Lori Alexander 53: Mourning Mom ... Maybe

[ladyicantxplain]

1 hour ago, Sarah92 said:

The mending suggestion isnt that great for a number of reasons.

1. We live in a world of fast fashion. New clothing is easily purchased. Those who can afford to have things mended just buy new clothes. Those who are poor can't afford the prices for mending. It's easier to go to a thrift shop

2. Because of cheap factory clothing people don't have an appreciation for the true cost of labor for sewing and mending. It's like the people who want to pay $5 for a painting when the artist has it priced for $100. I've had people balk at the idea of paying $40 for one of my small embroidered canvases. Yeah sorry I'm paying myself for the labor I put into it. 

3. to be a good seamstress you have to have exceptional work. I don't know if one just becomes a seamstress apprentice but I could be wrong. But it sounds more like a 19th century romance novel. 

Baking and cooking for private functions means hiring help which is expensive. I've helped my dad cook for church functions, it's not something a single person should be doing alone. And it would be difficult for a young person to do and make a livable income right away. And nannying is most likely not going to provide a stable income long term. 

This isn't a romance novel where a young woman becomes a nanny to the child of a rich widower and then marries the widower.

I love your reasoning about the mending: no one pays for this anymore; it just isn't marketable.  Maybe in some Amish community somewhere remote, but not in most places.  It's out of touch with reality.   I once tried to earn money from home by doing other people's laundry, and people would not even pay for that.  It's too easy to do it yourself in most cases.  But it's late and I am rambling...back to the mending...people don't care to sew on buttons or mend anything.  Life is disposable.  The very wealthy have professional tailors, and not teenage girls doing their sewing!

Don't get me started on the nanny thing.  I have done a lot of things in my life to earn a living, and this one thing was THE HARDEST and least paid of all the careers I had.  I was a career nanny for years.  For very wealthy women and their families.  Live in  and live out.  Let me tell you: they DO NOT PAY enough for a young woman to live.  The ones who DO pay expect you to live with them, and they basically own you.  You maybe have a day or perhaps a half a day where you can be "free", but you ARE the parent to their child(ren) and it is not good.  It is very bad.  I believe there is a fictional movie about the type of control involved in nannying, particular for a wealthy family...can't seem to recall the name of the movie at this hour.  I lived that movie.  Seriously, watching that movie traumatized me but it made me realize how SICKENING  it is to ever suggest to one of my daughters that they should basically sell themselves to another couple to be paid to raise their child(ren).

I'm with you on the cooking thing, too: cooked for a "house church" once (about fifty members, but not all of them came for the food afterwards).  No one should do this alone.  Even in our old church kitchen, we had a team of at least four doing the cooking, but no one was actually paid for this work.  

I didn't want to go to college, but managed to make it through three years towards a BA in Journalism before dropping out to marry Ex-Misterladyyoucantxplain.  This whole conversation had me wondering how differently my life may have gone had I had a complete education when the divorce occurred (he was unfaithful, but I was immature).  

I did manage to own several businesses a few years after the divorce, one which was sold so I could move to the beach and raise my son.  It was amazing, so I was hardly living in abject poverty during that season.  But I kind of enjoy what Edna Mode says in "The Incredibles" when she is showing Elastagirl the new Super-suits: "Luck favors the prepared, Darling..."

 

Spoiler

 

 

 

 

 

 

[CatholicLite]

Also her last blog post was just basically quotes from other women saying that their daughters don't want to go to college and that's OK, not everyone wants to do that but, 1. it's kind of a bad article, considering all she did was copy and paste, 2. shouldn't she be grieving? her mother just died, and 3. confirmation bias isn't exactly a good way to form your opinions.

[Sarah92]

@ladyicantxplain exactly! I mean seeing and mending is an art form. Several women in my family are very talented with it but in many ways it's sadly a dying art. I'm glad to see embroidery coming back though, especially among younger women. 

Had a friend that was a nanny but she was lucky and didn't have an awful experience.

I helped my dad at church dinners quite often because volunteers magically forgot they volunteered. Hated it. I'll never look at twice baked potatoes again I made so many of them. When it came to clean up even more people disappeared, leaving my family who'd already worked hours to clean. 

Getting slightly sidetracked: if I go to a church and one of the first things they ask me to do is volunteer rather than to just join a bible study, I won't become a member. To me it signals that they're desparate for volunteers because they're current members aren't involved enough. Many churches fall prey to preying on new families for work until they're brunt out. My family cooking at church is an example. Eventually hadn't to quit because everyone wanted to eat but do none of the work.

