M Is for Mama 14: Kids Don't Need Toys When They Have Chores!

[nelliebelle1197]

Another thread, still more evidence someone should not have kids...

 

[neuroticcat]

“Someone” asked today if she thinks one on one time with kids is biblical. 
 

I don’t know which is worse (the question itself), her answer (it’s not biblical & implication they don’t often  do it), or the level of overthinking and biblical scrupulosity going on here.

 

[danvillebelle]

Her cherry-picking abilities know no bounds.  There is SO MUCH she does that's not "biblical."  Excessive shopping and obsession with appearance, for starters.

[anachronistic]

Heck, using a toilet and electricity isn’t biblical, if biblical means mentioned in the Bible. Times evolve. She picks bits of the Bible like I picked apples as a kid; tasting one, wandering to a different tree, seeing if a big and a little apple taste different, licking them, smelling them, tossing the majority on the ground as I searched for the most appley of apples.  Except she is picking the most selfish bits of the Bible, which honestly, must take more work than just flat loving and spending time with her kids.

[SassyPants]

Everything about AH is insufferable. From her toxic, convoluted biblical interpretations, to her parenting, blatant consumerism, user mentality and laziness. She is awful. I hope her books exposes her for what she is. 

Edited July 21, 2022 by SassyPants

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

3 hours ago, SassyPants said:

I hope her books exposes her for what she is. 

I hope her children expose her for what she is when they leave home. I'd read that blog.

[SuperNova]

I once had a friend like Abbie who would arbitrarily decide what I was and wasn't capable of. She would say things like, I don't understand why you're tired, I have three kids and you only have one. Or, I was up at 5am with three kids and I'm still going! Or, why do you need to take a break? If I can do it you can too. She refused to acknowledge that I have chronic health problems and felt that I was just using it as an excuse to get out of doing things. We didn't know each other before I got sick and she had no clue how much of myself that I had given up. I finally got tired of feeling like I was a lazy slacker full of excuses every time I was around her and stopped being her friend. I've been much happier since.

People like Abbie and my ex friend have no idea what it means to be differently abled, to choose your battles based on ability and emotional cost. There are things that I CAN do but choose not to because the physical and emotional cost is too high. Perhaps it's a lesson Abbie should learn for herself because I'm sure as hell not taking life advice from a woman with unhealthy and untreated coping mechanisms. Pulling out your hair from stress doesn't exactly scream, I can do it all.

Spoiler

 

[danvillebelle]

Braggie Translation:  I am going to research how to *set up* a garden, have Shaun and my mother do most of the work, then my children will do the gardening while I "switch laundry" (post selfies of myself in front of the washing machine) and brag about how great my parenting skills are, because look at my gardening kids!  

ETA: she's not interested in gardening or animals because she has no use for living things that don't praise her, pamper her and sing her praises.  Your plants don't give a shit how cute your Anthro outfit is, they're busy doing their thing and if you don't care for them properly, they die.

 

Edited July 21, 2022 by danvillebelle

[danvillebelle]

Heh.  She got another 2 star review on Goodreads.  

"Didn’t finish. Got halfway through and realized the author’s original thesis of “there is more than one way to Biblically parent” was contradicted by the louder themes of “unless you are doing it my way, you are being a mediocre mother”. As a Christian mother who with prayer and counsel, chose to stop at two kids, works outside the home, doesn’t homeschool, drinks coffee, and let’s my kids watch TV, this book was another voice of judgement that I chose to turn off because it doesn’t match the woman God uniquely created ME to be."

[neuroticcat]

That 2 star review is 🔥

It will shock you all to know that Abbie has serious pause about gentle parenting practices. She linked to another influencer going off about how gentle parenting isn’t biblical and ultimately can’t be loving.

I hate that these moms believe this so dogmatically and share it with their followers. They’ve never had any excuse, but this generation in particular can read so many stories of now-adults who grew up under “biblical” parenting. Spoiler: its not loving OR biblical.

