Duggars by the Dozen 35: Five Months with no Pregnant Duggars. How much longer will it last?

[TeaELSee]

On 12/3/2018 at 9:04 PM, MathQueen said:

So happy for you, TeaElSee! Doing the waiting game myself now, so it brightens my day to hear your good news.

Thank you. She told me they had been trying for a year and started to think they would have to have medical intervention so they are happy and relieved. She isn’t far along so we have to impatiently wait until July.

 I hope you get good news soon.

[Whydon'ttheyspeakintongues]

On 12/5/2018 at 3:25 PM, Don'tlikekoolaid said:

  Reveal hidden contents

Here’s a picture of them colonizing Central America......again.  There’s a real possibility of someone getting hurt by the gangs, who don’t like this BS. Don’t they know there’s reasons people are fleeing ??

Why do they insist on always referring to "Central America" when the actual country name is right there!  I used to think there might be a need to keep the specifics private (safety of mission sites etc) but IT IS RIGHT THERE!!!!

There are a lot of things that I can't stand about fundies - but sending untrained people all over the world to god-bother without any real understanding of international aid and development is at the top of my list!  

At best - they have no (or a very small) impact.  At worst - they will negatively impact communities and possibly do real damage to a developing economy.  

 

[victoriasponge]

On 12/1/2018 at 11:31 PM, Iamtheway said:

I feel the same about only having one kid. Like it’s not really acceptable.

Mr Sponge and I are both happy only children and he still doesn't think we can only have one.

If that's not social bloody conditioning, I don't know what is.

 

I also really want to know exactly what their Lord is doing in Central America. As far as I can tell, the local Catholics do a lot, the various NGOs do a lot, the secular tourists drive a decent economy... none of these seem like fundie God to me. I want them to come back to the UK and try their schtick here about how we're all depraved. Like, I genuinely don't know what they even convince themselves they're doing but they must be convincing themselves of something because otherwise they wouldn't keep going back or talking about it.

[CharlieInCharge]

We are one-and-done ourselves and we’ve both been quite happy about it. However, recently my now five year old has been expressing loneliness at home and has started asking for a baby/sister/brother/etc. regularly. It breaks my heart because I got my tubes tied several years ago and we know we could not handle another child. We have no family or close friends to support us so it’s always just been my husband and myself. I was an only child and my husband had a sister who was older and they were never close and don’t speak. We had our reasons and had spent quite a while talking it over before we made our decision. We were content with our choice until our son started seeming discontent. We are hoping it will pass and he will be happy with his childhood and home life in the long run, but this is the first time I’ve felt real regret about not having another child. 

 

(Sorry, this hit me in the ticker and I had to ‘share my heart’ a bit with the anonymous internet. Thanks for reading.) 

[just_ordinary]

23 minutes ago, CharlieInCharge said:

We are one-and-done ourselves and we’ve both been quite happy about it. However, recently my now five year old has been expressing loneliness at home and has started asking for a baby/sister/brother/etc. regularly. It breaks my heart because I got my tubes tied several years ago and we know we could not handle another child. We have no family or close friends to support us so it’s always just been my husband and myself. I was an only child and my husband had a sister who was older and they were never close and don’t speak. We had our reasons and had spent quite a while talking it over before we made our decision. We were content with our choice until our son started seeming discontent. We are hoping it will pass and he will be happy with his childhood and home life in the long run, but this is the first time I’ve felt real regret about not having another child. 

 

(Sorry, this hit me in the ticker and I had to ‘share my heart’ a bit with the anonymous internet. Thanks for reading.) 

While I get feeling sorry for your son- I think it a huge mistake to get a child if you actually don’t really want it just to provide a sibling. If he needs more interaction with children there are other options. I would imagine he cannot even understand that it would take years before a sibling would be someone he could play with (in a way appropriate and manageable for both ages)? Five years is a huge age difference.

In my experience people with and without siblings turn out just fine. Not every sibling relationship is great and not every only child feels as if they are missing something. Children should (ideally) be conceived out of a place of love for them and not for another purpose. 

I am sure your boy will get over this and maybe you will find a way to have more children over for play dates. A true best friend can be as close as every sibling (coming from someone who has it all: sibling-like friends, a sibling I am very close too and one.... well it’s very complicated and hard).

[Maggie Mae]

As an only child, I hated the stigma from teachers, other students, other peoples parents, my grandparents, and pretty much all adults.  I suppose I enjoyed the whole "not having to share" bit. I dislike many of my cousins, so who knows what a sib would be like. 

