Lori Alexander 19: Hating Birth Control, Consistency, and Logic

[EowynW]

20 minutes ago, dairyfreelife said:

I've been in apartments with and without a dishwasher and I feel you there. We often ended up using plastic utensils and paper plates and bowls over washing them all the time. I also feel that I used far more water cleaning dishes by hand than just using a dishwasher. Our last apartment was an old inner city house converted into apartments and the counter space was limited. It also had issues with temperature regulation so was too hot in the summer and too cold in the winter. If it hit 90, the AC was useless and the moment it hit below freezing, the heat was worthless. This was in the northeastern US, so it got below freezing often in the winter. 

Ugh. Our house is old and wasn't built with central AC in mind. So all we have are window units and box fans. It's a beautiful house though and we hope to stay until we can buy our own place. 

[Koala]

35 minutes ago, dairyfreelife said:

We often ended up using plastic utensils and paper plates and bowls over washing them all the time. I also feel that I used far more water cleaning dishes by hand than just using a dishwasher. 

This is so me.  I am a little bit compulsive when I wash dishes myself...always afraid that I didn't get them clean enough, or I didn't rinse the soap well enough.  TONS of water wasted.  

I have a dishwasher, and if it broke today, I'd be at Lowe's before dinner time.  If not, I'd totally use disposable.

That said, I always feel like the ladies here would do a much better job giving Lori's readers tips on being frugal.  She goes through money like water.  I've never seen anything like it.  I'd love to see her post a breakdown of what they spend their money on.  We all know it's not tithing.  I can't even imagine what makes her think she's qualified to be giving advice on saving money.

 

[EowynW]

I would hate Lori a lot less if she actually gave semi useful advice. but NOTHING she says is useful. I could run a better blog and I'm a terrible homemaker lol. 

I have been watching her food posts on insty and she eats healthy like my parents do. The upgraded money kind of healthy. Which isn't helpful to most of her readership I don't think. When I got married and moved out we hit the bottom of the eating healthy tree. I have to stay sugar & gluten free per drs orders    I Could give better advice on how to eat healthy on a budget. She is useless. 

[jerkit]

I know I've said this before, but Lori has made me HAAAAATE the word "nourishing." Nail on an effing chalkboard to me. 

And I eat ridiculously healthy.

[Koala]

Exactly.  She doesn't give any real tips for saving money and surviving with a dozen kids on one income (probably because she's never lived like that).  When asked for advice, she just assures her readers that God owns everything.

What are they supposed to do with advice like that, just start taking what they need?

I don't think Lori would have a clue how to get by without a relatively large income.  Can you imagine if she couldn't afford to buy all of the weird crap she buys?  No more expensive cosmetics or vitamins.  No more 7 week vacations, $70 skirts, or i-phone (to monitor the internet, of course).

I can picture Ken telling her she had to buy a $2 bottle of Dawn instead of the $85 dish soap (exaggeration) she's used to.  She'd have a fit.

Like this whole kitchen remodel (which she's obviously been angling for, for a while now).  They had a 5 year plan.  Lori destroyed the counters, claimed the sink had a leak, and somehow that justified remodeling an entire kitchen?

Normally, I'd say whatever.  Your kitchen, your money, your choice, but Lori is constantly harping on other women for spending too much money.  It's nuts. 

[TeddyBonkers]

I've had nightmares for the last several nights, so I apologize in advance for the bad language and lengthiness of this diatribe directed to Lori Alexander and her 'you're only worth something at home' bullshit.

Fuck that noise.

Since I've graduated from college on Sunday (yay!), I've lost my job. It was a work-study position, so it wasn't a shock, but still. I enjoy working and making a difference in people's lives. Every morning I send Mr. Bonkers off to work, telling him to do big Army things. Know why? Because I used to do big Army things. I used to feed soldiers. I used to sneak cases of energy drinks out of the dining facility to Marines going on convoys after they were told that they were too 'dirty' to eat in our chow hall. I don't give a fuck that our base was being mortared 4 days a week; those were the best days of my life. I was among the best people I've ever known and I will never have that again.

