Joy and Austin: Switzerland to the Backwoods of Arkansas

[Fluffy14]

My husband was 22 and I was twenty when we married.  Getting married young is not necessarily a bad thing at all.  Everyone grows and changes and having someone by your side doing life with you can be such a good thing. We had 4 kids in 6 yrs. I always preferred that because I am fifty now my kids have all been gone out of the house for 4 years now.  My husband are loving our freedom now, and are enjoying  everything .

My kids pursued university, jobs etc and are with their own partners, very happy. My youngest boys both are living with their first loves and have been for around 4-5 years completely happy and content.  

Our daughter married 2 yrs ago at 25. We had a very traditional wedding in  sense of the cost. We paid for the venue, sit down dinner food, and cider on the tables. The venue was an apple cidery.  Grooms dad paid for wine on the tables, and if anyone wanted more alcohol  it was available at a cash bar. Most people were happy with the alcohol on the tables. The venue was in the country with a n hour drive back to any city so people probably took that into account. Surprisingly everyone was ready to leave by 10-11 pm.  

I think these days when it concerns weddings everything goes. Do what you want. There are no hard and fast rules anymore. My daughter wanted a very traditional wedding and she got it. The point is that the bride and groom are happy. They have to do a wedding that pleases them.

my own wedding was at 1 pm, and we were outta there by 4 pm. We had a stand up reception with mini sandwiches , veggies, fruit, and Petite Fours for our cake. I couldn't wait to get out of there and start my life. The wedding was just a formality for me that had to happen.

i am with the other poster who said getting married young is viewed as a negative thing. It doesn't have to be. Most people I knew back then got married before life was figured out, and most of them are still happy and still married.

 

 

[VelociRapture]

Weddings in my area tend to be open bar and sit down dinners with a designated cocktail hour. That's what we chose for our own wedding - turned out great because we sprung for the top shelf open bar (meaning every type of liquor was available.)

That said, I don't find it rude or tacky to have a cash bar or limited selection or a dry wedding. I've said it before, but the happy couple is really only responsible for making sure their guests know what to expect - that way people can plan accordingly. So, for instance, if you're doing a cash bar let people know when you send invitations so that guests know to bring cash with them if they want to drink. Or if you're not serving a meal be sure to let guests know ahead of time so they eat ahead of time (hangry guests are the worst!)

But at a standard North American wedding (regardless of formality), I do think basic drinks - like water - should be offered free of charge.

[O Latin]

I can't be the only one who doesn't understand the whole partying until after midnight thing, can I? It just mystifies me that people actually have the stamina for that (and I run marathons so I like to think I've got okay endurance). I have not-so-fond memories of being dragged to bars by my friends in college and calling my mom after half-an-hour, begging her to come get me because they wanted to stay until closing and I couldn't last that long. But there seem to be lots of people who enjoy that, so party on. I guess it's a good thing no one close to me has gotten married yet. I still have plenty of time to work on my get-out-of-reception-early excuses. 

[louisa05]

2 minutes ago, O Latin said:

I can't be the only one who doesn't understand the whole partying until after midnight thing, can I? It just mystifies me that people actually have the stamina for that (and I run marathons so I like to think I've got okay endurance). I have not-so-fond memories of being dragged to bars by my friends in college and calling my mom after half-an-hour, begging her to come get me because they wanted to stay until closing and I couldn't last that long. But there seem to be lots of people who enjoy that, so party on. I guess it's a good thing no one close to me has gotten married yet. I still have plenty of time to work on my get-out-of-reception-early excuses. 

We were both the last among our friends to get married. Almost all of our friends had young children with them or wanted to get home/back to where they were staying because of babysitters. So we left our reception about 9:30 as people were already starting to go. It all wrapped up pretty quickly after we left as I understand it. But we had a 2 p.m. wedding and served dinner a bit before 5 p.m., so it was not as if it was a quick reception. 

 On the other hand, one of my friends got married at 22 (she of the no free drinks but water wedding) and none of their friends were married or had kids. That reception shut down around 2 a.m. with the groom so wasted drunk that the bride's brother and the best man had to carry him to the car and the bride had to drive in a wedding gown with them following her so they could get him into the hotel for her. Of course, he had started drinking at about 11 a.m. during the pictures. I think I prefer leaving at 9:30ish. 

And they are divorced.  

[fluffernutter]

31 minutes ago, Fluffy14 said:

My husband was 22 and I was twenty when we married.  Getting married young is not necessarily a bad thing at all.  Everyone grows and changes and having someone by your side doing life with you can be such a good thing. We had 4 kids in 6 yrs. I always preferred that because I am fifty now my kids have all been gone out of the house for 4 years now.  My husband are loving our freedom now, and are enjoying  everything .

