Dillards 92: Prosecuting All Of Us

[OldFadedStar]

On 8/25/2023 at 12:36 PM, viii said:

Knowing my luck, probably! 

Although I went on to Amazon.ca and looked up their book on Kindle and it says a delivery date of September 12th. So perhaps my order just hasn't updated the new delivery date, or perhaps I should cancel my pre-order and re-order it with the new delivery date. 

I would cancel and rebuy it. This is what happened to me and after I cancelled and rebought, it updated to the new delivery date. And since its still preordered, you havent been charged yet

On 8/25/2023 at 11:39 AM, Cam said:

 

The description goes on to add: “…parental authority over their children continues well into adulthood, even once they are married.” Hm. Never heard this emphasized on the show, either. Is this really a part of Fundy religion, or is it JB’s take on the religion, his need to control women to the nth degree? Because I thought once women married, they were under their husband’s authority. The Bible even states as much, that the couple yoke with each other.  And did he exert such extreme control over the boys when they married? 

 

idk about the boys, but Jinger mentioned this in her book with Jeremy as well. That it was an issue in the beginning of their marriage as Jinger expected that many decisions had to go through both his and her parents before they were made. Whereas Jeremy believed that they could make those decisions themselves. 

[Giraffe]

It also feels like Jill wanting to get her story out whereas Jinger’s feels more like a “look at me! I’m still relevant, just in a different way!” 

Edited August 28, 2023 by Giraffe
Removing duplicate post

[Mama Mia]

12 minutes ago, OldFadedStar said:

idk about the boys, but Jinger mentioned this in her book with Jeremy as well. That it was an issue in the beginning of their marriage as Jinger expected that many decisions had to go through both his and her parents before they were made. Whereas Jeremy believed that they could make those decisions themselves. 

I wonder if JB deciding he was in control of married couples decisions and finances was partly a result of the ultimate screw up son being the first to marry, and then a very long gap until the next child got married.
No matter how much they minimized it, Josh clearly required an inordinate amount of monitoring and mental space and worry for his parents.  I doubt that completely stopped once they found him a sheltered bride.  
If it had been JD or Jana who married first - or had other marriages followed  quickly after high needs Josh -would he have a more normal mindset towards the married couples,  maybe giving advice or help (wanted or not) , but not assuming he’d have control? 

 

 

[Giraffe]

1 hour ago, OldFadedStar said:

I would cancel and rebuy it. This is what happened to me and after I cancelled and rebought, it updated to the new delivery date. And since its still preordered, you havent been charged yet

idk about the boys, but Jinger mentioned this in her book with Jeremy as well. That it was an issue in the beginning of their marriage as Jinger expected that many decisions had to go through both his and her parents before they were made. Whereas Jeremy believed that they could make those decisions themselves. 

And this ladies and gentlemen is what you get when you teach that parents are the ultimate authority. Any parent whose (cognitively typical) grown child feels like they’re obligated to get actual permission from their parents has failed in parenting. There are a lot of things JB & M should be ashamed of themselves for. This is absolutely one of them!

Edited August 28, 2023 by Giraffe

[Bassett Lady]

19 hours ago, AussieKrissy said:

Jill's book may have some actual substance and she is not gunna promo the hell out of it to make a buck? I dunno seems like a wasted opportunity to me and a let down from her publishers. Each to their own I suppose 

Jill was forced to be a performing “circus act” for almost all of her adolescence and early adulthood.

She was coerced into interviews that put her in the torturous position of defending her abuser and downplaying/dismissing her multiple sexual assaults. 
 

If she is disinclined to do a string of interviews for this book, then I am THRILLED she had the personal autonomy and authority to set those guidelines. 
 

Is it possible she will have a smaller audience for her book as a result? Perhaps that is true. Is that entirely up to her to decide? Why yes, yet it is. Now, thankfully, it seems she gets to set her own boundaries. 

I borrowed Jinger’s  book from the library. I have pre-ordered Jill’s book to purchase. 
 

If it is as thoughtful and illuminating as I anticipate, I will be buying many more copies and giving them away this Christmas. 

[SassyPants]

1 hour ago, Giraffe said:

And this ladies and gentlemen is what you get when you teach that parents are the ultimate authority. Any parent whose (cognitively typical) grown child feels like they’re obligated to get actual permission from their parents has failed in parenting. There are a lot of things JB & M should be ashamed of themselves for. This is absolutely one of them!

I truly never understood JB’s level of “requiring” control over adults, especially those married and living outside his home. UM, JB readily admitted that his dad did not agree with his and Michelle’s approach to family planning and yet JB did NOT follow his dad’s belief system. Why on earth would JB think that his adult kids should follow his belief system? JB didn’t respect his dad, so why should his grown kids respect or kow tow to JB? JB is either delusional or totally put his unhealthy need for control above all else. JB’s approach is pathological and does not prepare anyone for life in the real world.

