"M" Is for Mama 12: Birth Control Should Have Been Your BFF

[EmiSue]

1 hour ago, JMO said:

My son also has ADHD, along with anxiety and speech delay.  It's hard at first to get the diagnosis but also helps to understand the "craziness".  I agree, medication is a game changer.  It allows his true personality to emerge and for him to be his best self.  I don't think that Abbie would ever get any child of hers tested/treated for ADHD but would instead double down on "biblical parenting" and shame.  

My son also had a speech delay. He started crawling at 6 months but didn't talk until 2-1/2 (and didn't talk well until closer to 4). That's a loooong toddler season, which I'm sure you know all too well. And of course Abbie wouldn't help if her kids were going through this. Look at her Shiloh digs😢

[JermajestyDuggar]

7 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

For my GD it was age 4. I remember one time she asked for a drink and I poured it and handed the cup to her, and  apparently she didnt want me to hand it to her,so she swiped it out of my hand and it went flying across the room, and that pretty much started the year of meltdowns and tantrums about every.d*amn.thing. Her parents were saints. She’s just a BIG feeler- But 6,7 have been sooooooooooo much better. God bless all you parents in the thick of it. Mine were good until 16/17, and then I paid the price for tantrum free littles ones.

I will admit that 4 was just as hard as 3, but 3 is when it started. Although he was stubborn from the start. This is why I nursed him on demand until he was 2. Because he was such a stubborn infant that he refused every bottle and pacifier ever made. And it’s why he took over 2 years to potty train. 

[neuroticcat]

It’s awful, too, because there is SO much more awareness and education about attachment, regulation of emotions, and skill building for children in the “difficult” stages. When I am able to frame my kid’s responses as them usually needing developmental helo it is worlds different from a parenting response that just manages their behavior. When fundies like Abbie double-down on their toughness against “gentle” parenting techniques it is the worst, because they could really benefit the most from an alternate perspective. 
 

I think Abbie and other rising fundie stars are more savvy about not saying “well, we actually think spanking is the way to go to get obedience” but that is still at the heart of their model. It drives me nuts that it’s a new way of pitching the same old Dobson-esque garbage to another generation of mothers.
 

Im not going to read her book, but if anyone does, I’d love to know how she addresses spanking. My guess is in a sideways manner. She can’t say not to do it, because of her followers, but I don’t think she can outrightly advocate for it, because that will drive away other followers. So it will be some vague attack against gentle parenting. I mean, If you want to spank your kids into instaobedience, just own that, and take the loss in followers . Don’t keep trying to sneakily pitch it as the godly way to parent. And, for real, moms need to be more eyes wide open about whom they follow. Abbie is not the person who you can blame when your own kids grow up and resent the fundie rules you implemented.

Edited February 7, 2022 by neuroticcat

[Zommom]

I just finished her book. (I borrowed it from hoopla.) 

It was written in Abbie-Insta style. All of her “fav” stories. Typical humble-bragging nonsense. I believe she used the word “rad” to describe her kids twice (intro and closing). Lots of the same “cool” words and phrases throughout. Lots of examples of her being a bad (mediocre) mom, but somehow she’s magically not “mediocre,” because she knows the formula. (Hint: be like Abbie) She doesn’t mention spanking, or any details of discipline, for those wondering. Everything she wrote on the subject of Christian mothering has already been said by so many other authors, bloggers, etc. Loads of scripture and behavior adjustments. This “mediocre mom” idea she came up with was so unoriginal and ridiculous. But, she needed to stand out and she needed to create conflict in the readers conscious, in order to convince them they are garbage moms and they should try to be more like she is. It’s totally ridiculous because any loving mom would agree that the goal of being a good mom is just trying your best and living in grace and love. Mothering isn’t an idol, and she definitely didn’t touch on that, at all! She also didn’t talk about marriage and how that influences mothering…which I found odd. Nor did she talk about how trauma or mental I’ll was or hardships can contribute to the struggles of motherhood. She did say that “mamas” need friends and lots of help. And, for those that don’t: just pray and one day you’ll have your village, too. 🤮 Her gobbligoop writing made mothering sound so unbearably laborious and fucking impossible to “get it right.” I feel bad for all the moms who are reading this book, because they probably desperate to feel validated and are probably equally vain and insecure. Abbie loves Abbie and making sure the world knows she’s a queen will ensure others will want to be just like her. Real hurting and struggling women who are desiring to be good moms will just walk away with added pressures and guilt. I have more to say, but I got to take the little one to the evil public school.

