Lori Alexander 43: Pepper and Darkness

[SongRed7]

Don't look now but on today's doodle Lori is plagiarizing bestowing the wisdom  sharing the knowledge of that famous philosopher teacher pontificator   marriage expert godly mentor "Wintery Knight"  

[Botkinetti]

7 hours ago, Sarah92 said:

Do you have advice on how to de-escalate behavior in children? I struggled with this when my family was taking care of my nieces who were initially raised with zero structure. We were often at a loss on how to help them calm down. 

My oldest son had problems de-escalating. I finally learned to ask him if he needed help to calm down. I would have him sit on my lap , facing me and ask him to blow my hair. It was a form of Lamaze breathing that started off with short puffs and then longer breaths that I would play up and fall back from. We would then both be giggling and would end with a long hug. It really worked with him and sometimes before I could ask he would tell me he needed help to calm down.

[smittykins]

10 hours ago, PhoenixRising said:

If you hit another adult you could be charged with battery. Why is it okay to hit a child? (Rethorical question– I understand the laws and court rulings that guarantee parents the right to raise their children as they chose to). 

I've actually seen this turned on its head by pro-spanking advocates.

"If you confine an adult to his/her bedroom, it's unlawful imprisonment.  If you do it to a child, it's discipline.  If you take away an adult's TV, it's theft.  If you do it to a child, it's discipline."

(Not saying I agree, just throwing it out there. )

[delphinium65]

4 hours ago, cara said:

Alyssa was also the child that was left for HOURS A DAY in the care of STRANGERS (well, beloved grandmother), while Lori was still a heathen working mother. So surely she should have turned out the worst   

I wouldn't be surprised if Lori thinks she did.  If a woman's entire purpose is to get married, pop out lots of babies, and beat the crap out of them...well, apply Lori's 'logic' to that.  Just for the record, I admire Alyssa tremendously for turning out to be a seemingly good person, despite having Lori as a mother.  

[polecat]

2 hours ago, smittykins said:

I've actually seen this turned on its head by pro-spanking advocates.

"If you confine an adult to his/her bedroom, it's unlawful imprisonment.  If you do it to a child, it's discipline.  If you take away an adult's TV, it's theft.  If you do it to a child, it's discipline."

(Not saying I agree, just throwing it out there. )

And here's where they lose me with their "logic." I've never confined my kids to their rooms. However, we did have "mellow out time-outs," when they were encouraged to go to their rooms or another place where they could have alone time to cool down and collect their thoughts. I do it, too, as an adult, when I'm overwhelmed and just need some space. Just sending a kid to his/her room as "discipline" isn't necessarily going to be effective:

Same with TV. If a child is watching too much TV (and I'm not a big believer in kids having TVs in their rooms anyway, so mine don't), then talk to the child and explain what's going on. "We need to cut down on TV time because it's not healthy for our brains or bodies to spend too much time in front of screens." And make it a whole family thing if necessary.

If you're just wanting to isolate the kid to punish him/her, then say so. And while punishment *does* have its place in child-rearing, I personally think it's often overused. A kid has a meltdown? Sending the kid to the bedroom as punishment or spanking the kid doesn't teach the kid to *not* have a meltdown. It just makes the kid feel like crap. And depending on the age of the kid, he or she might figure out ways to internalize their feelings, but is that really something we, as parents (other than Lori, of course), want? A better choice would be to help the kid manage his or her feelings, calm down through breathing, alone time, pet-petting, reading, or whatever. 

It's more work than just slapping a kid, but ... ime, the results are so, so worth it.

[Frog99]

@Sarah92 in addition to what was recommended, it’s helpful to unpack the behavior- keeping in mind that behavior always has a purpose- usually to escape something, to obtain something, or as a result of the environment.

A simple way to think of it is: 

A- antecedent - what happened before the behavior- and not necessarily only immediately before.

B- Behavior- what happened?

C- Consequence- what events after the behavior that supports the continued behavior?

