Lori Alexander 50: Making an Idol of Herself

[FundieCentral]

I know that Financial guru Dave Ramsey offers a children’s and a teenage curriculum that is really good. I follow the adult version. I love that guy. Changed my life. 

[klein_roeschen]

My expanses to go working will be around 100 € for gas a month, my car needs under 4 l on 100 km. I won't count the insurance, since I had the car all these months where I was unemployed. I'm to much in love with the freedom it gives me to give that up, when I can still pay for it. The white trousers and bright green polos with the logo we have to wear are paid by my boss and the sneakers I will wear where on offer, price got down fom 59,95 € to 19,95 €. Lunch will usually be a sandwich made of whole grain bread or a breadroll with some fresh fruit or vegetable and next door is a big walk-in fridge a.k.a supermarket where I will get the supplies for lunchT. I won't count that as an expanse, because I would also eating the same at home for lunch.

I learnt budgeting the really hard way at 14, when my mother left the family. The reaction of my father was staying more than his usual drunk for weeks. I had no choice but to step in and take care of everything. I learned to stretch a budget, so that there was allways money for beer and booze, or it would have been become ugly with my father's withdrawel syndrome. That made me really good at being frugal, sometimes even stingy, but that wouldn't be the way to teach teens budgeting.

 

[quiversR4hunting]

On ‎6‎/‎27‎/‎2018 at 3:06 PM, Sarah92 said:

However, If some people want to hire the occasional cleaning person what's wrong with that? If they have the income and need a bit of help go for it. As long as it's a fair price and not hurting the cleaners of course. Ethics is important. 

But I know a lot of working moms that do all their own cleaning or ask a teen or someone looking to make a bit of extra cash to help. 

So I am way behind with Lori but nothing seems to have changed. Sorry that I am bringing something up from 7 pages ago and you all are probably on to something else. But I just had to post - YES! What is wrong with hiring help? Hell, I think it is ok if a stay-at-home parent has a cleaning person if they can afford it and it frees them up for other stuff. My grandmother (before her death) had a cleaning lady and she had been retired for years. She got a cleaning lady because after awhile she couldn't do all the cleaning that it takes to maintain a home because of age. I am sure Lori would tell her fangirls that isn't right.

So a reader of Lori's said

On ‎6‎/‎27‎/‎2018 at 2:05 PM, Koala said:

Reader:

Quote

 I've done the math. If people do the math they will find out it is cheaper for the wife to stay home and do the house keeping than to go to work and pay someone else to do the house keeping.

She must be doing math with minimum wage. I pay Molly Maid to come to my house once a month. I pay them $119 each month. (When my husband lost his job twice, it was the first to be cut from the budget and then my monthly therapeutic massages, insurance doesn't pay for them.) Any way, they do the basic clean, mop the floors, vacuum, clean the bathrooms and kitchen, dust. They don't do a deep clean and they don't put away clutter, etc. They keep it from looking like slobs live in my house (5 people, 5 schedules it's hard to keep up on laundry let alone everything else). So I happily pay $119 (I wish I felt like I could afford twice a month, but I need to save for retirement too). The reason I bring up this readers math, I make nearly $250 per day (before taxes). So paying molly maid once a month is around a 1/2 day of earning for me (before taxes). It is worth every freaking dollar! Molly Maid and my massage are my happiest 2 days of the month for me. I come home and everything looks neat and smells clean and I then have time to do other stuff (typically something with my children).

....note, my family has to clean the rest of the month, it isn't like the house gets cleaned once a month and we do nothing the rest of the month. I feel the need to say that since I am posting this on the thread with the lady that bought "no vacuum" carpets, and "no wash" norwex cloths....

[louisa05]

6 hours ago, AliceInFundyland said:

I was taught how to write a check in 5th grade. We did this thing called Exchange City where everyone had jobs and money and we worked in a fake little town for a day. We also did the exercise where you take care of an egg for a week and try not to break it. (This was stressful. I remember tears when eggfants shattered.)