[SuperNova]

2 hours ago, Sarah92 said:

The mending suggestion isnt that great for a number of reasons.

1. We live in a world of fast fashion. New clothing is easily purchased. Those who can afford to have things mended just buy new clothes. Those who are poor can't afford the prices for mending. It's easier to go to a thrift shop

2. Because of cheap factory clothing people don't have an appreciation for the true cost of labor for sewing and mending. It's like the people who want to pay $5 for a painting when the artist has it priced for $100. I've had people balk at the idea of paying $40 for one of my small embroidered canvases. Yeah sorry I'm paying myself for the labor I put into it. 

3. to be a good seamstress you have to have exceptional work. I don't know if one just becomes a seamstress apprentice but I could be wrong. 

I can sew pretty well and I'm often asked where I bought this skirt or that blouse. When I say I made it, the next question is do I sell it. The answer is no. I'm a slow and meticulous sewist and I have no problem spending fifty hours designing and sewing a huge chiffon gypsy skirt by hand. That's the reason why it doesn't look like the one at the store. When people hear that I wouldn't charge less than 150 dollars they back off. I dont care, I'm not giving away my art. And forget about mending. Why spend 20-30 dollars an hour having someone mend a blouse you paid 30 dollars for? 

All that to say you are correct. I could write you an essay on how much dislike I have for the fast fashion industry; the wastefulness of manufacturers and consumers alike, slave labor, and environmental issues are all huge problems. It's a delimma because its all some people can afford. I'm just as guilty as everyone else in fueling the fire. Target has the best t-shirts and tank tops ever! 

[Melissa1977]

4 hours ago, quiversR4hunting said:

give her time, give her time! 

My bet is she will be laid up in bed and may not be able to make the funeral (ala her son's wedding) and begs for prayers and a miracle happens! She can attend the funeral but not without leaning on Ken for support because she is so weak or in pain

Wait, she didn'attend his son's wedding? Aren't his sons (and daughters in law) her very favourite?

[klein_roeschen]

I'm the only one I know who will mend a small tear or a loose seam or sew up a loose button, because I can be stingy about the clothes I own because trough my teenage years and early 20s my entire wardrobe including underwear and socks would have fitt in a small suitcase. So that shaped me that as long I can repair it and you don't see that it's repaired, I will do it. But even I don't darn socks. And stitching up a loose seam or loose button is not that hard. And greater repair when you can get a new shirt for a few bucks? The same with making the clothing for your family to safe money. With the prices for fabrics, it's far cheaper to buy clothes. And professionally cooking for a large group? I don't know the rules for the US, but to do this here, you have a lot of rules about hygiene, food storage, work place safety and book ceeping for taxes. You can't put a post on facebook that you are now for hire for cooking for private functions and and are in business. That way you get in a lot of trouble fast here.

 

[cara]

Churches should financially support young women until they get married? I have an image of myself at eighteen, rocking up to my local (Irish, Catholic) church and asking the priest to throw me a few bob until I meet my prince charming. Even asking my dad such a thing would get me laughed out of the house. 

Anyway how many men out there want to marry a woman with no marketable skills, no assets and completely dependent on others for their welfare? That's a very small pool of young men nowadays. 

[klein_roeschen]

1 hour ago, cara said:

Churches should financially support young women until they get married? I have an image of myself at eighteen, rocking up to my local (Irish, Catholic) church and asking the priest to throw me a few bob until I meet my prince charming. Even asking my dad such a thing would get me laughed out of the house. 

Anyway how many men out there want to marry a woman with no marketable skills, no assets and completely dependent on others for their welfare? That's a very small pool of young men nowadays. 

So, a young woman is getting church welfare, because she is unmarried. What will happen when she didn't marry the first man who proposes to her, because of reasons? And do they expect her to help out everytime they ask her and she declines because of reasons? And again why is state welfare bad, but church welfare good? (I know, I know, churches can choose whom they support). And looking back again in history, it was the rule for working class girls to work outside the house until they married and oftentimes even after they married and had kids. Making ends meet whas more important. This SAHD movement is badshit crazy.

[Free Jana Duggar]

Oh  snap!

[Koala]

That won't last long.  She may be letting some comments slide these days, but she 100% does not want her readers to realize she vacationed her way through her mother's last days.

[quiversR4hunting]

7 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

Wait, she didn'attend his son's wedding? Aren't his sons (and daughters in law) her very favourite?

