Duggars by the Dozen 35: Five Months with no Pregnant Duggars. How much longer will it last?

[Coconut Flan]

My children and their spouses have been wonderful help especially one daughter and SIL who went with me to close out the house and empty it.  Both of my daughters went with me to put it on the market.  My closest two friends ended up closing out their parents' houses by themselves or with their kids even though they had siblings.  Quite frequently it doesn't help and sometimes only adds frustration.  

[LookieLoo]

So I hope this is the right place to post this observation, but I saw a recent pic of Jill at the TTH posing in front of the stairs with Sam. Of course, everyone immediately was shocked she was in pants at her parents house, but all I could pay attention to was the gate they had in front of the stairs. I kept wondering did the Duggars EVER put a gate on the stairs when their own children were little? I don’t recall that they did, and I wonder who was the driving force behind such surprising safety measures as we know the Duggars have never been big on it. 

Just a random musing...

[AussieKrissy]

2 hours ago, Ali said:

The hospital did not allow my daughter to visit my son when he had overnight hospital stays. He was one and she was six. It was hard on her to not be able to visit her brother.

The amount of visitors Josie has bothers me too. Josie was very fragile and Mackynzie? was very young. I feel like a hospital should limit the amount of visitors call in the room at a time and require them to be of a certain age. 

You know who should limit it too? The parents. No fucking common sense. More people, more germs,  more risk. They are morons. I get everyone wanting to see the baby, but if it is not best for the baby, there is cameras for that.

[Ali]

12 minutes ago, AussieKrissy said:

You know who should limit it too? The parents. No fucking common sense. More people, more germs,  more risk. They are morons. I get everyone wanting to see the baby, but if it is not best for the baby, there is cameras for that.

I have not had a preemie. I limited contact when my kids were newborns. When I am around a newborn, I tend to follow the parent's lead. I have no problem admiring an acquaintance's baby from a distance. I don't understand the Duggar's relaxed attitude.

[Sky with diamonds]

I'm the middle child in my family. I have two older siblings and two younger siblings, and for the most part, I feel very alone because I'm not close to them. It's down to me doing things for my parents, the stress of it all is huge. I wish my oldest brother had sense to help out, but frankly mhe doesn't care. My other brother lives out of town and is busy working. My younger sister, it seems her partying every weekend is more important, and I used to think I was somewhat close to my youngest brother, but things have come to light recently makes me think otherwise. 

My parents health is failing, and I don't know what each day will bring, and it's so hard doing it alone pretty much. 

Sorry for the book of woe. 

Happy birthday to  Josie. I remember her birthday because my niece was born just a couple of months later, so I was following Josie's birth closely.  I was hoping Josie would pull through, and she sure has. 

[mpheels]

4 hours ago, Ali said:

The hospital did not allow my daughter to visit my son when he had overnight hospital stays. He was one and she was six. It was hard on her to not be able to visit her brother.

The amount of visitors Josie has bothers me too. Josie was very fragile and Mackynzie? was very young. I feel like a hospital should limit the amount of visitors call in the room at a time and require them to be of a certain age. 

Hospitals should make those decisions on a case-by-case basis as much as possible. First priority absolutely needs to go towards protecting patients, but they also should consider the well being of family and other caregivers. Rules about young children visiting exist because it’s easier to minimize risk and just say no kids, but hospitals can and should bend those rules in special circumstances without substantially increasing risk to the patient. No, toddlers probably don’t need to visit a sibling or parent in the hospital for a short stay due to a illness or injury that isn’t immediately life threatening. But for family members who are in the hospital for a very long time or may be near death, it can be very important to the toddler’s wellbeing to see their loved ones. If allowing toddler visitors is a special circumstance, then it’s a lot easier to monitor and enforce infection control protocols. In the case of the Duggars, I can see where a social worker or nurse coordinator might make arrangements to allow a brief visit from infant/toddler family members because of the value the family places on babies.

[Duggarite]

 

5 hours ago, tankgirl said:

It is so strange a friend gave birth to her 28 week baby 9 years ago ( well next week actually) and she hasnt brought out too many of the tiny pictures in ages, but they also had way stricter rules, the young kids were not allowed in. My friends child was actually a few ounces smaller then Josie, but has done well considering her birth as well. I am proud of my friend for not focusing on her birth.

