Lori Alexander 53: Mourning Mom ... Maybe

[Koala]

56 minutes ago, usmcmom said:

That comment from Lori is awful. It is just a plea for attention. Lori's hope is that people will read it and then pop on over to one of her pages and give her some sympathy.  

My kids are 24 and 27 and I still, when talking about their grandparents to them say "Grandma (first name)". When they lost both paternal grandparents in eight months and made mention of them on social media, I responded with something like "Grandpa loved you so much and was very proud of you." 

I found Lori's comment exceptionally weird.  It was almost like she was trying to invalidate Alyssa's grief by reminding people that it was HER mom, not Alyssa's grandmother.  It's ALWAYS about Lori.

We always refer to grandparents by their grandparent name when talking to our kids.  It would just seem weird to say "my mom/dad" when talking to them about their grandparent.  

I also find it odd that Lori posted a blog post and Instagram (that had absolutely nothing to do with her mother), mere hours after her death.  She only made an Instagram about her mom after Alyssa posted.  I think she'd have rather spent the day on the internet, but Alyssa's post kind of forced her to make one of her own.  

Now she's stuck...if she spends the whole day on the internet, people are going to wonder why she isn't spending the day with family/comforting her father/sisters/children.

As for her being there when her mom died- I tend to think she's still vacationing in Door County, and I won't be surprised if she isn't "well" enough to travel back for the funeral.

I lost a parent in 2016, and it's not something you bounce back from the next day (as Lori seems to have done).  When you're there to the end, it changes you in some way...you're just never exactly the same.  Older...more weary...I don't know how to describe it.  Suffice to say, if Lori had been there, I don't believe she'd have made the posts she made this morning...Modesty/swimwear should be the last thing in the world on her mind.  I can't imagine what her family must think.

[SongRed7]

51 minutes ago, usmcmom said:

What is the general opinion here? Do you all think Lori went home before her mother died?  Will she cut her vacation short to go to the funeral?    Nothing would surprise me from this woman. 

hard to say. I really hope she WENT to be with her mother, but I don't know. If you scroll the tribute on Alyssa's IG, the very last one is a grainy video. (I know I spend way too much time on this stuff).  It looks like Lori's two sisters, her dad and a couple of (possibly?) grandkids singing to the grandmother prior to passing. It's very lovely IMHO.  It's hard to say who else is in the room but one would think if Lori was there, she would have been there too. 

I hate to surmise and fill in blanks when details aren't really my business to know but it just seems odd (and its posted publicly)

 

[Briefly]

I have occasionally referred to my parents as "my dad/mom" when talking to my daughter, but usually it's because I am just not thinking it out and she generally knows who I mean.  But last week we were talking about something and I said Dad meaning my dad, not hers.  Got her totally confused, but then again I do have word issues from my stupid brain injury.  She's learned to "translate me" as she says!

Lori really does seem to be obsessed with other women's physical attributes.  As much as she talks about their butts or boobs being on display, it makes me seriously wonder if she is bi but in denial.  She's indicated not loving Ken when she married him, she would not be the first person in denial to take the so-called safe option for whatever reason.

I am sorry that her mother has passed, but I will be surprised if Lori does not make it all about her.

[luv2laugh]

It’s really sad. I feel so hurt for Lori’s kids and siblings that are going to have to cope with Lori making this all about her.

[SongRed7]

8 minutes ago, Koala said:

I also find it odd that Lori posted a blog post and Instagram (that had absolutely nothing to do with her mother), mere hours after her death.  She only made an Instagram about her mom after Alyssa posted.  I think she'd have rather spent the day on the internet, but Alyssa's post kind of forced her to make one of her own.  

.....and it was nothing special.  It was that same group shot of the family she's posted many times. Nothing candid - like the ones Alyssa posted which showed personality and warmth. Just a re-used posed photograph.   

[wallysmommy]

My latest take on one of her weekend posts.

[Momto2Princesses]

Is Lori writing to herself today? 

[Koala]

Oh my god...I missed the video of them singing to her.  My heart is breaking with them.  You can tell they were all broken, and trying not to cry.  You just really don't want them to see you cry, but all you feel like doing is crying.