[Bassett Lady]

24 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

JB didn’t respect his dad, so why should his grown kids respect or kow tow to JB

I think he would justify this discrepancy by saying his father was NOT a faithful and holy man, under God’s authority, while he, Jim Bob,  is under God and therefore part of the “down stream” umbrella of protection that is a holy protection of (and power over) his grown children. 
 

I find the mind blowing part to be  that Jim Bob, with  his evil behaviors, considers himself righteous. 

[Lurker]

I think Jinger or Jeremy’s church hired a publicist for her book launch.  She had very good media exposure outside of the obvious fundy approved outlets.

 

[noseybutt]

1 hour ago, SassyPants said:

I truly never understood JB’s level of “requiring” control over adults, especially those married and living outside his home. UM, JB readily admitted that his dad did not agree with his and Michelle’s approach to family planning and yet JB did NOT follow his dad’s belief system. Why on earth would JB think that his adult kids should follow his belief system? JB didn’t respect his dad, so why should his grown kids respect or kow tow to JB? JB is either delusional or totally put his unhealthy need for control above all else. JB’s approach is pathological and does not prepare anyone for life in the real world.

Oh this is always the conundrum.

I have seen fundy parents wanting their adult children to live close to them forever, but they have no desire to live near their own parents.

Fundy parents who want to make decisions for adult children but no way would let their own parents make decisions for them.

Fundy parents who expect to be cared for, but may not care for their own parents.

IME it does not matter if their own parents are believers or not. There is always an excuse.

[Father Son Holy Goat]

8 hours ago, noseybutt said:

Oh this is always the conundrum.

I have seen fundy parents wanting their adult children to live close to them forever, but they have no desire to live near their own parents.

Fundy parents who want to make decisions for adult children but no way would let their own parents make decisions for them.

Fundy parents who expect to be cared for, but may not care for their own parents.

IME it does not matter if their own parents are believers or not. There is always an excuse.

It’s almost like it’s about control not godliness.

[Giraffe]

5 hours ago, Father Son Holy Goat said:

It’s almost like it’s about control not godliness.

It’s incredible they’re incapable of seeing it, isn’t it?

[ifosterkittens]

21 hours ago, noseybutt said:

Oh this is always the conundrum.

I have seen fundy parents wanting their adult children to live close to them forever, but they have no desire to live near their own parents.

Fundy parents who want to make decisions for adult children but no way would let their own parents make decisions for them.

Fundy parents who expect to be cared for, but may not care for their own parents.

IME it does not matter if their own parents are believers or not. There is always an excuse.

I think Jill Rodrigues is the perfect example. Her parents are fundie, moved to WV to be closer to Jill, and then Jill moved to OH. Jill's mom had a stroke, and needs care, but Jill's mom is at Jill's house as little as possible. Most notably Jill's mom was at Jill's house while Jill was away traveling with her family, and Jill's older pregnant daughter Kaylee was left to care for her grandmother. 

Now in the spirit of being fair I can see an adult child (not Jill Rod) saying yes, my parents chose to move near me, but that wasn't something I asked them to do, there was no agreement in place before the move, the parents did that on their own, and for whatever reason the adult child chooses to move, the adult child shouldn't be tethered to the area just because their parents made the move. This scenario may apply to the Rods; I don't know the details of what led her parents to move to WV. 

Also, I don't think it is fair for parents to expect their adult children to assume total hands-on responsibility for their care as adults. There need to be conversations, agreement from both parties, legal documents drawn up, etc. However, I do think Jill would absolutely expect her children to care for her and David (because Jill ain't taking care of David alone if that became necessary) but she has no intention of doing so for her parents. 

[BensAllergies]

Thanks to the reminders here, I remembered to check my library catalog and sure enough, Counting the Cost is already listed. I’m the first hold.

I never read Jinger’s book but I’m looking forward to this one.

[noseybutt]

3 hours ago, ifosterkittens said:

I think Jill Rodrigues is the perfect example. Her parents are fundie, moved to WV to be closer to Jill, and then Jill moved to OH. Jill's mom had a stroke, and needs care, but Jill's mom is at Jill's house as little as possible. Most notably Jill's mom was at Jill's house while Jill was away traveling with her family, and Jill's older pregnant daughter Kaylee was left to care for her grandmother. 

Now in the spirit of being fair I can see an adult child (not Jill Rod) saying yes, my parents chose to move near me, but that wasn't something I asked them to do, there was no agreement in place before the move, the parents did that on their own, and for whatever reason the adult child chooses to move, the adult child shouldn't be tethered to the area just because their parents made the move. This scenario may apply to the Rods; I don't know the details of what led her parents to move to WV. 

