Duggars by the Dozen 35: Five Months with no Pregnant Duggars. How much longer will it last?

[sleepy_doggos]

Michelle looks really good for a mother of 19. Enviable genes. However I've been worried about her posture for a while now. She looks really hunched over at the shoulders. Doesn't bode well for her back. Not sure if she's just turned into a big sloucher or if there is something going on, but I kind of want to send her to a good physio.

Michelle has already been to PT for unknown reasons. On a calendar they posted, Michelle's 6am time was blocked off for her PT exercises (didn't screenshot, sorry). She also is always seen wearing orthopedic shoes, although that's circumstantial. I think bearing that many children has been harder on her body than she openly admits, because it would 'weaken her testimony'.

 

ETA: https://www.bones.nih.gov/health-info/bone/bone-health/pregnancy

If mothers aren't supplementing carefully, pregnancy and breastfeeding can result in bone loss. The article says bone mineral density recovers entirely by a year after weaning, but all you experts in Michelle's fertility, would you say she ever really wasn't BF or pregnant during her adult life? She could have serious bone loss.

 

 

[AtlanticTug]

5 hours ago, singsingsing said:

AND I wonder, if any of the second gen are using some method of family planning, when and how they came to that decision, how they justify it to themselves, and how difficult it was for them. Has it meant shifting any of their religious or social beliefs? Did they get encouragement? Does their current church say family planning is okay, do they have friends who are doing it? 

If I were a guessing woman, Jinger would be the most obvious choice for birth control and I also see it as something that Jeremy may advocate for, in some form, even if as simple as NFP. With the others it's a bit hard to tell because they all uniformly got pregnant right away (leaving aside Lauren and Abbie since we can't conclude either way yet). Joy, Jessa, Kendra, Jill and Anna were all pregnant instantly or within 3-4 months of their wedding. But aside from Henry, there were no subsequent children conceived super quickly. 

[Coconut Flan]

Neither Jeremy's or Derick's churches prohibit using birth control so there would be nothing wrong with them and their wives using it.  I'm guessing that there have been some sibling discussions about the issue.

[Audrey2]

23 minutes ago, Coconut Flan said:

I think the age 10 rule is the SOS rule for being able to participate.

But Josie is a very mature just turned 9, and besides, 9 is practically 10.

[Don'tlikekoolaid]

There have never been rules for the miracle child.

[lumpentheologie]

As far as we know, Jessa has gone the longest without being pregnant, at 22 months and counting since Henry was born.  I wouldn't be surprised if Ben has made his peace with some spacing, especially given that he's only 23 and already has two kids. 

Jill went about 19 months between when Israel was born and she got pregnant with Sam. Sam is now 17 months. I think she's preventing until 18 months post-section. 

Anna has gone for more than a year without being pregnant between each child so far.  I don't think she's preventing. 

Jinger wasn't pregnant for the first year of her marriage.  I lean towards her and Jeremy preventing during that time. 

It's been almost 10 months since Gideon's birth, and Joy said she wasn't pregnant around Thanksgiving.  Too early to guess whether she's preventing or not. 

Kendra had Garret 6 months ago, with no announcement yet, but I don't think they'll prevent. 

Lauren has been married for 5 and a half months, with no announcement yet. 

Abbie has been married for 6 weeks.  Still very early for an announcement.  

I think it's a lot more likely the Duggar daughters are preventing than the female in-laws are. Of the Duggar sons, I think Josiah would be the most willing to prevent in the near future. Although I could see JD or Joe insisting on spacing if it's a matter of their wife's health. And if Anna has any complications going forward, Turd could certainly seize on that as a reason to stop, since I sincerely doubt he wants more kids. 

 

 

[neurogirl]

How long has it been since a Duggar and/or Bates pregnancy announcement? 

Regarding only children- I am one and once I got to be school-aged, didn't like it. I always wanted siblings and I let it be known. However, once I pushed it too far and my mom had tears in her eyes telling me that it wasn't her plan either for me to be an only child. They had two miscarriages after my 2-month premature birth, and decided to stop trying. I of course felt horrible. 

But it can be lonely. I think it has to do with life situation of course. My parents are both introverts and lived away from extended family, so while I had friends, I didn't always have children in the house with me and I would've liked more of that. Lots of playing board games by myself. I do have a very creative spirit now though! 