We could learn to drive at 14.

They covered sex-ed. Some class did the thing with the crying babies.

My school had a decent vocational-tech option.

The focus was on college. We all had a mandatory English assignment as seniors - a college application essay. 

Nobody talks to you about long-term impacts of financing. The FAFSA is mandatory for aid. And if one of your divorced parents does NOT want to contribute to your education you can’t or couldn’t just say that. It was a nightmare.

Teenagers need a mandatory financial ed class like they need a sex ed class. It is in a way like having a child (no disrespect intended, it is certainly different-just a serious decision) You cannot ever erase the student loan debt you take at 18...even if you never get the degree. And your parents can’t either. I wish someone had told me that. And about credit cards, and interest rates.  Long term implications....

Maybe that is happening? I am certainly not up to speed on general teenage preparedness via high school. 

At the moment I feel very much like a cranky old person, late at night, on the internet. Teach them young’uns all the things..so they can show us one better. 

A lot of schools now require some sort of personal finance course. But the teachers who teach it will tell you that the students don't absorb it very well. It's the whole relevancy thing. When you are 17, how a mortgage works seems pretty irrelevant to you and you aren't going to try too hard to remember it beyond the test. 

And, frankly, some people are just stupid. A woman I worked with liked to tell her personal story of getting herself in massive debt fresh out of college. She ended up, by age 30, with somewhere around $80,000 of debt not including college loans. Almost all of it was credit cards, plus a car loan she defaulted on. When she told this story, she always included a statement like this more than once: "but, you know, back then, none of us knew that you had to pay off those credit cards or that the interest was so high" and then she'd add that "people at least know now". I always wanted to say, "oh, bullshit, sweetheart, people with half a brain have always known that you have to pay off your credit cards". 

[Loveday]

1 hour ago, louisa05 said:

A lot of schools now require some sort of personal finance course. But the teachers who teach it will tell you that the students don't absorb it very well. It's the whole relevancy thing. When you are 17, how a mortgage works seems pretty irrelevant to you and you aren't going to try too hard to remember it beyond the test. 

I wish I could reassure those teachers that yes, they do absorb it--it's just not always very obvious until the students hit 'real life' after high school or college. I took a semester class in high school (over 40 years ago, yikes!) called 'Consumer Math,' which was basically a personal finance course. We learned how to balance a checkbook and how to do our taxes. We learned about mortgages and car loans, and how credit cards work and why it's important to pay off the balance every month and avoid being charged interest. And we learned how to set up a budget. I won't say I took it all very seriously at the time, but when I moved out on my own a few years later, it started coming back to me and enabled me to live on very little without getting into financial trouble. And much later still, when my husband and I bought our house, I was able to fully understand the mortgage process. So, to all those personal finance teachers out there who despair of their students ever getting it--someday they will! LOL.

And thank you, Mr Reynolds, from the bottom of my heart. 

[Imrlgoddess]

14 hours ago, Chocolatedefrauded said:

Last time i got an x-ray, at 53 years old, I tried to get out of the pee test. The tech told me it is required until a woman hits 55. Maybe other states are different....but I found it annoying.

I know I'm still a couple pages behind but:  The VA does this exact same thing.  I had my tubes tied in the military, I'm peri-menopausal and they insist on a blood test every single time.  They won't do pee tests!  Rules is 55 or total hysterectomy.  

[Chocolatedefrauded]

1 hour ago, quiversR4hunting said:

I pay Molly Maid to come to my house once a month. I pay them $119 each month. (When my husband lost his job twice, it was the first to be cut from the budget and then my monthly therapeutic massages, insurance doesn't pay for them.) Any way, they do the basic clean, mop the floors, vacuum, clean the bathrooms and kitchen, dust. They don't do a deep clean and they don't put away clutter, etc. They keep it from looking like slobs live in my house (5 people, 5 schedules it's hard to keep up on laundry let alone everything else). So I happily pay $119 (I wish I felt like I could afford twice a month, but I need to save for retirement too). The reason I bring up this readers math, I make nearly $250 per day (before taxes). So paying molly maid once a month is around a 1/2 day of earning for me (before taxes). It is worth every freaking dollar! Molly Maid and my massage are my happiest 2 days of the month for me. I come home and everything looks neat and smells clean and I then have time to do other stuff (typically something with my children).

