Lori Alexander 43: Pepper and Darkness

[Alisamer]

We use gates at work to keep the poodles out of the lobby until after the post office and FedEx have delivered. They can wake out of a dead sleep and know they've arrived before they come in the door, and some of the delivery people are afraid of them. One big burly FedEx guy won't come in the door at all now, "I don't know if they've had their shots," he says. As one tiny poodle is wearing a necktie, and the other has a literal tiara on her head.

If I had a kid I'd do some baby proofing, like cabinet locks and such. Probably also pad corners of things, in case they took after me. My grandpa kept threatening to get me a football helmet I hit my head so often, and I had a permanent bump on my forehead until I was in about 2nd grade.

[Loveday]

We had gates at the top and bottom of the stairs, and also to enclose the living room, which we had set up as a big playroom. It had two doorways (one led into the dining room with lots of breakable stuff and houseplants) and often we left the main one open so our kids could scoot around in their walker on the bare entryway and kitchen floors. Fairly open floorplan, so I could see what they were doing all the time. Also had cabinet latches, and a high-up latch for the garage door. Didn't need a kid drinking antifreeze or anything. Other than that, I kept stuff that I felt might be dangerous out of their reach and sight. I would think that's common sense, but what do I know?! 

[Curious]

28 minutes ago, jerkit said:

I use baby gates to keep my dog in the kitchen when we're not home. That's the extent of my baby proofing knowledge lol.

When we were doing rescue we had a lot of dogs and ONE that was an asshole about stuff.  So we had an intricate prison style baby gate set up.  There was a gate in the bedroom door, a gate at the cat room door (which is always there), a gate at my office door, a gate at the end of the hallway and a gate across the living room doorway.  They all were the ones that had a gate so people could walk through without having to remove the gate and only one gate was opened at a time to keep the one dog separated from the dogs he would randomly attack for no apparent reason.

I'm pretty sure the cats threw a party when he passed away and all the gates but the one in the doorway to their room (which is about a foot+ shorter than the others) were removed and they no longer had to jump at least 3 gates to get into their "safe room" (where their food and litter boxes were, as well).

[delphinium65]

4 minutes ago, Loveday said:

 I would think that's common sense, but what do I know?! 

More than Lori knows! 

[Hisey]

2 hours ago, EowynW said:

@Hisey true. They only lay year round if you install an artificial light setup in the coop. 

Artificial lights are not part of God's plan, Lori!

[TeddyBonkers]

I'll give Lori this- her post isn't HORRIBLE today. We should totally try to find the joy in the mundane. That's why I watch unGodly TV shows on my tablet while I'm washing dishes. "Archer" is the current favorite, and Pam Poovey is my spirit animal.

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If you are a mother, your job, career, and calling is motherhood.

I could have sworn that when I read it originally that it said, "if you are a woman, etc, etc."

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as my pastor taught: “Grace calls us to love. Love calls us to serve. Service calls us to sacrifice.”

Men don't have to sacrifice or serve, right? They can do whatever their testosterone-filled hearts desire. Or was that teaching specifically for women?

I know, I know-Lori only is commanded to teach women. Motherhood is a lot more than staying at home. My grandma sacrificed a lot to keep her family together after my grandpa passed away. She worked hard and did so without much of an education. She didn't sell herself to the first (or any other) man that showed her any attention-which is pretty much what Lori advocates when she says that widows should remarry asap.

ETA: And she was no less of a mother than a SAHM or a CEO mom. No less a Christian for working.

[EowynW]

She looks so much older than 60 tho! 

[kpmom]

Geez, Ken still has basically the same haircut and 'stache.

[Chocolatedefrauded]

I’ll be honest, I think baby gates are the bomb! It was the one thing that made me feel safe to go to the bathroom the first few years of motherhood. My kid took her first few steps at 9 months & broke a baby tooth at 10-11 months. You are damn right I babyproofed the house. One ER visit was enough!

[TeddyBonkers]

I used a baby gate in our 1 story house to block off the kitchen. That's the last thing a klutz like me needs in the kitchen is a baby and/or a toddler. 

In later houses, I used it to block off the bathroom or various bedrooms until it finally outlived its usefulness. 

[Emilycharlotte]

The need to child proof varies depending on the temperaments of both child and parent, along with other factors. I don't think there is a definitive right or wrong choice...UNLESS you are the type of parent who beats a baby for throwing toys down the stairs, in which case you need to put up a damn gate.

