Political Memes, Comics, and other Shenanigans, Part 37

[ADoyle90815]

[GreyhoundFan]

 

"Fa La La La La-La-Bang Bang Bang"

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So, what kind of parents are James and Jennifer Crumbley? Well, they’re the kind of parents who give their 15-year-old son, Ethan, a Sig Sauer nine-millimeter pistol. And other parents debate when it’s time to give their kids cell phones.

The Crumbleys are the kind of parents who don’t tell school officials about their kid’s gun after they’re called in to talk about their son’s drawings of murdering people.

They might be the kind of parents who don’t tell school officials at the meeting over drawings of corpses, “Hey, there’s a semi-automatic pistol currently in his backpack.”

They’re the kind of parents who go on the run after their son is arrested as the only suspect in a school shooting that killed four people. I’m sure if they got away, they’d send Ethan a birthday card to his jail cell every year.

They’re the kind of parents who claim they were going to turn themselves in after cleaning out their ATM and hiding in a friend’s Detroit warehouse for about 24 hours after missing an arraignment. Both parents are charged on multiple counts of involuntary manslaughter for not securing the gun.

They’re the kind of parents who hire defense lawyers for themselves but let their son settle for the free court-appointed lawyer.

The shooting at Oxford High School in Michigan is the deadliest at a US K-12 campus since 2018 and the 32nd such attack since August 1. The parents purchased Ethan’s gun four days before the shooting on Black Friday. Jennifer referred to it as his Christmas present. Nothing celebrates the birth of Jesus as much as an assault weapon.

There were rumors before the shooting there would be a school shooting on that day. The students knew it but apparently, the school, police, and Ethan’s parents did not…supposedly.

Ethan did not legally own his gun. Kyle Rittenhouse didn’t legally own his gun either. I’m sure the little girl in Congressman Thomas Massie’s gun fetish Christmas photo doesn’t own her gun either.

The congressman tweeted out a photo four days after the shooting where he, his wife, and their five kids, are posing in front of a Christmas tree, each holding an assault weapon. The accompanying message is, “Santa, please bring ammo.” Let’s hope for the moment that the congressman’s guns are as empty as his head.

Other than being tasteless, the congressman is encouraging more parents to give their children assault weapons.

When I was a kid, I had a gun. My gun was a 4-10 shotgun. Growing up in Louisiana and Georgia, a lot of my friends had guns. I don’t recall anyone having something other than a 4-10, 12 gauge, or a 22 rifle (When I was old enough, I a 22 rifle from K-mart, and a 12 gauge from my uncle, but he later repossessed it because I wasn’t making payments on it. I pawned the 22 after I got married and it hasn’t been fired in years). But nobody had a gun just to have a gun. Everyone hunted with their guns. It wasn’t as much of a gun culture as it was a hunting culture. It was one I didn’t really fit into and my 4-10 rusted in a closet (I was more of a city kid). But a friend of mine was shot with his 4-10. If I’m recalling the story correctly, he was shot in his bedroom while he and another friend were goofing off with it and he forgot it was loaded. He survived because it was a 4-10. Those guns are typically used for rabbits, squirrels, birds, and ex-boyfriends in the ass. He was hit in the arm and he often showed the scars off. Yes, scars. The pellets made several holes in his arm. I didn’t know him until about a year after the shooting, but I had heard about it. When I found out he was the kid in the news and in all the school rumors, I said, “That was you?” I was glad he survived. We used to shoot BB guns at each other behind the levy along the shore of the Ouachita River, which was a terrible hobby (the rule was you could only pump your gun once, but you’d hear the “clack clack clack” of a BB gun being pumped several times behind a tree during these gunfights that everyone in the neighborhood would play in). Surprisingly, nobody lost an eye.

So maybe it’s a horrible idea to give any kid a gun, any kind of gun. When I was in high school in the deep south, there were shotguns and rifles visibly displayed in the gun racks of students’ pickup trucks. Guns on school property weren’t banned. But then again, this was the 1980s and my high school had a smoking section too. I knew guys who would go hunting before school and show up in bloody orange and camoflauge hunting clothes. It was really hard to focus on a math quiz while sitting next to someone who smelled like a deer carcass.

Guns are a bad idea for kids. And in a lot of cases, they’re a bad idea for adults. There are so many guns on the open market that nobody needs to own.

There have been 407 mass shootings in the United States in 2021 that have killed 482 people. There are 2,409 victims of mass shootings this year. Of those 407 mass shootings, 222 have been school shootings. And most of those school shootings were with guns the shooters didn’t own. So, maybe we should stop promoting gun fetishes with children on fucking Christmas cards.

This is more than a crisis of bad parenting, but don’t make any mistakes about it…the Crumbleys are bad parents. And if you buy your underage kid a gun, so are you.

 

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[Cartmann99]

 

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I laughed myself silly over this one:

 

"Fetch, Devin, Fetch"

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After being Donald Trump’s ball boy over the past five years, Devin Nunes has resigned from Congress and is mooving to become Trump’s ball boy in the private sector (see what I did there with the “moo?”). He probably figures he can do a better job of lying for Donald Trump from his future social media platform than from a seat in Congress. Devin is going to work for Donald Trump. Of course, he’s always worked for Trump but now it’s official.

