Bontragers and Bowers 4: Dumbass Love for the Romantic Lost Cause

[deborahlynn1979]

Quote

Abbie says:

FEBRUARY 13, 2020 AT 12:24 PM

You are obsessed with being single. Take it from a fellow Christian: every guy knows about your blog and it scares them how passive aggressive you are. They want someone like Chelsy, not like you.

Ouch.

[SPHASH]

If some potential husband is reading Allison's blog I bet he is thinking WTF and crosses her off his list.  

[singsingsing]

8 minutes ago, deborahlynn1979 said:

Ouch.

Harsh comment, but they’re right. When someone seems obsessed with relationships, it’s intimidating to potential partners, maybe even a red flag. It makes people rightly worry that they will never live up to expectations and that they’ll be suffocated by this person. Because when that’s all you talk about, it makes it seem like that’s all you think about. Like you have nothing else going on in your life. Who wants to be with someone like that? It’s true that most guys want someone more ‘like Chelsy’, just like most women are instinctively turned off by the ‘nice guy’ who is obsessed with the fact that he can’t find the right woman.

Edited February 14, 2020 by singsingsing

[PlentyOfJesusFishInTheSea]

This is my semi-annual reminder that the Bontragers have nooooo idea how to raise kids with healthy sibling relationships. Yuck, yuck, yuck.

Also, Alison, stop being smug as fuck: "I’ve become frustrated by the mediocrity and sometimes the downright pathetic-ness of so many of the marriages around me."

[HerNameIsBuffy]

2 minutes ago, PlentyOfJesusFishInTheSea said:

Also, Alison, stop being smug as fuck: "I’ve become frustrated by the mediocrity and sometimes the downright pathetic-ness of so many of the marriages around me."

I guess she doesn't understand the only two people who really know what their marriage is like are those actually in it?

She needs to worry less about other people's relationships and more about being happy with herself.

[JermajestyDuggar]

That post was extremely harsh but there’s a lot of truth in it. Part of me thinks the best way to get something across to Allison is to be less harsh and more caring. Because when someone posts something that harsh, a person can immediately dismiss them as trolls or online haters. And they don’t listen to the truth hidden in the harsh words. Allison is young and I think she has so much potential. But it gets so lost in fundie logic. 

[fundiefan]

Abbie is not holding back. 

I have to say, if I were a fundie girl, I'd be a bit bothered by Allison's representation of SAHD. She is obsessed. She is passive-aggressive. 

The truth hurts. 

She is also clueless. If she's so  frustrated by the mediocrity and t pathetic-ness of so many of the marriages around me, she needs to expand her circle. If, in her fundie-centric world, the marriages are mediocre & pathetic, they are all definitely doing something wrong. 

I, in my heathen-centric circle, am surrounded by some pretty amazing marriages. Some pretty awesome men & women who have made their marriages work and thrive and are living pretty damn good lives together. And, guess what? i can't think of a single one that is even close to fundie. They're all relative heathens. Some of which have been in existence since before little miss pretentious was born. 

So, my advice to you miss know it all Allison - if the marriages you see are so damned awful they need you, the inexperienced SAHD to judge them, maybe you're in some pathetic & medicore circles with pathetic & mediocre people. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

3 minutes ago, fundiefan said:

Abbie is not holding back. 

I have to say, if I were a fundie girl, I'd be a bit bothered by Allison's representation of SAHD. She is obsessed. She is passive-aggressive. 

The truth hurts. 

She is also clueless. If she's so  frustrated by the mediocrity and t pathetic-ness of so many of the marriages around me, she needs to expand her circle. If, in her fundie-centric world, the marriages are mediocre & pathetic, they are all definitely doing something wrong. 

I, in my heathen-centric circle, am surrounded by some pretty amazing marriages. Some pretty awesome men & women who have made their marriages work and thrive and are living pretty damn good lives together. And, guess what? i can't think of a single one that is even close to fundie. They're all relative heathens. Some of which have been in existence since before little miss pretentious was born. 

So, my advice to you miss know it all Allison - if the marriages you see are so damned awful they need you, the inexperienced SAHD to judge them, maybe you're in some pathetic & medicore circles with pathetic & mediocre people. 

