Bro Gary Hawkins 21: Let's PRIASE the Lord

[AmazonGrace]

Oh, the good old "victims from fornication". It's a four-for-one,  does several jobs at once.

1.  I am not at fault, I don't need forgiveness,  I am just a VICTIM here

2. My Ex was a bad person, y'all

3. look God, I am so brave, I call sinners fornicators.

4. where do I sign for my martyr crown`

 

[thoughtful]

1 hour ago, AmazonGrace said:

Oh, the good old "victims from fornication". It's a four-for-one,  does several jobs at once.

1.  I am not at fault, I don't need forgiveness,  I am just a VICTIM here

2. My Ex was a bad person, y'all

3. look God, I am so brave, I call sinners fornicators.

4. where do I sign for my martyr crown`

 

I'll add one more:

5. I still get to pissily disapprove of divorce, since I claim I did nothing to cause my own.

[Pammy]

I also note that they are victims of *fornication* -- not victims of adultery.

Which means that what their ex-spouses did to 'victimize' them was to begin new relationships *after* their marriages had ended, but before Gary & Becky did the same thing. If they had slept with someone else *during* the marriage, you can bet Gary would call the sin of adultery by that name.

Which means:

1. I'm not at fault, I'm the victim, because the fact that my ex eventually moved on proved that I was flawless in marriage.

2. My ex was an evil bad person because they not only left me, they also found happiness elsewhere before me.

[thoughtful]

1 hour ago, Pammy said:

I also note that they are victims of *fornication* -- not victims of adultery.

Which means that what their ex-spouses did to 'victimize' them was to begin new relationships *after* their marriages had ended, but before Gary & Becky did the same thing. If they had slept with someone else *during* the marriage, you can bet Gary would call the sin of adultery by that name.

That does make sense, except that it's Gary, so it's hard to say if he would have said adultery instead of fornication.

His vocabulary is so limited, and he misuses words, including biblical ones, so badly. I'm trying to remember if I've ever heard him come up with the word adultery on his own, rather than just reading it from the bible.

I could be remembering wrong, but I think that anything sexual, unless it's between a man and woman married to one another, is "fornicatin'" to him. Heck, he condemns Barney and Thelma Lou from The Andy Griffith Show for fornicatin', because they kissed!

[thoughtful]

There are lots of comments under Gary's post complaining about people who won't drive any distance to church, even though they will, as he says:

Quote

 drive miles and miles for a good meal, perfect will drive miles and miles for fun Activity,

The comments are a festival of self-righteousness. I won't bore you with them all, but here are some choice ones:

Spoiler

 

[AmazonGrace]

Re: the guy who drove "40 miles miles" to church and only "40 miles" back. Why was the return trip shorter? 

[Xan]

I'm heartened that these people are finding it difficult to locate a good "Bible believing church".  Why don't they just stay home, read their Bibles, and preach to each other?  That looks like what Gary's dad does from time to time.  Do they absolutely have to have some man yelling at them about sin every Sunday?

[thoughtful]

6 hours ago, AmazonGrace said:

Re: the guy who drove "40 miles miles" to church and only "40 miles" back. Why was the return trip shorter? 

I bet he tells his kids, "When  I was your age, I walked four miles miles to school in the snow and driving wind, and four miles home, and it was uphill both ways!"

1 minute ago, Xan said:

Why don't they just stay home, read their Bibles, and preach to each other?  That looks like what Gary's dad does from time to time. 

Well, the yard (if Gary is there with his tent) and various rooms of his own and other relatives' houses are Danny's church. He considers himself the pastor.

At least he's a mumbler, not a screamer.

[postscript]

40 miles miles guy says he “pastured” a church. It’s obvious why he and Gary are buddies. 

The tent! I’d forgotten about it. Wonder what Gary is doing with it now that they are off the road. Will he let one of his friends borrow it since he isn’t using it, or will he refuse to share? 

[thoughtful]

2 hours ago, postscript said:

40 miles miles guy says he “pastured” a church. It’s obvious why he and Gary are buddies. 