 

On the other hand, I have a second friend who had a 27 week premie and despite nearly finishing school, her Mom is hyper focused on her premie status. My friend is pro choice, not religious, but something in her focuses on that as the huge marker for her child. Her child hates it and I get it, how horrible is it for your greatest accomplishment in your parents eyes being your birth? Josie might grow to hate it too.

 

Its just weird for me that my friends baby is basically the same age as Josie.

I am the mom of a 4 year old that was born at 28 weeks. He is doing absolutely fine. Close people know of his birth of course, but they almost never mention it now. He goes to his doctor’s appointments to follow up some things he had during his NICU stay but we are mostly stopping them since nothing has flared up yet and probably this year he will be stopping most said appointments (on his doctors advice).

we do not show pictures from when he was at the NICU to almost nobody. He does not look his best and we feel that we have the responsibility of how he is remembered even by close friends and family, so we have those NICU pictures and he can show them to whoever he wants when he is an adult. We do not post anything on FB or IG or anything where he appears. In my last trip I appear alone in the photos in my FB. No sign of my lovely husband or much loved son. 

 

And I never ever focus on his very small preemie status (850 grams, not a great grams to pounds converter here). I might have said it to a couple of parents st his school and mentioned it like “yes, very small, he is doing great now” kind of way.because he is a normal child. Just that. I do not want to inflict the “I am Very  special for just surviving birth” it’s more like you were born very little, had to spend time at the hospital and that is pretty much it.Oh, and yes, I used to sing you to sleep in the evening when you were at the ICU! Loved it. 

10 hours ago, justodd said:

Am I the only one who seriously rolled their eyes at the birthday post being completely absent of any current pictures? To me, it just reinforces that Josie will forever be THE MIRACLE BABY, as opposed to an actual, growing person who will someday be an adult. 

Completely agree. Children do not have memories of the NICU stays. Just let them

go on with their lives! Post a picture or journey 9 year old playing in the yard or blowing the birthday cake candles! You had an awful time at the NICU, we get it,she thankfully forgot it, let her enjoy her life! 

[VelociRapture]

I do want to take a moment to caution people from judging anyone too harshly. I have a problem with parents who turn their preemie experience into gross pro-life propaganda, but I don’t think there’s anything necessarily wrong with sharing parts of that journey online. I’ve found it helpful to hear the stories of other parents because it’s reminded me that we were truly fortunate in our experience in many ways. I usually post about our experience once in September (NICU Awareness month) and once or twice in November (Prematurity Awareness Month & Prematurity Awareness Day.) I’m not doing it for attention or to try to make myself feel better (though it does help to talk about it), but because I like to think it helps raise awareness about a very serious problem and because I do feel it helps others not to feel so alone. 

My daughter is only 2 though, so some of those feelings are still a bit raw for me, especially now that we’re hoping for another child. I don’t know if I’ll continue posting after this year because my daughter is doing so incredibly well now. Maybe I’ll just switch to sharing stuff from relevant organizations instead. 

I will agree with @justoddthat I thought it was an odd choice to not have any current photos in the birthday post. I don’t have an issue with them talking about how far she has come (because she has!) or how grateful they are to the medical professionals or sharing one photo from her NICU stay with more recent photos, but I do feel the main focus of a birthday post should be on who the child is as a person now. 

[ladyaudley]

Ah, miracle baby Josie. They'll trot out those preemie pics at her wedding no doubt. I raised my eyebrows at "That was the most difficult time in our family's life"  - pretty sure your daughters who have been abused by their brother and then publicly had to forgive him to protect your brand would disagree. Not saying it wasn't hard, but come on. 

[Sullie06]

I’m always shocked to see how far medical advancements have come. My older sister was a micro-premie when she was born in July 1981 at just under 25 weeks. She was 1lbs 5oz and survived for 2 days. My Mom always said the NIcU was very strict on visitors too and she didn’t want to leave so my Dad has to keep leaving so the family could see Carolyn. She said now she feels bad that he had to keep leaving during her short life. Crazy to think she could have survived if born today or even a decade ago.