[luv2laugh]

On 7/21/2022 at 5:55 PM, danvillebelle said:

Braggie Translation:  I am going to research how to *set up* a garden, have Shaun and my mother do most of the work, then my children will do the gardening while I "switch laundry" (post selfies of myself in front of the washing machine) and brag about how great my parenting skills are, because look at my gardening kids!  

ETA: she's not interested in gardening or animals because she has no use for living things that don't praise her, pamper her and sing her praises.  Your plants don't give a shit how cute your Anthro outfit is, they're busy doing their thing and if you don't care for them properly, they die.

 

I’ve wondered why she’s not into gardening when she’s into decorating and designing her house????

10 hours ago, neuroticcat said:

That 2 star review is 🔥

It will shock you all to know that Abbie has serious pause about gentle parenting practices. She linked to another influencer going off about how gentle parenting isn’t biblical and ultimately can’t be loving.

I hate that these moms believe this so dogmatically and share it with their followers. They’ve never had any excuse, but this generation in particular can read so many stories of now-adults who grew up under “biblical” parenting. Spoiler: its not loving OR biblical.

Where was this? I think gentle parenting as a broad label can be taken to extremes and also be toxic for the mother though since many promote having zero boundaries and it contributes to PPD, for some.

Edited July 23, 2022 by luv2laugh

[neuroticcat]

1 hour ago, luv2laugh said:

I’ve wondered why she’s not into gardening when she’s into decorating and designing her house????

Where was this? I think gentle parenting as a broad label can be taken to extremes and also be toxic for the mother though since many promote having zero boundaries and it contributes to PPD, for some.

She linked to this in her stories: https://www.instagram.com/p/CgQo95Psk1A/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

The text underneath says: 

Spoiler

Always drives me nuts that they limit comments or block any debate in “discipline” talks. 
 

I agree that gentle parenting can lead to burnout but that is *never* the fundie critique. They reject it because it legitimizes feelings and ignores sinful behaviors. Also no “rod.”

[neuroticcat]

Correction. I don’t think she linked to the slides but to the video story that influencer did. But I don’t know how to link to it. If you are interested it is the post right next to it on the influencers page. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

We don’t spank/hit and we aren’t religious. Basically our parenting style is based on our desire to raise children to be good and decent human beings in the world. It’s actually pretty difficult for me. Because I want my children to know their feelings are valid and normal, but their feelings aren’t more important than their brother’s, dad’s, or my feelings. It seems like a constant struggle with my youngest. He’s always felt his feelings are more important than everyone else’s and it’s hard to help him understand his feelings can’t rule our house. He’s naturally extremely stubborn. It makes it so much harder. But at least I know my children behave outside our home. Even if they struggle in our home. They are able to function in school, extra curricular activities, and at friends’ houses. We are just really working on home life these days. 

[neuroticcat]

I agree that it is really hard to navigate! I try and remind myself that I am in it for the long game - that they become regulated adults. I think a big myth the fundies hold with gentle parenting is that there is zero responsibility/consequences. That’s not the case. 
 

I came from a high control home. I absolutely was well behaved and a high achiever and internalized the view of sin and that my feelings were self absorbed. Exactly what the fundie parenting dream is. But that rigid parenting philosophy contributed to implosion, codependency, OCD, and the desire to control others. Absolute train wreck. 
 

Anyway, inevitably there will be gaps and the next generation will find other ways to parent, some reactionary to what they received. 
 

But that certainly won’t be that I dehumanized them and hit them. I think the inability to see children as humans with dignity is at the root of the fundie parenting fails. I mean, God himself, the perfect parent, had rebellious children and doesn’t trample their autonomy. 
 

 

[JermajestyDuggar]

You know what I was just thinking about? Jill Rod’s kids are the opposite of mine. We’ve seen time and time again that Jill’s children do not behave out in public. They got in trouble at the KOA, at a store years ago, and they climb all over national monuments. But I bet they because very well at home. I’m sure they follow all of mama’s rules. Like I said in my previous post, my kids may not behave at home, but they have always behave well in public/school/etc. I wonder about Braggie’s kids. They are so neglected they must act yup in public. I would rather my kids behave in public and then act up at home but Jill’s kids are the opposite. 