But it appears they tried to make it peaceful for her...I think the sisters are probably good people.  And her poor husband...I think I could hear his voice catching, and at one point his shoulders were shaking.  

It doesn't appear that Lori was there.  I see her dad and both sisters, but not Lori.  And that?  That doesn't surprise me at all, but I hurt for the mom, because no matter what, a mama never gives up on her children.  I am sure Lori's mom loved her very much.

[Carol]

"Alyssa, She's MY Mom!!  MY MOM!!  MY MOM!!!  MYYY MOMMMMM!!!".

[feministxtian]

The mother pulled the same shit at my father's funeral. He was buried with full military honors, and when the bugler played "Taps", I lost it. Well, the mother decided at that point to pinch me (like when I was a kid) and tell me "you can't fall apart, you have to be strong, I lost my husband". Fucking bitch didn't EVEN think that I lost my daddy. 

And y'all wonder why I'm so goddamn fucked in the head....

[Mellowing With Age]

16 minutes ago, feministxtian said:

The mother pulled the same shit at my father's funeral. He was buried with full military honors, and when the bugler played "Taps", I lost it. Well, the mother decided at that point to pinch me (like when I was a kid) and tell me "you can't fall apart, you have to be strong, I lost my husband". Fucking bitch didn't EVEN think that I lost my daddy. 

And y'all wonder why I'm so goddamn fucked in the head....

I am so sorry! 

[SilverBeach]

Poor Alyssa. I hope her aunts and other family members supply the support Lori is incapable of giving.

It's always "my" with Lori, "my" bread, "my" soup, "my" refrigerator contents. She is the most selfish, self-focused person on the interwebz. And Ken Alexander is a piece of shit if he did not insist that they leave Wisconsin. This is her MOTHER, for heavens sake. I knew Lori feels little to nothing for other people (sociopath much?), but her MOTHER? Damn. Her little comment on Alyssa's post doesn't even sound sincere.

Now my mother's passing in Feb. of this year is replaying itself in my head. But I have no regrets. Both my grandmas died before I was born, and I teased my mom about being old enough to be my mom and grandma, which made her laugh. She was 91 when she died, and kept her sense of humor until virtually the end. We called her GMA. OK, I'm teary-eyed now.

[luv2laugh]

I am really beside myself here in SHOCK that Lori did not take a plane to go be with her dying mother (that she claims to love so much) on her DEATH BED?????? I always say that there is nothing she says or does will surprise me but this really takes the cake for me.

WHO cares if a vacation is cut short? My friend and her husband got Montezuma's Revenge their entire honeymoon in Mexico. Things happen. Lori should have cut the trip short. She has been vacationing for months. Lori can certainly afford a plane ticket cancellation and a new plane ticket. 

Lori knew her mother was dying but knowing Lori and how she handles "emotional women", I'd say that Lori didn't want to be in a room full of people crying, including her Father. IF Lori is a narcissist, narcs aren't nurturing and are uncomfortable around people that need to be comforted.

Lori clearly was thinking something like "My precious Mom has been dying for awhile now and there is nothing I can do to change that so I'm not going to stop my vacation plans over this. I also don't want to be in a room with my entire family and Dad who will be so emotional. My Dad and sisters can handle this. They didn't already have a vacation scheduled like me. My mom will be with the Lord and out of pain soon and God's ways and timing is always best." 

Lori's mother, clearly always loved her, and was said to LOVE when Lori would come with food and "just sit with her".  Her mom would have LOVED to see her daughter's face and feel her touch and kisses as she was dying but comforted by ALL of her children in the room.  I'm also sure that Lori's father would have highly appreciated Lori's mere presence for the family and himself. How does Lori sleep at night to know that she chose not to give her mother this simple pleasure?

This new low really confirms (to me) that she is a pathological Narcissist (at a minimum).

If I were Ken, I would be living this down with such a HUGE regret.

Do you have to be an instagram member to see these pictures and videos? I can't see anything.

IMO, Alyssa clearly understands that her Mom is capable of absolutely NO empathy and stepped in not only as the granddaughter but as the surrogate daughter to be there for her Grandma.