Then you take all of that and determine what skills need to be taught. It’s up to us to teach our kids how to self-regulate. They have the same emotions that we experience as adults- without the experiences and brain function to fully process. We have to help them understand that those emotions are normal (and give them names) and identify coping strategies. Then you can head off challenging behavior. With my kids, having them go through what they see, hear, feel, smell, etc helps to calm them.  It’s also important to understand the impact of trauma on behaviors  

I could go on and on but I’ll stop here. CSEFEL is a great resource and can get you to other links/articles. I also highly recommend Dr. Siegel’s hand-brain model (you can find on YouTube including short clips about how to explain to kids). 

Our kids need a basic understanding of how their brains work, how their bodies work, and that our emotions are ok. 

@polecatI agree. But Lori and her ilk want immediate obedience. 

I can’t believe her kids allow her to watch their children. I think the family is more screwed up than we know. 

[AlwaysDiscerning]

Did anyone catch the last comment to this? There was another one after Lori and I think it was Rhonda again but when I click on it, its gone. 

 

[Sarah92]

So men are more logical, smarter,  and less gullible but their morality hinges upon a women's morality? Hmmmm yeah no. and quoting Jay Adams who lived in a time where women were little more than property and were often blamed for everything doesn't help.  Seriously, what a degrading view of both men and women. Also if you think this sex and laziness is new, it isn't and you've just been living in a bubble. But as a young women I am responsible for myself and hold guys to the same standards. 

[Lgirlrocks]

I’ve talked about this before but my family was very prospanking. My dads dad left when he was 8 and he got into a lot of trouble because his mom didn’t discipline at all. My dad said if he had been spanked he would have stayed out of trouble. I watched spanking fail in my family. I hardly got in trouble but my brothers were always in trouble. Spanking didn’t stop them or keep them from repeating things. They knew what would happen if they didn’t listen. While I’m sure the spankings hurt very much it didn’t teach them anything. Lost of Christian parents that I knew spanked. Not sure if it was because of how they were raised or what they were taught in church. I was also sent to my room, usually to clean it when it was messy. I was never sent there to think about what i did. I don’t have kids but I do have two dogs. I don’t know how I would handle teaching kids right from wrong or what I would do to discipline them when/if they needed it. I know this; I don’t hit my dog so why would I hit my child. Dogs don’t know understand the why behind the wrong they are doing and most kids don’t either. Lori has stated that you don’t have to tell your kids why. All they need to know is that they need to listen because you are telling them to. 

[Koala]

Lori is so vain.  Even on Saturdays, she has to repost her old drivel.  I guess she thinks the world can't go a day without her "godly wisdom".  How funny, that the post is on being discreet.  Lori Alexander is the least discreet woman I've ever come across, in person or on the internet. 

Odd that she deletes all of the old comments before she posts.  Wonder what that's about...

[Koala]

Back to this idiotic, abusive mother who's leaving marks on her 20 month old.  Seriously, she belongs in jail.  One of the most disturbing parts of that whole story was that he's coming to her using the sign language for "spank".  My god, that is just so messed up and sick.  He's defeated- he's literally telling her that she should hit him.  That just breaks my heart...

Watching things drop is normal toddler behavior.  Sure you have to teach them not to throw things, but watching things fall is pretty typical.  If she had even a lick of sense, she'd teach him how to use "gentle hands" on things that can't be thrown (with lots of praise for how gentle he was being).  Then she'd simply redirect him to something that can be thrown.  A Little Tykes toddler sized basketball goal would be perfect for him.  She could also get him some foam building blocks if he likes to make things and then tip them over.  This is so simple.  

If he's playing on the stairs, that's her damn fault, and should be mad at herself for being so irresponsible.  

These moms are so busy looking for an opportunity to hit (and get praise from Lori for hitting), that they miss all the sweet moments that come with having toddlers.

One of my very favorite stories about my kids, is from many, many years ago when they were 1 and 2.  Even at that age I encouraged them to color/draw/paint.  Anyway, my house was childproofed (with baby gates), so I sat them in the living room one day while I ran to the bathroom. When I came back, they were happily emptying bottles of Crayola paint on each other.  They had on pink and blue matching pajamas, and they were just about the cutest things I'd ever seen.  I almost never got that stuff out of the hardwoods (never did get it out of those cute little pajamas), but I wasn't the least bit upset with them!  They were babies, and I overlooked the paint.  Anyway, I cleaned them (and the floor) up, but not before I took a picture to remember it all. I was certain that one day it would be one of my favorite memories of them, and it is.   