Fundies like to put down anything mainstream or secular. I bet if you ask her which marriages are mediocre, she would never say anyone close to her. None of her fundie friends or family members. She is likely thinking about those poor mainstream Christians and mennonites. 

I don’t think much about the marriages of the people I know. Probably because I always assume I don’t know what goes on behind closed doors. A seemingly good marriage could be abusive and I may not know it. And I don’t feel like I can judge most people’s marriages. I’m 37 and married yet I don’t feel like I can make those kinds of assumptions. And this 25 year old unmarried fundie virgin seems to think she can. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

The Wissmanns are just as strange as the Bontragers. No wonder the families are good friends. 

[Triplet3]

I find the Wissmanns less obnoxious and full of themselves than the Bontragers.

[JermajestyDuggar]

8 minutes ago, Triplet3 said:

I find the Wissmanns less obnoxious and full of themselves than the Bontragers.

Definitely. They are just weird about brothers and sisters dating each other similar to the Bontragers. 

[SPHASH]

Maybe is what Desparate Allison is referring to in regards to bad husbands, Stud John sitting in a comfy chair while his pregnant wife is sitting on a hard floor.

[uber frau]

Meh, maybe Chelsey prefers the floor.  I know that I do.  Besides, when I'm pregnant an hour of sitting in an unsupportive 'comfy' chair is a guaranteed ticket to 48 hrs of an achy back.  

As for Alison, she really has no clue, does she?  I can think of a couple of downright 'pathetic'  man children in her circle who I really wouldn't want to married to.  

[NoseyNellie]

5 hours ago, uber frau said:

Meh, maybe Chelsey prefers the floor.  I know that I do.  Besides, when I'm pregnant an hour of sitting in an unsupportive 'comfy' chair is a guaranteed ticket to 48 hrs of an achy back.  

 

YES!  I felt so much better (when I was pregnant ) sitting on the floor!  I was able to work FT until I was 35 weeks while carrying my twins and those last weeks they were just happy I was still there.. I did a lot of office organization etc.. I pulled everything I needed to the floor and sat there and worked for as long as needed.  Everyone laughed and gathered around to watch me get up,( roll over to my knees, pull up onto 1 foot, grab a shelf/chair and pull my HUGE self up to standing... I did this at home as actually sat on the floor at the end of my baby shower!  lol  I had the WORST hemorrhoids that sitting on the floor felt SO much better than on a comfy chair!  

Allison is just an idealized romantic.  When I was nauseated and miserable or just plain exhausted.. my husband did not clean the kitchen to bless me.. he did it so I did not flip my lid that he left the place in shambles.. we BOTH live here.. we both care for the place.. She is in for a HUGE enlightening... in her mind her future husband and her will be on the same page ESP like.. that he will anticipate and be prepared for every need...I highly doubt that will happen...    

[anjulibai]

I have to admit, I liked having my husband around when I was having morning sickness. 

But that's because he cleaned up the vomit and washed my clothes because I threw up so hard I peed myself. 

Of course, he had to be at work most of the time, and I was at home for my first pregnancy and at work myself for my second. So any cleaning up vomit waited or I did, depending on where I was. 

And yeah, he doesn't do the dishes or take out the trash to bless me. He does it because it needs to get done. 

[petrushka]

From Allison's post:  "Oh girls. I hear you. I see you. I’ve asked these questions. I’ve become frustrated by the mediocrity and sometimes the downright pathetic-ness of so many of the marriages around me.

I don’t see droves of Godly, principled, bold, gentlemanly young men around me. Yes, they exist but they’re more few and far between than the norm."

 

This coming from a young woman who principally interacts with her married brothers, her fellow church goers, and the people she meets on their singing missions.  Unless she's referring to random strangers at the Inn, grocery store and coffee shop she frequents, in which case, she knows nothing of other people's lives. Yet she feels qualified to make such remarks. 

If I were in her circle, I might be a bit insulted by her observations.  I'm not on board thinking she's seeing someone at all.  She is plainly a fundie princess.  Sounds like she thinks she's too good for most of the Christian young men she encounters.  I think the local church boys stay far away.

