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Duggars by the Dozen 35: Five Months with no Pregnant Duggars. How much longer will it last?


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AtlanticTug

I read somewhere once parenting young children described in this way: "the bad times outnumber the good times but don't outweigh them" and it's really true. I think that a lot of us are prepared (or as prepared as you can get before actually living through it) for the demands of young babies. You'd be hard pressed to find somebody totally ignorant about the fact that they will be up at all hours of the night, that sleep will be hard to come by in the first months, that you'll travel less and go out less, etc. Of course you don't understand the degree of these things but at least you can see them coming to some extent. But I think what really knocked the wind out of me is that the toddler and child years are so hard. I naively didn't really think much about that, it was like over preparation for the baby and then a lot of thought to schools and where we should buy a house to send them to the best school, saving for college, etc. And the baby turns 1, then 2, then 3, then 4 and you expect to be less tired or get more sleep or know what you're doing but somehow none of those things really happen. It's part of why these posts like Jinger's about how awesome motherhood is all the time are eyeroll worthy to me. That's really some cognitive dissonance right there.

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snickers34

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HarryPotterFan
50 minutes ago, feministxtian said:

Parenting is HARD!! You're dealing with a small-sized human who can't talk 

As one of my friends said, little kids are still learning how to human. They’re still learning about emotions, experiencing emotions for the first time, and don’t understand their emotions or how to express them. So then all they know how to do is have a tantrum.

She just had her second baby. She said she thinks the toddler is jealous of the baby, but doesn’t know what emotion she is feeling. The toddler is possessive her parents and grandparents. She wants to be held by whomever is holding the baby. “MY mommy! MY daddy!!” But she also loves the baby and is possessive of her. “MY baby.” I love that kid.

Edit: Now I’m wondering if it’s rude to text her, “I miss your kid.” Because I’m friends with her, not the kid :pb_lol:

Edited by HarryPotterFan
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feministxtian
5 minutes ago, AtlanticTug said:

And the baby turns 1, then 2, then 3, then 4 and you expect to be less tired or get more sleep or know what you're doing but somehow none of those things really happen.

I'm 54, my kids are 36, 31 and 28. I STILL don't know what I'm doing. I always thought that when you hit somewhere between 18-21 you'd magically become "an adult", have all the answers, know what to do in every situation and generally be like the parents. Dude, I STILL have no idea what I'm doing. I still would love to have someone to tell me what to do in certain situations. Like, make up my mind for me. I've discovered my adult children feel the same way. 

This whole "adult" thing is bullshit. 

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HarryPotterFan

@feministxtian When I need help with something or don’t know something and ask my parents and they don’t know I still say, “But you’re an adult!” as if that gives them some sort of infinite wisdom. When they say I’m an adult too I tell them they’re adultier than I am.

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feministxtian
5 minutes ago, HarryPotterFan said:

@feministxtian When I need help with something or don’t know something and ask my parents and they don’t know I still say, “But you’re an adult!” as if that gives them some sort of infinite wisdom. When they say I’m an adult too I tell them they’re adultier than I am.

The closest thing I have to "adult supervision" is Mr. Xtian...that can be compared to letting a couple of 2 year olds loose in a candy store. I mean, we're "responsible" and shit, the bills get paid and we both work, but beyond that...it's not pretty. Our eating habits are straight out of college, our housekeeping duties are straight out of high school "fuckitits". It'd be much better to have a real adult telling us what to eat, what to clean up and when, bitch about the socks on the bedroom floor...otherwise, that shit gets done when we're out of clean clothes and clean dishes...we're dreadful!

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SapphireSlytherin

Regarding the "bad" days:

 

I've heard (and it's true) that when you're raising your children, the minutes creep slowly by, but the years fly.