[danvillebelle]

1 hour ago, Zommom said:

Nor did she talk about how trauma or mental illness or hardships can contribute to the struggles of motherhood. 

Of course she didn't.  Those are all just rooted in sin, doncha know, and you can pray it away.  🙄

[theotherelise]

I did borrow it from hoopla because I was procrastinating work, but I couldn't get past the very beginning of the intro:

"If you've got two X chromosomes, you can be a mother. The standards are so low-key that fully 50 percent of the world's population aces the qualification test before they've even taken one breath outside their own mothers' bellies. But the physical ability to bear children does little to lessen the pang of panicked inadequacy almost every new mother feels upon being handed a tiny mewling infant to take home mere hours after forceful eviction from her body."

Abbie is like the definition of privilege in every part of her life, including her fertility. I did about 100 at-home shots, oodles of hormone treatments, multiple procedures, and more to be able to conceive. I also spent $25,000 on it with zero guarantees. And in my years of infertility and the two valuable support groups I engaged in, I heard countless stories of loss, heartache, and health challenges. I met someone who had to go through chemotherapy after a molar pregnancy and wait a full year after to try to conceive again. I have a friend from group who did a frozen embryo transfer the day before me. I have a 21 month old and she is on a 9 month wait list for a gestational carrier.

And I certainly didn't get sent home from the hospital hours after a forceful eviction. I had an emergency c-section after induction that meant 4 total days in the stuck in the hospital with just my husband and zero visitors because it was the covid shutdown time.

I know that these things are specific personal experiences, but my experiences aren't totally uncommon. Abbie is so self-centered, she does not ever consider that the way her life works is the way all life works. That's been clear through all her instagram posts and certainly seems like it's the same in her book. 

[QuiverFullOfGoats]

Please go check Braggie, the Newly Published Author’s stories, y’all.  I can’t roll my eyes hard enough🙄🙄 
 

And FWIW, NO, Abbie, I can’t relate to anything you’re  talking about and never will, thank the Lord!

 

ETA:  Wow. She’s bat shit crazy.  Her book launch attention is waning and she can’t handle it.

Edited February 8, 2022 by QuiverFullOfGoats

[danvillebelle]

1 hour ago, QuiverFullOfGoats said:

ETA:  Wow. She’s bat shit crazy.  Her book launch attention is waning and she can’t handle it.

You got that right.  Narcissistic HARD CRASH.  After her book launch "party" coming up in March, she'll probably crash even harder.  I think a new baby announcement will come by the end of this year so she can preen and prance about being pregnant at 40.

She talks about wiping her kids' butts a LOT.  It makes me wonder if she teaches them to do it themselves or just thinks it will happen someday by osmosis (or doesn't teach them so she can talk about wiping butts as sanctification tool). 

I'm waiting for someone with critical thinking skills, a love of the actual English language, and Biblical knowledge beyond using a concordance to review her book on Amazon.  I'm not holding my breath, though.

ETA: when I put "M is for Mama book review" into the search engine on YouTube, the fifth hit is Dr. Grande talking about narcissistic mothers.  Coincidence?  You decide, LOL.

Edited February 8, 2022 by danvillebelle
one more thing

[SuperNova]

2 hours ago, QuiverFullOfGoats said:

Please go check Braggie, the Newly Published Author’s stories, y’all.  I can’t roll my eyes hard enough🙄🙄 
 

And FWIW, NO, Abbie, I can’t relate to anything you’re  talking about and never will, thank the Lord!