[crawfishgirl]

The commenters who claim that they cannot find long shorts for their daughters are lying.  When my girls were in elementary school (only a couple of years ago), they were allowed to wear shorts to school that were at least mid-thigh length.  They are easy to find - I just looked at the Old Navy website, and they have plenty - 'midi' length - and some are on sale for $8.  A number of online retailers carry bermuda shorts for girls.  I never had any problem finding them at a reasonable price.

I feel bad for Lori's family.  Loss is hard.  Like others have said, it may have been a blessing that Lori wasn't there, since she seems more interested in making everything about her than in giving comfort to others.

[Hane]

I just got back from a week at Block Island, RI. It’s primarily a beach destination. I can honestly say I did not see a single thong bikini on any of the stylish young women there, which leads me to agree that such bikinis are out of fashion.

[Lisafer]

1 hour ago, feministxtian said:

The mother pulled the same shit at my father's funeral. He was buried with full military honors, and when the bugler played "Taps", I lost it. Well, the mother decided at that point to pinch me (like when I was a kid) and tell me "you can't fall apart, you have to be strong, I lost my husband". Fucking bitch didn't EVEN think that I lost my daddy. 

And y'all wonder why I'm so goddamn fucked in the head....

I'm sorry your mother was cruel. I've noticed before how you refer to her as "the mother:" I caught it right away because I often call my dad "the father" to distance myself from him. I didn't realize other people did that too...

[luv2laugh]

20 minutes ago, Lisafer said:

I'm sorry your mother was cruel. I've noticed before how you refer to her as "the mother:" I caught it right away because I often call my dad "the father" to distance myself from him. I didn't realize other people did that too...

I have a narc-borderline Mom. I refer to her as her first name when not talking directly to her. I didn't realize I did this to distance myself from her but it clearly was/is a coping mechanism for me. When she says "I love you" on the phone, I cannot honestly grit and bear it to tell her the same back as she has never shown it. If she was dying though, I would definitely be there. No one deserves to die all alone without their family and kids. If she needs someone to take her to a doctor's appointment, I go with her. I keep my contact with her VERY minimal and frequently go "no contact" with her. I must create a healthy distance between her for my mental sanity because her words really, really hurt and she always knows what to say publicly to make you cry.

[crawfishgirl]

27 minutes ago, luv2laugh said:

I have a narc-borderline Mom. I refer to her as her first name when not talking directly to her. I didn't realize I did this to distance myself from her but it clearly was/is a coping mechanism for me. When she says "I love you" on the phone, I cannot honestly grit and bear it to tell her the same back as she has never shown it. If she was dying though, I would definitely be there. No one deserves to die all alone without their family and kids. If she needs someone to take her to a doctor's appointment, I go with her. I keep my contact with her VERY minimal and frequently go "no contact" with her. I must create a healthy distance between her for my mental sanity because her words really, really hurt and she always knows what to say publicly to make you cry.

I do the same thing with my mother.  I started calling her by her first name as a teenager, even to her face, and I now realize it was because 'Mom' implies affection, and there was never any in my house as a child.  We are not close at all - I'm envious of friends who have loving adult relationships with their parents.

 

[feministxtian]

1 hour ago, luv2laugh said:

If she was dying though, I would definitely be there. No one deserves to die all alone without their family and kids. If she needs someone to take her to a doctor's appointment, I go with her. I keep my contact with her VERY minimal and frequently go "no contact" with her. I must create a healthy distance between her for my mental sanity because her words really, really hurt and she always knows what to say publicly to make you cry.

I took care of the mother for 7 fucking years...I mean, wiping shit off her ass. She never ONCE told me she appreciated how I juggled HER, kids, husband, work...to her I didn't do enough for her. My reaction when she died? "Oh thank God, it's all over". I even planned her funeral to what I thought she'd want...

Now, my mind plays the endless tapes of the shit she said to me for 48 fucking years...I'm going to end up in the home for the bewildered soon. 