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fluffernutter
36 minutes ago, feministxtian said:

I'm 54, my kids are 36, 31 and 28. I STILL don't know what I'm doing. I always thought that when you hit somewhere between 18-21 you'd magically become "an adult", have all the answers, know what to do in every situation and generally be like the parents. Dude, I STILL have no idea what I'm doing. I still would love to have someone to tell me what to do in certain situations. Like, make up my mind for me. I've discovered my adult children feel the same way. 

This whole "adult" thing is bullshit. 

Meee too! I have three adult daughters and I have no idea how the hell to navigate. The first-born is getting married and bristles every time I open my mouth. The middle vacillates between ignoring us and calling desperate for help with stuff, and the youngest has no idea what she wants to do but doesn't want to hear jack sh*t from us. I need a parenting book for this age. 

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SapphireSlytherin
Just now, fluffernutter said:

I need a parenting book for this age. 

I'm 52 and my kid is 28. She's looking at houses to buy. I think she's insane to do this, right now, at the top of the market and with interest rates where they are. She's got her mind made up, and I'm getting an ulcer from keeping my trap shut... lol

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feministxtian
16 minutes ago, fluffernutter said:

Meee too! I have three adult daughters and I have no idea how the hell to navigate. The first-born is getting married and bristles every time I open my mouth. The middle vacillates between ignoring us and calling desperate for help with stuff, and the youngest has no idea what she wants to do but doesn't want to hear jack sh*t from us. I need a parenting book for this age. 

yeah, a book about parenting adult children would be great. My sons are more inclined to ask mom for advice than #1 girlchild. Today #1 son felt the need to discuss various things with me while I was working. #2 son wanted car repair advice. I mean, it's nice to think I'm still important to them...BUT...seriously, I'm no more mature than they are. I'm 17 in a 54 year old body. 

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HarryPotterFan

After my brother’s break-up with his ex-fiancé he picked out a Mother’s Day card that had a picture of a wide-eyed cat that said, “That feeling when you realize mom is right.” She had reservations about this girl from the beginning, but pushed those aside for my brother. So he realized she was right about her. Now every date he goes on he calls my parents.

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Glasgowghirl

People ask stupid and insensitive questions in regards to children. My sister has two sons,  aged 12 and 8, a year before she had her oldest son she miscarried twins and she had another miscarriage when my oldest nephew was one. That coupled by her waters breaking 10 weeks early with her oldest, made her glad just to have two healthy boys. She hated people saying you gonna try for a girl. 

I also know a family that had 4 daughters and two sons. One son died of SIDS the other an hour after he was born. People who didn't know this would ask the dad, did you not wish you had a son? 

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VelociRapture

Thanks everyone! Velocitoddler is usually great about bedtime, but she was overly tired yesterday. We had to do a few things when she normally naps and she ended up napping only 30 minutes. Then Dada got home as I was putting her down for the night and it was game over after that. 

The shrieking is a new thing though. She only does it when she’s pissed off - considering she’s 2 now it ends up happening a lot. I usually turn to my husband and make a joke about how I clearly did not need the steroid shot they gave me during labor to help her lungs develop. I think it may have given her super powers. :pb_lol:

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Screamapillar
1 hour ago, VelociRapture said:

The shrieking is a new thing though. She only does it when she’s pissed off - considering she’s 2 now it ends up happening a lot. 

Mine started the shrieking and yelling thing around the time she turned two. I wonder if they're realizing they can control their volume at that age because she does it for fun, like she's trying to see how loud she can be. The biggest problem is that anytime her baby brother hears her shrieking he pouts out his bottom lip and then starts crying like his heart is breaking. 

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17 hours ago, Baxter said:

I really had no experiences with little boys. I have two sisters, mostly female cousins, most of my friends growing up also only had sisters so the thought of having a boy threw me for a bit of a loop. No idea what I was going to do with a boy, lol. 