The worst part, now, is not having anyone else responsible for elder care or visitation. I'd love to be able to pawn my mom off on a sib. She really needs something in her life that isn't me. 

[Don'tlikekoolaid]

Me too!  I was an only child and I loved it.  I learned to like my own company and when adults were around they tended to treat you as a mini adult.  I had a great vocabulary as a child and learned to count cards at the poker games!!! I was also privy to all the good gossip as they would forget about the little ears.  Christmas was good too!  Good times!!!   Also my Mom let me have friends over for sleepovers and then there was summer camp!  #sospoiled

[anjulibai]

I'm an only child and I don't like it. I always wished I had a sibling, from a very young age. I especially wish I had one now that my mom is gone. I am also not looking forward to the elder care of my dad on my own. Plus, the elder care of several childless aunts. I did feel like my childhood was lonely, though I had cousins galore. They all had siblings, though, so I was often the odd one out. 

And in school, I didn't know anyone else who was an only child. I remember in high school in French class, when we were learning the names for family members, the teacher had everyone go around and say how many sisters and brothers everyone had. Got to me and I didn't know what to say because the textbook didn't have "only child" in French nor had I learned yet to say "I have no __________". No one at school ever teased me for it. If anything, they told me I was lucky. But my friends from high school are all close to their siblings today, so I don't think they really wished they were only children. 

My DH has a sister he isn't close to, but I envy him the option of being able to have a relationship with a sibling. His parents inadvertently fostered a serious rivalry between them, so that didn't help. 

Part of the reason I have two children is because I wanted my eldest to have a sibling. The main reason was I wanted another child and could take care of another, of course, but I can't deny that played into it. 

 

ETA: I don't think people should have more children than they can handle, and if that's one, that's one. I know why my parents didn't have more kids, and in their circumstances, they shouldn't have had more. Giving me a sibling wasn't a good enough reason. I just wish things had been different, because I know they both wanted a big family. 

[WiseGirl]

2 hours ago, Maggie Mae said:

The worst part, now, is not having anyone else responsible for elder care or visitation. I'd love to be able to pawn my mom off on a sib. She really needs something in her life that isn't me. 

Just know that some siblings don't pitch in to help with the care. If you are on your own it can be both more difficult and yet easier at the same time (hope that made sense),

[anjulibai]

7 minutes ago, WiseGirl said:

Just know that some siblings don't pitch in to help with the care. If you are on your own it can be both more difficult and yet easier at the same time (hope that made sense),

That's true, but at least it's a potential option. When you are an only child, there is no other option. It would be nice to have someone at least to feel resentful of for not helping. I'm not sure that makes sense, but it's how I feel. 

Kind of like how my DH doesn't have a good relationship with his sister. He at least had/has the opportunity. I never will. 

[Coconut Flan]

I was and am an only child.  In caring for my aged parents I have taken comfort that I don't have to consider anyone else's opinions and don't have to engage in the arguments and brangling that many of friends have endured or are enduring.  I've known this was coming my entire life so tried to prepare myself for it.  I could have done without the Dawg though.  My parents insisted on buying him and even resented that I had an opinion about the purchase.  And now he lives with me and costs me about $300 to $400 a month.  This month is an exception coming in at over $1000.  No, I don't resent that one bit.   He is company and it isn't all bad.  He's a people pleaser and intelligent if he is also determined to get his own way rather frequently.

[singsingsing]

I feel like we're going to get some kind of announcement tomorrow. Maybe because a bunch of them were all together at that party last night, and I thought, "I'll bet anything TLC was there to film it." And then I thought, "If TLC was there filming anyway..."

I'm just having a hard time believing that we're actually going to be #blessed enough to get through the rest of 2018 without another special announcement from the Duggars.

[SilverBeach]

11 hours ago, Whydon'ttheyspeakintongues said:

Why do they insist on always referring to "Central America" when the actual country name is right there!

The specific national identity of brown people and non-Americans is of no consequence to the Duggars and their fellow"missionaries". There is no appreciation of different cultures, not even those that they are violating. Ugh.

[eveandadam]

Me too, I am an only child and I always hated it. As several of you said I would love to have someone to share the care for my parents when they get older, and I would love to have nieces and nephews :-). But I guess I can handle it, at least I hope so.

