Bontragers and Bowers 4: Dumbass Love for the Romantic Lost Cause

[browngrl]

There are lots of good men out there but it can be tough to find someone you want to spend years with much less build a life with (source: was single a long time). The problem for Alison is that while she is waiting for Mr Right, she can't have fun with Mr Right for right now. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

I wish Allison could see that if she’s unhappy in her life as a single fundie daughter, she can likely blame her parents for that. She talks a lot about singleness and it looks obsessive to most of us. I think a lot of single fundie girls her age are just as obsessive. They just aren’t blogging about it. Fundie parents set them up for it. They constantly focus on marriage. They teach their daughters starting young that their only purpose in lie is to get married and have babies. So why wouldn’t she be obsessed when so many of her friends and family members have gotten married and started having kids. And she has zero control over it because she must wait for some guy to notice her. I just wish there was someone in her life to point this out. But her parents have made sure there aren’t people like that in her close friend circle. 

Edited February 16, 2020 by JermajestyDuggar

[AliceInFundyland]

Women like her fuck with the rest of us. My Mr. Right Now is thousands of miles away. I haven't yet met him irl. We couldn't even talk on Friday because he had to chaperone his tween at her gymnastics tournament.

... It's taken quite a lot of soul searching and effort to come to the conclusion that he is so much better for me then all of the Mr. Right Heres.

Thursday I still went through a lot of the nonsense in my head about "expectations." I came to the conclusion that I really wanted to spend ANY romantic/sexy time with him. At least at this point in our relationship. The day does not matter much. I'd been slightly fussy via text about not being able to talk, at least.

We hashed it out. Not too intensely. I apologized.

She is in my top 5 most rage inducing fundies. This one is never going to be happy. She will turn into a Lori Alexander and hate the husband she finds. Or, she'll wind up like a JRod, demanding All The Attention. Or like Braggie Abbie, spitting out the large family and boasting about it mightily, yet hating it and abusing the kids.

 

Edited February 16, 2020 by AliceInFundyland

[singsingsing]

I don't think Allison's problem is that she can't enjoy having a 'Mr. Right now'. She may genuinely not be interested in that, and that's fine.

I guess I followed somewhat of a fundie path in that I was single for most of my life, barely dated, hated it when I tried it, and only got into a relationship when I was pretty sure I'd found 'the one'. The difference is that this choice wasn't imposed on me, nor did I think it was superior. I did it because it was right for me. I was truly happy as a single person, and I have zero regrets about the way things unfolded.

What Allison needs is to be able to do what's actually right for her. That may mean dating around for fun. Or it may mean being single by choice, but being happy and self-actualized in that choice.

I don't know how she will ever be happy even if she does get married. Her real marriage to a real man will always be causing cognitive dissonance when it inevitably doesn't conform to what an 'ideal godly marriage' to an 'ideal godly man' is 'supposed' to look like. @AliceInFundyland I think you're totally right. IF Allison doesn't chill out when she wins the big prize of bagging an eligible fundie bachelor, she will go the opposite route and continue to be neurotic, dissatisfied, and always trying to prove something to the world/herself. 

I hope for her sake that she finds someone she truly loves and is compatible with. But that's difficult when your defining personality trait, interest, and hobby combined seems to be 'single and hating it'.

[Lgirlrocks]

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that her issue right now is the fact that the only relationships that she has with guys are with siblings and or relatives. And the relationships that she has with them aren’t what I would call a healthy relationship. You don’t date your brothers or your dad and tell Mr. right comes along. Doesn’t mean you can’t spend time with them go out to eat to go get coffee or whatever. I think if she was able to actually cultivate Friendships with males that weren’t relatives she would have a much healthier outlook on relationships with people in general and that would help her out a lot.

[Foudeb]

Unpopular opinion - what's wrong with Alison is that she is talented and ambitious. In a normal setting she'd be getting a good education in something business related then climbing the ladder in a big corporation. 

That's not going to happen because fundies stunt their children's growth and the only career path she has is marriage and babies. She would get all deal oriented and focused on that instead but she is not even allowed to control that. She has to stay home keep sweet and just... Wait. That is clearly not her personality type. 

Hence the overthinking, the using her own brothers as target practice, the endless blogging... Its just her trying to excel at the only thing she's allowed to be good at in the very narrow areas that she is allowed to control. 

Pathetic all around, and unhealthy as fuck, but ultimately not her fault. 

[AmazonGrace]

On 2/14/2020 at 7:55 PM, PlentyOfJesusFishInTheSea said:

 

Also, Alison, stop being smug as fuck: "I’ve become frustrated by the mediocrity and sometimes the downright pathetic-ness of so many of the marriages around me."

It can be pretty shocking to realize that most people are ordinary by definition ... look at how dumb the average person is and then factor in  that half of us are dumber than average, and everyone can marry. So what else can you expect.

[anachronistic]

ETA: I’m going to run the link by a mod before I post it because I don’t know if it’s okay and I don’t want to be offensive.

Edited February 19, 2020 by anachronistic
Thinking

[AliceInFundyland]

I haven't seen my brother in 5+ years. Haven't yet met his long term girlfriend. We are working on making our relationship better.

They sent me a Valentine's present.

It was a gift set of my perfume (soap and lotion). In fact, I had purchased the upsized version of the same set at Christmas when I needed more perfume.

Leah picked it out, but she's an extension of him. The odds of her getting not only close, but exactly spot on. That's crazy! Mind blown. The only person I would ever let me buy scented stuff is my mother.

My brother beats the crap out of your brother Allison.  ?