 

 

Us too. HS sweethearts, married at 20, three kids by the time we were 28. We now have 3 adult/teen daughters and it's been a great life so far. It worked for us. Doesn't mean it's right for everyone, but we have been very happy.

[mpheels]

@O Latin - I'm generally the same way. My ideal night out is dinner and drinks somewhere cozy. I'm happy to stay up late talking, but have no interest in clubbing or bar hopping. Something about weddings brings out my inner party animal. I think it's because the dance floor is typically less crowded, and I feel safe knowing that everyone there is at least a friend of a friend. I feel less inhibited, and not just from the open bar. It also helps knowing I either have an assigned table or can claim a table with friends, so we can safely ditch our shoes there when our feet start hurting, and will always have a seat to rest if we want it. Late night snacks don't hurt either - in the past 5 years I've attended weddings with late night snacks including s'mores, cider donuts, tastee cakes, and soft pretzels.

[Runningfromreality]

22 minutes ago, O Latin said:

I can't be the only one who doesn't understand the whole partying until after midnight thing, can I? It just mystifies me that people actually have the stamina for that (and I run marathons so I like to think I've got okay endurance). I have not-so-fond memories of being dragged to bars by my friends in college and calling my mom after half-an-hour, begging her to come get me because they wanted to stay until closing and I couldn't last that long. But there seem to be lots of people who enjoy that, so party on. I guess it's a good thing no one close to me has gotten married yet. I still have plenty of time to work on my get-out-of-reception-early excuses. 

My husband and I are the same way. We just picked a venue that would only allow the reception to go until 10:30  So we stayed the whole time, but still got to leave before we got too cranky. Most of my close friends are married and we left all of those receptions around 10, before things got too crazy. Our own wedding was the only one where we stayed the whole time. 

[Jana814]

Every wedding I have been to the bride and groom stayed the whole time.  

At the last wedding I went to the reception started @ 12 in the afternoon and it was over by 6pm.  I thought the timing was perfect. It was like any other wedding that I have been to (with a sit down meal) but it was over by 6. 

[O Latin]

21 minutes ago, mpheels said:

@O Latin - I'm generally the same way. My ideal night out is dinner and drinks somewhere cozy. I'm happy to stay up late talking, but have no interest in clubbing or bar hopping. Something about weddings brings out my inner party animal. I think it's because the dance floor is typically less crowded, and I feel safe knowing that everyone there is at least a friend of a friend. I feel less inhibited, and not just from the open bar. It also helps knowing I either have an assigned table or can claim a table with friends, so we can safely ditch our shoes there when our feet start hurting, and will always have a seat to rest if we want it. Late night snacks don't hurt either - in the past 5 years I've attended weddings with late night snacks including s'mores, cider donuts, tastee cakes, and soft pretzels.

That makes sense. I get being less inhibited around friends. I don't drink (anymore), I don't dance, and I don't like eating in public, so I feel like I would spend the entire time browsing Instagram on my phone, taking as long as possible in the bathroom, and wondering if the bar has any coffee. Plus I would probably be composing an angry rant about the cake in my head. Don't even get me started on my issues with cake...

[VelociRapture]

@O LatinYou definitely aren't alone. Husband and I had a short 4:00 ceremony and a reception that started immediately afterwards at the same location. Whole thing was done by 9:30. We said goodbye to everyone as they left, our families helped pack things up, and my new husband drove us the ten minutes back home for the night. Not really typical for our area, but it worked out great for us because I get tired if I stay up too late.

[mstee]

I'm getting married this weekend and my fiancé and I are not drinkers (except for the ocassional glass of wine for him and margarita for me) but my parents wanted us to have a bigger, formal wedding so they decided on an open bar (with a limit) and I figure if they are paying for it, then alright. The only thing I wanted was a champagne toast. 

As far as staying for the whole reception- I think we will stay for most of it and then take off a little before it ends. We're very low-key (aka party poopers) and I think I'm going to be drained after stressing out that day (I don't like to get up and speak in front of people and now I am in front of 60 people lol) so I guess we will see how it goes. We haven't discussed it. 

[LuckyShot]

Weddings are always "party into the night" affairs where I live. Even for older folks and couples with small kids.  There's a sit down supper, speeches, and then the dance starts, and lasts until the venue shuts down. There's also a second meal (midnight lunch) served around 11 PM to keep everyone going, usually it's sandwiches and finger foods. It's not about getting drunk (although I've seen some runaways) but about getting to hang out and visit, dance and have fun with friends and family that you don't get to see often. I love weddings, and I don't think I've ever left a reception before midnight. We left our own reception at 3 AM, and I was sad that we couldn't stay longer!

