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Buzzard

Counting on Season 4 - Part 5 - Volunteering or Profiteering

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Buzzard

Joe and Kendra arent married yet

Joy is pregnant but hasnt told the family

Jinger is living the newlywed life

Jill still appears on the show, despite the fact that Derick claims that they arent on it and never got any money

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Buzzard

Just like last week, it appears that I will have to work tonight during our regularly scheduled waste of an hour.  Tonight's recap is posted below, in spoilers.  Save yourself!

“Kendra’s birthday surprise” -  Part 1

Spoiler

2+ minutes of “shit you saw last week” and then “shit you’re about to see."  Next week I propose we just watch the cows.  YAWN

The show opens with cows.. and J’austin’s home.  They’re working inside the house, joy is in flip flops in a house with no flooring… or drywall… and shit all over the place.  #nosafetyclassesinhomeskool

They look around at the blown insulation and say that they hope that they’ll be in the house in 6 months.  Austin points out that the fuse box is active and Joy shouldnt touch it. They’ve been married 2 months and “stuff came up," thats why they havent gotten around to finishing the house.

Benessa TH – Renevating a home as a couple is a good experience.  Jessa mentions she’s found a real fixer upper.  Ben says it’s challenging with young children.  He's clearly not feeling the renovating bug.

Joe shows up and pulls a ladder out of the back of a pickup.  A mysterious white SUV is in the driveway already with the trunk open.  No mention who that belongs to.   I’m also really glad to see that J’austin are keeping the Duggar tradition of parking on the grass.

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The owner of the SUV is never identified.

Joe tells us that they have a month until the wedding. Kendra is nervous about being in front of people because she gets nervous on stage.

Austin shows Joe where the wires are going to go. Austin thinks that he's helping Joe out by keeping him busy until the wedding. He tells Joe that they’ve been married for 50 days and they remember what it was like when they had 50 days until the wedding.  They were tired of being “one in heart” but not one physically.

Flashback to the first kiss.

They’re thankful that they didn’t do it (kiss), but they know they can have self-control.

Joken – J’austin have been a great example to us.  You love eachother more and more each day and having chaperones gets you to that point without falling.  The physical boundaries – not kissing, saving ourselves.

Producer – what have you done to prepare yourself for the physical side – education on such things?

Joe – at this point in our relationship we figured that we don’t have to educate ourselves.  There are a lot of books and we could ask trusted people but you don’t want to make it harder on yourself thinking about things you can’t carry out.  It will be fun to learn together.

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Laredo

JinJer arrive at the airport to pick up James and Seung hye.  He was a groomsman.

JInger is wearing a tank top and looks adorable.

Flashback to meting them during the proposal episode.  He set up the sham.

Jeremy brings them cowboy hats.  “If you come to Laredo you should dress like a laredoan.” (Um, then why aren’t you wearing hats???)

The SUV they’re driving looks a lot like the one that was in the driveway at J’austin’s house...

We see the “new” house.  They go to the guest room.  It has a tray with candles on it.  JInger tells us that they have 2 guest rooms.

We see the kitchen and we’re told that Jinger does the cooking and she’s phenomenal.  We see the backyard, complete with the playset.

 

Caldwell home

Kendra packs up to go the Kentucky to buy her wedding dress.  There is a clothesrack in the living room.  Kendra’s mom is a quite a bit “extra” with the hairdo. 

Joe – Kendra likes sparkles.  I don’t like it on me.

Kendra wants waterproof mascara.  They all giggle.  It will be hard trying on dresses on her birthday and not being with him.

Joe arrives (and Michelle and Josie).  John is  flying all of them (and Jana). Lots of giggles… they climb into the plane “little do they know I’ll see her before she knows it.”  He’s flying commercial tomorrow. 

Jana and Michelle are in on the "surprise"

 

Part 2

Spoiler

Its 5am and Joe is headed to Kentucky.  He appears to be alone.  I fly a lot, granted not from bumblefuck A to bumblefuck B, but that’s a pretty damn boring route if the plane is that empty. Very strange… unless there are more people with him that just got up to not be in the shot and for some reason they aren’t telling us about them.

