Real Life Fundie Encounters - Part 4

[PumaLover]

MIL to Mr: "Do you monitor what kind of books Mrs. EW reads? You really should be careful about what kind of books she reads." 

Man EW do I feel for you!! I relate to much to your posts. My fundie (fundie light?) ex and his family were so much like this. Always asking about the baybeeeeeez (we had a cat who was our child) and I could hear them expressing concern over what I was reading. Your husband sounds much more reasonable than mine was, which is exactly why he's an ex!

I hope things get better and less frustrating for you. Although in a sick way I kind of am entertained by your stories... forgive me Rufus.

[EowynW]

3 minutes ago, PumaLover said:

Man EW do I feel for you!! I relate to much to your posts. My fundie (fundie light?) ex and his family were so much like this. Always asking about the baybeeeeeez (we had a cat who was our child) and I could hear them expressing concern over what I was reading. Your husband sounds much more reasonable than mine was, which is exactly why he's an ex!

I hope things get better and less frustrating for you. Although in a sick way I kind of am entertained by your stories... forgive me Rufus.

It really is funny. We give ourselves ten minutes to bitch after every encounter and then we laugh about it. 

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

Oh my dear.... I have  no words ...

Well actually i do have words, probably enough to fill a book.  But then it would be the sort of book with the type of language Mr. should be monitoring (sarcasm font here).

As an English major I want to just say this:  Books are the best!!

Books let you travel to places you might never see, experience lives other than your own, learn new wonderful interesting things.  There are no bad books, although there are badly written books with stupid ideas (don't read those).

A book anecdote from my life.  I am 19, a 3rd quarter sophomore, taking 20th Century & Modern British Novel.  One of the books we were assigned was "Lady Chatterley's Lover."  I am home for some reason and in the den reading the book.  My mother walks in, notices what I'm reading and says "My girlfriends and I read that when I was your age. After the first few times the sex scenes are quite boring."  And then leaves the room.

What surprised me so much wasn't that she didn't care what i was reading --  it was trying to imagine my mother and her girlfriends passing the book around.

[BabyBottlePop]

Sunday night I decided to go for a run. I've been so busy all week I wasn't able to post until now, but the experience was unsettling.

So it was the first night with daylight savings, and I decided to go for a run just before dusk. I have a headlamp, but I decided not to take it since I only intended to run for about 20 mins. That way, I would get home just in time before it was night. So I go running through my neighborhood. At one point I'm running and I see a couple, dressed all in black, coming down the driveway I'm passing. They don't look familiar, and I think, ugh, door to door missionary. I run by before they can stop me (or maybe they thought I was defrauding) and keep going to the end of the street. There's a small bus with no one in it at the very end of the street. It's a independent, KJV only Baptist church that I've passed before driving, but have never interacted with. I get extremely uncomfortable when people preach to me (bad memories of a toxic church my high school ex went to) so I started running faster, nervous that someone would try to talk to me. As I keep running I see other couples, all in dark clothes, on different porches. They're moving from house to house, and I decide I don't want to go home cause I don't want them to see where I live and knock on the door. So I run down out of the neighborhood, down a hill, into an empty parking lot near me. I jog the perimeter for a while and I've been out longer than I'd like to be so I decide to go home. Maybe the van has left by now, I think. So I start running up the hill towards my house and I as I start doing that, I see the lights of the bus come cresting over the hill. And then the bus just stops. If I had kept going, I would have come up right up to the stopped bus, close enough to get on. I immediately run back down the hill, out of view of the bus, really freaked out now. If I go back up the hill, everyone on the bus will see me go into my house. So I run away, further out of view for a while. It's starting to get dark. Finally I go back to see if it was gone, and it was. So I hurried home. Later I looked up the church, and no surprise, this church supports missionaries in countries like Greenland and Iceland.

I know nothing would have probably happened to me if I had interacted with those people, but I just felt so creeped out and bothered! Sorry about the wall of text!

[anniebgood]

I've mentioned my Pentecostal in-laws before, but this is a new story. My husband is an atheist as is his favorite cousin. The cousin was invited on a cruise with his sister and her husband, his cousin, her daughter, the cousins' mom and my husbands' sister and brother in law. Previously when we would go to holidays at their home in Orange County, before they moved to Beaumont, TX, it was always dry at their house. Couldn't even bring our own bottles of wine. Told beforehand it would be stumbling blocks to people there. 

Well, I guess times have changed because cousin Tony said that nearly every night the bunch got hammered except for the aunt. SIL and BIL were trying to preach to Tony and tell him about Jesus and God and how that was the cure for everything. Tony just rolled his eyes and told them they were all psychos, and they just laughed. 