I am right there with you! We used a monthly maid service when we first got married & had disposable income. It was great! They did a better cleaning job than we did. I want to hire a service again but we need to save for college & retirement 

We’ve tried to convince my parents, who are in their 80s, to hire a house cleaner but they are worried about being robbed. They can afford it but have issues with trust. My mom uses a walker, so we don’t want her cleaning more than she’s able & then fall or hurt herself. For now, we take turns visiting and do cleaning for them.

bottom line- spend your money the way you want to & do what makes you happy & life more bareable. Don’t judge other people. I think someone famous said that....

[Frumper]

My best friend from high school racked up massive debt in her 20s.  Some was school debt (she went to a private college that she couldn't afford and then grad school and had to take out loans for pretty much all of it).  And a lot of it was stupid stuff like eating out all the time, lots of expensive handbags (and she always had to have the matching wallet!), vacations, etc.  I feel for her because we're in our 40s now and she still lives paycheck to paycheck even though she's a professional who makes good money.  SShe lives pretty frugally now but so much of her income is taken up with payments on old debts.  She's basically still paying off those dinners from 20 years ago.  It's sad that the things you do when you are young and stupid can mean you basically never get ahead, but I know that's just part of living with the consequences of decisions.

[Botkinetti]

@Loveday I totally agree with lessons that can take years after being taught.

 I worked in a bank and saw the massive debts of ordinary people every day and it still took me until my 40s to take control of my own debt. It is a boring and tedious process that is ultimately so worth it. So much more fun , in the short term , to show off a new purse than to be excited about an extra $ 12.00 that you put towards your credit card. 

I gave my children a very different financial education than I received and even though I heard endless whining from them they have absorbed the lessons and are in a better financial situation than I was at their ages.

[Imrlgoddess]

In my senior level courses this past year, the instructors touched briefly on how to price art work and how to market yourself but that was it.  I found myself teaching 20+ year old folks how to write receipts and keep a ledger or at least a running tally of their expenses. I had classmates from all over the state and it seemed like they either didn't have the class option at their school or as a couple of you mentioned, if they had it it just didn't sink in well.  My daughter just started a mall job, I insisted she know how to count back change and do the math in her head.  She also understands that some college debt will happen.  I told her it's an investment and not one to enter into lightly.  I only have about a years worth of GI bill left to give her so the rest is on her.

.

[louisa05]

@Loveday There are always exceptions. But most secondary teachers live with the fact that the majority of what we teach is in one ear and out the other for a quarter of them and lives in their brains until the exam for about half. 

And personal finance topics like mortgages, insurance, retirement plans, etc... leave most teens with that glazed over look that tells you they think it is the most useless information either. Because it kind of is when you are 16 or 17 and the future seems like a distant fuzzy thing to you and what are you going to wear to that party on Saturday???? 

What is necessary is parents who understand, model good habits and don't hide money matters from their kids. My nephew's mother did such a poor job of that that the kid didn't know you had to pay for water, gas and electricity until he moved in with my brother his senior year of high school. His words: "I don't know, I guess I just thought all of that came with a house". 

[Koala]

I love how Lori completely dismisses this Bible study- because it focuses on the Bible.  

[TeddyBonkers]

I got a checking acount when I got my first job, at 12 years old. I'd been filling out checks for my mom (except for the signature, natch) for at least 2 years before that. 

My grandma has a cleaning lady, but she's in her 90s! (Grandma, not the cleaning lady). She deserves it. I don't begrudge anyone a cleaning person except Lori. She's the worst.