The tent! I’d forgotten about it. Wonder what Gary is doing with it now that they are off the road. Will he let one of his friends borrow it since he isn’t using it, or will he refuse to share? 

I notice the "pastured" as well - voice to text, or do they actually think they're the same word?

Gary could make some money with a rent-a-tent service.

[AmazonGrace]

36 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

I notice the "pastured" as well - voice to text, or do they actually think they're the same word?

 

My pasture's favorite song is Amazing Graze.

[thoughtful]

21 minutes ago, AmazonGrace said:

My pasture's favorite song is Amazing Graze.

Mine likes God Moos in a Mysterious Way.

https://my.hymnary.org/song/dynamic/175/god_moves_in_a_mysterious_way?toolkit=veroviostatic&hymnary=1

 

[AmazonGrace]

In heavenly armour we'll enter the land
The cattle belongs to the Lord
No weapon that's fashioned against us shall stand
The cattle belongs to the Lord

[thoughtful]

On 5/7/2023 at 10:40 AM, postscript said:

Whenever Gary says "I was thinking," I picture those two lonely little brain cells in his head rubbing together, desperately trying to come up with something original. 

I always want to imitate Marie Dressler's double take reaction to Jean Harlow's first line in this scene from Dinner at Eight:

Spoiler

 

 

[thoughtful]

Gary, don't turn around! The man behind you is wearing shorts! He's practically nekkid - in church!

Spoiler

Gary brings a water bottle and his enormous bible, even when he's not preaching. At least he seems to have left the towel at home.

Spoiler

 

[Mrs Ms]

8 hours ago, AmazonGrace said:

In heavenly armour we'll enter the land
The cattle belongs to the Lord
No weapon that's fashioned against us shall stand
The cattle belongs to the Lord

I read this this morning while eating breakfast and didn’t see the joke. Had a coffee, came back to this thread, read it properly and felt MIGHTY stupid!

[thoughtful]

The comments about how far people will travel for church are sounding like a competition now:

Edited May 11, 2023 by thoughtful
grammar

[Xan]

I actually looked up baptistharvest.com.  It appears to be about developing an app with stories to help win the "lost in 256 nations" along with a bit of globe trotting.  They're asking for articles, illustrators, photographs, story tips, and content.  Along with that they're hoping to get -- big surprise -- monthly support from churches until enough people are paying for app subscriptions.

My goodness.  The god botherers are always there with their hands out.

[EyesOpen]

1 hour ago, thoughtful said:

The comments about how far people will travel for church are sounding like a competition now:

Up hill; BOTH WAYS!

[thoughtful]

Gary and Becky have ducks. Gary posted a video:

Spoiler

His daugher-in-law commented:

Spoiler

ETA - I watched the video again, with the sound on this time, and Gary says "Mah ducks're havin' a ball."

Edited May 12, 2023 by thoughtful

[Xan]

Okay.  Gary has a regular job and now he's taking care of ducks?  Jill Rod has gone quiet for days now.  Is there something going on that I don't know about?  Are we about to get Raptured up?  

ETA:  I'm probably not going to get Raptured up but I'd like to know when everybody else is going.  It's going to make traffic so much easier...

Edited May 12, 2023 by Xan

[thoughtful]

9 minutes ago, Xan said:

Gary has a regular job and now he's taking care of ducks?

And chickens (he mentioned them in his message at church)!

 

[AmazonGrace]

This must be the first time that Gary has got

Spoiler

his ducks in a row

 

 

Edited May 12, 2023 by AmazonGrace

[waltraute]

25 minutes ago, Xan said:

ETA:  I'm probably not going to get Raptured up but I'd like to know when everybody else is going.  It's going to make traffic so much easier...

The Plan: If millions of people disappear at once (in the blink of an eye), those of us FJers left will meet here to confer. Hopefully, there will still be a Mod around to start an appropriate thread for discussion.

[AmazonGrace]

1 hour ago, waltraute said:

The Plan: If millions of people disappear at once (in the blink of an eye), those of us FJers left will meet here to confer. Hopefully, there will still be a Mod around to start an appropriate thread for discussion.

One thread is called They Will Be Missed, and the other, Good Riddance 1, 2, 30etc.