At first, my husband was kind of hurt that they didn't ask him to go along, not that we could afford airfare and a cruise right now, but after hearing this, he would have had to defend himself and his beliefs. He's rather vocal in his opinion about religions and that would have made him a pariah in that crowd. 

These are the same people who came to our house after we had a huge fight ( before husband was dx'ed as bi-polar) and spoke in tongues in every room and criticized my collection of history textbooks when they walked by the bookcase. 

 

[thinandfit]

When I was little I lived next to Christian Brethren - I always thought their daughters just seemed like nice people who liked wearing skirts (I live in northern Scotland so this definitely made them stand out and not in a good way)

[Granwych]

On ‎11‎/‎8‎/‎2017 at 9:50 AM, MayMay1123 said:

that's not what carlin meant??? Jesus doesn't love the mall? why doesn't Jesus love the mall? Jesus really needs to give the mall a try, He might like it!

Well, he wasn't much for shoes...

[thinandfit]

I got weird looks at Uni all day today and couldn't work out why as I didn't have anything on my face etc. My friend then pointed out I looked like I was an orthodox Jew (there is a large community near me) as I was wearing a black maxi skirt, t-shirt and big jumper - I only wore it because I am warmer in a long skirt than jeans 

[EowynW]

So my fundie lite BIL has time to stay up late playing Call of Duty (sometimes until 2 or 3AM) but just says "yea whatever!!" to a meme he's tagged in about "helping your wife clean the house." 

I can't decide whether to be angry or sad. Can I be both? I escaped patriarchy and misogyny but both my siblings stayed. They don't know it. I don't blame them. I'm just saddened they can't see it for what it is 

[JermajestyDuggar]

20 hours ago, thinandfit said:

I got weird looks at Uni all day today and couldn't work out why as I didn't have anything on my face etc. My friend then pointed out I looked like I was an orthodox Jew (there is a large community near me) as I was wearing a black maxi skirt, t-shirt and big jumper - I only wore it because I am warmer in a long skirt than jeans 

It's funny because people assume you can not tell if a woman is orthodox Jewish but you can. I come in contact with them almost daily and they do have a certain way of dressing. Black skirts past the knee. Black hose or tights. A head band, scarf, or hat is always worn. I was surprised when I talked to an orthodox Jewish woman in a light blue dress. It's just so uncommon around here. 

[thinandfit]

1 minute ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

It's funny because people assume you can not tell if a woman is orthodox Jewish but you can. I come in contact with them almost daily and they do have a certain way of dressing. Black skirts past the knee. Black hose or tights. A head band, scarf, or hat is always worn. I was surprised when I talked to an orthodox Jewish woman in a light blue dress. It's just so uncommon around here. 

You definitely can tell - I don't know if it's because i've grown up in a small area with a large percentage of orthodox jewish families or if I've naturally got an excellent fundie-dar 

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

@EowynW Be angry and sad. Because your BIL is being a selfish jerk and he probably knows it and doesn't care because - Hey patriarchy rules bro!!  Some how, someone needs to help his wife realize that.  That someone may be you. 

So keep talking to your siblings that patriarchy and misogyny aren't the only (or best) way. Keep modelling through your life and marriage how good leaving that world can be.  You and Mr. didn't leave God, you left a bunch of man-made rules based on a very narrow Scripture reading.

God doesn't want half of the world to be oppressed because of their genitalia.  He gave us freewill and a brain in order to think and reason and understand that love and faith are not oppression. Love  and faith are freedom.

[EowynW]

Fundie acquaintance on Facebook: "My husband represents Christ himself." 

(Her husband is a huge asshole that will order other women to be quiet and delete their comments during any sort of confrontation.) 

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

If ever God were to strike someone with lightning for blasphemy, that woman's post might do it.  She's just one step away from saying her husband is Christ.

Please tell me she doesn't call him "lord"

[EowynW]

Had an odd exchange with my mother today.  I was laughingly bemoaning my post wedding weight gain and my efforts to get back down to pre wedding weight, when she said "oh well that's the sex hormones changing you." I was super puzzled and asked what she meant. "You know, sex hormones." 

When I asked her to clarify what she meant, she said "well sex changes your body, you know. It affects you! You have all these sex hormones in your body now!

