Duggars by the Dozen 35: Five Months with no Pregnant Duggars. How much longer will it last?

[feministxtian]

3 hours ago, melon said:

I have said this before but my MIL told me,after I had my first child,that I should consider sterilization.I was appalled and thought it was none of her business.

My own mother told me I should have 2 and stop...MIL, grandmother all agreed.Again,I figured it was none of their business.

When first X and I announced I was pregnant with #1 son, the mother asked me If it was too late to have an abortion. She didn't know I was pregnant with #2 son until just before he was born (lived 800 miles away at the time). She thought it was positively grand that I had to have a hysterectomy at 27...

 

[jqlgoblue]

I think the benefit of Jill, Jessa & Jinger marrying outside of the cult is that the husbands are a) ok with not using nfp to have more kids and b) are likely ok with nfp to space. I actually also think Austin is very practical. I think that makes it easy for the Duggar girls to go along with it b/c their headship wants this. Given the guy would have to be ok with abstaining for nfp to work, they may all have 'lucked out' in this capacity (if not others). I'm not sure any of them want as many kids as their parents except Jill, though I'd guess if asked most would say something like 5-10.

I am sort of surprised Jill hasn't had an 'oopsie' though b/c she seems like she'd want to be the one who has the most babies but maybe between Derick being emo, their relative instability w/ central america and health scares, and the unwanted c-sections, she has submitted. Even with 2 year spacing she could easily get to 10.

I agree all the wives of Duggar men are all in on the as many as possible but their fertility is not likely as high as the Duggars. Most of them came from ~8 kids so seems to me they're unlikely to match Duggar numbers. 

Still, if the Duggar kids only average 8 kids... that's ~150 grandkids for JB and J'chelle. 

[singsingsing]

It's definitely not outrageous to assume that some of them might be using NFP at this point, but we actually don't know. And we'll never know unless they come out and say it. Even Jeremy and Jinger could be 'leaving it up to God' and just were (un)lucky enough to not conceive for a few months after marriage. 

[albanuadh_1]

Any word on when the next season is?

[Iamtheway]

7 hours ago, VelociRapture said:

 I usually just mention something about how we aren’t sure or how we need to optimize my health before making that decision because I don’t really want to get into details. 

My standard answer to all child related questions during our struggle with infertility was that we didn’t think we wanted kids. 

Considering my standard answer to questions about #2 is saying I don’t think I want an other one people probably think we’re having trouble again. This time it’s true though. 

Once we had Miniway we’ve been very open with our infertility issues and I actually don’t get that many questions about siblings even though he’ll be five in the beginning of next year. 

[AtlanticTug]

11 hours ago, singsingsing said:

What is wrong with people? Why would you ever ask a question like that? Yes, there could be fertility issues, but did it not even occur to them that some people only want one child? Or no children?

My friend, when pregnant with twins, was asked, "are they real or IVF?"

[HarryPotterFan]

36 minutes ago, AtlanticTug said:

My friend, when pregnant with twins, was asked, "are they real or IVF?"

Good to know IVF babies aren’t human /s

[SapphireSlytherin]

46 minutes ago, AtlanticTug said:

My friend, when pregnant with twins, was asked, "are they real or IVF?"

*Memorex

Showing my age.

Same for people with identical twins or triplets - people don't understand the identical thing. Basic biology, y'all.

[SamiKatz]

My niece has struggled to have children and has had several miscarriages in the last three years, all of which required time off of work so everyone there was and  is aware of her issues.  In the past month, one of her co-workers said to her "what is your legacy if you don't have children?".  And then said that Oprah Winfrey would leave no legacy in the world as she has not had children.

People are so crazy about  the topic.  From a biological level having children leaves a legacy in the world, but to say that not having children means you will not leave one (and saying that to a woman you know is struggling to have kids is horrible).

[HereticHick]

To add to the "what not to say" list-- if someone has one (or more) daughters, don't ask if or when they are trying for a son, or suggest they need to do so. And vice versa.

[fluffernutter]

I was 20 when my husband and I got pregnant with our first. My snotty sil apparently thought that was too young so she constantly snarked. A particularly nasty one out of her mouth was on our daughter's first birthday- my husband was video-taping the guests and asked them for some wise words for our daughter. Sil said don't be like your parents. Wear a condom. Then when I got pregnant with #2 she said wow are you trying to be a welfare mom? Which didn't make sense because we had insurance both times and my husband was working for NASA with our 2nd baby! Then, my final pregnancy, she sighed and said another one? Really? She's something special. 

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

1 hour ago, SamiKatz said:

My niece has struggled to have children and has had several miscarriages in the last three years, all of which required time off of work so everyone there was and  is aware of her issues.  In the past month, one of her co-workers said to her "what is your legacy if you don't have children?".  And then said that Oprah Winfrey would leave no legacy in the world as she has not had children.