[Briefly]

I remember a baby gate when our daughter was a baby, but that was to keep the dog out of her room. As she got older and we moved to a house (the dog was adopted by someone else who really wanted her so we let them take her), I don't remember ever using a baby gate again. But we did put up cleaners, etc., and we did the baby-proofing put stuff up that should eat/break/cut herself with. I have a cousin whose toddler found a straight pin and ate it, we had a rush to a minor emergency center and then a referral to the ER. So I put everything up that our daughter could possibly grab - she was more the "put things in other places" type - socks in a hole on a metal bed frame, plastic cutlery in her grandmother's toilet, my keys in the trash can.  I have two baby gates now, but they are because I don't let the beagle in my craft room if I'm not home and because I have this silly idea that I might get to sleep late on Saturday mornings so the dog doesn't need access to our bedroom!

[Koala]

From Instagram:

Quote

When you decide you want a light dinner so you eat strawberries and blueberries on the floor in the sunlight with your granddaughter!

What the hell?  Why is she always telling people what she eats?  It's so damn weird.  And we get it- she's said a hundred times that she likes a light dinner, but you know what???  Strawberries and blueberries aren't dinner.  That kid needs calories, Lori!  Unlike you, she's trying to grow a brain!  A toddler should get a anywhere from 1000-1400 calories a day!  

She also needs fat!  She needs it, because without it, her brain and nervous system CAN NOT develop normally.  She also needs it to help her absorb certain vitamins.

Simply explained: An entire cup of blueberries (which you know that kid didn't eat) contains only 85 calories.  A strawberry has 4 calories (the bowl appears to have a few strawberries cut into slices).  It's HIGHLY likely that her granddaughter's "dinner" contained no more than 40 calories.

She's trying to pass her weight obsession onto her granddaughters, and it's downright disturbing. Why her daughter and daughter's-in-law continue to leave their children with Lori, I will NEVER know.  They have damn well seen what goes on in that chat room, and they KNOW FOR A FACT that Lori has encouraged some hateful shrew to hit her 20 month old deaf son!  They know that the mom has admitted to leaving marks, and they know Lori DOES NOT CARE!  They know about Lori's precious leather strap, they know about her obsession with pain, and belief that it's a "great teacher".  They know that she left both of her girls with body image and near eating disorders (by the daughters' own accounts).  Omg, it's just mind boggling.  Get a grip mamas.  Nothing on earth is worth leaving your kids with that woman.  She's dangerous.  Go home and take care of them yourself, so you can at least know they are fed and safe.  

And the fathers?  What are these supposed "protectors" doing to make sure Lori doesn't take a leather strap to their babies like she did to them/their spouses?  

This is a woman who had a reader admit that she caned her own child.  She further admitted that she thought she broke her arm.  Lori's advice???  "If you spank hard enough, it will work". 

On the off chance that these mothers don't believe me, here is the exact exchange:

Reader:

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I had one that would never give in to anything, regardless of punishment, spanking did nothing but make her worse, time outs where a joke, finally I picked her up and threw her under a cold shower

Lori:

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A spanking will work if it is hard enough

Reader:

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Not with her, we tried hand, and although I was against it belt, wooden spoon, cane everything she would just keep going, I stopped after I thought I broke her arm...

Lori?  Total silence.  She advised a woman who thought she'd broken her child's arm to hit harder!  She NEVER ONCE came back and retracted her advice.  What kind of "mentor" does that?  

And just in case anyone wants to give Ken a pass, let me tell you, his reaction was no better.  We confronted him with this exchange when he was here, and the following was his response:

Quote

Listen I get the issue that we need to protect against abuse, but you know full well this was not an abusive mother.

Which leaves you wondering- what do Ken and Lori consider abuse?  Have we ever seen them label anything as abuse?  

Good lord, who leaves their kids with these people?  You'd have to be crazy!

And while I am on it- Ken also admitted to leaving a bruise on one of his sons, yet both of them allow him to watch their kids.  WHY????  

[Briefly]

19 minutes ago, Koala said:

 

I'm quote challenged, I was trying to quote where Ken said it was not an abusive mother.  If that's the case, then I would be seriously afraid to find out what they do consider to be abuse!

