"M" Is for Mama 12: Birth Control Should Have Been Your BFF

[Ozlsn]

On 2/9/2022 at 2:05 AM, theotherelise said:

I did borrow it from hoopla because I was procrastinating work, but I couldn't get past the very beginning of the intro:

"If you've got two X chromosomes, you can be a mother. The standards are so low-key that fully 50 percent of the world's population aces the qualification test before they've even taken one breath outside their own mothers' bellies. But the physical ability to bear children does little to lessen the pang of panicked inadequacy almost every new mother feels upon being handed a tiny mewling infant to take home mere hours after forceful eviction from her body."

Abbie is like the definition of privilege in every part of her life, including her fertility.

Thank you - I will avoid the book for many reasons, but not least because the quoted paragraph would send me incandescent with rage for similar reasons.

Fuck you Abbie - you are lucky to be fertile and have a fertile partner (and certainly that's not an achievement, just dumb luck) and you care so little about and resent the children you are fortunate to have. Your only "achievement" is being so narcissistic you think the world needs your half baked opinions on motherhood, when it is blatantly obvious that your actual children are accessories to the idol you make of your fertility.

Many women can be mothers, yes - whether through giving birth, adoption or being that role in a child's life -  but some should not, and Abbie is one of them. 

[So-Virgin-It-Hurts]

I've never given birth but it always irks me when women seem to be bragging about delivering unmedicated. Are you proud or trying to make someone else doubt themselves of feel guilty? Is it to demonstrate how much you suffered?

Hey Abbie, I passed two kidney stones unmedicated (long stories). Is that enough pain for you? Did I suffer enough to be proud of myself? Ridiculous. 

Edited February 10, 2022 by So-Virgin-It-Hurts
extra letters and not enough punctuation

[feministxtian]

1 hour ago, So-Virgin-It-Hurts said:

I've never given birth but it always irks me when women seem to be bragging about delivering unmedicated. Are you proud or trying to make someone else doubt themselves of feel guilty? Is it to demonstrate how much you suffered?

Hey Abbie, I passed two kidney stones unmedicated (long stories). Is that enough pain for you? Did I suffer enough to be proud of myself? Ridiculous. 

I delivered all 3 of mine unmedicated...the first one was an unmedicated pitocin induction. I think the staff felt that I needed to be "punished" because I was single and 18. #2...military hospital, they ain't gonna give you tylenol if they can help it. #3...nice hospital. Thought about asking for the epi but it was too late. I was "rewarded" with some nice pain pills afterwards. 

BUT...that makes me stupid not heroic. I was fortunate to have fairly short labors and fast deliveries, but damn...drugs would have been nice, especially for the one that was born at 6:25AM. I wouldn't have minded sleeping through the first 3 hours and wake up just in time to push her out. 

[danvillebelle]

1 hour ago, So-Virgin-It-Hurts said:

I've never given birth but it always irks me when women seem to be bragging about delivering unmedicated. Are you proud or trying to make someone else doubt themselves of feel guilty? Is it to demonstrate how much you suffered?

Hell, I will shout from the rooftops that I had four C-sections, three of them voluntary and planned.  GIVE ME ALL THE DRUGS.  I get a kick out of the fact that I have four kids but was only in labor once, for 5 hours.  

[neuroticcat]

I think birth is quasi traumatic for everyone, so on one level I get the need for women to give their play by plays and relive it or retell it as a bigger than life experience. But for Abbie, it just reads like more sideways bragging about her superior actions. 

[SuperNova]

So I had an unmedicated birth when I was 16. I hardly had any idea what was happening and certainly didn't know that I could ask for meds. I had hours of hard labor without even knowing there were options. Do I win? Where's my prize? 

Giving birth is such a dumb thing to brag about. Not to mention insensitive. I can't stand when these Insta influencer moms like Abbie dangle their birth story. Literally no one gives a shit and they should keep it to themselves. All that matters is that there's a safe and healthy mama and baby at the end of it all. 

Abbie's jewelry is pathetic. My apologies to the third world women they're taking advantage of. Her friends will probably buy it to be nice but really it looks like the kind of thing you get in a multi-pack and they eventually end up in the back of a drawer. Abbie herself would never wear those bracelets if they didn't have her branding.

