Lori Alexander 19: Hating Birth Control, Consistency, and Logic

[Curious]

I have kinda wondered if perhaps Alyssa and Jon just don't want kids.  There are many reasons why people don't want kids and Lori being my mother would certainly be one of mine if I was one of Lori's kids.   Obviously, she can't just say she doesn't want kids to Lori because that would bring on the tantrum of all tantrums, so infertility is a good excuse.    When Lori starts nagging, it can be yeah we are thinking about adoption and then they just go on their merry way without having to deal with as much advice from Lori.

[Koala]

Maybe it's because I'm a bitch, but I have long thought that it would serve Lori well for the family not to tip toe around her.  

She uses that blog like a weapon. They post that they're going to Beauty and the Beast.  Lori responds with multiple posts about the evils of Beauty and the Beast.  They post a picture with leggings.  Lori does another post about how ungodly leggings are.  Women's retreat?  What a coincidence!  Lori's been meaning to write about how bad women's retreats are.  Maybe you can read it while you're there...relaxing...neglecting your god given roles.  Have fun!   

Lori learned a long time ago that she could use manipulation and religion to get her way. 

I am not big on confrontation, but I'm not afraid of it either.  There's no way I'd concoct some elaborate story just to keep Lori happy.  I hope her children don't feel the need to do that.  It's a burden they should have to carry, and in the end, she might learn to accept that Lori's way is not the only way.  

ETA- My mil was of the mind that there was one way to be, and she was happy to tell you all about it.  Confronting it head on spared me a lot of headaches.  These last 18 years wouldn't have been anywhere near as peaceful, if I'd let her think that I'd do what she wanted if she pitched a big enough fit.

 

[EmiGirl]

1 hour ago, Koala said:

My mil was of the mind that there was one way to be, and she was happy to tell you all about it.

My mother is like this to a point. She's constantly griping because she doesn't approve of the way that my husband and I keep our house. We dont do dishes every day and usually have a couple in the sink waiting to be washed or be transferred to the dishwasher. We keep things like the dog food and other frequently used items on our counters. We have a long hair cat so yes, there are usually clumps of kitty fur on the floor that we haven't seen or had the time to sweep up. It's really been a cause of contention because she has no qualms about telling me what a horrible wife I am for not keeping my house spotless. I really don't think she realizes that this behavior is one of the reasons I'm not fighting against moving for my husband's job.

[Imrlgoddess]

I read briefly through Alyssa's blog earlier today & there's a post regarding them not having children. There are issues. She does want a baby but it's not in the cards for one reason or another. 

She threw herself into her work when she found out it wasn't going to be easy for them. She teaches dance, sells LulaRoe & a brand of dance equipment. Very positive outlook, base remnants of what she learned at home but with an amazingly good twist to it. 

[Hisey]

4 hours ago, EmiGirl said:

My mother is like this to a point. She's constantly griping because she doesn't approve of the way that my husband and I keep our house. We dont do dishes every day and usually have a couple in the sink waiting to be washed or be transferred to the dishwasher. We keep things like the dog food and other frequently used items on our counters. We have a long hair cat so yes, there are usually clumps of kitty fur on the floor that we haven't seen or had the time to sweep up. It's really been a cause of contention because she has no qualms about telling me what a horrible wife I am for not keeping my house spotless. I really don't think she realizes that this behavior is one of the reasons I'm not fighting against moving for my husband's job.

I hope you know it's none of her business how you keep your house, and that her behavior is way out of line.

Reminds me of a story about my own (late) mom. Although she loved me, she was a very difficult person. Anyhow, she invited me to go the beach with her for the weekend, and I agreed. While we were there, I got a call from my husband telling me that someone had done the dishes I had left in the sink, but he couldn't figure out who'd done them (we later found out it was our dogwalker, trying to be helpful).

I got off the phone and laughingly told my mother about this "mystery." She looked at me tensely and turned away. I asked her what was wrong and she said angrily, "I know you are trying to make me upset by telling me you left dishes in the sink.  I am not going to let you upset me." She actually thought I was baiting her by sharing that story, because it was so foreign to her that anyone wouldl ever for the weekend with dishes in the sink. I was about 32 at the time.

[Hisey]

7 hours ago, Curious said:

I have kinda wondered if perhaps Alyssa and Jon just don't want kids.  There are many reasons why people don't want kids and Lori being my mother would certainly be one of mine if I was one of Lori's kids.   Obviously, she can't just say she doesn't want kids to Lori because that would bring on the tantrum of all tantrums, so infertility is a good excuse.    When Lori starts nagging, it can be yeah we are thinking about adoption and then they just go on their merry way without having to deal with as much advice from Lori.

I've thought the same thing! Obviously I could be 100% wrong, but there's lots of evidence to support this possibility

--She and her hubby seem to have a fine time being childfree

--Alyssa is a beautiful young woman and seems to take great pride in her beauty, flexibility, and being in excellent shape. She also seems to love dancing! She may fear pregnancy (and childrearing) will take these things away, either temporarily or permanently.