And as to Lori's latest doodle, if she was knowledgeable about the Gospel, y'know the story of the most selfless man who ever lived and how we are supposed to emulate him, she wouldn't have a problem not acting like a silver-plated bitch in her marriage. 

[lilwriter85]

1 hour ago, Chocolatedefrauded said:

I am right there with you! We used a monthly maid service when we first got married & had disposable income. It was great! They did a better cleaning job than we did. I want to hire a service again but we need to save for college & retirement 

We’ve tried to convince my parents, who are in their 80s, to hire a house cleaner but they are worried about being robbed. They can afford it but have issues with trust. My mom uses a walker, so we don’t want her cleaning more than she’s able & then fall or hurt herself. For now, we take turns visiting and do cleaning for them.

bottom line- spend your money the way you want to & do what makes you happy & life more bareable. Don’t judge other people. I think someone famous said that....

Trying calling around home care agencies in their area and see if they will take on your parents as private duty clients. I worked at a home care agency years ago and we had aides who went elderly or disabled Medicare/Medicaid clients home to take care of them and doing the housekeeping around the house. We also took on private duty clients who paid for the services of the aides to the agency and the agency would then do payroll and pay the aides. The aides who worked with private duty clients mostly did cleaning and errand running. Home care agencies run background checks during pre-employment and many agencies are strict and will fire employees right away if aides or house cleaners are suspected of stealing from clients.

Another possibility is looking into vetted house sitters who also clean houses. My friends have a regular house sitter who also goes into clean their house a couple of times a month. The house sitter/cleaner they have has a long list of references. 

[EowynW]

Lori has a new fanboy. 

[lilwriter85]

35 minutes ago, TeddyBonkers said:

 90s! (Grandma, not the cleaning lady). She deserves it. I don't begrudge anyone a cleaning person except Lori. She's the worst.

The thing that bugged me with Lori was she did numerous posts saying that women should be at home cleaning and caring for kids. She herself really didn't do that as a SAHM and its easy to begrudge her for having a nanny and a cleaner,

[Sarah92]

If Lori was knowledgeable about the Word she would know the two great commandments: love God, love others. If she was obeying those she would have treated her husband well regardless of submission. It's called being loving. People choose to be disrespectful. It's disrespectful for Lori to tear down women she's never met assuming that they act disrespectful or badly because they arent taught submission. Those stories and books of the Bible have useful information on how to live. If one is truly learning they'd be able to apply those stories to their lives. Some individuals in the Bible show us what not to do, even instances King David show us he consequences of negative choices. His kingdom fell apart basically because he didn't teach his children or hold them accountable. At least from what I gathered of the story line. Some show us what to do. The story of Joseph illustrates perseverance and commitment to doing the right thing. It's not particularly hard to glean this without a separate book on submission. 

[delphinium65]

I'm just going to drop this here.  

[wild little fox]

29 minutes ago, lilwriter85 said:

The thing that bugged me with Lori was she did numerous posts saying that women should be at home cleaning and caring for kids. She herself really didn't do that as a SAHM and its easy to begrudge her for having a nanny and a cleaner,

Yes, she never advocates hiring help, even in the cases of illness or injury. Lori always puts everything on the woman. Everything includes heaps and heaps of shame and condemnation if the woman cannot hold up to the bar Lori sets. 

[AlwaysDiscerning]

@KoalaAbsolutely mind blowing. And then look at this comment. Nope, women don't need to have any more bible knowledge besides the submission passages. 

[louisa05]

@AlwaysDiscerning This is the one obsession of Lori's that actually baffles me. The rest is stuff I've heard from fundamentalist relatives and evangelical pastors and the busy bodies at the evangelical school I taught at. Modesty preaching....yep, check off the fundagelical box for that. Submission? Another box. Women are only supposed to focus on marriage and children? Check and check. Women shouldn't work? At least the evangelicals I know have always debated it a bit, so Lori's a little more extreme. But still it's a standard box to check off. Public schools are evil? Well, of course, they are. I've even heard mainline and non-religious people go off on that one, granted for different reasons. 