Dances in general are a big thing here though, so I think that influences the wedding culture. In my small town we have a dinner and a dance every Friday night, and we have anywhere from 20 to 100 people depending on the night. It always runs past midnight, and I remeber one particular night where we didn't get everyone out until 4 AM. And most of the stragglers were in their 50s, not the young bucks, lol.

[moreorlessnu]

It used to be the custom that it was rude to leave a wedding reception before the bride and groom did. This was back in the day when the (chaste) bride and groom were anxious to start the honeymoon, and would leave early.

I've seen "Dear Abby" type letters where people have asked how they are expected to stay when the bride and groom are still dancing at 2 and 3 in the morning, and the letter writers are just not up to such a late evening/early dawn. I think the answer was the reason for the earlier etiquette no longer applies, and to leave when you've stayed a reasonable amount of time, and it's prudent for you to leave so as to arrive home safely.

I was surprised to see that Joy changed into some sort of going away outfit. I think she is the first Duggar bride to do this?

[mpheels]

11 minutes ago, moreorlessnu said:

I was surprised to see that Joy changed into some sort of going away outfit. I think she is the first Duggar bride to do this?

I'm not surprised - she likes comfy clothes, and does not seem to enjoy dressing up as much as her sisters. I'm the same way - I will dress up for the occasion, but will change into more comfortable clothes as the soonest opportunity.

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

2 hours ago, O Latin said:

I can't be the only one who doesn't understand the whole partying until after midnight thing, can I? It just mystifies me that people actually have the stamina for that (and I run marathons so I like to think I've got okay endurance). 

In my families case it is the German thing (or maybe the Wisconsin thing), they know how to throw a party. Polka music, beer, food its a blast, and every wedding I've been to in my family has gone until the wee hours of the morning.  Of course so do  baptisms, 1st communions, graduations, pretty much any and every reason to gather drink and eat lasts for hours and hours and hours.

[2manyKidzzz]

11 minutes ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

In my families case it is the German thing (or maybe the Wisconsin thing), they know how to throw a party. Polka music, beer, food its a blast, and every wedding I've been to in my family has gone until the wee hours of the morning.  Of course so do  baptisms, 1st communions, graduations, pretty much any and every reason to gather drink and eat lasts for hours and hours and hours.

Parties make the world go round!!!!

[VBOY9977]

In my country, Colombia, the party is the most important part of the wedding lol! A good wedding consists of a great band, dancing all night and lots of alcohol, and the bride and groom are usually the last to leave.

they always serve a full meal ( appetizer, entree, dessert) and then when everyone is super drunk they serve soup to help with the hangover  It's like the literal opposite of a fundie wedding 

[divadivine]

13 minutes ago, VBOY9977 said:

In my country, Colombia, the party is the most important part of the wedding lol! A good wedding consists of a great band, dancing all night and lots of alcohol, and the bride and groom are usually the last to leave.

they always serve a full meal ( appetizer, entree, dessert) and then when everyone is super drunk they serve soup to help with the hangover  It's like the literal opposite of a fundie wedding 

Colombians are awesome and I've heard you do throw some fabulous parties! I've also heard about the Fire Water served at different events. It's legendary. 

[socalrules]

2 hours ago, O Latin said:

I can't be the only one who doesn't understand the whole partying until after midnight thing, can I? It just mystifies me that people actually have the stamina for that (and I run marathons so I like to think I've got okay endurance). I have not-so-fond memories of being dragged to bars by my friends in college and calling my mom after half-an-hour, begging her to come get me because they wanted to stay until closing and I couldn't last that long. But there seem to be lots of people who enjoy that, so party on. I guess it's a good thing no one close to me has gotten married yet. I still have plenty of time to work on my get-out-of-reception-early excuses. 

I am someone who is perfectly happy being home and in my PJs by 9pm. I hate bars, clubs and partying. Yet, when I go to Las Vegas, I have no problem getting back to my hotel room at 4am after a long night and early morning of playing the slots. Sometimes it's just the moment and environment we are in that makes us not care about the time. I don't want to have dinner down the street from home at 10pm but am ok with it while on vacation. 