But the worst part, throughout my childhood and now adulthood, is that people would blame anything I did wrong or when I said something stupid on the fact that I am an only child. The bullying only children receive from peers is totally underestimated. At school, friends would always tease me about it. My own uncle told me that only children always turn out to be psychopaths and narcissists (he hated me from the day I was born, so no wonder he would use it against me). Even now, at over 30 years old, there was a situation when we went to go out to dinner with friends and I grabbed a frie from my friend's plate and immidiatelly she said that this must be a bad behavior from being an only child.

I cannot count the amount of times I was blamed for being egoistic, strange, and unsocial just after someone learnt that I have no siblings. I do not know if I am all those things they called me, but if so, I'm almost certain it's not because of being an only child.

 

 

[SilverBeach]

My DD is an only, she complains but I don't think she would change anything. As a single parent I did everything possible to give her a good upbringing, and she says I was a wonderful mom and her childhood was amazing. I was lonely and stressed but no matter, she is what counted. I was one of four and I hated it, I wanted to be an only child. My family was dysfunctional and my psychological needs were not met. No situation is perfect, there's no guarantee that siblings will get along or that onlies will be lonely.

[watchdog]

I can relate so much to several of the OPs' comments above.  Only child here, too.  Money was tight, so I wasn't spoiled w/ toys or material goods.  I always envied my classmates and cousins who had siblings because they had built-in playmates.  My mom was the youngest in a big family & was close to her siblings.  My dad had one much younger brother.  They weren't close as kids because of the age difference, but they became closer as adults.

As someone said s/he was, I was always treated as a "mini adult," and even in my 20s on, most of my friends were my parents' friends who were their age.  My friends have almost all always been older than I because I was not around kids my age very often before starting school, so I never learned to relate well with kids my age.  Even now, with both my parents gone (I was responsible for their care later & had no help... not complaining... that's just the way it was, and I'd do it all over again), I find that my closest friends (I've never had a big circle of friends) are in their 80s!  One is knocking 90, and I wish I had a tenth her energy!  My 80-something-year-old friends, like myself, are young at heart.

But, yeah.  A part of me will always be empty for not having the chance to have one or more siblings.  I know a lot of people who are not close to their siblings, in some cases to the point of not even speaking to them, so at least I didn't have to deal with a situation like that.  I just want to kick them and say, "Y'all don't appreciate what you have.  Get it together and work out your differences while you still have time!"

The only "advice" I would give for anyone who has, by choice or not, only one child is to make sure you provide plenty of opportunities for your child to interact with his or her peers.  That was the one mistake my parents made IMO, keeping me isolated from other kids in the neighborhood, so when I started school I was at a loss.  My mother always "bragged" how I could entertain myself for hours.  I had no other choice!  I think it's good to be able to be alone (I know plenty of people who can't) and comfortable by yourself (I've never married and have no kids, probably because I WAS so used to being alone), but kids need to learn to socialize and properly interact with kids their own age, not just with adults.

[JermajestyDuggar]

I’m glad I have siblings but I have a feeling my life may have been better as an only child. One is a bio sibling and one is a step sibling. Both were pretty awful to me growing up. Our relationships are much better now as adults. But I can’t forget how crappy they made my life for so many years. And I can’t forget that my parents didn’t do much to protect me. 

[feministxtian]

I am an only and I resent the hell out of it. I think the mother wouldn't have been quite as controlling if there had been more than just me for her to focus her rage and hate on...but then again, if I'd had a male sibling, I'd have been relegated to the ash heap. I resent being the one to have to clean up the shit pile (literally and figuratively) the parents left when my father died and the mother had the strokes. I resent having all the responsibility to decide the last medical shit (to let the mother die rather than continued medical interventions), I resent having no one who shares any of my memories of the good and the bad. 

There was a reason I had more than one...they squabble and fight among themselves but don't let some outsider try any shit with any of them...you get the other two. And, knowing my children as I do, you just DO NOT fuck with one if you don't want to taste the temper and protectiveness of the other two...it's not pretty. 

[anjulibai]

1 hour ago, eveandadam said:

Me too, I am an only child and I always hated it. As several of you said I would love to have someone to share the care for my parents when they get older, and I would love to have nieces and nephews :-). But I guess I can handle it, at least I hope so.

But the worst part, throughout my childhood and now adulthood, is that people would blame anything I did wrong or when I said something stupid on the fact that I am an only child. The bullying only children receive from peers is totally underestimated. At school, friends would always tease me about it. My own uncle told me that only children always turn out to be psychopaths and narcissists (he hated me from the day I was born, so no wonder he would use it against me). Even now, at over 30 years old, there was a situation when we went to go out to dinner with friends and I grabbed a frie from my friend's plate and immidiatelly she said that this must be a bad behavior from being an only child.

