart, calculating woman who knows how to survive in that world. She's JB's puppet and does what she's told. Let's not forget that Jana was mainly in charge of the younger children and we know that includes beating them. She's no different than Michelle to me. 

You must not have seen the Amazon documentary, Amy Duggar King told us that the Duggars didn't beat their children, they "encouraged" them with physical violence. When Michelle wanted one of Amy's cousins to go to another room to be hit she'd say "You need to come into the room and we need to give you some encouragement." 

Watching that documentary left me believing the parentification of the Duggar daughters included the daughters administering encouragement to their buddies.  

[JermajestyDuggar]

11 minutes ago, shesinsane said:

You must not have seen the Amazon documentary, Amy Duggar King told us that the Duggars didn't beat their children, they "encouraged" them with physical violence. When Michelle wanted one of Amy's cousins to go to another room to be hit she'd say "You need to come into the room and we need to give you some encouragement." 

Watching that documentary left me believing the parentification of the Duggar daughters included the daughters administering encouragement to their buddies.  

I think it’s pretty likely since Jim Bob was gone off to work a lot. And Michelle was constantly pregnant, nursing, and directing all the kids to do their chores. If they don’t have time to get their kids dressed, they don’t have time to spank them either. 

[viii]

45 minutes ago, shesinsane said:

You must not have seen the Amazon documentary, Amy Duggar King told us that the Duggars didn't beat their children, they "encouraged" them with physical violence. When Michelle wanted one of Amy's cousins to go to another room to be hit she'd say "You need to come into the room and we need to give you some encouragement." 

Watching that documentary left me believing the parentification of the Duggar daughters included the daughters administering encouragement to their buddies.  

You're repeating exactly what I said. I know Jana beat the younger siblings. And I will never call it encouragement. 

[wendy-sparkles]

I don't think Jana is consciously trying to stay single or in her parent's house to protect her siblings etc. I do think it's possible she has been subconsciously picking up on the sinister vibes of fundie men she's pre-courted/courted, and she's luckily got a dad who's more than happy for her to stay single (even if it's because it suits his controlling agenda) vs. one that says it's god's will she marry a man she doesn't want to.