Lori's sheeple would be served well to enjoy these days while they last, because it is over in the blink of an eye.  My son is about to get his license, and my daughter is 15 months behind him.  The two babies that poured paint all over each other will be off and on their own before I know what's hit me, and all I will have is the memory of those days when things seemed so very simple.  

Lori?  What you're encouraging should be criminal.  You are stealing precious time away from these women, and little ones are being hurt in the process.  You know what else?  Crying DOES hurt when you're crying because the people you should trust are hitting you.  You have NO CLUE what you're talking about.  

[feministxtian]

Ok...here's where their idiotic logic falls apart...

A kid's TV doesn't belong to the kid (unless of course they paid for it)...so parents can take it away. Same with any other electronic device. OR, if you really want to drive the kid nuts, just throw the breaker for that circuit (we did that a lot with the kids as teens). So, if you want your toys, how about kicking in for the electric bill! 

Sending a kid to their room is NOT "false imprisonment". It's not like the door is locked from the outside. 

Get inventive. 

And with the 20 month old who's deaf...what's wrong with maybe signing "no" and distracting the little guy? Take him outside and let him drop things off a table...that's fun! My grandson liked to throw things in our pool when we lived in AZ...he was about the same age. So, I'd gather up a bunch of stuff, we'd stand on the diving board and he'd throw things to his little heart's content. The last thing he'd throw was himself...and before some of you get your shorts in a knot about a not quite 2 year old going off a diving board, he had a life jacket on and I would catch him when he jumped. He LOVED it! He'd do it over and over and over...the best part was the 2 hour nap afterwards!

Oh, and the pool was divided off the rest of the yard by a 5' iron fence and the latch on the gate was way too far up for the little one to reach. There was no way to get from the house to the pool without going through the gate. However, you could hear him rattle that gate when he wanted in the pool...

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

Re Lori's recycled blog.  I remember that ridiculous story from "Katie" about not undressing in front of her hubby.  So I guess she's never done a sexxy strip tease for him or suggested he join her in the shower?  Has the hubby ever actually seen her naked?  Asking for a friend

And then the stupid life lesson from the grandma to the girls to serve the men and boys and always be on the look out to anticipate if they need anything so they (girls) can jump up and get it.  No. Just No. Nope.

Why not just stand behind them as servants and then the women could eat when the men were finished.  That's really what is being advocated.

 

 

[Hisey]

Quote

One of my very favorite stories about my kids, is from many, many years ago when they were 1 and 2.  Even at that age I encouraged them to color/draw/paint.  Anyway, my house was childproofed (with baby gates), so I sat them in the living room one day while I ran to the bathroom. When I came back, they were happily emptying bottles of Crayola paint on each other.  They had on pink and blue matching pajamas, and they were just about the cutest things I'd ever seen.  I almost never got that stuff out of the hardwoods (never did get it out of those cute little pajamas), but I wasn't the least bit upset with them!  They were babies, and I overlooked the paint.  Anyway, I cleaned them (and the floor) up, but not before I took a picture to remember it all. I was certain that one day it would be one of my favorite memories of them, and it is.   

This is a beautiful story, and it also makes a point I have been thinking again and again. The things that make the fundies mad are actually some of the most beautiful and special moments of childhood. I also have many funny memories of my kids when they were little. Those memories would never have happened if my kids were terrified to take a step out of line.

It is when they feel safe that kids do the sort of experimentation that can be so funny to adults. It is when they feel safe that they SAY the funny things that come to their little minds. If you are afraid of someone, you are guarded in what you say.

I have pictures of my daughter at nine covering herself in mud in the backyard. Why? I don't remember. Maybe nine is a bit old for that sort of thing, but she got started covering her hands, moved up to her arms, and then just couldn't stop. Her joy and happiness in her mud covered body made me laugh. A frightened child wouldn't have "stepped out of line" like that--certainly it wouldn't have crossed my mind at nine, because I was expected to be a little adult at that age. And a few minutes with the hose cleaned my kid up when she was done.