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Laredo

They’re going to play minigolf (this time with no humping).  I see JInger’s knees and half her thigh!  The Songs are wearing the hats, Vuolos are not.

thigh.thumb.jpg.cb9f90f5e34f77d1a92288ebb7e21fe8.jpg

We’re reminded of Jeremy’s bachelor weekend and his stupid outfit.

Jeremy sucks at mini golf and is competitive.  Again, we hear that he’s a former professional athlete.  Don’t play if you’re going to be content losing #WWJD?

Jeremy – I focused all my time learning techniques of soccer.  I’m athletic and good at all sports, except golf.  Like most things, JInger performed better.  She’s a natural at most everything she puts her hand to. It’s difficult for me to consistently lose to James.

 

Kentucky

The crew arrives in Mt. Sterling, Kentucky with her mom, grandma, sisters Lauren and Gracie, Michelle, Jana, and Josie are there.  Josie isn’t having it.

Flashback to Jessa buying her dress and Mz Renaaayyyyy.

Joy – it wasn’t as easy

Jill – even if you think you know what you want there’s a lot. 

Jessa – I was blessed to find a dress I love in 30 minutes.

Kendra and Renee sit down and suck life out of me as they blather at each other.  What the actual fuck is going on here?

thekendra.thumb.jpg.1bc4ee45053422114a211c95f67ffc01.jpg

It’s like a fucking Barbie dress up game.

barbiedressup.thumb.jpg.a208b27e119511467f753bace077b733.jpg

Kendra – I wanted something that just feels like a wedding dress. I like sparkles, I’m a hodgepodge of different personalities.

I’m trying to decide who is more annoying MZ Renaaaayyyy or Kendra. 

Joe rents a car in Lexington and decides to video chat with Kendra.  She called earlier and he didn’t answer.  He parks in a “quiet place” and changes to his “Arkansas” shirt that was conveniently under his dress shirt.

He gets back in the car and calls as she giggles in front of Kendra.  He tells her happy birthday.   They miss each other. 

Back to dress shopping.  Renee needs to see her “sparkles” ring and her iPhone is sparkles.

Gracie – Kendra likes sparkles because it matches her personality.

Christina – Kendra is a happy, bubble, sunshine on a rainy day girl.

 

Kendra comes out with dress 1.  They love the top.  Everyone coos (didn’t we see this already?)

Kendra – you always dream of this day but you can’t believe it.  The dress top is perfect because the top is covered in sparkles. 

The skirt is “boring.”

Mz. Renaaaayyy is really amping up the crazy annoying factor.

 

Part 3

Spoiler

Kendra reminds us that Joe isn’t there on her birthday because he can’t see the dress until the wedding.

Skirt 2… ruffles.  Michelle says “princess.”

We’re reminded of the top that we were introduced to about 5 minutes ago.  Yes, Mz. Renaaayyy made an interchangeable Barbie top to go with these fucked up bottoms so we can all play dress up with Kendra (who clearly hates the dresses) while poor Jana looks on thanking Jebus that she doesn’t have to sew.

Michelle – What do you call that type of skirt?

Renee – It’s a ruffled skirt, but I call it a fun skirt.

The Barbie mix n match remains prominently displayed…

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Michelle thinks it moves like water.  Kendra giggles.  She doesn’t see anything “wrong with it.” 

Dress 3

It has a horsebraid edging and thinks it could be it.  Its “super fluffy.”

That’s a NOPE

Now she’s worried that she won’t get a dress. 

 

Joe arrives in town.  He reminds us why he’s there.  He will surprise them at a restaurant and she’s in the dark.  Now he has to get the cake from the bakery next door to the dress shop.  He’s worried josie will see him.

He wanders in and is looking for a cake and tells the whole story to the woman behind the counter, who is the “pastry chef” per her hot pink uniform. 

Joe – “you’re a girl so you know what I’m talking about.”

A glittery fondant fancy ass cake happens to be sitting right there.

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Flashbacks to other JoeKen surprises.

Yup.  I totally believe that this cake just happened to be sitting there, ready for some dude to randomly walk in off the street and buy a glittery purple thing on the spot.  Especially when their OWN FUCKING WEBSITE says that they have to be ordered a week in advance.  I mean, come on Duggars, a LITTLE effort on your bullshit storyline, please?  You’re going to show this shit in recaps for the next decade.

http://www.spoonfulofsugarsweetsandsuch.com/fresh-baked-goods/

They write “Happy birthday Kendra” on the cake.