Don't get me wrong. I love my little Bonkers. I love being able to pack their lunches in the morning, be there for them when they get home from school, and listen to them play with water balloons with the cul-de-sac kids. I love helping them with school projects, even though I suck at them and tell the teacher that I just did the heavy supervising.

I'm still more than a wife and a mother.

I have a great deal to offer the world.

I am funny. I am smart. I am helpful. I can lead people and organizations. (Side note, on my last day of work study, I got offered another job, but my child care for the summer fell through.) I'm fucking creative. What's more- I CARE. Not just about Mr. Bonkers and the little Bonkers, but about my neighbors, about strangers, about soldiers, and even people with whom I might disagree (that's LoriKen). I want the best for everyone.

And THAT, friends, and neighbors, is what Jesus' teaching is all about.

[EowynW]

I feel for you. I worked two jobs. One inside the home online and one outside. I lost my outside job when the tornadoes flattened it two weeks ago. I'm still bringing in money to help with my at home job but dang, I loved my out of home job. It made me feel much more creative and like I had something to offer the world. 

[Hisey]

52 minutes ago, Koala said:

This is so me.  I am a little bit compulsive when I wash dishes myself...always afraid that I didn't get them clean enough, or I didn't rinse the soap well enough.  TONS of water wasted.  

I have a dishwasher, and if it broke today, I'd be at Lowe's before dinner time.  If not, I'd totally use disposable.

That said, I always feel like the ladies here would do a much better job giving Lori's readers tips on being frugal.  She goes through money like water.  I've never seen anything like it.  I'd love to see her post a breakdown of what they spend their money on.  We all know it's not tithing.  I can't even imagine what makes her think she's qualified to be giving advice on saving money.

 

Actually, they've done studies that show that a dishwasher is far more water-efficient that hand washing.

Of course that's not why I use  a dishwasher.

[Granwych]

2 hours ago, jerkit said:

She posts all the damn time about how she's eating out again ::)

Hopefully all she's getting are big salads.

[polecat]

2 hours ago, EowynW said:

Old things aren't really frugal. The only "wasteful" piece of furniture my husband and I have is an antique iron bed. We really wanted just a simple antique bed. Right before we got married we found a good condition one at an antique store but it still cost us $300. His dad and brother pitched in and helped weld the frame to fit a queen mattress. Our living room furniture we bought for $400 from a friend at church who was finally upgrading her newlywed furniture from ten years ago. Everything else was free hand with hand me downs from family and friends. In recent rental we have a monstrosity of a microwave, an ancient fridge that needs to retire, and a temperamental stove. Honestly I don't mind. I'd kill for a dishwasher though. I have a tiny kitchen with no counter space, that's as hot as hell in  summer. We cook nearly everything from scratch and I detest washing dishes while sweating like a pig. 

Add me into the "no dishwasher" group. My kitchen just isn't set up for a dishwasher, and I'm just used to not having one now. I have three helpers, so that makes it a bit easier. But it does get annoying when I have big holiday meals or something that requires lots of prep work (hence dishes). 

1 hour ago, EowynW said:

Ugh. Our house is old and wasn't built with central AC in mind. So all we have are window units and box fans. It's a beautiful house though and we hope to stay until we can buy our own place. 

Window units here, too, but only because we have a boiler so no ductwork. The cost to install ductwork and an HVAC would be prohibitive, so we make do with what we have.

[Denim Jumper]

On 5/16/2017 at 6:21 PM, lilwriter85 said:

I also think Lori will someday meet the bible verse "pride goeth before a fall". She seems keen on the the belief that if something happened to Ken that she could turn to her kids for financial support. 

She'd get along great with my sister-in-law: mid 30s stay at home daughter, no education or marketable skills, raised to find a man to support her. Well, that ship has sailed, and now she is making it clear that she expects my husband to take her in after their parents are gone. 

[Chocolatedefrauded]

THe only house thing I envy is central AC. We usually only need it for 2-3 weeks in summer but the older I get, the worse the heat gets to me. Our appliances are all white & we just don't care. As long as they work, we're good.

There's so many more important things to worry about -parents in their 80s, potentially losing a job in our 50s, our 12 year old having nice friends, stuff like that.