I cannot count the amount of times I was blamed for being egoistic, strange, and unsocial just after someone learnt that I have no siblings. I do not know if I am all those things they called me, but if so, I'm almost certain it's not because of being an only child.

 

I never got teased at school, but I did (and still do) get comments from family. If I ever misbehaved, it was because I was a spoiled, moody, selfish, only child. One of my aunts in particular makes comments pretty often about being grateful he children aren't only children so they don't turn out that way. It's upsetting. I put a meme up on my FB once about Only Child Awareness Day, and she commented that "everyday was only child day". Blugh. 

[MathQueen]

I am the eldest child of two only children. This means I have no aunts, uncles, or cousins. Sadly, my parents and grandparents were all deceased by the time I was in my early thirties. I became the elder, keeper of all familial information for my siblings. Because I was so young, being the sibling and not the parent, I have some gaping holes in that knowledge. The unhappiest part is the realization that there is no one who remembers your childhood and knew you “back when”. Your questions remain unanswered.
Fortunately, I have a wonderful family of my own, as well as deep relationships with my brothers. I just wanted to weigh in on the singleton discussion and how the impact does extend beyond that generation.

[Bobology]

12 hours ago, Whydon'ttheyspeakintongues said:

god-bother

Another gem, and I'm stealing it! Thanks

 

[VelociRapture]

In our family...

Husband and I are both the middle of three kids. We haven’t always gotten along well with our siblings, but we love them and have good relationships with them as adults.

Husband’s mom is the eldest of three and she has no contact with her siblings, her sister-In-law, her brother’s kids, or her parents. His dad is the youngest of three and was much younger than his two sisters. In some ways he grew up as an only child. Both his sisters and his parents are dead. He didn’t have the closest relationship with some of them, but I don’t think he ever stopped speaking to any of them completely either. 

My mom is the eldest of four. She and her siblings were all close abd the remaining three still are despite living on opposite coasts - but my mom was extremely close with her younger sister. My grandparents actually gave them separate bedrooms when they built their house because my elementary school aged mom got herself into a somewhat dangerous situation trying to help her sister once and they were hoping it would help keep the relationship and both kids healthy. My mom was devastated when her sister committed suicide and still has not healed fully 25 years later. My dad has a unique situation - he’s both the youngest of two and the middle of three because he has a much younger half-brother (like, 12 years younger.) He still has a relationship with his older brother, but his younger brother apparently doesn’t want anything to do with my dad and doesn’t speak much with my uncle either. A lot of that may be due to their mom comparing his brothers to my dad, who was kind of the stereotypical golden child growing up (tall, handsome, athletic, in the Marines, etc.)

My daughter is currently an only child and we’re hoping she’ll eventually be a big sister. Our decision to have another child is one we occasionally question (like when she screams or I struggle with emotional symptoms of PMS), but we both always wanted at least two for a number of reasons and I think it would be a good choice for us. That said, I don’t think it’d be the end of the world for us if we couldn’t or eventually decided to stop trying either. Our daughter is a pretty incredible little person and brings us a huge amount of joy all on her own. I think with enough interaction with kids her own age and decent parenting she’d likely be perfectly fine as an only (as I think most kids would be.)

[SamiKatz]

I'm one of five (three full siblings, two steps), and I am the only one who cares for my elderly mother.  All of the responsibility for her falls on my shoulders.  My other siblings are "thankful" to me for taking care of her, but they don't contribute time, money or effort to her care at all.  Having siblings is no guarantee you won't carry that load by yourself. (Edited because I'm both tired, and had wine this afternoon)

[grandmadugger]

I am an only child with siblings. My siblings are 16 and 15 years older than me so the majority of my life I was the only child. I do not have a relationship with either of them. One has “apologized” for their treatment of me and the other one never has. They are my step siblings. My parents were much better off financially when I was born. I got things and got to do things that they didn’t. They resented it. They didn’t say crap to my parents they said it to me. Full grown adults bitching at a child about what she got to do. They also can’t figure out why I keep them at arms length. 

[melon]

I'm the third child of four,and the only girl.I was very much a Daddy's girl.My mother was very opinionated and controlling.We really didn't get along when I was a teen.

Mr.Melon is also the third child of four,but there is a nearly 8 year age difference between him and his brother above him,almost 9 between him and his oldest,and then,he is seven years older than his younger brother.

My grandfather was an only child,and hated it.My grandmother told me that when my father,their oldest child was born.my grandfather vowed he would not be an only child.His mother was also very controlling.