Oops, it was her daughter Cassie's wedding she almost missed.  She wrote this on the always learning blog on Thursday, January 30, 2014

Quote

Three weeks before the wedding, I got very sick.  It started with my head pain being almost unbearable.  Then my sensitive gut acted up so I sat around home all day with an ice pack on my head and a heating pad on my gut.  It was getting closer and closer to the wedding and I was not feeling any better.

A week before the wedding, I finally put out an SOS to all my family and friends that I needed prayer so I would feel good enough to go to the wedding.  As the wedding neared, I was barely having any relief.  We were told that the tumor can swell after radiation and this could be causing the pain or my hormones were going wacky from potential damage to my pituitary.  Regardless of the reason, I was thinking I would not be able to go to the wedding.

The rehearsal dinner was at my home.  Everyone knew that I was unavailable to do much to help.  When my home was filled with the bridal party, my head was throbbing.  I got a pack of ice and went up into my bedroom to ice my head.  About 15 minutes later, I came down and was able to enjoy the evening!

The next day, my head was better but my gut was still not that good.  We got ready for the wedding not knowing how long I would be able to stay.  The wedding began at 3:30 and I was able to stay until 8:30!  The only thing I missed was Ryan and Cassi getting in the car and driving away.

God had mercy upon me and I am so very thankful.  He heard the cry of the many precious people who were lifting me up in prayer.  What a wonderful celebration I was able to witness and so many friends was I able to hug.  God is so very good to me.

Here is the link to the post https://web.archive.org/web/20180816132404/http://lorialexander.blogspot.com/2014/01/the-lord-had-mercy-upon-me.html 

[AlwaysDiscerning]

Does amazon prime go to Nigeria? Seriously, someone there wants her book and they told the person go there.

[Loveday]

Quote

The rehearsal dinner was at my home.  Everyone knew that I was unavailable to do much to help.  When my home was filled with the bridal party, my head was throbbing.  I got a pack of ice and went up into my bedroom to ice my head.  About 15 minutes later, I came down and was able to enjoy the evening!

Amazing, innit, how she miraculously recovered enough to enjoy the evening just after everyone else had done all the work to get things ready and the guests had all arrived! I picture her making a grand, Norma Desmond-esque descent down the staircase, gracefully wafting her delicate arms about in greeting, as her guests all gaze up at her in awe and admiration. Bride and groom? Rehearsal dinner? Oh, there's a wedding tomorrow? Pfft. Of little consequence. It's LORI's night, don't you forget it! 

[AlwaysDiscerning]

Lol

 

[FullOfGravy]

So reading that blog post, she was so very wretchedly ill right up until all the work and preparation were done, and then she miraculously recovered.  Yep, that story sure does show the power of prayer laziness.  Seriously, my parents didn't let me get away with that shit as a child; they'd be appalled if I tried to pull it as an adult.

ETA: I see @Loveday had the same thought.

[Loveday]

4 minutes ago, AlwaysDiscerning said:

Lol

 

To paraphrase Darth Vader, I find her lack of self-awareness disturbing.

Seriously, though...what the HELL??? 

[Alisamer]

10 hours ago, Loveday said:

Darning socks! They could darn socks!

Hey, darning socks is a thing!

Hand-knit socks only, of course. If I've put 40 hours of knitting into a pair of socks, I'm going to darn them if they start to wear out - though they should last a good long time. Unlike the special bamboo fiber socks I bought that wore holes in one wearing.

But their suggestions really have no basis in reality. Take in mending? Really? I'm not great at sewing, but I will sew on a button or hem dress pants. But when the majority of my clothes these days cost less than $20, I'm not doing a lot of mending. Money's tight right now, but I'll either learn to fix things myself or spend $5 at the thrift shop to replace whatever wore out if I have to. And coming up with your own way to make enough money to survive on is very hard work... something these people seem to be opposed to. 

[Loveday]

1 minute ago, Alisamer said:

Hey, darning socks is a thing!

Hand-knit socks only, of course. If I've put 40 hours of knitting into a pair of socks, I'm going to darn them if they start to wear out - though they should last a good long time. Unlike the special bamboo fiber socks I bought that wore holes in one wearing.

But their suggestions really have no basis in reality. Take in mending? Really? I'm not great at sewing, but I will sew on a button or hem dress pants. But when the majority of my clothes these days cost less than $20, I'm not doing a lot of mending. Money's tight right now, but I'll either learn to fix things myself or spend $5 at the thrift shop to replace whatever wore out if I have to. And coming up with your own way to make enough money to survive on is very hard work... something these people seem to be opposed to. 