[Incognito22]

3 hours ago, O Latin said:

I can't be the only one who doesn't understand the whole partying until after midnight thing, can I? It just mystifies me that people actually have the stamina for that (and I run marathons so I like to think I've got okay endurance). I have not-so-fond memories of being dragged to bars by my friends in college and calling my mom after half-an-hour, begging her to come get me because they wanted to stay until closing and I couldn't last that long. But there seem to be lots of people who enjoy that, so party on. I guess it's a good thing no one close to me has gotten married yet. I still have plenty of time to work on my get-out-of-reception-early excuses. 

Where were you when I was in college?!  I'm the same way.  I would find myself thinking, " I'm supposed to be having fun but really I'm just counting down the hours."   Probably the main reason I disliked going to New Orleans when I had family there.  It NEVER ENDS!  I'm not much of a drinker either so no chance for alcohol assisted time warp. 

[Iamtheway]

3 hours ago, LuckyShot said:

Dances in general are a big thing here though, so I think that influences the wedding culture. In my small town we have a dinner and a dance every Friday night, and we have anywhere from 20 to 100 people depending on the night. It always runs past midnight, and I remeber one particular night where we didn't get everyone out until 4 AM. And most of the stragglers were in their 50s, not the young bucks, lol.

That sounds amazing. Where do you live? I want to move there.

We bought wine, beer and cider for our party and I think my parents still have some of the bottles that were left over. We married 7 years ago. In my area it's common to have your reception in community halls where you cater and bring your own drinks. I have been to a wedding where the alcohol was home made. 

In Sweden, the heathen capital of the world, people are usually a bit older when they marry and have already lived together for years. But I think if you've been together since you were very young you either grow together or you grow apart. My parents met when my mum was 14 but didn't marry until she was 26. And I think that was mostly because it was convinient to be married when you had a kid together. I was 3 months old at their wedding. I have a couple of friends that married their highschool sweethearts after 10+ years together. Would their lives have been different if they had married a few months after they met? Probably not. But they could afford a much better party this way.

[FleeJanaFree]

18 hours ago, HurricaneBells said:

Out of curiosity... now that they are married, if Austin one day decided the faith was not for him and that he wanted out - is Joy expected to be an obedient wife and follow him still or does she then have the option of going home to her parents or another option? They seem to be all about putting up with whatever life gives you (as wives) and obeying your headship at all times but what if its the one thing your parents would never want you to obey? Basically what if just one spouse wants to go? Especially in these marriages where i believe y'all have talked of it being a particular type that is even more unlikely to result in divorce. I worry one day that will happen to Anna.... all that she has put up with, i can see Josh taking the out some day

I think this happened to one of Anna's sisters. Rebekah? Her husband decided fundie wasn't right, she agreed. They ended up divorcing later on. I don't know how she feels about God these days, but she's not fundie. I think he's conservative but not fundie now. I believe this was the brother in law that came on to FJ. 

 

Im going by my own memory here, feel free to correct me.

[Pandora Spocks]

3 hours ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

In my families case it is the German thing (or maybe the Wisconsin thing), they know how to throw a party. Polka music, beer, food its a blast, and every wedding I've been to in my family has gone until the wee hours of the morning.  Of course so do  baptisms, 1st communions, graduations, pretty much any and every reason to gather drink and eat lasts for hours and hours and hours.

Yeah, it's a Wisconsin thing. Even when it isn't a wedding but just a family gathering, it's lots of food, drink and laughter. We did Jell-O shots at Christmas one year, but I do live north of Hwy 8, so there's that.

[Escadora]

On 2017-6-19 at 0:45 PM, Fundie Bunny said:

@Escadora You can't imagine how much I can relate to you. After my grandmother and father died a couple months aparto,  i shut down for almost 3 years. But now it looks like I have my life back on track, even if it means I am 2 years behind everyone around me. But it doesn't matter, because after all, two years is nothing, and you'll be able to see it too. Soon enough you'll feel fully like your old self.

Y'know, it's nice to have company with these feelings, but I'm sorry for what you had to go through in order to have the feelings in the first place. I'm glad to hear you're doing better, I'll root for you

I look forward to the day where it seems like nothing, or at least hurts a lot less. But you're absolutely right that feeling like my old self is starting to happen. In class sometimes I'll get sarcastic and jokey and it'll be just like a few years ago and people will laugh and I feel social and normal again and it's such a lovely feeling, and those brief moments of total joy and normalcy do keep me going.  

[Irene]

3 hours ago, divadivine said:

Colombians are awesome and I've heard you do throw some fabulous parties! I've also heard about the Fire Water served at different events. It's legendary. 

Agree, thats way in my backpacking trip of 9 months, was in columbia for 3 months