 

ETA:  Wow. She’s bat shit crazy.  Her book launch attention is waning and she can’t handle it.

Do tell! I don't have an account so I can't see her stories. Is she in meltdown mode?

[SassyPants]

6 hours ago, Zommom said:

I just finished her book. (I borrowed it from hoopla.) 

It was written in Abbie-Insta style. All of her “fav” stories. Typical humble-bragging nonsense. I believe she used the word “rad” to describe her kids twice (intro and closing). Lots of the same “cool” words and phrases throughout. Lots of examples of her being a bad (mediocre) mom, but somehow she’s magically not “mediocre,” because she knows the formula. (Hint: be like Abbie) She doesn’t mention spanking, or any details of discipline, for those wondering. Everything she wrote on the subject of Christian mothering has already been said by so many other authors, bloggers, etc. Loads of scripture and behavior adjustments. This “mediocre mom” idea she came up with was so unoriginal and ridiculous. But, she needed to stand out and she needed to create conflict in the readers conscious, in order to convince them they are garbage moms and they should try to be more like she is. It’s totally ridiculous because any loving mom would agree that the goal of being a good mom is just trying your best and living in grace and love. Mothering isn’t an idol, and she definitely didn’t touch on that, at all! She also didn’t talk about marriage and how that influences mothering…which I found odd. Nor did she talk about how trauma or mental I’ll was or hardships can contribute to the struggles of motherhood. She did say that “mamas” need friends and lots of help. And, for those that don’t: just pray and one day you’ll have your village, too. 🤮 Her gobbligoop writing made mothering sound so unbearably laborious and fucking impossible to “get it right.” I feel bad for all the moms who are reading this book, because they probably desperate to feel validated and are probably equally vain and insecure. Abbie loves Abbie and making sure the world knows she’s a queen will ensure others will want to be just like her. Real hurting and struggling women who are desiring to be good moms will just walk away with added pressures and guilt. I have more to say, but I got to take the little one to the evil public school.

Pretty much sums up Abbie, her approach and life!

[danvillebelle]

51 minutes ago, SuperNova said:

Do tell! I don't have an account so I can't see her stories. Is she in meltdown mode?

She compared it to the after-Christmas letdown.  Which she doesn't experience any longer because she's so evolved (puke), but she was feeling book letdown this week and has to remind herself that her purpose is in Christ or whatever.  Translation: one of the biggest narcissism boosts she's ever gotten is over and she's not handling it well.

[JermajestyDuggar]

29 minutes ago, danvillebelle said:

She compared it to the after-Christmas letdown.  Which she doesn't experience any longer because she's so evolved (puke), but she was feeling book letdown this week and has to remind herself that her purpose is in Christ or whatever.  Translation: one of the biggest narcissism boosts she's ever gotten is over and she's not handling it well.

I understand this kind of feeling. But I don’t think I’ve had it since I was a late teen or early 20s. And I always felt kind of awkward when getting that kind of attention. I’m not good at being the center of attention and receiving a bunch of complements. So I just can’t relate. 

[EmiSue]

5 hours ago, theotherelise said:

I did borrow it from hoopla because I was procrastinating work, but I couldn't get past the very beginning of the intro:

"If you've got two X chromosomes, you can be a mother. The standards are so low-key that fully 50 percent of the world's population aces the qualification test before they've even taken one breath outside their own mothers' bellies. But the physical ability to bear children does little to lessen the pang of panicked inadequacy almost every new mother feels upon being handed a tiny mewling infant to take home mere hours after forceful eviction from her body."

Oh, fuck this disgusting bitch. And fuck the entire editorial team for allowing that cruel bullshit to see the light of day.

(Incidentally, that's more cursing than I've probably ever done on FJ, but if anything deserves it, it's that paragraph.) 

[neuroticcat]

8 hours ago, Zommom said:

I feel bad for all the moms who are reading this book, because they probably desperate to feel validated and are probably equally vain and insecure. Abbie loves Abbie and making sure the world knows she’s a queen will ensure others will want to be just like her. Real hurting and struggling women who are desiring to be good moms will just walk away with added pressures and guilt. 