My husband has 3 siblings and they are close and happy. His mom stayed at home though, which is not my plan, so while we would love a big family, we will have to see what's manageable. Unless something very drastic happens in the future though, we are dead-set on 2+ kids, through reproductive assistance and/or adoption if necessary. I've just always known and I really didn't like being an only child. 

But, people with only children (definitely or considering)! I know lots of really happy only children. Especially the ones that were allowed to have friends over a lot so they had the fun and interaction without having to share resources. AND whose parents weren't overbearing in the adolescent years like mine were. Then too much attention is bad. So don't get too scared reading everyone's accounts. Some people get really lucky with multiple children, but others don't, and if you have a happy family of 3 (or 2!), I think it's better to keep it that way.

[singsingsing]

1 hour ago, neurogirl said:

How long has it been since a Duggar and/or Bates pregnancy announcement?

Not sure about the Bateses, but Jinger announced her pregnancy on January 3rd. So it's coming up on a year for the Duggars.

[VelociRapture]

1 hour ago, singsingsing said:

Not sure about the Bateses, but Jinger announced her pregnancy on January 3rd. So it's coming up on a year for the Duggars.

Tori and Bobby announced in early May. Kade is now a month old:

 

[marmalade]

9 hours ago, Coconut Flan said:

I think the age 10 rule is the SOS rule for being able to participate.

It is. And I am sure Schadt bent the rules for the Duggars this year. 

[SorenaJ]

At 5 months now, with no pregnant Duggars. 

[RosyDaisy]

I hope it stays that way. No more children born into this evil cult is a good thing. No child deserves that. And, I hope the existing children rebel and leave the cult and their parents.

[ophelia]

20 hours ago, Botkinetti said:

Having said that perhaps the family is just waiting to release a picture of some or all of their daughters and daughters-in law pregnant.

We'll might have to wait some years, but at some point in the future there will be a picture with at least 6-7 Duggar women pregnant. Counting the married daughters and the in-laws.

Who do you think is drenched the most in the kool aid and will actively try to have a huge number of children?

[BookwormExtraordinaire]

Personally, I think it’s way to early to make any guesses to whether or not any of the married couples are using some sort of BC, the exception being Josh and Anna who have been married for ten years and have an established pattern with a new kid every 2-2.5 years. 

None of the others have more than two children and Jill who was the first of them to get married has been married for less than five years. There are so many things that affect fertility and child spacing, and there just isn’t enough data to draw any conclusions. 

We have to keep in mind that Michelle Duggar and Kelly Bates are not really normal in terms of fertility, most people do not pop out a new kid every year. Many QF families have 2-3 years between their children even if they don’t use BC, just look at the Caldwells and the Swansons, or the Wallers and the Kellers.

That being said, it’s not impossible that some of them have used some sort of protection, probably NFP if that’s the case, and I actually think Jill and Derick are the most likely candidates considering the c-sections and the spacing between their kids.

[nastyhobbitses]

Re only children: my biggest cultural faux pas I've ever made is and probably will always remain the time I was trying to make small talk with some Chinese exchange students at my high school my freshman year, and without thinking I asked "so...do you have any brothers or sisters?" 

Foot, meet mouth. Get well acquainted. 

[SapphireSlytherin]

10 minutes ago, nastyhobbitses said:

Re only children: my biggest cultural faux pas I've ever made is and probably will always remain the time I was trying to make small talk with some Chinese exchange students at my high school my freshman year, and without thinking I asked "so...do you have any brothers or sisters?" 

Foot, meet mouth. Get well acquainted. 

I'm an only, and so was my mom. I have an only, and that's not from lack of trying - I had an ectopic pregnancy and two miscarriages after I had my daughter before I realized that I would likely literally go insane if I had to deal with losing another baby. So I had my tubes tied at 28, followed by a hysterectomy at 33 due to endometriosis, hemorrhaging, and massive fibroids.

Probably the worst thing ANYONE can ask a woman who has a singleton is "When are you having another?" because you don't know that she hasn't been trying, unsuccessfully, to have another child. 

It hurts. It cuts to the quick. 

[TheMustardCardigan]

Regarding questions that hurt feelings or just make you go "wtf:"

One thing I've realized is that when you make some kind of big life move, people naturally seem to respond to it with a question about what's next. I think for the most part they're trying to make conversation, like they don't know what to say and a question is a good way to a) say something relevant and b) show that they're interested in the news you've just shared.