Oh, I know, and I totally didn't mean to diss anyone who does darn socks or mend their own clothes. I hem pants and sew on buttons myself (no darning, though, I can't even knit, so my socks are from Target! LOL). It's just the whole idea of fundies thinking their daughters can actually make a decent living mending other people's clothes that's laughable. Of course, I'm guessing they DON'T expect them to make a living, maybe that's the whole idea--keep them in a bit of pin money, maybe, but still totally dependent on Daddy til that knight on a white horse comes along like he did for Lori (who went to college, ironically, but I digress).

My own dad would have laughed his head off. And then said, 'Get a damned job.'

[louisa05]

A friend's mother has a tailoring shop across the street from the main gates of a major military base. Both of her husbands were in the military and she figured out that there is a need for those services there. She makes damn good money. She tailors uniforms, repairs them, sews on badges, replaces lost buttons, plus has a healthy business of altering formal dresses, and making custom clothing. She has enough business that she employs two other people. Mending might not make you a living, but tailoring will. 

I sew on buttons, repair holes rabbits chew into clothing, fix tears on seams and hem pants at our house. No way are we throwing something out because a button popped off. If you do, I'll take your extra cash off your hands while putting your button back on. 

Directly about Lori: Of course LorKen would write/post a tribute to a deceased family member designed to preach their personal agenda. Lori's mother never wanted or had a career, people. That's the most important thing to remember! 

 

[usmcmom]

I think Ken did a very nice job on that tribute. His words were meaningful and concise - a nice tribute to a woman who seemed to be very well loved.

I see your point @louisa05 and am not negating it; just adding my opinion about the whole piece, career notwithstanding.  

Two questions:

Why can't Ken be that clear and concise when responding to comments or posting on forums? 

Was that tribute actually read at the funeral; or did he just write it for family to see and to express his own feelings (which is totally fine)?  It is interesting that Lori did not say "Ken had these words to say at my mother's funeral."  

 

[Koala]

Lori has deleted the comment asking why she remained on vacation while her mother died.

I think that confirms it.  If she had been there, she would have had an absolute fit at the mere suggestion that a vacation was more important to her than her mom.  For god's sake, I think she's really still in Door County....

[Koala]

It is crazy how much Lori's readership has changed.  She used to have a lot of ladies who commented regularly, but now she's left w/ the likes of this guy:

His comment went on...and on, but this part was just so over the top fucking crazy, that it had to be reposted.  

I'd be willing to bet the farm that this particular "prince charming" hasn't landed Mrs.  Right, yet.  Who on earth would have him, save a bunch of whining MRAs.

[EowynW]

8 minutes ago, Koala said:

It is crazy how much Lori's readership has changed.  She used to have a lot of ladies who commented regularly, but now she's left w/ the likes of this guy:

His comment went on...and on, but this part was just so over the top fucking crazy, that it had to be reposted.  

I'd be willing to bet the farm that this particular "prince charming" hasn't landed Mrs.  Right, yet.  Who on earth would have him, save a bunch of whining MRAs.

I'm sorry but. Damn people like this to hell. I  so sick of these people. 

[louisa05]

One of my close friends (not QF, not fundamentalist) has seven children. The first two were born when she was 33. What would that poster say to that? 

[ladyicantxplain]

7 minutes ago, Koala said:

It is crazy how much Lori's readership has changed.  She used to have a lot of ladies who commented regularly, but now she's left w/ the likes of this guy:

His comment went on...and on, but this part was just so over the top fucking crazy, that it had to be reposted.  

I'd be willing to bet the farm that this particular "prince charming" hasn't landed Mrs.  Right, yet.  Who on earth would have him, save a bunch of whining MRAs.

Oh. My. Word.

OH. MY. WORD.

As the mother of two children who were diagnosed after birth with DOWN (not "Down's") syndrome, this is the most FOUL AND DISGUSTING thing the man could've written!  Does he realize that he is talking about a woman and her ovum as some kind of commodity to be bought and sold?   Does he really think this little of women? And what must he think of CHILDREN, who are "past their sell-by date" with less than perfect DNA?

What a colossal, ignorant ass.

He should've just come out and said it: "I think women are worthless and to be used only to give me MY perfect children, at the perfect age when their bodies are flawless.  I deserve this because I am a man, and men are important."  That is what he really thinks.  Yet I'm sure he condemns women who decide that their lazy, entitled, selfish menz "have little to offer them" anymore and divorce them.

Sickening.