It makes me so angry some publisher gave her this platform. I really hope the book flops and doesn’t give her an option to carry on.

 

6 hours ago, theotherelise said:

"If you've got two X chromosomes, you can be a mother. The standards are so low-key that fully 50 percent of the world's population aces the qualification test before they've even taken one breath outside their own mothers' bellies. But the physical ability to bear children does little to lessen the pang of panicked inadequacy almost every new mother feels upon being handed a tiny mewling infant to take home mere hours after forceful eviction from her body."

Abbie is like the definition of privilege in every part of her life, including her fertility.

4 hours ago, danvillebelle said:

 

She talks about wiping her kids' butts a LOT.  It makes me wonder if she teaches them to do it themselves or just thinks it will happen someday by osmosis (or doesn't teach them so she can talk about wiping butts as sanctification tool). 

 

Ugh. It seems she has no capability to perceive that the world might not be uniform - that everyone doesn’t have her experiences, choices, opportunities, or goals. Every time, the arrogance of her position blows me away.

Also, the stupidity. I mean, I guess adoptive mothers don’t count either in her calculations.

Also: that paragraph is just a hot mess of purple prose plus everything circling around to a narcissistic mother perspective. I think she either didn’t have an editor or didn’t listen to the editorial suggestions.

I have noticed the butt wiping “relatable” thing in her talks. Maybe it just gets her the most laughs or something, but I’ve commented before that I think it’s something moms of lots of kids forget is a relatively brief stage for most families. Also, it’s something moms of lots of kids can’t avoid. I mean, I guess some might make their oldest kids potty train (I think Michelle went out of town when one of theirs was PT and left it to the sister moms. 🤯), but maybe it’s a piece she can’t really farm out. Or she feels edgy for putting in the “messy, hard” parts of mothering in her book.
 

What her readers probably need is some honest talk about mental health, spiritual abuse, and personal agency.

[SassyPants]

Oh Lord she’s preachy on IG stories today. Give it all up to the Lord. How come she doesn’t stop and do that before she bags on Shiloh on SM pretty regularly?

[Zommom]

What I find amazing is how she 1) brags how she has this glorious free time in her car, to sit and do whatever while her girls are at dance practice, then 2) boo-hoo’s about her narcissism supply crash after her book opening day ended. To quote her from her own book, “I can’t even.” No, we can’t relate to you Abbie! I most definitely do not have her luxurious free-time to wallpaper an entire house, go on multiple vacations, $$$, babysitters, date-nights, co-ops (basically private schools), private tutor (her own mom x2 week), housekeeper, older kids parenting the little ones, a willing husband to share responsibility, and loads of ass-kissers.

[neuroticcat]

22 minutes ago, Zommom said:

What I find amazing is how she 1) brags how she has this glorious free time in her car, to sit and do whatever while her girls are at dance practice, then 2) boo-hoo’s about her narcissism supply crash after her book opening day ended. To quote her from her own book, “I can’t even.” No, we can’t relate to you Abbie! I most definitely do not have her luxurious free-time to wallpaper an entire house, go on multiple vacations, $$$, babysitters, date-nights, co-ops (basically private schools), private tutor (her own mom x2 week), housekeeper, older kids parenting the little ones, a willing husband to share responsibility, and loads of ass-kissers.

Yes! That struck me too. She has SO much support - most of her followers probably have little to no help with the kids let alone homeschool hired help, mother’s helpers, childcare at the gym, sibling parents AND Abbie is essentially a working mother. You know why it feels good to launch your book and teach a class? Because it is HEALTHY for moms to have outside interests and successes.
 

But I imagine the book is not advocating for that. It’s like the hardcore complimentarian women who would never “teach” or work outside the home but do it in book form.

[JermajestyDuggar]

I admit, extremely privileged people who fail to see one ounce of their privilege is a huge pet peeve of mine. I think that growing up as a less than privileged white female helped me to see privilege better. I was still privileged in some ways as a white kid, while not being privileged in other ways. I think that mix helped make privilege much clearer for me to see. 