People are so crazy about  the topic.  From a biological level having children leaves a legacy in the world, but to say that not having children means you will not leave one (and saying that to a woman you know is struggling to have kids is horrible).

I wish I worked with your niece, I'd give that coworker an earful. What a stupid hateful cow. I'm all ragey at her for your niece!   

[VelociRapture]

2 hours ago, SamiKatz said:

My niece has struggled to have children and has had several miscarriages in the last three years, all of which required time off of work so everyone there was and  is aware of her issues.  In the past month, one of her co-workers said to her "what is your legacy if you don't have children?".  And then said that Oprah Winfrey would leave no legacy in the world as she has not had children.

People are so crazy about  the topic.  From a biological level having children leaves a legacy in the world, but to say that not having children means you will not leave one (and saying that to a woman you know is struggling to have kids is horrible).

Three questions:

1. Did your niece strangle this asshole half to death? I feel like it would have been well earned. 

2. If so, did she get away with it?

3. If not, how did she manage not to strangle them? Also, can she teach me that level of restraint? 

(Ok, so actually four questions. Lol!)

[VineHeart137]

2 hours ago, HereticHick said:

To add to the "what not to say" list-- if someone has one (or more) daughters, don't ask if or when they are trying for a son, or suggest they need to do so. And vice versa.

Yup! We have two daughters. People ask if we're planning to have more (mind you, our youngest is only 6 months old), and I say most likely not. Without fail I get some variant of "But don't you want to try for the boy?" "Your husband needs a son!" I don't get it. If anyone has suggestions for clever comebacks I'm all ears!

2 hours ago, fluffernutter said:

I was 20 when my husband and I got pregnant with our first. My snotty sil apparently thought that was too young so she constantly snarked. A particularly nasty one out of her mouth was on our daughter's first birthday- my husband was video-taping the guests and asked them for some wise words for our daughter. Sil said don't be like your parents. Wear a condom. Then when I got pregnant with #2 she said wow are you trying to be a welfare mom? Which didn't make sense because we had insurance both times and my husband was working for NASA with our 2nd baby! Then, my final pregnancy, she sighed and said another one? Really? She's something special. 

You are a better woman than I, I've cut people off for less. Why do people have to be so ugly??

[SapphireSlytherin]

11 minutes ago, VineHeart137 said:

If anyone has suggestions for clever comebacks I'm all ears!

1. Why is this any of your business?

2. Why do you presume to know what my husband needs?

3. I'll forgive you for asking if you forgive me for not answering.

 

I hate people. 

[singsingsing]

I feel like with questions like those, sometimes the best response is to just look at them and say, “What?” Like you’re sure you must have misheard or misunderstood. And every time they repeat the question just say, “What?” 

[fluffernutter]

My problem, and I think the problem of many, is that when someone says something out of line and hurtful, I am so dumbfounded I have no idea how to respond in the moment. Then I kick myself forever afterwards.

 

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

3 minutes ago, SapphireSlytherin said:

1. Why is this any of your business?

2. Why do you presume to know what my husband needs?

3. I'll forgive you for asking if you forgive me for not answering.

 

I hate people. 

 1. What is wrong with my daughters?

2.  What is your obsession with little boys?

3. My family planning is not planned on public opinion.

4. Why would you ask that? What concern is it to you?  Would you like me to ask you why you had  X number of children, and why didn't you stop or start sooner after X many boys/girls?

[SamiKatz]

1 hour ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

I wish I worked with your niece, I'd give that coworker an earful. What a stupid hateful cow. I'm all ragey at her for your niece!   

 

1 hour ago, VelociRapture said:

Three questions:

1. Did your niece strangle this asshole half to death? I feel like it would have been well earned. 

2. If so, did she get away with it?

3. If not, how did she manage not to strangle them? Also, can she teach me that level of restraint? 

(Ok, so actually four questions. Lol!)

I think my niece was so surprised, taken aback and hurt by the comment, she didn't say anything.  She told a group of us at a recent gathering and you could tell it really bothered  her.  Other people that work with my niece (and this woman), were there though and they were outraged/angry as well, so hopefully someone said something to her.

Seriously, a child is A legacy you leave in the world, but they are not your only one and if I was this woman, I'd be giving some serious thought to what I was actually leaving behind me other than real assholery.

[HarryPotterFan]

26 minutes ago, VineHeart137 said:

Yup! We have two daughters. People ask if we're planning to have more (mind you, our youngest is only 6 months old), and I say most likely not. Without fail I get some variant of "But don't you want to try for the boy?" "Your husband needs a son!" I don't get it. If anyone has suggestions for clever comebacks I'm all ears!