[Frog99]

@Briefly I have also thought that perhaps Lori is a lesbian or bisexual. The detail she uses to describe “immodest” women is excessive and unnecessary- it’s almost like she’s reliving those experiences herself. I’m in my mid forties and have spent summers at the beach and pool, and I can count on one hand the number of females I have noticed in a thong- exactly 2, to be exact. One time, the woman walked to the water and stood in front of me (my fave thing at the beach is to take my book and chair to where the waves splash on my feet). End of story. The second time was a woman in a thong carrying her surfboard to the water. My thought at the time? That I am uncoordinated and not at all graceful and if I tried to surf in a thong, I would likely be rolled by a wave, scrape the bottom of the ocean with my butt cheeks, and end up bottomless. 

I wonder the impact her descriptions have on the men who read her blog- describing women in thongs, lying on blankets, appearing naked- that paints quite a picture for men who are visual and prone to lust at the drop of a hat. Then they carry it out in the comments- it’s like they all get off on it. 

To be clear- I don’t have any issues with my LGBTQ brothers and sisters. I also don’t accept the traditional modesty narrative. 

[SuperNova]

2 hours ago, crawfishgirl said:

I do the same thing with my mother.  I started calling her by her first name as a teenager, even to her face, and I now realize it was because 'Mom' implies affection, and there was never any in my house as a child.  We are not close at all - I'm envious of friends who have loving adult relationships with their parents.

 

Growing up I had no meaningful relationship with my mother. It's only been in the last four or five years or so that through therapy we've built a solid and loving relationship. I always called her mom but now that we get along I call her by her name more often than mom. My siblings hate it but my mom always laughs.

I'm sorry you've been without the affection you've wanted. I don't know how old you are but it took more than 30 years for me to have something meaningful with my mom. It took a major family crisis and a ton of therapy to happen. Even now I have to be aware that there are some walls that I'll never break down with her but honestly, it's more than I ever hoped for.

[PinkPrincess0213]

I have found my people here at FJ! I struggled, growing up with a narcissistic father. I still have no contact with him today.

So nice to know that I am not alone and other people have survived it.

[fluffy]

My money is on Lori still being on vacation even though that makes absolutely no sense to my way of thinking. I suspect that may be why she is not forthcoming about where she is and being around family. She ALWAYS writes about family get-togethers to make the point her family is uber Christian and better than other families. I think we'd have heard some of those kind of posts about family and handling some of the end of life and funeral arrangements were she back in CA. I have to wonder if her sisters did not want her there. I can't understand it otherwise. It's clear in her recent post that she was told about the details of her mother's death because she was not there to experience it. 

[luv2laugh]

6 hours ago, Frog99 said:

@Briefly I have also thought that perhaps Lori is a lesbian or bisexual. The detail she uses to describe “immodest” women is excessive and unnecessary- it’s almost like she’s reliving those experiences herself. I’m in my mid forties and have spent summers at the beach and pool, and I can count on one hand the number of females I have noticed in a thong- exactly 2, to be exact. One time, the woman walked to the water and stood in front of me (my fave thing at the beach is to take my book and chair to where the waves splash on my feet). End of story. The second time was a woman in a thong carrying her surfboard to the water. My thought at the time? That I am uncoordinated and not at all graceful and if I tried to surf in a thong, I would likely be rolled by a wave, scrape the bottom of the ocean with my butt cheeks, and end up bottomless. 

I wonder the impact her descriptions have on the men who read her blog- describing women in thongs, lying on blankets, appearing naked- that paints quite a picture for men who are visual and prone to lust at the drop of a hat. Then they carry it out in the comments- it’s like they all get off on it. 

To be clear- I don’t have any issues with my LGBTQ brothers and sisters. I also don’t accept the traditional modesty narrative. 

Honestly, I think she’s just insecure and her jealousy is showing.

[Melissa1977]

How must Alyssa feel with her mother's posts about modesty? She and her friends do not wear modest clothes at all. And if I remember right, Cassi married with a stunning dress showing ALL her back (absolutely sexy and not modest). 

I wonder if Alyssa just laughs and ignores her mom, or if she feels bad. It is extremely difficult to survive that childhood staying sane.