[ophelia]

16 hours ago, theotherelise said:

I did borrow it from hoopla because I was procrastinating work, but I couldn't get past the very beginning of the intro:

"If you've got two X chromosomes, you can be a mother. The standards are so low-key that fully 50 percent of the world's population aces the qualification test before they've even taken one breath outside their own mothers' bellies. But the physical ability to bear children does little to lessen the pang of panicked inadequacy almost every new mother feels upon being handed a tiny mewling infant to take home mere hours after forceful eviction from her body."

Abbie is like the definition of privilege in every part of her life, including her fertility. I did about 100 at-home shots, oodles of hormone treatments, multiple procedures, and more to be able to conceive. I also spent $25,000 on it with zero guarantees. And in my years of infertility and the two valuable support groups I engaged in, I heard countless stories of loss, heartache, and health challenges. I met someone who had to go through chemotherapy after a molar pregnancy and wait a full year after to try to conceive again. I have a friend from group who did a frozen embryo transfer the day before me. I have a 21 month old and she is on a 9 month wait list for a gestational carrier.

And I certainly didn't get sent home from the hospital hours after a forceful eviction. I had an emergency c-section after induction that meant 4 total days in the stuck in the hospital with just my husband and zero visitors because it was the covid shutdown time.

I know that these things are specific personal experiences, but my experiences aren't totally uncommon. Abbie is so self-centered, she does not ever consider that the way her life works is the way all life works. That's been clear through all her instagram posts and certainly seems like it's the same in her book. 

I‘m so sorry you had to go through this.

In some ways Braggie is the worst mother we talk about on FJ IMHO.

[JermajestyDuggar]

I watched a tiktok making fun of overprivileged Christian influencer moms. The parody had blonde hair but otherwise, it was Braggie. I was laughing so hard. I’m glad other people see these ridiculous women for what they are. 

[neuroticcat]

7 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I watched a tiktok making fun of overprivileged Christian influencer moms. The parody had blonde hair but otherwise, it was Braggie. I was laughing so hard. I’m glad other people see these ridiculous women for what they are. 

Link pretty please?

[neuroticcat]

Today, Abbie is adding “jewelry designer” to her resume. I kid you not. Also she is justifying her $120 shoes b/c on sale! And $1 a wear!

Curiously, her jewelry looks like “hard & bad” to me at first glance. 🤭

[JermajestyDuggar]

25 minutes ago, neuroticcat said:

Link pretty please?

Oh god I’ll never find it again. That’s kind of what I hate about tiktok. I will see video after video after video and I never remember the name of the person posting. And then if I want to find them again, I can’t. Maybe I’m too old to know how to find stuff on tiktok. 

[neuroticcat]

She wants people to know she has given birth naturally without having read any birthing books. 
 

Maybe she can clarify. I mean, is giving birth naturally something anyone with two X chromosomes can do or not? Never mind, here is your trophy, girl: 🏆

She has lots to say today because it’s Wed. Questions. To be fair, she also does suggest showing up in practical ways for grieving friends, and I can’t snark on that. It’s good advice.

[JermajestyDuggar]

I also gave birth without being induced, an epidural, or any sort of pain med. All the doctor did was catch the baby. Plus I never read a birthing book either. It was horrible. It wasn’t special or awesome. It was fast and painful. I actually tried to hold the baby in but my body was like, “no dumbass, I’m making this kid come out now whether you like it or not.” I do consider myself lucky that my body just took over and did it. But feeling like you have zero control sucks. Although I think it also likely sucks when your labor totally stalls and you have to have some sort of intervention. Basically there’s always a crappy part to having a baby. Whether it’s long, short, painful, not painful, vaginal, or c-section. We all aren’t having a ball. And bragging about your birth is shitty. Because there’s a lot that isn’t in a woman’s control. She just loves to make other women feel inadequate so she can feel better about herself.