Also, I don't think it is fair for parents to expect their adult children to assume total hands-on responsibility for their care as adults. There need to be conversations, agreement from both parties, legal documents drawn up, etc. However, I do think Jill would absolutely expect her children to care for her and David (because Jill ain't taking care of David alone if that became necessary) but she has no intention of doing so for her parents. 

I agree with the bolded. In cultures where that is the expectation, it is the expectation for every generation. No one gets to opt out.

[SassyPants]

19 minutes ago, noseybutt said:

I agree with the bolded. In cultures where that is the expectation, it is the expectation for every generation. No one gets to opt out.

And usually in those cultures the help exists at every generation. So the middle generation works, the next oldest generation of young retirees split time between child care and geriatric care- no one is getting off Scot-free. 

Another thing I notice (my family and my spouse’s), the people needing the help want to dictate how and when the help will be supplied. Well, when my ILs needed care, their children(7) were all still working with minor kids in their homes. Our jobs prevented us from providing care on the schedule my MIL felt best for her. My own parents are much younger parents, so now that they have high needs (both approaching 90), my brothers and myself are old too. It’s like you can not win-

[Father Son Holy Goat]

It will be interesting when fundie parents grow old to see who will and won’t care for them. Some of them might be in for some nasty surprises. 
 

[Vivi_music]

This discussion is so ironic because all that came to mind was JB and M's ''leave and cleave''.

From what Jill has confirmed, they probably have paid the adult and married children who appeared on the show, but a very small and ridiculous amount compared to the work they actually did. And beyond financial support, some of the adult married kids, like Jinger, can't even fathom making decisions without their approval. It's just so hypocritical because we know they do not practice any of it.

Note: nothing wrong with financially supporting your adult children after they have left home, and the parent are able and willing to help. It always depends on the particulars of the situation. The problem is that JB and M really did not practice what they preached on their show.

[Longhairedheathen]

16 hours ago, Vivi_music said:

This discussion is so ironic because all that came to mind was JB and M's ''leave and cleave''.

From what Jill has confirmed, they probably have paid the adult and married children who appeared on the show, but a very small and ridiculous amount compared to the work they actually did. And beyond financial support, some of the adult married kids, like Jinger, can't even fathom making decisions without their approval. It's just so hypocritical because we know they do not practice any of it.

Note: nothing wrong with financially supporting your adult children after they have left home, and the parent are able and willing to help. It always depends on the particulars of the situation. The problem is that JB and M really did not practice what they preached on their show.

I think it was it was shiny happy people that said JB media company was call "Mad Family Inc" and I feel like that is such a Freudian Slip because you aren't allowed to be mad.  Like you aren't allowed expectations. 

[Father Son Holy Goat]

5 hours ago, Longhairedheathen said:

I think it was it was shiny happy people that said JB media company was call "Mad Family Inc" and I feel like that is such a Freudian Slip because you aren't allowed to be mad.  Like you aren't allowed expectations. 

I looked at it different, mad as in dysfunctional or mentally ill. I thought that fit.

[HeartsAFundie]

6 hours ago, Longhairedheathen said:

I think it was it was shiny happy people that said JB media company was call "Mad Family Inc" and I feel like that is such a Freudian Slip because you aren't allowed to be mad.  Like you aren't allowed expectations. 

Mad is probably Michelle's initials.  Michelle Annette Duggar. MAD.  

[Father Son Holy Goat]

And Jim Bob is pretty angry at the world right now. 
 

MAD works on so many levels, too bad they didn’t put this much thought into it. 

[Kiki03910]

I was just remembering Derrick sledding  on some show and aiming for a cat. Do I have that right? I've been thinking good thoughts about him as a supportive husband but that moment sticks. Maybe it's just because I had to say goodbye to my beloved Tigerolly in June, but I really hate cruelty to animals. I hope he's grown up. All creatures deserve respect and kindness. I hope he's learned that lesson.

[Expectopatronus]

 I remember that too and remember wondering why he chose to do that. I strongly disliked him after that incident and his running his mouth fuelled my dislike even further. Now, I don’t know what I think of him. He wouldn’t be my choice for a spouse or even a friend but he does seem to be a good match for Jill and better than some of the other husbands. 

[Father Son Holy Goat]

4 hours ago, Expectopatronus said:

 I remember that too and remember wondering why he chose to do that. I strongly disliked him after that incident and his running his mouth fuelled my dislike even further. Now, I don’t know what I think of him. He wouldn’t be my choice for a spouse or even a friend but he does seem to be a good match for Jill and better than some of the other husbands. 

It possibly he also deconstructed and is a better person for it. He also could simply be the best spouse, which is a bit like being King of Shit Mountain. You may be king, but you still reside on a mountain of… well, you know. 

[nst]

there is an explosive interview with Jill and Derick in people online right now for the print version for Friday

Jill says the couple would fight alot about Jim Bob...and that he tried to put a wedge between them.

Boy was that opposite to what we saw...