I can't quite understand this. Am i just naive? This is something I've never ever heard before in my life, and I've worked hard to educate myself since leaving fundiedom. Anyone have any ideas if this is accurate? It just feels odd to me. I was 29 when I married and I had plenty of those "sex hormones" running through me before marriage. It's not like a switch flipped after getting married  

 

 

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

There are no hormones you catch/ develop from having sex. Regular sex in and of itself does not make you gain weight

Having sex does not change  your body unless you get pregnant from it. Having sex can change your feelings and emotions though.

 If your mother means estrogen -- you've had that for years, waaaaaaaay before you were married/ had sex.

However a hormonal imbalance can result in unexpected/ unexplained weight gain. 

Some  ". . .  factors that leads to hormonal changes and fluctuations such as genetics, stress, diet, lifestyle and other hormones. Not to mention the impact of toxins and synthetic chemicals that act as estrogens in your body. Your unexpected weight gain may be due to deficiencies associated with hormonal imbalances like premature perimenopause, polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS), or unexpected hormone dominance or deficiency of sex hormones – estrogen, progesterone, testosterone or DHEA."

More here:    http://youngwellnesscenter.com/2016/09/26/does-sex-make-you-gain-weight/

There are tons of articles on the internet (so take them with a grain of salt).  My suggestion is if you are really concerned, consult a medical professional and ask about possible causes, including hormonal imbalance

[Hufflepuffpride]

I agree with Red Hair. Your hormones start at puberty. There is no way to turn them off. Sex can actually be great exercise and can burn quite a bit of calories. 

[EowynW]

Haha that's what I thought. Its not a big change, I just had never heard THAT reasoning before. 

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

OK FJ-ers we're all waiting for your fundie family encounters over the holiday.

  

[JermajestyDuggar]

Lots of people gain weight after marriage. I usually take it as a sign that they are comfortable with one another.

[EowynW]

Best one, aside from the earlier sex hormone one, was my Dad stopping by the kitchen to watch us clean up after the meal, catching Mr. EW sweeping the kitchen floor and saying "Mr. EW, you're going to make a great housewife some day." Which is hilariously awful to me since since sis & I got married my dad has been forced by necessity to help clean house. (But my whole life growing up he'd tell us girls that's what we were around for.)

Mr. EW was actually the only male who willingly jumped in with the cleanup. My brother finally did after some arm twisting and my sister's husband stayed far away from the kitchen.

Oh and my sister catering to her husband's every whim. Fixing every plate, asking him constantly if he needed anything, etc. He was busy frying turkey and she sat down to eat with us without him, and halfway through she started fretting and asking us if she should've waited to eat when her husband was ready to eat & Mr & I said "NO." My sister is very sensitive & loving, and if that's how she wants to care for her husband, fine then. But I am of the kind it's also due to the fact it was drilled into us that that is what women do to their husbands. You do it, it's your job to do it, be you don't expect them to do it back to you. Messed up there. 

Oh, and then my BIL & brother (getting engaged this winter)  getting into basically a dick measuring contest about who had bought the most expensive engagement ring set/diamond for their women. And complaining about how expensive their women were. It was a rather odd conversation to be stuck in because really didn't cost anything when er were dating or even now that we are married, lol,  but I could just be sensitive to it because we are the "poorest" out of the three young couples in my family. It's definitely taking getting used to with all of us married/fixing to be married and learning how to blend.  I hated it mostly for Mr.'s sake, he confessed later he felt quite inferior and he was sorry he couldn't have done more for me. So that was an unexpected damper on thanksgiving. 

3 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Lots of people gain weight after marriage. I usually take it as a sign that they are comfortable with one another.

Oh and that we are. Slipping into marriage was as natural as breathing to us. We've been best friends since childhood. About 21 years  before getting married. 

Oh! I forgot something else! My sister talking about her weight gain after marriage and how she's trying to diet it off because her husband "wants her to take care of herself and get as skinny as she can." Which just made me want to scream on the inside. But my mom thinks it's understandable that he's afraid of his wife getting fat after marriage. 

[clueliss]

I went to see my mother on Thanksgiving day - she's in Memory Care in a Nursing Home (dementia).  I was in my car getting ready to leave, looked up and saw the telltale white Kapp,  specific dress style of a German Baptist (locally referred to as Dunkers) woman and a man with a straw hat.  They had a pair of small children in tow (both of whom may have been mixed race or other darker skinned race)  .  At first I thought Mennonite then reminded myself that I wasn't in Mid-Missouri.  And yes the German Baptists who are located south of Lawrence KS do adopt children.  The kids also attend public school - a friends daughters went to a grade school with several German Baptist families.  