[tabitha2]

Right? I was born in 1980. The technician did not know how to operate the Sonagram to see my Sex and Ma says no one ever even mentioned  the words  Post Partum Depression to her and she was hit hard with it Had no idea what was going with her:(

[church_of_dog]

32 minutes ago, Sullie06 said:

I’m always shocked to see how far medical advancements have come. My older sister was a micro-premie when she was born in July 1981 at just under 25 weeks. She was 1lbs 5oz and survived for 2 days. My Mom always said the NIcU was very strict on visitors too and she didn’t want to leave so my Dad has to keep leaving so the family could see Carolyn. She said now she feels bad that he had to keep leaving during her short life. Crazy to think she could have survived if born today or even a decade ago.

I'm sorry for your family's loss.  My friend's son was also born in July 1981 but at around 28 weeks, and he is fine now.  I had the impression that 28 weeks was pushing the limits of the time, which seems to have been true with your family's experience with your sister.  You're right, the difference in medical ability from then to now is dramatic.

[Sullie06]

1 hour ago, church_of_dog said:

I'm sorry for your family's loss.  My friend's son was also born in July 1981 but at around 28 weeks, and he is fine now.  I had the impression that 28 weeks was pushing the limits of the time, which seems to have been true with your family's experience with your sister.  You're right, the difference in medical ability from then to now is dramatic.

Thank you. I never got to meet her but we celebrate her still all the time. My mom said the doctors were shocked she had survived the birth. My mom found out later her water has broken early due to an infection. She swore she was never having more children after but I had other ideas ? She went on to have 3 healthy full-term pregnancies 

[VelociRapture]

2 hours ago, ladyaudley said:

Ah, miracle baby Josie. They'll trot out those preemie pics at her wedding no doubt. I raised my eyebrows at "That was the most difficult time in our family's life"  - pretty sure your daughters who have been abused by their brother and then publicly had to forgive him to protect your brand would disagree. Not saying it wasn't hard, but come on. 

I’m trying to find a way to respond to this and I’m having some trouble. I hope I did a decent job here.

I think there’s a difference between saying something was the toughest experience for your family and saying something was the toughest situation for each family member as individuals. To give an example, my toughest moment as an individual was dealing with my daughter’s premature birth and NICU stay. I would probably say the toughest moment for my family overall (parents, siblings, grandparents, and uncles) was my Aunt’s suicide though. Both situations were difficult in their own ways, but one had a bigger impact on me than the rest of my family and the other had a big impact on everyone.

Considering the fact that Josie was a micropreemie who suffered potentially life threatening complications (I believe bowel perforation can be fatal and can cause long term complications for survivors), an extensive Hospital stay, the fact that the entire family relocated to Little Rock, and the fact that Michelle suffered from preeclampsia (which can be very dangerous) I can genuinely see why that might be considered the most difficult moment for the Duggar family as a group. That type of experience can have an impact on each family member in different ways and to varying degrees, but I’d be somewhat surprised if any of them weren’t impacted somehow.*

I do see your point though. The Duggar parents have never seemed to place much importance on the safety and well-being of the kids they already had, while adding even more kids to the family. And I do see why some people might bristle at them claiming all of the family members feel a certain way given how they seemed to place a big emphasis on their kids as a group as opposed to recognizing each kid as an unique individual as well. 

*To be clear, the same can absolutely be said about sexual abuse. I’m not sure if that was the case here based off what we know about the Duggars though. They appear to have tried to minimize what happened as much as possible and I’m not sure if all of the kids even knew about the molestations, but I can easily see either situation being an extremely difficult experience for the overall family. 

[Meggo]

Re: Preemies. My son was 31w5d and was 3lbs7oz at birth. He's fine now - but we don't dwell on the preemie-ness. It's still an issue - it will always be a "thing" but... we really only ever mention it when it's "look how far you've come!" 

I took a pic a few weeks back with him holding a preemie outfit up to himself and I was like "This used to be TOO BIG" on you!!" 
Still a crazy and amazing miracle.