--Alyssa has admitted to having body image issues and because of this may not want to be pregnant.

--I suspect they may struggle financially. Her husband has been part of Ken's business, and now he is not. I thought perhaps he joined them when he couldn't get jobs in construction (which is what he generally does). Plus Lori mentioned they have moved 6 times in the 6 or so years that they've been married. So they may not be able to afford having kids, and might not want to take money from Ken the way Cassi does.

It is way easier to tell Lori (and other, less rabid, conservative-christian relatives) that they dont' want kids. And yes, when the pressure intensifies, just say they are "thinking about" adoption.

 

[polecat]

20 hours ago, Koala said:

Maybe it's because I'm a bitch, but I have long thought that it would serve Lori well for the family not to tip toe around her. 

2

bbm -- I agree. I think Lori has never quite understood that her children are separate people but rather she sees them as extensions of herself.  She's like a spider sitting in the middle of her treacherous web just waiting for one of the flies to make a wrong move so that she can attack and suck the life right out of them. Best case scenario -- they just don't read any of her nonsense. 

She needs to read more. She might learn something.

Quote

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts, 
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, 
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, 
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.

~Khalil Gibran

 

 

[Koala]

What are the odds.  Alyssa posts a heartfelt post on her struggles with food. 

Lori's post today:

Quote

We live in a time of excess. We eat too much. 

Quote

We eat too much junk food. 

Quote

Do you say “no” to yourself when it comes to eating and food? Do you have to eat something before you feel a hunger pain? Do you continue to eat even after you are full? Can you ever go between meals and not snack? Do you consistently show self-control when it comes to eating? Does food have control over you instead of you controlling your appetite?

Feed me with the food that is my portion (Prov. 30:8) Every time before you eat ask the Lord to help you to only eat your portion and no more.

She has stooped to new levels

 

[EowynW]

I think Lori would make a great IFB preacher. They love to stand behind a pulpit screaming about everything that wiggles being a sin. And if it doesn't wiggle they'll kick it so they can preach against that too. 

Her message is always you are wrong wrong wrong. And heaps shame shame shame. Her gospel is false and she does nothing to practically help or encourage wives and mothers. Even her "nice" words reek of judgemental, prideful shit. 

[lilwriter85]

14 hours ago, Hisey said:

I suspect they may struggle financially. Her husband has been part of Ken's business, and now he is not. I thought perhaps he joined them when he couldn't get jobs in construction (which is what he generally does). Plus Lori mentioned they have moved 6 times in the 6 or so years that they've been married. So they may not be able to afford having kids, and might not want to take money from Ken the way Cassi does.

Good observation and these points definitely support the possibility.

I also think they are struggling financially. Alyssa's husband has a degree in construction technology and maybe he makes a little more than others in the business. I always wondered if drama went down during the period when Jon worked for Ken. They live in an expensive state and I think Alyssa only teaches dance part time and maybe her Lularoe business is doing ok. There are some childfree couples who chose to live on one full time income even in expensive areas. I feel bad for Alyssa if Lori keeps asking about adoption and she really doesn't want to adopt or have kids. If that's the case, Alyssa better hope that Lori doesn't do deep research on adoption.

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

6 hours ago, Hisey said:

might not want to take money from Ken the way Cassi does.

Wait... I hadn't read this. LoriKen are supporting Cassie/Hubby/grandchild?

[lilwriter85]

18 minutes ago, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

Wait... I hadn't read this. LoriKen are supporting Cassie/Hubby/grandchild?

I don't know if Cassi returned to work after having her baby. I think Lori said somewhere on the blog that she and Ken were helping them out. I wonder if i causes conflict with Ken because he said either here on FJ or Lori's blog that he was against parents helping adult children with finances.

[EmiGirl]

8 hours ago, Hisey said:

12 hours ago, EmiGirl said:

 

I hope you know it's none of her business how you keep your house, and that her behavior is way out of line.

Oh I'm very aware. After she came to my house while we were on vacation and cleaned to the point I knew where nothing was there were words. She went as far as to throw out boxes for appliances that we keep out and take some of the stuff she didn't think we ever used and stored it in her basement. I have never been that pissed off. 

[Hisey]

18 minutes ago, EmiGirl said:

Oh I'm very aware. After she came to my house while we were on vacation and cleaned to the point I knew where nothing was there were words. She went as far as to throw out boxes for appliances that we keep out and take some of the stuff she didn't think we ever used and stored it in her basement. I have never been that pissed off. 

I would be furious, too. That crosses so many boundaries. 

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

My mother was a white glove housekeeper who didn't clean.  She didn't have to as she had 3 children and weekly help.  Consequently her house was always spotless.