You are a better woman than I, I've cut people off for less. Why do people have to be so ugly??

Keep asking questions about why you need a son until they see how ridiculous/sexist they are? “Why does my husband need a son? Why can’t he teach his daughters to throw a ball/do other stereotypical boy activity? Why do you need to have the same genitalia as your child to have a bond?”

[EyesOpen]

3 hours ago, HereticHick said:

To add to the "what not to say" list-- if someone has one (or more) daughters, don't ask if or when they are trying for a son, or suggest they need to do so. And vice versa.

I was very chill and really didn’t care what stupid stuff people said to me. I even let strangers rub my belly (they do that FYI...)... but the one thing that boiled my blood is when we got pregnant with number 3, everyone said ‘*wink* trying for that girl, huh?’

drove me mad! 

1) don’t say trying it makes it sound like you’re talking about my sex life thats weird

2) my boys are amazing. They were not disappointments in anyway because they had penises.

3) we had a third baby because we wanted a third child. Period. 

As it happens, we did have a daughter last but we were more than happy with whatever we got and she is not any sort of ‘reward’ for having my wonderful boys first... people have also said that.

argh.

 

[HarryPotterFan]

Now I’m thinking about how much shit Mrs. Weasley must have gotten when her 7th and final child was her only girl.

“Took you a long time to get that girl, eh?” asked the wizard in the pub.

”I bet you’re glad you finally got that girl/ can stop having more kids!”

“Oooh, finally got that girl you were trying for?” asked the nosy witch as Mrs. Weasley tried to do her shopping in Diagon Alley. 

I can just see her with baby Ginny in a papoose and struggling with Ron, Fred, and George on those kiddie leashes (because you would definitely need one with those two and you can’t have toddler Ron waddling off). Then young Bill and Charlie would ask, “What does trying for another baby mean? How do babies get made? Will we learn about that at Hogwarts? Sometimes we hear strange noises coming from mum and dad’s room. We think our ghoul escaped the attic got down there.” Then Mrs. Weasley would turn bright red and hurry to leave. And Percy would say something obnoxious. 

Someone needs to draw this. Maybe me but I can’t at the moment. 

Edit: Mrs. Weasley should totally have a Cerberus kiddie leash. Like the leash is attached to a dog hoodie or something. This is more fun to think about than work.

[karen77]

57 minutes ago, VineHeart137 said:

Yup! We have two daughters. People ask if we're planning to have more (mind you, our youngest is only 6 months old), and I say most likely not. Without fail I get some variant of "But don't you want to try for the boy?" "Your husband needs a son!" I don't get it. If anyone has suggestions for clever comebacks I'm all ears!

You are a better woman than I, I've cut people off for less. Why do people have to be so ugly??

Just tell them that you'd like to keep the area around your toilet clean, so girls work better for that! (Trust me, little boys and the toilet seat, eek!!!!)

[AtlanticTug]

40 minutes ago, singsingsing said:

I feel like with questions like those, sometimes the best response is to just look at them and say, “What?” Like you’re sure you must have misheard or misunderstood. And every time they repeat the question just say, “What?” 

I regularly saw a fertility therapist when we were struggling (5 IVFs, 6 miscarriages, 2 kids in the end) and she said this was the recommended response, or some variation of it. Either a "What?" or "Did you really mean to ask X? or "What do you mean?"

[twoandthrough]

2 hours ago, VineHeart137 said:

Yup! We have two daughters. People ask if we're planning to have more (mind you, our youngest is only 6 months old), and I say most likely not. Without fail I get some variant of "But don't you want to try for the boy?" "Your husband needs a son!" I don't get it. If anyone has suggestions for clever comebacks I'm all ears!

We get that too. We have two girls, 3 and 1. We get asked ALL the time when we're trying for a boy because my husband *NEEDS* a son. 

 

A) No, he doesn't. He's a great girl dad, and he embraces it.

B ) Even if we did want a third, there's still a 50/50 chance it would be another girl...

C) His profession (fighter pilot) is notoriously known for having far more daughters than sons... something to do with the radar in the jets.

D) Get out of our reproductive life.

E) When people say, "don't YOU want to GIVE your husband a son?" NO. Because guess what?! The man actually "decides" what the sex of a baby is, not the woman... basic biology. I will ALWAYS contribute an X chromosome. It's up to him to give another X or a Y! ?

F) I had two extremely difficult pregnancies. We don't live near family, and my husband is busy with work ALL THE TIME. I couldn't possibly do this again, even if we wanted to.

G) He already had a vasectomy... so nope... not gonna happen!

Okay, sorry for the novel. This is a topic that REALLY grinds my gears.