But there are some pics from that stay? eeesh - there is one where he looks like a crabby old man crossed with an alien. He has a tube in his nose and he's perfectly swaddled up but kiddo? Not your best look. Most of the pics too - you don't even get a sense of how small he was until he's like - holding Daddy's thumb or using a standard washcloth as a blanket. 

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

17 hours ago, Duggarite said:

 

I am the mom of a 4 year old that was born at 28 weeks. He is doing absolutely fine. Close people know of his birth of course, but they almost never mention it now. He goes to his doctor’s appointments to follow up some things he had during his NICU stay but we are mostly stopping them since nothing has flared up yet and probably this year he will be stopping most said appointments (on his doctors advice).

we do not show pictures from when he was at the NICU to almost nobody. He does not look his best and we feel that we have the responsibility of how he is remembered even by close friends and family, so we have those NICU pictures and he can show them to whoever he wants when he is an adult. We do not post anything on FB or IG or anything where he appears. In my last trip I appear alone in the photos in my FB. No sign of my lovely husband or much loved son. 

 

And I never ever focus on his very small preemie status (850 grams, not a great grams to pounds converter here). I might have said it to a couple of parents st his school and mentioned it like “yes, very small, he is doing great now” kind of way.because he is a normal child. Just that. I do not want to inflict the “I am Very  special for just surviving birth” it’s more like you were born very little, had to spend time at the hospital and that is pretty much it.Oh, and yes, I used to sing you to sleep in the evening when you were at the ICU! Loved it. 

Completely agree. Children do not have memories of the NICU stays. Just let them

go on with their lives! Post a picture or journey 9 year old playing in the yard or blowing the birthday cake candles! You had an awful time at the NICU, we get it,she thankfully forgot it, let her enjoy her life! 

I know a few people who had premies (including myself ds was born at 36 weeks), none had micro preemies the earliest one was born at 32 weeks. I can understand the not wanting to share pics of your baby in the hospital, that isn't something you want to be constantly reminded of. I hope no one says anything to you about not sharing something so personal

I have a dear friend who had basically a still birth at 41 weeks, 16 years ago,  the baby was put on life support until she was declared brain dead and life support shut off. The only photos she has of her daughter have her on a the ventilator, so she cherishes them but we have another friend who is a computer whiz and photo shopped the vent off of her in 2 photos, those 2 photos are what she has displayed in her home.  She has the photos of her on the vent and the few photos they took of various family members holding her after she died in a photo album and only a hand full of us have seen that one it is kept in my friends nightstand while other family albums are displayed on a book shelf.

[Meggo]

46 minutes ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

I know a few people who had premies (including myself ds was born at 36 weeks), none had micro preemies the earliest one was born at 32 weeks. I can understand the not wanting to share pics of your baby in the hospital, that isn't something you want to be constantly reminded of. I hope no one says anything to you about not sharing something so personal

I have a dear friend who had basically a still birth at 41 weeks, 16 years ago,  the baby was put on life support until she was declared brain dead and life support shut off. The only photos she has of her daughter have her on a the ventilator, so she cherishes them but we have another friend who is a computer whiz and photo shopped the vent off of her in 2 photos, those 2 photos are what she has displayed in her home.  She has the photos of her on the vent and the few photos they took of various family members holding her after she died in a photo album and only a hand full of us have seen that one it is kept in my friends nightstand while other family albums are displayed on a book shelf.

I am heartbroken for your friend - but also so glad she's able to have photos to cherish. 

[VeryNikeSeamstress]

Like clockwork, some clickbait tabloid has an article about fans speculating whether Jessa is pregnant based on photos from the ugly sweater party. Thank you good people of FJ for not contributing to that 'fan' speculation. I guess this lull in Duggar pregnancies is reminding us all not to make assumptions based on how somebody's body looks.

I'm sure somebody will announce something around Xmas. If the mom to be is petite and carrying small/not showing, I wonder if they'll hold out on the announcement longer just to be splashy when the new season begins (I'm guessing that will be in January).