By hitting, you are missing so much. 

[Briefly]

2 hours ago, Hisey said:

This is a beautiful story, and it also makes a point I have been thinking again and again. The things that make the fundies mad are actually some of the most beautiful and special moments of childhood. I also have many funny memories of my kids when they were little. Those memories would never have happened if my kids were terrified to take a step out of line.

It is when they feel safe that kids do the sort of experimentation that can be so funny to adults. It is when they feel safe that they SAY the funny things that come to their little minds. If you are afraid of someone, you are guarded in what you say.

I have pictures of my daughter at nine covering herself in mud in the backyard. Why? I don't remember. Maybe nine is a bit old for that sort of thing, but she got started covering her hands, moved up to her arms, and then just couldn't stop. Her joy and happiness in her mud covered body made me laugh. A frightened child wouldn't have "stepped out of line" like that--certainly it wouldn't have crossed my mind at nine, because I was expected to be a little adult at that age. And a few minutes with the hose cleaned my kid up when she was done.

By hitting, you are missing so much. 

I remember getting one spanking, by my dad and I don't remember what age I was but I do remember it was the only time I back-talked him. He did not spank hard, but it did get my attention. I know he regretted it, and I never got another spanking.

Kids do things, they are messy and noisy and that is what they do.  We call them portable disaster areas at that age.

[feministxtian]

29 minutes ago, Briefly said:

We call them portable disaster areas at that age.

Mine were known as "walking, talking disaster areas". They still are! Then there's the grands...we have a 15 year old wannabe emo, the little scientist and Mr. Motorhead. The little scientist is cute...and it's a good thing. She's the one who, if she stops on the steps, will forget which way she was going. She can fall UP the steps, lose arguments with jackets and backpacks. Wannabe emo is utterly bonkers...prefers gaming to real people. Mr. Motorhead has been car crazy for as long as he's been on earth. When he was a baby (they lived with us), if he was having one of those days, I could get him happy by just getting in my car and starting the engine. He's 5 now and hasn't changed any. Loves cars, preferably fast cars. We would take him to the local car shows and he'd be so happy he'd just giggle uncontrollably. 

 

[Free Jana Duggar]

Don't throw rotten tomatoes at me , but I did swat both my children on the butt occasionally. They were preschoolers old enough to understand when told no, or to stop doing something, and didn't listen to several warnings. Like Joyce Meyer said, "I always gave my word first, but if they didn't listen I was not afraid to touch their circumstances".  

That said, I did not spank for tantrums because I know that is how toddlers communicate since they don't have the words to express themselves appropriately. If their tantrum was over something they wanted and were told no, I just didn't give in.

Deaf boy throwng a toy?  Good grief, no need to spank, just take the toy away until he can play with it properly.

What is it with these people? They get off on beating their children. 

[December]

12 hours ago, AlwaysDiscerning said:

Did anyone catch the last comment to this? There was another one after Lori and I think it was Rhonda again but when I click on it, its gone. 

Another commentary on why feminism is ebil? How original! 

9 hours ago, Koala said:

Watching things drop is normal toddler behavior.  Sure you have to teach them not to throw things, but watching things fall is pretty typical.  If she had even a lick of sense, she'd teach him how to use "gentle hands" on things that can't be thrown (with lots of praise for how gentle he was being).  Then she'd simply redirect him to something that can be thrown.  A Little Tykes toddler sized basketball goal would be perfect for him.  She could also get him some foam building blocks if he likes to make things and then tip them over.  This is so simple.  

So true. I feel that the majority of adults (not just parents!) would naturally think to approach the situation in this way or a similar one. If someone believes a woman's entire purpose is to raise children, you'd think there would be an expectation to nurture children in creative ways that sometimes take time and effort to produce results (since that's your whole job)... not just use corporal punishment until the child complies. 

[livinglongerthanyou]

I left this thread up last night when I went outside to prepare the food for our sled dogs. When I came in, my husband was reading it and kept saying, "WTF, who is this Lori bitch?" I gave him the reader's digest version about her and what she is teaching. 