This was my parents - my mom dad both only had brothers (3 and 2, respectively), and the three grandkids already on my dad's side at that point were also boys. They both wanted a boy before I was born, because they didn't know how to deal with girls! But then my sister and I showed up. The first girls to be born in my dad's family for I think it was 3 generations! (There are now five more thanks to my sister and a cousin). On my mom's side though I have five cousins, all younger - four of them girls. And of the six kids in the next generation on that side, four are girls.

So I'm in a bit of an opposite situation than my parents, if it weren't for my nephew (middle kid and only boy*), I'd be going a bit into the great unknown with a boy. That is if we manage to have kids. Waiting for the results of our sixth and possibly final IUI (2 miscarriages) before we decide if we do IVF, non-injection IUIs, or quit. My husband and I met and got married at an older age, so that reduced the questions a lot but sometimes we get comments that really hurt, even if they were well-intentioned. The worst was over Thanksgiving with my MIL, who should have known better as my husband and his three siblings were all adopted, starting a good 15 years after his parents were married. I know it's not from a malicious place from her, but it still hurts.

*Interestingly, of the five family groups in my family with three kids, my sister is the only one who didn't have all of the same gender. 

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SassyPantswithASideofClass
14 hours ago, Daisy0322 said:

I have a 16 month old, people ask me all the time when we're having another. I usually smile and say I'd love another but not sure when. Then if they keep pushing I tell them I ve only had one period since my son has been born and if they'd like to discuss this with my 26 year old ovaries they are more than welcome. (For some reason since I'm 26 I should just be able to make eye contact and get knocked up according to some) I don't know why I'm not ovulating either and trust me it's more frustrating for me than you. Then they usually regret the conversation.

@VelociRapture parenting is hard! I feel you. From everything I've ever heard/ read you say though, it sounds like your a wonderful, caring, kind mother! So don't be too hard on yourself. I know rough bed times always make me feel guilty personally.

 

Aww your baby and mine are the same age then! Mine was born in August. :) 

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SassyPantswithASideofClass
18 hours ago, Baxter said:

Long before I was pregnant, my MIL asked me when my sister was pregnant if my parents were disappointed that she was having a girl rather than a boy. I was so taken back by the comment at the time that I just looked at her oddly and said of course they were happy she was having a girl. This was the first grandchild for my parents so my MIL obviously thought that anything but a boy would be a disappointment.

Our first child was a boy. I really had no experiences with little boys. I have two sisters, mostly female cousins, most of my friends growing up also only had sisters so the thought of having a boy threw me for a bit of a loop. No idea what I was going to do with a boy, lol. Of course, when he was born (as I logically knew would happen), I thought he was perfect and how could he be anything other than what he was. Now that I am pregnant with our second, my MIL asked me if I hoped it was a girl in front of my son which I thought was deeply inappropriate. We subsequently found out it is a girl although I felt a bit of mixed emotions about that too since my son is so lovely. Now, I just feel happy about it. I knew either way that this would be our last child, boy or girl. I hate being pregnant and two just seemed like the right number.

But I can't believe how people think that it is okay to give unsolicited comments about this stuff.

Aww I am so sorry. Hugs to you mama. I am sure your son is a delight, sounds like he is. I am sure he will be a wonderful big brother. :) Hang in there! Don't let them get to you.

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Four is Enough

@VelociRapture, I had a shrieker. He was so loud one time we got thrown out of TGIFriday. That's difficult!

He's 27 now, and still I'll hear him yelling top volume at the television when his favorite team does something bad....

 

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allthegoodnamesrgone

@Four is Enough DS wasn't a screechy child, but good lord now, he could probably rupture your ear drums when playing is stupid video games, between his asinine sound bar that must be ridiculously loud and his BOOMING voice. When we ask him to turn it down, he'll get pissy at times and say "I LITTERERALLY isn't that loud". I get all "it literally is, because I can LITTERALLY hear you in the basement" Once he said "You can't hear anything you're deaf, I said I KNOW! THAT IS HOW FUCKING LOUD YOU ARE" He learned after a week of no internet not to talk to us like that anymore. :56247958af296_32(20):

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