Edited February 10, 2022 by SuperNova

[SassyPants]

And does she not ever consider the infertile? Those born without the necessary anatomy? Or how about the people whose babies are in position that they can not  safely be delivered vaginally? Are all of these people not relying enough on the Lord? In disfavor for some reason? Not praying hard enough or doing enough whatever exercises to get those babies in the proper birthing position? 

In her AMAW she mentioned that when she was younger she used to be less compassionate and more judgmental…can you even imagine how insufferable she must have been then? FYI Abbie, you exhibit NO compassion at all. You are totally tone deaf and lack self awareness.

[JermajestyDuggar]

59 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

And does she not ever consider the infertile? Those born without the necessary anatomy? Or how about the people whose babies are in position that they can not  safely be delivered vaginally? Are all of these people not relying enough on the Lord? In disfavor for some reason? Not praying hard enough or doing enough whatever exercises to get those babies in the proper birthing position? 

In her AMAW she mentioned that when she was younger she used to be less compassionate and more judgmental…can you even imagine how insufferable she must have been then? FYI Abbie, you exhibit NO compassion at all. You are totally tone deaf and lack self awareness.

I bet her compassion is disgustingly condescending. I would hate to read her attempt at compassion for anyone dealing with infertility. 

Edited February 10, 2022 by JermajestyDuggar

[NotQuiteMotY]

19 hours ago, So-Virgin-It-Hurts said:

I've never given birth but it always irks me when women seem to be bragging about delivering unmedicated. Are you proud or trying to make someone else doubt themselves of feel guilty? Is it to demonstrate how much you suffered?

Hey Abbie, I passed two kidney stones unmedicated (long stories). Is that enough pain for you? Did I suffer enough to be proud of myself? Ridiculous. 

I've given birth three times and I don't get it either. I didn't have pain meds for various reasons with each (and with all three of them part of it was that the idea of a needle in the spine freaks me right out), but that was what worked/the way it happened for me. If I'd gone into labor/induction more tired, or with other complications, or been in pain longer, there's no guarantee that I wouldn't have ended up getting an epidural with any of them if the circumstances had been different, freaked out or not. Birth's like most other experiences: how it goes down and how you react is incredibly individual and not a yardstick you can use to measure others because they didn't make the same choices and have the same experience you did.

(Also, I've heard people saying they they would totally take unmedicated birth over passing a kidney stone, so if we're handing out awards for toughing out pain, you definitely get one!)

[neuroticcat]

1 hour ago, SassyPants said:

 

In her AMAW she mentioned that when she was younger she used to be less compassionate and more judgmental…can you even imagine how insufferable she must have been then? FYI Abbie, you exhibit NO compassion at all. You are totally tone deaf and lack self awareness.

I saw that too! I find it hard to imagine and just wonder if she became more able to respond publicly with disclaimers about what she is saying. For example I notice her preface her advice a lot with a cushion. I don’t know your exact situation BUT xyz Abbie advice.) I wonder if she thinks that is compassion?

I have empathy for women in high control religions who hop on Abbie’s treadmill - the rigid expectations, performance, drivenness.. BUT that also makes me more appalled that she takes her own dysfunction and platforms it as an example for others to follow. The catch too is that any pushback will be seen as opposition or confirmation that she is just speaking hard truths into mediocre mom culture or whatever. 

My prediction is that she ultimately evolves - if not full deconstruction, she will discover some more real or true hard core expression of her Christianity. Then she will still platform her experience as exemplary for everyone else. Social media is a train wreck anyway,  but it’s done a number on people who crave narcissistic supply.

[Zommom]

Abbie’s backstory on her loneliness and pain….

🙄 

[JermajestyDuggar]

45 minutes ago, Zommom said:

Abbie’s backstory on her loneliness and pain….

🙄

So 8 years ago she only had an average amount of kids and an average sized house. She had to build a huge ugly house filled with Anthro sale items and push out some more kids in order to feel good enough to write a book. Her book 8 years ago would have been exactly the same. She just wouldn’t have been able to brag that she and Shaun built a huge house by hand (they didn’t though) and have 10 kids (2 sets of Twins!!!!). She hasn’t grown or changed at all. If anything, she’s become more depressed and closed minded.

[SuperNova]

3 hours ago, Zommom said:

Abbie’s backstory on her loneliness and pain….