Well, a few minutes ago he came into the kitchen and said he had left the bottle of Ibuprofen in his van and he had a headache (he has neck problems). He asked if I was wearing my boots - there's still 2 feet of snow on the ground here. I told him no, that I was wearing my slippers. 

He then smirked and said it was my duty as a woman and his wife to do what I am told, to please him and so, to get the medicine out of the van. 

His funeral services will be Tuesday, if anyone is interested. 

[louisa05]

I feel like we should compile a "Lori Alexander's Guide to Being a Discreet Woman". It will have entries like:

*Broadcast details of your sex life on public sites on the internet for all to see. 

*Have sex in hotel rooms that you are sharing with your possibly teenage children and broadcast that you did so on public sites on the internet for all to see. 

I know there are more but I am tired and can't think of them right now. And we really should include links. 

[lilwriter85]

On 4/14/2018 at 12:28 PM, feministxtian said:

Ok...here's where their idiotic logic falls apart...

A kid's TV doesn't belong to the kid (unless of course they paid for it)...so parents can take it away. Same with any other electronic device. OR, if you really want to drive the kid nuts, just throw the breaker for that circuit (we did that a lot with the kids as teens). So, if you want your toys, how about kicking in for the electric bill! 

Sending a kid to their room is NOT "false imprisonment". It's not like the door is locked from the outside. 

Get inventive. 

And with the 20 month old who's deaf...what's wrong with maybe signing "no" and distracting the little guy? Take him outside and let him drop things off a table...that's fun! My grandson liked to throw things in our pool when we lived in AZ...he was about the same age. So, I'd gather up a bunch of stuff, we'd stand on the diving board and he'd throw things to his little heart's content. The last thing he'd throw was himself...and before some of you get your shorts in a knot about a not quite 2 year old going off a diving board, he had a life jacket on and I would catch him when he jumped. He LOVED it! He'd do it over and over and over...the best part was the 2 hour nap afterwards!

Oh, and the pool was divided off the rest of the yard by a 5' iron fence and the latch on the gate was way too far up for the little one to reach. There was no way to get from the house to the pool without going through the gate. However, you could hear him rattle that gate when he wanted in the pool...

That little boy has been on mind lately. My ex's sister had a son who born deaf in one year. As toddler and small child there were some communication issues as he couldn't totally hear everything and would have have fits.  My ex's sister and her now ex-husband went to early intervention programs with therapists and case workers who helped them.

I do wonder if Lori's fangirl and her husband have the son in any kind of early intervention/therapy programs. If the fangirl is some kind of hardcore fundie I could see them avoiding help from therapists and doctors. 

[Loveday]

Apparently Lori didn't feel she got enough responses to her blog post of April 13--two days ago!!-- on Facebook, because she posted it again today, with no indication it was a 'repeat.' 

[Lgirlrocks]

1 hour ago, lilwriter85 said:

That little boy has been on mind lately. My ex's sister had a son who born deaf in one year. As toddler and small child there were some communication issues as he couldn't totally hear everything and would have have fits.  My ex's sister and her now ex-husband went to early intervention programs with therapists and case workers who have them help.

I do wonder if Lori's fangirl and her husband have the son in any kind of early intervention/therapy programs. If the fangirl is some kind of hardcore fundie I could see them avoiding help from therapists and doctors. 

How fundie can they be if she said she wants more kids but he doesn’t. 

[squiddysquid]

2 hours ago, louisa05 said:

 

*Have sex in hotel rooms that you are sharing with your possibly teenage children and broadcast that you did so on public sites on the internet for all to see. 

 

What? I haven't heard about that one.

I can't even have sex when the cat is in the room. _The cat probably wouldn't care, but I would feel weird. Is that just me or do you kick your pets out first too?

[usmcmom]

27 minutes ago, squiddysquid said:

What? I haven't heard about that one.

I can't even have sex when the cat is in the room. _The cat probably wouldn't care, but I would feel weird. Is that just me or do you kick your pets out first too?

Well since my cats are disgusted by everything I do, they’d walk out on their own as soon as things got started. 

Seriously, the two females are especially judgy. I swear their thought bubbles would constantly read “You disgust me,” or “I can’t even with you.”