[usmcmom]

18 minutes ago, Koala said:

And while I am on it- Ken also admitted to leaving a bruise on one of his sons, yet both of them allow him to watch their kids.  WHY????  

I've tried to give Lori's kids the benefit of the doubt, but I just can't shake the feeling that they are just as abusive to their children as Lori was to her own; and as Lori advises others to be. 

Lori proudly described Ryan as an abusive father when she related the feeding incident with Emma (why is it always food with these people?!?). As you've so clearly stated, Koala, her kids know full well what she is capable of and what she endorses. 

To still leave those small children with her, knowing what she teaches about children, truly makes me believe the cycle of abuse is continuing. I believe Lori gets sick pleasure out of seeing her grandkids receive any form of discipline. She is probably downright gleeful if she witnesses them getting spanked. Her kids are so warped, perhaps they'd rather please their sadistic mother than protect their own children. 

On a related note, just WHY does Lori have Ryan's kids so often these days?  Not only does it likely mean thar Erin is working; but also that those kids are getting regular beatings with a leather strap. 

All of the Alexander adults can rot in Hell - with the exception of Erin and she needs to RUN far far away. 

[Seahorse Wrangler]

While my father was never in this category of violence,  all being hit once  with a broom handle taught me to be a better liar.

 

 

[PhoenixRising]

21 hours ago, fluffy said:

If I recall he dropped a toy or something like that over the stairs. It was something like: I have a question about discipline. I spank my 20 month old for things that cause harm, or for blatant disobedience. Example — he kept throwing things down the stairs the other day. So after telling him to stop once, I told him “if you throw something else down the stairs, mom will have to spank you.” He did, and I calmly told him that because he disobeyed, I had to spank him.
So he came up to me yesterday while I was doing something in the kitchen, and started signing “spank” (we use ASL) and when I asked him why, he brought me over to the stairs and showed me something he had thrown down the stairs and was expecting a spanking for. He’s done this a couple times to hubby and I, and it’s almost like the spanking doesn’t even bother him... we’re both at a loss for what to do with that.Another slightly related question is that he has been pinching and hitting when he’s mad about something, and flailing and accidentally hitting us when he’s upset/crying. I’m not sure what to do about the violence...

She writes something like "I  do make sure it stings, I have to pull down his pants to do it on his skin... usually leaves a red mark.." Of course Lori and some other women want to make sure she's not using her hand but a rod or strap or something that will sting and blister. 

He is not yet two years old. And this woman is desperate for more children but fortunately her husband, who sounds like a real asshat, has put the kibosh on that. They can't' afford a house and live with his parents who don't parent the "right way." 

Let me be honest. Worse abuse is described for other children. Anyone who dares suggest other forms of teaching are shouted out by the meek mentor herself. It is not hard to get into chatroom. I encourage you to be in there to be a witness and record what else goes on. 

To her and other “hitting-only” people—

The answer is: developmentally appropriate logical consequences, and communication. A child throws their toys down the stairs? Use ASL and the toy to tell the child that they need to play with the toy appropriately. Show them how to. Listen to the child, help them understand their feelings, and then tell/show them how to communicate  with other people to let them know how they are feeling and why.

Logical consequence for repeatedly throwing a toy down the stairs (function is limit testing) =>child cannot play with the toy until they can do so without throwing it. 

The pinching and hitting when angry?help them descalate their behavior, and regain self-control. Stop modeling violent behavior for the child! Every time a person spanks a child in anger, they are telling their child that that behavior is acceptable to the parent(s). The parent is doing it in anger or frustration when the cause is “disobedience.” When punishment is the goal, anger is usually the primary driving emotion. 

Disciplining helps someone take responsibility for their actions, and helps them learn self-control. Punishing is about exerting power and control over others, in addition to inflicting suffering upon others. 

Misbehavior tends to be a misguided attempt to meet a unsatisfied need. Every behavior has a function. When people try to understand the function of a behavior, then they are more likely to address the root problem; and therefore to discipline a child, instead of punishing them. 

Punishment is not a substitute for parenting. 

If you hit another adult you could be charged with battery. Why is it okay to hit a child? (Rethorical question– I understand the laws and court rulings that guarantee parents the right to raise their children as they chose to). 

[PhoenixRising]

40 minutes ago, usmcmom said:

I've tried to give Lori's kids the benefit of the doubt, but I just can't shake the feeling that they are just as abusive to their children as Lori was to her own; and as Lori advises others to be. 