🙄

Not a single ounce of humility. That's not very christlike. Abbie is champing at the bit just waiting to be asked to go on a book tour complete with television appearances so that she can get her mug on camera and tell the  world all about her humbleness. She probably has her outfits already picked out.

[neuroticcat]

Oh, man. I was hoping her book didn't do that well, but if she's being truthful, that likely means her publisher will at least offer her another contract. If she makes it within a certain category of the list - even if it's only for a day - she can tout that she's a whatever-list bestselling author. The big push for making a bestseller list is all based on preorders and the three weeks or so around launch date, so, at this point, it's unlikely her numbers will climb much higher unless she has a big event or sells a TON at her launch party. Most debut authors pull out all the stops to get those launch numbers high.

[Cults-r-us]

On 2/10/2022 at 3:47 PM, neuroticcat said:

 

My prediction is that she ultimately evolves - if not full deconstruction, she will discover some more real or true hard core expression of her Christianity. Then she will still platform her experience as exemplary for everyone else. Social media is a train wreck anyway,  but it’s done a number on people who crave narcissistic supply.

My prediction is that in neither 40 minutes nor 40 hours nor 40 days nor 40 months nor 40 years will she evolve one iota. Her maturity came to a halt years ago and she will perpetually be an obnoxious, 14-year-old girl. I cannot fathom her having mature Christian experience. But you are right, hoo boy,  if she did, she would be instructing us all on how to experience the divine!

[Hane]

@JermajestyDuggar, what you just said is the same exact thing that crossed my mind as soon as I read her humblebrag!

[SassyPants]

5 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

So 8 years ago she only had an average amount of kids and an average sized house. She had to build a huge ugly house filled with Anthro sale items and push out some more kids in order to feel good enough to write a book. Her book 8 years ago would have been exactly the same. She just wouldn’t have been able to brag that she and Shaun built a huge house by hand (they didn’t though) and have 10 kids (2 sets of Twins!!!!). She hasn’t grown or changed at all. If anything, she’s become more depressed and closed minded.

2 sets of twins with the same birthday. What a grand coincidence, not!

[CatMom]

8 years ago her oldest was around 7, right? She thought she knew enough / had enough experience to write the book on motherhood when he oldest was 7. Mind-blowing. 

[SassyPants]

Hey Abbie and Shaun just on a get away to celebrate his birthday and her book. Someone else stepped in to care for 10 minors. Such BS. I hope they don’t come back with #11 onboard. Anyone here have 10 kids that others are constantly caring for? Didn’t think so.  

Is there a chapter in the book about dumping your herd on others, so you can have a kid free trip? 

[anachronistic]

I can see people who don’t know her buying the book out of curiosity, seeing the 10 kids, twins, etc and thinking they’re like the Duggar’s used to be but cool and modern. Then they get a few chapters in and are like what the actual fuck?

To anyone who may read the book and end up here: welcome! We’ve known she’s a grade A asshole for years. If that wasn’t apparent from her books it’s because she’s also got an A on Lying, Exaggerations, and Bragging class. (Unfortunately, she has absolutely no real class at all.)

[danvillebelle]

8 hours ago, SassyPants said:

Hey Abbie and Shaun just on a get away to celebrate his birthday and her book. Someone else stepped in to care for 10 minors.

Her mom, no doubt.  I used to feel a little bit sorry for her, but no longer.  She created the monster, now she has to live with it.

They also took the entire family to a really nice restaurant on book launch day.  I'm sure the proprietors of this place just leaped with joy when 10 kids came trooping in.  

[JermajestyDuggar]

I don’t feel sorry for Braggie’s mom just like I don’t feel sorry for Jill’s mom. They helped create these women. 

[So-Virgin-It-Hurts]

I often think of Braggie as JillRod with education and money. The fruit is still rotten but it looks a little better.

[JermajestyDuggar]

4 hours ago, So-Virgin-It-Hurts said:

I often think of Braggie as JillRod with education and money. The fruit is still rotten but it looks a little better.

They have many similarities. I think they were both heavily indulged by their parents. They were made to feel like they were the bestest Christian’s growing up and super duper special. 

[danvillebelle]

Girlfriend suuuure does love taking selfies.  Which "glorify the Lord", somehow.