[hollyandivy]

16 hours ago, EowynW said:

 

Oh, and then my BIL & brother (getting engaged this winter)  getting into basically a dick measuring contest about who had bought the most expensive engagement ring set/diamond for their women. And complaining about how expensive their women were. It was a rather odd conversation to be stuck in because really didn't cost anything when er were dating or even now that we are married, lol,  but I could just be sensitive to it because we are the "poorest" out of the three young couples in my family. It's definitely taking getting used to with all of us married/fixing to be married and learning how to blend.  I hated it mostly for Mr.'s sake, he confessed later he felt quite inferior and he was sorry he couldn't have done more for me. So that was an unexpected damper on thanksgiving. 

 

I am sorry you and your husband had to listen to that. What a sh***** thing to say! And I still say you have hit the jackpot with your husband, he loves you and is not afraid to show it by helping you clean up! There is a REAL man for you!

 

And as for your sister's "job" of getting as thin as possible: does your BIL see her as a trophy wife?

[danvillebelle]

Trying to figure out how to carefully word this to protect a young woman's privacy - but dying to share here.

One of my daughter's best friends is getting married in a couple of weeks.  She is like a member of our family.  Her wonderful, kind, loving fiance' comes from a family that is HEAVILY involved in ALERT Academy and I'm assuming IBLP.  He was raised in it, but left it lock, stock and barrel years ago and now is your run-of-the-mill Christian guy.  

Anyway - some of the people discussed here could very well be at this wedding.  I'll let you know if I spot anyone.  

[MamaJunebug]

OH MY RUFUS IT WAS AWFUL!!!!!!!

Went stag to a neighbor’s Daughter’s wedding & reception. There is nothing but mutual love and respect between me and them and their umpty-zillion kids. I know they are Latin-Rite RCs who drive 20 miles for Latin Mass and they know I’m a Lutheran and neither matters because like I said, love & respect. 

 So I walk into the reception hall and it’s Beautiful – –like Hogwarts dining hall has appeared in my fair city. I find my table, where there’s a couple about my age – – he’s a very nondescript guy and she looks like Loretta Lynn but with no smile whatsoever. I say hi I’m June bug  and looks like I’m at your table! He smiles, she nods, and I say with delight, “ it looks like Hogwarts doesn’t it?” No response from him — her lips purse a little. I say, “oh, you havent read Harry Potter” Oh then her lips  really purse and her nose screws up and she frowns and she snaps “no I have not.”

I reply that it just looks very nice, doesn’t it and she kind of gives me a dirty look.Before long they ask how I know the bridal couple and I explained theyre my neighbors and how much I have just enjoyed watching the whole family grow up, and what about them? Well, she purses, The bride volunteers once a week at our pregnancy mission.  And of course our families have followed the Latin mass from parish to parish.

Blame it on the wine, but I think that maybe I can get something in common with her – – I say, “I admire your devotion  to the Latin mass – – myself, I am Lutheran and while I love the music in the conservative churches, I’ve just become too liberal for them.” Oh her eyes narrow and her lips practically suck inside themselves, and I figure, what the heck! Go for broke.

“Yes,” I continue, “liberal  Lutheran Church music is just Not for me, so I figure, I’ll enjoy the music and worship and prayer in the conservative church, and just fall asleep during the sermon. “. He kind of chuckles and she sends him a withering glance. 

I’m not about to sit in stony silence, so I engage in light conversation with him about a variety of topics and she looks on disapprovingly. When he gets up to go for another beer, I ask her to tell me about the things her pregnancy center supports. To her credit, the group apparently does a lot for the women and families who come to them for help.

Since I believe that a woman has the right to choose to keep a fetus she wants , I feel very comfortable and  genuine in telling her, that’s great, it sounds like you do a lot of wonderful work.

And then God bless her, she talks proudly  about how they also have demonstrations outside “abortion mills.”

It is everything I can do, not to say, “oh! Now I know why you look familiar – – I have Escorted women past you!” But folks, I am proud to say, I didn’t . Because, I haven’t seen her there.

But mostly Because — neighbors.

It was really  creepy to be facing her for the hour I was there. I was able to make an honest excuse and leave as soon as I was finished eating – – there were about 300 people in the hall, so only the people at my table noticed – – but, UGH!!! I don’t ever want to be in that situation again. I can’t stop thinking about it. This woman has 11 living children and I forget how many grandchildren. Are the adults all voting for Trump ? Do all of them support efforts to deny women choice?

I hope I don’t see my neighbors for a day or two. I need to get the stank out of my mind.

 And I will never, ever mention anything about this to them. UGH!