J’kids TH – Joe does nice shit like buying us flowers on valentine’s day.

The cake will be delivered to the restaurant.

Next door at the dress shop…  Kendra walks in slo mo.  They all agree this dress is “the one.” It has the right amount of “poof.”  They coo and side hug.  Clapping and screeching…

They put a veil on Kendra and give her wilted flowers.  Everyone says it’s beautiful.. Michelle takes pictures on her iPhone (that matches her lime green shirt).

 

 

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libgirl2

Jinger in a tank top? 

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Buzzard

Part 4

Spoiler

Laredo

James is making skirt steak fajitas and guacamole for dinner.   Jeremy has to husk corn.

Jinger – James is taking over dinner.  I feel guilty, but I know nothing about grilling.

They go outside, it’s over 100.

They cut the meat up and set the table.  No sign of prayer before the meal.

They discuss how organizing is still a challenge and JInger is unpacking the guest bedroom.  Every room is accounted for.  No convo is complete without asking about baybeez.

They have space…

The Songs are “talking about” having a kid.  They think JinJer will wait a year. They’re enjoying the time they have together now.

They head outside and eat dessert.

 

In Kentucky

We put veils on Kendra.

Joe arrives at the restaurant and they point him to a table.  JD arrives (he was just “waiting around” in Kentucky) and came to help decorate.  They unwrap table cloths.  There are a lot more seats than people we know about…

Joe – I miss having sisters around in situations like this.

He tries to hang a pink ball from a chandelier.  They put Hershey’s kisses on the table and tie balloons to chairs.

The cake arrives with a giant K on the side.

We waste more time staring at Kendra in the dress.

Flashbacks to other J’girls in their dresses.

They leave the dress shop and walk to the pizza place.  I feel bad for the other people eating their pizza.

Kendra walks in and front hugs Joe.  HUSSIE

They tour the table he decorated.  Other people try and ignore them.

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Joe tells us that he woke up at 4am to get on a 6 am flight and it was worth it. They’re now allowed side hugs only… um… there is a discussion about whether the hug today was a “full on front hug” or a ¾ hug.

That’s a full on sinner hug, right there.

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Producer – how do your desires increase as the wedding gets closer.

Jessa -  you want it to be today

Ben – we weren’t perfect but we were glad we didn’t make big mistakes.

Joe gives her gifts and Kendra was happy.

They eat pizza.  Kendra likes the decorations.

Joe brings the cake out.

Kendra squeals and giggles.  Joe cuts the cake, Jana helps.

 

Next week

Bachelor/bachelorette party

They’re going to beaver lake – I’ll just leave that there.

JinJer get a coffee roaster

J’austin is going to tell the fam that she’s “with child.”

 

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Ivycoveredtower

isn't the white car Joy's car I believe we saw her driving it when she went to Austin's house and learned how to make that cheese cake. 

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Buzzard
3 minutes ago, libgirl2 said:

Jinger in a tank top? 

Yup.  Knees, thighs, and shoulders all in one episode.  This show is quickly turning into fundie porn!

tanktop.thumb.jpg.898500c950eb6cb51bc881a6e7cb9c0a.jpg

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Ivycoveredtower

So they can't even trust themselves enough to learn about sex a month before their wedding. I mean even Micheal Bates read the encyclopedia 

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Buzzard
2 minutes ago, Ivycoveredtower said:

So they can't even trust themselves enough to learn about sex a month before their wedding. I mean even Micheal Bates read the encyclopedia 

Apparently the encyclopedia would be too much of a turn on for Joe.  He just doesnt want to think about it.

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2manyKidzzz

And Meechelle says it is precious!! And she fell into a vat of spray tan!!

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Buzzard

What is Michelle even doing there?  Its KENDRA'S dress.  Was she there for Anna's dress shopping (or are we just pretending that Kendra is the first woman to marry into the fam)?

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SassyPants
24 minutes ago, Buzzard said:

What is Michelle even doing there?  Its KENDRA'S dress.  Was she there for Anna's dress shopping (or are we just pretending that Kendra is the first woman to marry into the fam)?

I don't think Anna ever went dress shopping beyond her sister's closest (or maybe the shared closest).