[Duggarite]

8 hours ago, Sullie06 said:

I’m always shocked to see how far medical advancements have come. My older sister was a micro-premie when she was born in July 1981 at just under 25 weeks. She was 1lbs 5oz and survived for 2 days. My Mom always said the NIcU was very strict on visitors too and she didn’t want to leave so my Dad has to keep leaving so the family could see Carolyn. She said now she feels bad that he had to keep leaving during her short life. Crazy to think she could have survived if born today or even a decade ago.

So sorry for your family loss.

[watchdog]

I noticed several folks responded after my comment the other day about being an only child and what that was like for me, and while no one addressed me personally, I think I inadvertently offended some by my rather limited remark.  I wrote:
 

Quote

A part of me will always be empty for not having the chance to have one or more siblings.  I know a lot of people who are not close to their siblings, in some cases to the point of not even speaking to them, so at least I didn't have to deal with a situation like that.  I just want to kick them and say, "Y'all don't appreciate what you have.  Get it together and work out your differences while you still have time!"

I just want to clarify for anyone who may have thought I was dismissing ALL estranged siblings as being nothing more than "petty."  I was thinking only of people I know personally who cut ties w/ their sibling(s) over things that, the way they put it, truly seem(ed) petty to me.  In NO WAY would I EVER suggest anyone even try to maintain a relationship w/ someone, sibling or otherwise, who abused you in any way!  Josh Duggar is a good example.  I'm afraid I could not have exhibited nearly as much "grace" towards him, or their parents for letting it continue to happen, as his sisters apparently have.

After thinking about it some more, I realize I have no way of knowing if even the people I was thinking about cut ties w/ their siblings over the reasons they've stated.  For all I know they could just be using what IMO was some petty reason (e.g. "You were always mom's favorite!") to cover for what may have really been sexual or other serious abuse.  Often victims of sexual abuse, particularly men, it seems, sometimes don't speak about it to anyone for decades, if they ever do.  Sadly, some carry the "dirty family secret" to their graves and never seek out much-needed help that may have helped them better cope.  It should go w/o even saying, but if abuse was involved (thinking sexual, in particular), I would hope victims would be strong enough to do whatever it takes to warn/protect others if the abuser is still living & capable of abusing.  I can't imagine the burden so many people carry.

I hope this didn't make my earlier remarks any more offensive to anyone.  I'm not trying to make excuses for anything I said... based strictly upon the cases I know, what I said was accurate.  It just wasn't taking into account the bigger picture when I wrote what I wrote.  My apologies to anyone who thought I was dismissing your own situations as "petty" or in any way not worthy of every bit of wrath your abusers deserve.

[AliceInFundyland]

When I quit speaking to my father I lost my brother. 

We have no cousins on that side. The burden of grandparent care and paternal management fell to him and I was only to say goodbye in a phone call. (That was devastating. I adored them.)

For a few years he would barely acknowledge me. Now, we are cordial and gifting on occasion. We also live on opposite sides of the country. But we don’t talk.

I have no idea what will happen when Dad passes. He has funding, and my stepmom.....I have no illusions of sudden reconciliation.

Bigger thing. Mom is still beloved by both of us. Her situation is much more financially unstable. What do we do if something happens? Can we effectively problem solve and communicate? I have no idea.

[xenobia]

The Duggars celebrated Josie and Jordyns birthdays at Pizza Hut in Honduras. (Img from their official FB-page. More pics there as well). What can I say.. Michelle looks really good! 

[SassyPants]

15 minutes ago, xenobia said:

The Duggars celebrated Josie and Jordyns birthdays at Pizza Hut in Honduras. (Img from their official FB-page. More pics there as well). What can I say.. Michelle looks really good! 

Michelle is a special specimen. She really is. 

[Maggie Mae]

16 minutes ago, xenobia said:

The Duggars celebrated Josie and Jordyns birthdays at Pizza Hut in Honduras. (Img from their official FB-page. More pics there as well). What can I say.. Michelle looks really good! 

Where are the other 7 kids who still live at home? 

[VelociRapture]

23 minutes ago, Maggie Mae said:

Where are the other 7 kids who still live at home? 

Maybe they took a special birthday photo with just Josie while the others waited off camera a second or two?