Since getting engaged a couple weeks ago, I can't tell you how many people have said "So when's the date for the wedding?!" Maybe some people already have a date picked out this early, but I definitely haven't. I also feel like you don't have a real date until you have a venue, but that's another thing. Anyway, I've been a little taken aback when people ask this because I'm just like, "Uhhhh I have no idea." After a couple times of this happening I started to say "Probably next winter, like a year-ish from now." When people think for more than a second about it I think they realize that someone who got engaged a week ago likely can't respond with "Oh, totally November 12!" It's not a hurtful question and I don't feel pressured by it, it's just puzzling.

There are hurtful versions of this type of question but I believe they're just as unintentional and have the same motivation I've explained above. When someone gets married the question is "When are you having babies," when they have one baby it's "When will the next little one be coming along?" I think people mean well but just don't realize these questions could make someone feel bad.

[ihaveanexamintwodays]

22 hours ago, lumpentheologie said:

As far as we know, Jessa has gone the longest without being pregnant, at 22 months and counting since Henry was born.  I wouldn't be surprised if Ben has made his peace with some spacing, especially given that he's only 23 and already has two kids. 

Jill went about 19 months between when Israel was born and she got pregnant with Sam. Sam is now 17 months. I think she's preventing until 18 months post-section. 

Anna has gone for more than a year without being pregnant between each child so far.  I don't think she's preventing. 

Jinger wasn't pregnant for the first year of her marriage.  I lean towards her and Jeremy preventing during that time. 

It's been almost 10 months since Gideon's birth, and Joy said she wasn't pregnant around Thanksgiving.  Too early to guess whether she's preventing or not. 

Kendra had Garret 6 months ago, with no announcement yet, but I don't think they'll prevent. 

Lauren has been married for 5 and a half months, with no announcement yet. 

Abbie has been married for 6 weeks.  Still very early for an announcement.  

I think it's a lot more likely the Duggar daughters are preventing than the female in-laws are. Of the Duggar sons, I think Josiah would be the most willing to prevent in the near future. Although I could see JD or Joe insisting on spacing if it's a matter of their wife's health. And if Anna has any complications going forward, Turd could certainly seize on that as a reason to stop, since I sincerely doubt he wants more kids. 

I agree with these guesses (Anna went <1y between after Mack, but not by much - though I can't remember if her 1 miscarriage was before Mikey or Marcus). She and Pris both seem to space naturally at every 2y....though a part of me always wonders if that's also bc Josh and David respectively aren't as interested in their wives. 

I'm like 90% certain both Jinger and Jessa have chosen NFP, and that Jill has been forced to by her first two labors (otherwise would've gone full QF lol).  I think SiRen may be trying to legitimately take a "year off" to focus on each other....maybe they actually have some self-awareness and subconsciously realized they need it. 

JoKen will have babies for as long as they can. Christina Caldwell said in Garrett's birth special that she was "hoping for a couple more" before she got pregnant with newest-boy-Caldwell and she's 40; I imagine Kendra will be of similar mindset unless given a reason otherwise. 

I know most people are expecting the next GrandDuggar annoucement this month or next - I am too - but I do think it's possible we make it a full year before the next GrandDuggar birth (aka between Felicity and her next cousin). That hasn't happened since Izzy was born O.o

[singsingsing]

3 hours ago, ihaveanexamintwodays said:

though I can't remember if her 1 miscarriage was before Mikey or Marcus).

It was between Mack and Mike, and she was due in February, though she did conceive again fairly quickly because she had Michael in June.

[Meggo]

20 hours ago, TheMustardCardigan said:

 

There are hurtful versions of this type of question but I believe they're just as unintentional and have the same motivation I've explained above. When someone gets married the question is "When are you having babies," when they have one baby it's "When will the next little one be coming along?" I think people mean well but just don't realize these questions could make someone feel bad.

I watched this dawn on someone AS they asked. “How is it you have been married for 16 years and have ONLY one five year old... unless there was some fertility issues-oh god there probably were and I have just stepped in it and it’s none of my business...”

[singsingsing]

5 minutes ago, Meggo said:

I watched this dawn on someone AS they asked. “How is it you have been married for 16 years and have ONLY one five year old... unless there was some fertility issues-oh god there probably were and I have just stepped in it and it’s none of my business...”