[Ozlsn]

Jill's kids I think it's also partly because they really only have two spheres - home and church.  They don't get the spheres of school, social activities and clubs which would give them a much better idea of what the broader society they live in finds acceptable. 

I think Braggie's kids have a few more spheres - and also parents who have an idea about public behaviour, not least as it reflects on them. Jill is utterly clueless about how she is perceived - she can only see things through the lens of how they look to her, so any criticism becomes unreasonable attacks from Satan. 

I suspect Braggie's kids repress a lot.

[treehugger]

@JermajestyDuggaran acquaintance of mine is head of psychiatry at one of our local hospitals.  I actually was talking to him about children acting out in public v at home, and he said children who felt safe and secure at home were more likely to be well behaved in public and with other people than they were at home.  He said they acted out at home because they felt safe enough to do that.  In fact, he told me he was more concerned about kids who were super well behaved at home, apparently they repressed their feelings more and tended to act out when their parents weren’t around.  It made me feel a lot better, because goodness my kids are something else at home sometimes 😂. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

13 minutes ago, treehugger said:

@JermajestyDuggaran acquaintance of mine is head of psychiatry at one of our local hospitals.  I actually was talking to him about children acting out in public v at home, and he said children who felt safe and secure at home were more likely to be well behaved in public and with other people than they were at home.  He said they acted out at home because they felt safe enough to do that.  In fact, he told me he was more concerned about kids who were super well behaved at home, apparently they repressed their feelings more and tended to act out when their parents weren’t around.  It made me feel a lot better, because goodness my kids are something else at home sometimes 😂. 

My guess is that a lot of fundies are so strict and oppressive at home that their children do behave better at home than in public. 

[neuroticcat]

2 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

My guess is that a lot of fundies are so strict and oppressive at home that their children do behave better at home than in public. 

I agree! I mean they are likely hit or punished for misbehaving at home. If they are out, there’s at least a delay. 

[neuroticcat]

She posted her own post on gentle parenting which basically said she’s not for *any* kind of parenting but “biblical parenting” but then went on to imply GP cannot be that and teach sin not feelings blah blah blah (see below). 

Despite comments being limited, she received quite a lot of pushback which I was glad to see. The rigidity of her announcements seemed to put some people off who appear to think she is more moderate and nuanced in her approach. They rightly argued that the Bible doesn’t actually have a lot to say about parenting and doesn’t prohibit teaching your child emotional regulation.

Her replies to their arguments are 🥴 - along the lines of: if you’ll read what I really wrote, you’ll see that there’s nothing to push back on. Also she made a lot of quotable slides - my guess is assuming lots of kudos which she did get too. 🙄 

Never fails to amaze me how Christians so freely equate whatever their opinion is with what is “truly biblical.” She mentions in her stories she uses something like 180 Bible verses in her book b/c she wants to only offer the biblical take. Abbie, the Bible does not have 180 verses on motherhood. You are offering your opinion on motherhood and baptizing it with Bible verses. 😖

Spoiler

 

[danvillebelle]

I always giggle when Christians use the phrase "Eastern Religions" (from the perspective of where they live).  Look at a map or a globe, idjit.  Also, use of the Jesus Prayer, which most definitely fits the definition of a mantra, predates Protestantism by around 1000 years.  So GTFO your high horse.

[Mrs Ms]

20 minutes ago, danvillebelle said:

I always giggle when Christians use the phrase "Eastern Religions" (from the perspective of where they live).  Look at a map or a globe, idjit.  Also, use of the Jesus Prayer, which most definitely fits the definition of a mantra, predates Protestantism by around 1000 years.  So GTFO your high horse.

But, but, but… it’s a Christian™️ High Horse and she looks so modestly-thrifted pretty up there!! 

[bea]

Holy skin filters, Batman.

Also, hoooboy, Abbie, way to show there’s no room on your page for anyone disagreeing with you…

Comments on this post are “limited.” Which means turned off. And further discussion on “gentle parenting” is in the IG Stories, where no one can reply or object.

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

Skin filters to the max, but at least her hair looks relatively clean