But women should not study and understand anything about the Bible except the submission passages? Never ever heard that anywhere until reading Lori. At the Christian school, we had one administrator who lamented that all that students should really have to pass to graduate was Bible classes because the rest didn't matter. And their Bible classes were serious study not 45 minutes a day on submission in marriage. 

[Alisamer]

Teaching the actual Bible would require Lori to read more than her few pet passages, and might expose the young women she is mentoring to Biblical women who, say, listened at Jesus's feet rather than running around getting the house ready for guests. Mary wasn't a quiverful mom. Jesus didn't live at home until he was married, was known to disobey Mary and Joseph at least once, and studied outside the home at the temple. The bible doesn't even tell whether Mary spanked Jesus! Or if she went and hid behind some hay bales to nurse him when the shepherds came by!

So many bad examples in the Bible! Best to just stick to the verses that agree with Lori's ways.

[louisa05]

1 minute ago, Alisamer said:

Teaching the actual Bible would require Lori to read more than her few pet passages, and might expose the young women she is mentoring to Biblical women who, say, listened at Jesus's feet rather than running around getting the house ready for guests. Mary wasn't a quiverful mom. Jesus didn't live at home until he was married, was known to disobey Mary and Joseph at least once, and studied outside the home at the temple. The bible doesn't even tell whether Mary spanked Jesus! Or if she went and hid behind some hay bales to nurse him when the shepherds came by!

So many bad examples in the Bible! Best to just stick to the verses that agree with Lori's ways.

It is still so completely out of the bounds of normal evangelical teaching that it is crazy. Bible reading and daily devotionals is such a key part of faith practice for most people within the evangelical tradition. In my  time in that world there was endless preaching on the need for personal and corporate Bible study, the need to read and understand all of the Bible and the need to have accountability for daily devotional Bible reading. The entire theology is based around the Bible revealing truth to people on an individual level as well. Discipleship is based on the study of scripture more than anything else. Even the harshest teachers of gender roles and patriarchy that I encountered did not teach that women were not expected to read, study and understand all of the Bible. 

Kenny-boy should really be calling her out on that one if he truly lives his evangelical faith, truly wants others to do so and truly believes that it is his role to hold her accountable. 

[squiddysquid]

2 hours ago, AlwaysDiscerning said:

@KoalaAbsolutely mind blowing. And then look at this comment. Nope, women don't need to have any more bible knowledge besides the submission passages. 

that makes no sense

how are they to properly homeschool and raise good Christians, the whole reason why she wants them to stay home if they don't know more than 1% of the message and do you walk with god if you don't know squat about him. Practical christianity within the home besides submission? Respect your elders treat your neighbours the way you wan't to be treated yourself, don't lie, don't cheat, feed the poor... oh wait... Nah, Lori doesn't like that part of the bible, guess you're a satanic demon if you don't ignore those parts of the bible... sounds legit.

[Escadora]

So I was without internet for a couple of days and have only just managed to catch up!

@Jessesgirl25 I'm really happy you decided to stick around. I hope you find the community and discussion you're looking for here and that things continue to go well. It takes a brave woman to bounce back from a start like that and I'm 100% confident that it'll be worth it. I'm looking forward to seeing you around the threads. 

@Sarah92 congrats on the job! you really deserve it and you'll be great, I'm sure!  

@ChickenettiLuvr I'm so very sorry for your loss. I'm sending thoughts and hugs your way.

I see, also, that Lori's gotten kinda obsessed with this einkorn bread, and I remember that Zsu goes on about it a lot too. I can understand Zsu's convoluted and probably faux-science explanation for why she's such a stickler for it now, but I can't remember Lori ever giving an explanation for why she uses einkorn now instead of regular old flour. Does anyone recall why she's changed or has she just never said? Wouldn't surprise me in the least if she's found another bandwagon to jump on, maybe she thinks she'll go viral(!) again with her really delicious and versatile actually average looking bread.