[JermajestyDuggar]

Have you ever seen an elephant seal trying to make his way to the ocean? That’s what pregnant me looked like when I tried to get up off the floor. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

I’m so tired of fundies speaking on the current culture in the US as if they are some expert on it. Aren’t fundies the ones who shield their children from mainstream culture? Are fundies the ones who don’t even allow their children to attend public school because they don’t want their children exposed to the worldly culture in your local elementary school? So how is it that they all can speak so freely on this mainstream culture when they refuse to partake in it? They need to take a seat and only speak onthecultyre they’ve purposely cloistered themselves into. This is Joshua Bontrager’s blog by the way:

Edited February 15, 2020 by JermajestyDuggar

[JermajestyDuggar]

I just can’t with this family. If Taylor had made dinner for the whole family for V day, I wouldn’t think it’s weird. But he only made dinner for his 3 single sisters. Do you think anyone around them let’s them know how strange this seems?

Just imagine being an 18 year old kid with 3 sisters expecting you to treat them like girlfriends on Valentine’s Day. Most 18 year old boys hate the pressure of impressing ONE girlfriend! He has 3!

[fundiefan]

I don't get it either. And, to be honest, I don't want to. I don't want to think that way.

It skeeves me out. Just as the daddy keeping the girl's heart - the fundie ways are a mystery to me that make me quite uncomfortable sometimes. 

 

[Jasmar]

Heroes, and Liz, Rebs, and me. SOTDRT strikes again.

(I got nothing on the subject of that post. Too squicky.)

[anachronistic]

I wish someone would just sit Allison and her siblings down and give them some basic sexual and cultural education. Like this is being gay, this is being straight, this is being asexual, etc, and they are all acceptable and great. You do you. But what you’ve got going on now, kids, it’s not against the law or a huge taboo like bestiality or anything but it’s a whole new category and a whole new kind of creepy. Being weird is great and we can and will celebrate your unique gifts but please. Please! You cannot date your siblings. I repeat: due to the cultural and sexual meanings behind the concept of dating, you *cannot* date your siblings. (Oh and if you never have a relationship that’s great too! Really!))

I know about the stereotypes of autistic people bring oblivious to cultural norms, etc. but I don’t know a single person who no matter how many explicit, seemingly simple social rules they had to be taught, who needed to be taught the fact that we *don’t date our siblings* . Because it’s just something that everyone automatically gets. The Bontragers messed up their kid raising so bad that they’ve overcome some of the biological instincts to not have that kind of relationship with their siblings. Just EW!

[JermajestyDuggar]

27 minutes ago, anachronistic said:

I wish someone would just sit Allison and her siblings down and give them some basic sexual and cultural education. Like this is being gay, this is being straight, this is being asexual, etc, and they are all acceptable and great. You do you. But what you’ve got going on now, kids, it’s not against the law or a huge taboo like bestiality or anything but it’s a whole new category and a whole new kind of creepy. Being weird is great and we can and will celebrate your unique gifts but please. Please! You cannot date your siblings. I repeat: due to the cultural and sexual meanings behind the concept of dating, you *cannot* date your siblings. (Oh and if you never have a relationship that’s great too! Really!))

I know about the stereotypes of autistic people bring oblivious to cultural norms, etc. but I don’t know a single person who no matter how many explicit, seemingly simple social rules they had to be taught, who needed to be taught the fact that we *don’t date our siblings* . Because it’s just something that everyone automatically gets. The Bontragers messed up their kid raising so bad that they’ve overcome some of the biological instincts to not have that kind of relationship with their siblings. Just EW!

What’s crazy is that it’s not just the Bontragers. They just seem to be the most extreme example. We’ve seen this same dating your siblings behavior from the Wissmanns and Rods. I’m sure it’s prevalent in fundieland. Otherwise the Bontragers wouldn’t do it so openly.

Edited February 16, 2020 by JermajestyDuggar

[fundiefan]

I'm wondering if I should be disappointed or hurt or think the "our current culture is f*cked up".

Valentines Day was 2 days ago and I have yet to even get a text from either of my brothers. They totally blew it by not buying me flowers or making me dinner or giving me a shit ton of pity because I'm single, then they compound it by not even calling. 

What is this world coming to? 

[usedbicycle]

Jillian is Allison lamenting the lack of godly young men in America. And Jeremy is every godly young man who's tried to court her over the last 8 years. 

Allison, get a grip! Implying that there are no good men out there is the best way of chasing them off.