Poor Anna- 

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Unimpressed
Escadora
36 minutes ago, Ivycoveredtower said:

So they can't even trust themselves enough to learn about sex a month before their wedding. I mean even Micheal Bates read the encyclopedia 

It's quite sad, isn't it? I mean, the one area of their lives where they could have been forgiven (not that it ever should have had to be something they needed to be forgiven for) for seeking education and instruction from even a sanitised source, and they chose to stay ignorant. Sums up the fundie mentality pretty well, I'd say :(

I mean, clearly they figured it out, as they are now expecting the expected, but still.

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Ivycoveredtower
43 minutes ago, Buzzard said:

What is Michelle even doing there?  Its KENDRA'S dress.  Was she there for Anna's dress shopping (or are we just pretending that Kendra is the first woman to marry into the fam)?

Anna only had her sister's borrowed ill fitting dress. and for anything you can say against Michelle I don't think it's that odd to have the mother in law with you well looking at dresses. Ben's mom was there when Jessa got her dress.

48 minutes ago, 2manyKidzzz said:

And Meechelle says it is precious!! And she fell into a vat of spray tan!!

yep that precious like nails on a chalk board. 

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libgirl2
1 hour ago, Buzzard said:

Yup.  Knees, thighs, and shoulders all in one episode.  This show is quickly turning into fundie porn!

tanktop.thumb.jpg.898500c950eb6cb51bc881a6e7cb9c0a.jpg

Okay, its not too revealing. I like that she can show some arm or knee and look stylish, yet modest (in a normal way) 

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Tired
freethemall
49 minutes ago, Buzzard said:

What is Michelle even doing there?  Its KENDRA'S dress.  Was she there for Anna's dress shopping (or are we just pretending that Kendra is the first woman to marry into the fam)?

It's not that weird for a MIL to come to a dress fitting, I invited my own to mine.

And yeah poor Anna, there was no dress shopping since she didn't get a custom dress created for her in another state and filmed on TV and maybe even paid for by TLC. Her older sister gave her her dress, which is sweet in its own way but also sad considering how fancy the other weddings have been.

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VBOY9977

@Buzzard do you have TLC go? They just released 2 mini episodes on Gideon’s birth and It would be awsome to read your recaps!!

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Nervous
onekidanddone

ACK! That green shirt again. There was this episode of Seinfeld where Jerry was dating a woman who always wore a black and white dress. Jerry was convinced his date had a closet full of the same dress.  I think Michele has the prayer closet stuffed with duplicate green tops. 

Oh and why do Josie and Jen have to go on this trip? Jana is only there to take care of her little sisters, but I just find it sad.  Jana may very well not want to get married and not have a problem wedding dress shopping every few months for young women 8-10 years her junior, but every time I see it all I an think is that JB and Michelle are reminding Jana of her 'place'.

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SapphireSlytherin

When GryffindorDisappointment went dress shopping, both I and her future MIL were there. Today, GryffDis and I picked up her dress after the final fitting. :) 

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VineHeart137
Posted (edited)

I think it's more peculiar that Josie was brought along than that Michelle was there.

I'm also curious as to who was primarily in charge of Jordyn and Jennie while Jana was gone. Johannah?

Edited by VineHeart137

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nst

Ben – we weren’t perfect but we were glad we didn’t make big mistakes.

this made me a little excited...

4 hours ago, Buzzard said:

What is Michelle even doing there?  Its KENDRA'S dress.  Was she there for Anna's dress shopping (or are we just pretending that Kendra is the first woman to marry into the fam)?

I know I am 

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nickelodeon

Primal screaming at Joe not wanting to learn about the birds and the bees before his freaking MARRIAGE because it would be too "hard on him" to have to think about sex. RIP Kendra.... you did nothing to deserve this...

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Bethella

Umm- why are they calling Kendra's sister Gracie? Her name is Olivia. 

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VineHeart137
3 minutes ago, Bethella said:

Umm- why are they calling Kendra's sister Gracie? Her name is Olivia. 

Maybe Grace is her middle name and that's what she goes by? It's not unheard of, especially if there are multiple Olivias in the extended family.

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Tired
purple_summer

Oh my god the "we don't need to learn about sex" line from Joe has me :pink-shock::pink-shock::pink-shock:

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