Lori proudly described Ryan as an abusive father when she related the feeding incident with Emma (why is it always food with these people?!?). As you've so clearly stated, Koala, her kids know full well what she is capable of and what she endorses. 

To still leave those small children with her, knowing what she teaches about children, truly makes me believe the cycle of abuse is continuing. I believe Lori gets sick pleasure out of seeing her grandkids receive any form of discipline. She is probably downright gleeful if she witnesses them getting spanked. Her kids are so warped, perhaps they'd rather please their sadistic mother than protect their own children. 

On a related note, just WHY does Lori have Ryan's kids so often these days?  Not only does it likely mean thar Erin is working; but also that those kids are getting regular beatings with a leather strap. 

All of the Alexander adults can rot in Hell - with the exception of Erin and she needs to RUN far far away. 

She taught her children that children are born evil, and that punishment is necessary to rid them of their inherent evilness. She taught them that a parent’s only purpose is to sanctify their children. The more the children suffer, the closer to sanctification that they and their parents are. 

Food is another avenue through which they can sanctify themselves and their children, and through which they can demonstrate their power over “evil.” 

[Don'tlikekoolaid]

Alexander is BITCH in the first degree.  Child abusers and their like would not want to meet me in a dark alley .  Laurie you bitch there is a special place for people like you in the afterlife and you are not going to like it.  May God richly bless you with all you deserve.

[usmcmom]

1 hour ago, usmcmom said:

All of f the Alexander adults can rot in Hell - with the exception of Erin and she needs to RUN far far

Quoting myself to correct my own mistake. I meant to type "with the exception of ALYSSA."  I think Alyssa would be very happy to have very limited (or no contact) with her mother. 

[lilwriter85]

I also think Alyssa is probably the nicest one in the family.

[Sarah92]

2 hours ago, PhoenixRising said:

To her and other “hitting-only” people—

The answer is: developmentally appropriate logical consequences, and communication. A child throws their toys down the stairs? Use ASL and the toy to tell the child that they need to play with the toy appropriately. Show them how to. Listen to the child, help them understand their feelings, and then tell/show them how to communicate  with other people to let them know how they are feeling and why.

Logical consequence for repeatedly throwing a toy down the stairs (function is limit testing) =>child cannot play with the toy until they can do so without throwing it. 

The pinching and hitting when angry?help them descalate their behavior, and regain self-control. Stop modeling violent behavior for the child! Every time a person spanks a child in anger, they are telling their child that that behavior is acceptable to the parent(s). The parent is doing it in anger or frustration when the cause is “disobedience.” When punishment is the goal, anger is usually the primary driving emotion. 

Disciplining helps someone take responsibility for their actions, and helps them learn self-control. Punishing is about exerting power and control over others, in addition to inflicting suffering upon others. 

Misbehavior tends to be a misguided attempt to meet a unsatisfied need. Every behavior has a function. When people try to understand the function of a behavior, then they are more likely to address the root problem; and therefore to discipline a child, instead of punishing them. 

Punishment is not a substitute for parenting. 

If you hit another adult you could be charged with battery. Why is it okay to hit a child? (Rethorical question– I understand the laws and court rulings that guarantee parents the right to raise their children as they chose to). 

Do you have advice on how to de-escalate behavior in children? I struggled with this when my family was taking care of my nieces who were initially raised with zero structure. We were often at a loss on how to help them calm down. 

[fluffy]

She's rallying the troops to hit their kids.

[cara]

4 hours ago, lilwriter85 said:

I also think Alyssa is probably the nicest one in the family.

Alyssa was also the child that was left for HOURS A DAY in the care of STRANGERS (well, beloved grandmother), while Lori was still a heathen working mother. So surely she should have turned out the worst  

Come to think of it, you can make anything sound ominous if you stick hours a day after it. I went to school for hours a day. I played with my friends for hours a day. I do grocery shopping for hours a day, surrounded by strangers 

I guess being spanked for hours a day would kind of suck.  

[Celtic Rose]

Remember quite a while back in the chat room when Lori was on her spanking hobby horse and one women commented that she had not spanked any of her children and they had turned out fine young adults.  All Lori could come back with quoting scripture her go to when she has nothing constructive to say.  The woman left I think not long after