Devin is taking a serious gamble here. The first gamble is: The Republican Party can win back the House in 2022 which would make Devin Nunes the chairman of the most powerful committee in Congress, the Ways and Means Committee. But that’s probably boring compared to barking out bullshit and waging legal fights with fictional cows.

But then again, Devin may not be re-elected in 2022 as his district’s map is changing.

The other gamble for Devin Nunes is he’s leaving Congress to become CEO of Trump’s upcoming social media platform, Truth Social. Yeah, I know. “Truth”? They should call it “Bullshit Social.” But, this platform may not ever come to exist.

Truth Social was supposed to debut last November, but where is it? The domains created for it were attacked by hackers on their first day of existence. The company has already violated its software agreement (shocking). The stock options for the company are like a shell game and are already under investigation by the SEC. A lot of people bought stocks not realizing they were buying into a Trump venture. That’s like buying a house before realizing it’s haunted by Jerry Lewis. “Hey, Laaaaaaaaaaaaaady!”

This is Trump’s second venture into social media. Do you remember his first one after leaving office? Exactly!

Trump started this weird thing where he’d create posts from “The Desk of Donald J. Trump,” which was on the site from his super PAC. The idea was for it to be exactly like Twitter…if Twitter mugged you each time you went on the platform. Each post was supposed to be under 280 characters so his cult could share them on other platforms, mostly Twitter and Facebook. It was supposed to be a “communications” platform but there was no way anyone could post a reply under Trump’s post or do any actual communicating. This was designed so nobody could hurt Trump’s feelings or point out he had just self-owned himself like he did last week with an “official” statement that said, “Anybody that doesn’t think there wasn’t massive Election Fraud in the 2020 Presidential Election is either very stupid, or very corrupt!” Yup, he called himself very stupid and very corrupt. We already knew that. It’s nice when Trump does it for us so we don’t have to.

I digress. This “From the Desk of Donald J. Trump” shit didn’t last and hits to the site started decreasing after the very first day it launched. Within two weeks, it had less than 10 percent of the interaction it had on its first day. Michael Flynn’s tenure in the White House lasted longer than “From the Desk of Donald Trump.”

Devin better hope this new venture doesn’t go the way of From the Desk of Donald Trump, or Trump Steaks, Trump Wine, Trump Airlines, etc, etc.

The third gamble here is: Trump stiffs people. I’m not talking about the kind of stiffing where he has to get a cheap lawyer like Michael Cohen to draft non-disclosure agreements for. I’m talking about the way he stiffs contractors. Trump, who cares so much about working stiffs, has a long history of stiffing working stiffs. Trump has probably stiffed more blue-collar workers than he’s draw-dogged porn stars while being married to Melania.

You may think Devin has been working for Trump for free all these years anyway, so so what. But, that’s not true. We’ve been paying Devin Nunes to wash Trump’s balls over the past five years.

When Nunes was chair of the House Intelligence Committee, he constantly worked to protect Trump. He didn’t want to investigate Russian interference in the 2016 election. He didn’t want to investigate Michael Flynn’s ties to Russia. He didn’t want to investigate the Trump Campaign’s collusion with Russia. When Nunes learned more about Russian ties to the Trump campaign, before he shared it with the rest of the Intelligence Committee, he ran to the White House to tell Donald Trump. He blamed investigators for investigating. He issued a four-page memo claiming the FBI had an anti-Trump bias for investigating Trump goon Carter Page instead of having an anti-Russian spy bias. Nunes was investigated by the House Ethics Committee for disclosing classified information, but the GOP-led committee dropped the investigation since Nunes wouldn’t give them all the documents they wanted. Seriously.

Devin Nunes even went to London in an attempt to meet with the heads of MI5, MI6, and the General Communications Headquarters to get dirt on Christopher Steele, the author of the Steele Dossier, alleging Trump paid Moscow hookers to pee on him. Ironically, each agency told Nunes to piss off. Maybe he just wanted to know the going rate for having Trump pee on him.

During the first Trump impeachment, Nunes went to Europe to meet with Ukrainians to try to get dirt on Joe Biden. He also claimed Ukraine meddled in the 2016 election. His trip was supposed to be a secret but it was exposed by CNN and The Daily Beast. Nunes claimed they broke the law by reporting his secret trip. He later attempted to sue CNN and fellow Congressman, Ted Lieu, for reporting and talking about his relationship with Trump goon, Lev Parnas. Lieu was excited about the lawsuit as it would force Nunes to disclose his contacts and other interesting information in depositions. All these lawsuits were thrown out.

Nunes loves frivolous lawsuits which bring us to the cow.

Devin Nunes sued two Twitter parody accounts, one titled “Devin Nunes’ Mom” and the other “Devin Nunes’ Cow.” The cow won.