What is wrong with people? Why would you ever ask a question like that? Yes, there could be fertility issues, but did it not even occur to them that some people only want one child? Or no children?

[melon]

My oldest son dated a girl in high school for 4 years.I got to know her mother,she was always very pleasant.

She mentioned our age difference.As I said before,I was a young mother.She was 18 years older,I was 2 when she got married.

She also told me,without going into all the details,that she was married for 13 years before she got pregnant.She did not know why,but said she had thought they might not ever have any children.She did have 2 girls.

I have said this before but my MIL told me,after I had my first child,that I should consider sterilization.I was appalled and thought it was none of her business.

My own mother told me I should have 2 and stop...MIL, grandmother all agreed.Again,I figured it was none of their business.

My MIL would tell me how my SIL and my BIL decided that 2 children was enough and all they could afford etc.

That wasn't the full truth.My SIL said it was because she had a terrible birth experience with her second child.She later regretted her decision to have her tubal ligation,and even looked into having it reversed but she said it was very expensive.

[VelociRapture]

About uncomfortable pregnancy questions, a short guideline based off my life -

1. Don’t ask the Bride when she’ll have kids in the middle of her wedding reception. I was asked this by two separate people and was nice enough to make a joke out of it both times*, but don’t expect everyone to do that. Just congratulate the couple and enjoy the refreshments. 

2. Please be careful what you ask or say. I had people telling me I’d be a great mom right after I experienced a miscarriage. They had no clue and it was said with the best of intentions, but it only wound up reminding me of what I had just lost and it honestly crushed me. 

3. Maybe don’t ask someone who had a difficult time during their previous pregnancy if they’re having more. My uncle asked me this over the summer at my grandparents’ Anniversary party. I didn’t really feel like explaining about how I had just started being treated for Hypothyroidism  and I also didn’t want to get emotional in public, so I opted to say something about how tough a time we had to even have our daughter and we weren’t sure. That was completely true and I’m glad he realized he should drop the topic immediately, but still.  

This has happened a few times more recently due to one of our friends. She and her husband are hoping to conceive their first this summer, so the topic comes up a lot as my husband and I have experience in this area. She’s asked multiple times if we’ll have more though and that does make me pretty uncomfortable to be honest. My husband and I would like to have another child, but we’re actually kind of scared due to our prior experiences and there are times where we feel nervous about whether we can actually handle having two kids and a dog. I usually just mention something about how we aren’t sure or how we need to optimize my health before making that decision because I don’t really want to get into details. 

Oh! And bonus mention:

4. Maybe don’t mention that you’re scared of pregnancy because you don’t want to get fat when you’re taking to a pregnant woman. My former best friend (former for unrelated reasons) did this twice that I know of - once to my then 5 months pregnant sister and then again to me the last time I saw her when I was in my second trimester. I understood why she was nervous about that and didn’t hold it against her, but seriously... just don’t. 

I understand that most people mean well, but I’d suggest people just proceed with caution. You can’t know for sure what another person is dealing with and the subject of whether someone wants to be a parent or not can be a very emotional and personal topic for some people. 

*The joke was to very seriously look them in the eye and say we were leaving it up to God. It’s funny because offline I’m pretty obviously not a religious person. Made my point in a nice way and allowed everyone to laugh their way out of an uncomfortable conversation. The Duggars and Bates we’re finally useful to me. 

[HarryPotterFan]

2 hours ago, Meggo said:

I watched this dawn on someone AS they asked. “How is it you have been married for 16 years and have ONLY one five year old... unless there was some fertility issues-oh god there probably were and I have just stepped in it and it’s none of my business...”

Wow. I have a friend who posted on Facebook about this type of thing. They’re LDS, and the community just expects them to have tons of kids. They posted about how much that hurts since they’d been struggling with fertility. And being asked about when they are having another while holding a newborn. 

[Ali]

2 hours ago, VelociRapture said:

I had people telling me I’d be a great mom right after I experienced a miscarriage. They had no clue and it was said with the best of intentions, but it only wound up reminding me of what I had just lost and it honestly crushed me. 

I would add not informing someone they are lucky to not have kids yet. It is possible that the person recently experienced a miscarriage, is struggling to get pregnant, or cannot have kids.