She was also the woman who visiting my first after college apartment (which I had scrubbed/dusted/polished spotless and shiny) pulled out a dining chair, stood on it, and ran her finger along the top of the door frame and then flicked the miniscule dust off her finger. She then walked into the kitchen spied the lone tea cup and saucer drying on the rack and proceeded to say in the most withering voice possible that she couldn't understand how I could live in such a " disgusting filthy hovel".

Rest assured there were some hot words from me.  Several very hot words.  She never repeated that performance, but on subsequent visits would look around, roll her eyes, and look displeased.

I'm a clean, neat, tidy, dusted and vacuumed, mopped floors, clean bathrooms housekeeper, who puts dishes in the dishwasher more or less immediately. All without the sacred Norwex cloth.  However, I'm not a white glover. Never will be. Too many books/records/cds around. 

[TeddyBonkers]

Holy cats, someone asked her opinion on "The Handmaid's Tale" (the book, not the TV show) on her blog and Queen Lori said that she had never heard of it.

Shit, I referenced it this morning walking the little Bonkers to school. They are in their last week, so no learning. I told them that they better try to learn something, even though the teacher isn't teaching because there are some people in this world that think it is horrible for little girls to go to school. Younger Bonkers asked "why?" of course.

I told her the truth. I told her that it is because women are dangerous and powerful, and we are even more dangerous and powerful with knowledge and some men just can't handle it.

 

[EowynW]

I wasn't allowed to read it growing up. I'm in line for a kindle rental now and I hope one day Netflix or prime get the tv show 

[TeddyBonkers]

@EowynW, I tried to get Mr. Bonkers to read the book, but he couldn't get into it. However, he thinks the show is fantastic and we watch it religiously (no pun intended). I'm behind a few episodes, though, since we watch it together and he's out of the country right now.

[Koala]

Oh, look. It's another big salad.

Quote

About every 4 days I make a huge salad like this one. (I put a lime in it so you could see how big it is!) I've done this my entire married life. All of my children love big salads! It's a great way to get in all of the minerals and raw foods that are needed to prevent cancer. #salad#healthy

So according to Ken, most days Lori only offered Big Salads for dinner.  Does this mean she only ventured into the kitchen every 4 days??  And this is the woman who bitches about other women not cooking enough????  Please.

Also, how is that not slimy after 4 days?  Especially the cucumber.  Ick.

[AlwaysDiscerning]

Is that some iceburg lettuce in there? Not much nutritional value in that.

[Hmmm_idolatry]

In regard to the salads for four days, all I can say is gross.  The slime that develops on the salad after day 1 cannot possibly be healthy for anybody to consume.  

In regard to the daughter and no kids, I know that if I were in the daughter's shoes, I'd be very fearful of having children mostly because of constant worry I'd have of their grandmother putting destructive and sick ideas in their heads about gender roles.  I certainly wouldn't expose an innocent child to that level of sickness.  I can't imagine the mind games that someone as evil as Lori would play with those children. 

[dairyfreelife]

That salad looks like the stuff in the bagged salads-lettuce, cabbage and carrots. Does she just throw in bagged salad mixes, cut up a cucumber or two and call that "making" dinner? That's what I call a side dish unless you put in protein-beans or chicken or something. I make salads like that too all the time. I buy the lettuces and other veggies separate (sometimes I do a bagged) , wash them, shred and/or cut them into bites and it's a nice side dish with dinner. It's not usually dinner alone without a protein. 

[Koala]

16 minutes ago, Hmmm_idolatry said:

In regard to the salads for four days, all I can say is gross.  The slime that develops on the salad after day 1 cannot possibly be healthy for anybody to consume.  

 

I'm glad I'm not the only one.  So nasty.  There's no reason that she should be saving a salad for 4 days.

Her salad dressing is....something:

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I use organic eggs from Trader Joes for the raw egg yolks. I have been using them for years and no one has ever gotten sick. Salmonella is on the shell so make sure you wash the shell thoroughly before cracking the egg open. You can omit them but it isn't as creamy.  Besides, I think raw egg yolks are good for you! 

Quote

Store in a glass jar in the frig for up to 3 weeks.  

Nothing like 3 week old raw egg yolks, and a slimy 4 day old salad.

[littlemommy]

What the fuck, it's a salad. A salad. There's absolutely nothing about it that makes it picture worthy, or crow worthy, or necessarily worthy of being eaten. It's a bunch of leaves with some carrots. I suppose in her mind God has blessed that salad, and she is doing His good work by eating it. 

What a tool.

[EowynW]

I am all for eating healthy. I have to due to health issues now. I do think food is an important foundation for health. But you can't say it'll prevent cancer. It'll help. And it'll help keep you fighting it for longer but nothing prevents cancer. For whatever reason our society today consumes toxins in many forms and cancer is on the rise. It's impossible to say "this will prevent cancer." 

 

And i have never heard about salmonella being on the eggs and I've raised chickens half my life.