Now, Devin’s going to work for a social media website that, pay attention, has its users agree the Trump platform is not responsible for shit they post. This is something Devin and Donald Trump both opposed while in office. Donald Trump always wanted to blame the platforms any time someone would write something like, oh, I don’t know…maybe something like, “Donald Trump is the demon spawn of an orange Nazi shitgibbon.” Devin never liked being asked on Twitter, “Hey, Devin…did you notice what Trump had for lunch today while your head was up his ass?” Of course, that question was rhetorical and was asked just to annoy Devin. We all know the answer is Big Macs.

Devin is giving up the potential to wield huge power in Washington for what he believes will be huge power in social media. But how much power will he really have after going to work for Fox News in six months because Truth Social could never compete against 4-chan or Telegram?

Fox News does pay but he’ll still have to have his head up Trump’s ass. That won’t be a problem because apparently, he likes it there.

Moo.

 

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[ADoyle90815]

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"Keeping Up With The Boeberts"

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I’m starting to think people like Republican Representatives Thomas Massie and Lauren Boebert don’t understand the meaning of Christmas.

Both Congressional goons and full-time MAGATs posted their Christmas cards on social media, which is something politicians do. How nice. Usually, when politicians do that, it’s to display their Christmas spirit and to wish all their constituents happy holidays and best wishes for the new year. Sure, it includes a little pandering but that’s expected. They’re politicians. But, Christmas cards are usually non-partisan. Even Mitch McConnell will send out a Christmas card you can’t disagree with.

But for people like Massie and Boebert, it’s now to express their Christmas spirits as much as it’s to express how vile they are. These people lost their humanity a long time ago, so how can anyone expect them to understand the spirit of Christmas?

Sure, these goons claim to be Christians but it’s not very Christ-like to use his birthday to “own the libs.” It’s also not very Christian to use your children as political props…especially them as political props while holding weapons of death.

Representative Massie tweeted out a photo of him, his wife, and their five kids holding assault weapons in front of a Christmas tree. Not to be outdone, Lauren Boebert tweeted out a similar photo of her (with an evil grin) and her four boys holding assault weapons. And, this was just days after a school shooting where four people died.

A Trump cultist colleague of mine posted the Massie photo with the text, “Because of a horrible tragedy that takes place in the country, there’s a grace period one has to wait for which to express support for a Constitutional right? Bull!”

First off, if editors tell me “too soon” about doing a cartoon against gun violence after a horrible tragedy, then it should be too soon for fucknut dingleberry MAGAts to be posting photos of them and their children pretending to be gun fluffers.

It’s never too soon for your gun fetish, right MAGAts? If guns came with vaginas, these people would be sticking their thingies in them. In fact, I just gave the assault industry a billion-dollar idea. Fully-armed sex dolls. I demand a cut so I can donate to charities against gun violence.

The other part of my “friend’s” statement I take issues with is his claim they’re expressing support for a Constitutional right. Uh, why did they pick that right out of the many rights in the Constitution? But let me point out once again, you don’t support the Constitution. You can’t make that claim after you tried to overturn an election you lost, committed a terrorist attack against the nation, and tried to install a fascist dictator. You suck when it comes to the Constitution.

Even if you love guns, why can’t you see those Christmas cards for what they are? Can’t you support the Second Amendment while also agreeing that maybe the assault weapons should be in a locked closet during the holidays? Instead of assault weapons, wouldn’t it be nicer if your children were holding kittens?

If your idea of Christmas is to own the libs and trigger people, you’re not really getting it. This is the holiday celebrating the birth of your Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Sure, I’m agnostic and more of a humanist, but I do believe in the Christmas spirit. There’s nothing wrong with it, which is basically…be nice. Love each other…even your enemies. Even though I don’t believe, I return a “merry Christmas” when one is given to me. I’m not a total dick. Instead of being a gun-fluffing dick, volunteer at a soup kitchen. Donate to Toys for Tots. Maybe adopt a rescue animal. It should not be about having your children coddling a weapon of death to fa-la-la-la about mass murders.

These are weapons of death. These assault weapons were made for just one purpose, which is to kill people. And when your weapon is made to hold rounds and rounds of ammunition that can shoot as quickly as possible in order to kill as many people as possible, it’s a weapon of death. It’s a weapon of mass murder. They’re not toys for you to give your children, even if it’s only for a photo-op to trigger liberals right after a similar weapon was used to kill four children.

This vile behavior from Republicans, at least openly, started with Trump. It’s like how Nazis didn’t start marching in public until they had a friend in the White House. But after Trump made it OK for Republicans to be a bunch of shit-asses by tweeting stuff like, “Happy Thanksgiving…even to Democrat losers” and “Happy Memorial Day, even to skanky Hillary and fat Stacey Abrams,” all bets were off with his base.

I expect there to be a lot of tweets saying, “Merry Christmas, and let’s go Brandon.”

Keep in mind, gun-loving parents, that when you’re posting Christmas card photos of your children holding weapons of death, that Hana St. Julian, Madisyn Baldwin, Tate Myre, and Justin Shilling won’t be celebrating Christmas ever again. Why?

Because they were killed at Oxford High School by a weapon very similar to the one your children are posing with.

 

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[smittykins]

23 hours ago, GreyhoundFan said:

If I were in Pennsylvania, I’d totally vote for Dr. Demento.

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