Edited February 21, 2020 by AliceInFundyland
As confident as I am in my own gifting abilities, I would never buy my SO's sibling that I'd never met something quite so personal. I'm very impressed.

[fundiefan]

How old is Denver? I didn't know until today that he is the one doing the Manly man camp - I thought arrogant Josh did it.

Him showing boys how to be manly men is as ridiculous as Allison teaching girls about marriage.

Zero experience with the subject, and zero real experience in life. 

[Lgirlrocks]

19 minutes ago, fundiefan said:

How old is Denver? I didn't know until today that he is the one doing the Manly man camp - I thought arrogant Josh did it.

Him showing boys how to be manly men is as ridiculous as Allison teaching girls about marriage.

Zero experience with the subject, and zero real experience in life. 

Denver reads his bible, has a penis, and can do pushups. That’s all the experience he needs. Alison knows people that are married so she can totally teach 

[JermajestyDuggar]

33 minutes ago, fundiefan said:

How old is Denver? I didn't know until today that he is the one doing the Manly man camp - I thought arrogant Josh did it.

Him showing boys how to be manly men is as ridiculous as Allison teaching girls about marriage.

Zero experience with the subject, and zero real experience in life. 

He’s 20. I expect him to get married in the next year. And if he marries before Allison, she might just have a break down. 

[singsingsing]

MAN CAMP!!! will never stop being hilarious to me.

[JermajestyDuggar]

20 minutes ago, singsingsing said:

MAN CAMP!!! will never stop being hilarious to me.

Allison started her “ladies retreat” before man camp. I’m guessing the Bontragers were like, “what can the boys do that is like a ladies retreat, but MANLY?” And they came up with this. Their push for gender roles is so strong it’s creepy. 

[IsmeWeatherwax]

i've gone down the Bowers blog ferret hole. Its a strange alternate reality. Ma Bowers, well indeed! I think she's out crazy eyed Mooch D. The blog in a nutshell? Men, fun, love, sugar, spice and meat. 

Damn I want the blue farm house ?

[JermajestyDuggar]

3 hours ago, IsmeWeatherwax said:

i've gone down the Bowers blog ferret hole. Its a strange alternate reality. Ma Bowers, well indeed! I think she's out crazy eyed Mooch D. The blog in a nutshell? Men, fun, love, sugar, spice and meat. 

Damn I want the blue farm house ?

I have a feeling the Bowers boys are going to end up looking like the Duggar boys. Curtis went bald rather early. And I think one of the teen boys is already balding. 

[Jigsaw3]

Allison has posted yet another of her "I hate touring" posts. It's pretty clear that her parents are manipulating and guilting her into travelling with the family and she'd much rather be at home or hanging out with her nieces and nephews. Or running the motel: she seemed to thrive in that position.

My wish for her is that she find a good excuse to get out of the family band permanently.

[ophelia]

18 hours ago, Jigsaw3 said:

My wish for her is that she find a good excuse to get out of the family band permanently.

I'm afraid her only option is to get married. 

[HereticHick]

18 hours ago, Jigsaw3 said:

Allison has posted yet another of her "I hate touring" posts. It's pretty clear that her parents are manipulating and guilting her into travelling with the family and she'd much rather be at home or hanging out with her nieces and nephews. Or running the motel: she seemed to thrive in that position.

My wish for her is that she find a good excuse to get out of the family band permanently.

Yes!  I also get the feeling that she's not that into performing either--she rarely talks about music.  I wish her parents would just let her stay home & help run the motel with her brother & his wife.

[JermajestyDuggar]

3 minutes ago, HereticHick said:

Yes!  I also get the feeling that she's not that into performing either--she rarely talks about music.  I wish her parents would just let her stay home & help run the motel with her brother & his wife.

I think there are parts that she enjoys. And that’s what she’s focusing on in order to make it through the long winter tour they do every year. I imagine she likes visiting certain friends. She probably enjoys the warm weather and the beach. But being a 25 year old traveling around with only younger siblings and your parents probably gets old after a couple of weeks. 

[fundiefan]

Anyone see the Brontrager blog and their Tennessee buddy Michael Pearl? They guys enjoyed getting a picture with him, yo!

While not surprised, this is a pretty big crack in their happy life image. Again, no surprise, they just seemed to protect these ugly associations a little more than "some".

 

[hollyandivy]

@fundiefan : Disgust only bc of Michael Pearl

[JermajestyDuggar]

Back when the Bons stopped at Paul Caldwell’s (and Duggar’s) church, I am pretty sure I said Lauren Caldwell and Denver would make a very good looking couple. 

Map here are the fundie families they visited with: 

Caldwells and Duggars

Michael Pearl

Maggie Burnett (she and Joe would make a cute couple)

The Bowers family (of course)

And that’s only the pictures they chose to post. I bet they ran into a few other fundies we talk about on FJ.

Edited March 6, 2020 by JermajestyDuggar

[uber frau]

They stopped in at Roy Moore's office and had a family picture taken with him last time they went on tour (or maybe it was the tour before that, but it was after his predilection for teenage girls was made public at any rate).  They're grateful for his godly and Christian influence on American politics or some such crap. Barf.

Edited March 6, 2020 by uber frau

[ophelia]

6 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Back when the Bons stopped at Paul Caldwell’s (and Duggar’s) church, I am pretty sure I said Lauren Caldwell and Denver would make a very good looking couple. 

I thought the same thing and I'm pretty sure that they are going to announce Denver's engagement to a meek and quiet little fundie maiden this year.