[smittykins]

4 hours ago, dairyfreelife said:

I've been in apartments with and without a dishwasher and I feel you there. We often ended up using plastic utensils and paper plates and bowls over washing them all the time.

I've never had a dishwasher, and I hate doing dishes; I live alone, and it just doesn't make any sense to me running water for just a bowl and a spoon, or a plate and a fork.  But before long, the dishes just pile up.  So I use a lot of Styrofoam plates, and I've been known to use them more than once if I just have a sandwich or something.

[quiversR4hunting]

I will spend money for good quality. My husband and I are not handy so I save money to pay someone to do projects. We are middle class and when we are broke it is because I messed up on the budget. (My husband has never done anything with the bills. It has been our biggest disagreement over the years.) From many of the stories on here, I am not as frugle however I do shop sales, consignment but buy new upolstered furniture (totally afraid of bedbugs) but will buy used hard furniture (dressers, tables, etc). As for my kitchen, I want to change to black appliances. We just replaced the dishwasher. The fridge, microwave and stove are still white. Well the stove door is black but the surround is white and the glass top is black. 

I have had a kitchen remodel planned with dining and bedroom/den addition for about 5 years. Maybe one of these days we can do it but at this point it seems like a far off dream. Believe you me, I'm not pulling a Lori (crack countertops, etc) to get the addition. (I do the bills I know it isn't possible at this time.) 

My long story is to say that I can still give far better advice about saving money than Princess Lori. 

[Curious]

7 hours ago, Imrlgoddess said:

Maybe I'm an odd one....or a little bohemian perhaps but I never really got gung-ho over appliances or whatnot

Reading through all this appliance talk made me realize I have absolutely NO idea what color any of our appliances are.   I know the countertops are blue because I hate them.   I love blue.  I do not love blue kitchen counter tops, it turns out.   They are going to stay blue until we have no choice but to redo the kitchen though.

All our appliances and other house "equipment" (hot water tank, etc) came with the house and was around 10-20 years old then.  We have lived here for 16 years and we've had to replace the central heating/ac.  Maybe a year ago the washer died a painful death so we have replaced that.   The dryer gave up maybe 6 months after that.    So they had good, long lives.   The fridge and hot water heater are kind of limping along, but they told us to expect the hot water heater to die in the next couple years when we bought the house and it's still hanging in here (I do know the hot water tank is white lol).

I think Lori overestimates the number of people that actually buy new stuff constantly.  Most people I know use their appliances/cars/other "large" purchases until they can't use them anymore.

[Free Jana Duggar]

I am packing to leave for an evil women's retreat in a couple of hours.  I will not be stressed or worried. My husband is quite capable of caring for our children. He may let them do some things that I wouldn't. The most he will do is let them stay up later or allow them to watch something I wouldn't.   I couldn't care less if he takes them to McD's or gives them candy.  Contrary to Lori, I don't try to control him.

When I return, the house will be in reasonable condition and everyone will be in one piece.  So, I have nothing to worry about. I will relax and enjoy the worship services and learning the Bible. Oh, and chances are no one will be bashing their husband either.

Kiss it, Lori!

[BlackSheep]

Mr BlackSheep and I moved into our house 13 years ago. Over the years we have replaced the washer, furnace, and water heater - because they out-and-out died.

Kitchen, bathrooms, carpeting, tile -  it's all the same. We painted a couple of rooms and replaced the windows. That's it. The former owners took good care of the house, thankfully.

As for kitchen counters... the Formica is wearing away along the front rounded edge, where things are always sliding and being set down. I noticed it a few years ago. That's a cosmetic problem and so not actually a problem. I'm sure that the counters will still be in place when we sell and move to a senior apartment someday - lol.

[Koala]

In today's post, Lori continues her attempt to validate her VERY questionable (read: shitty) parenting methods.   She also contradicts herself, but that's standard for her, so....

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Spankings not done in anger and on the bottom are not abusive. 

Is Lori admitting that what she did to her children was abusive?

Lori:

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I spanked in anger sometimes, because I was usually pretty upset with my children when they needed a spanking

Lori:

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I spanked my children when I was angry because rebellion is so ugly and I didn't want them to act ugly.

She continues:

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 We didn’t ever have to ground or have time outs with our children. 

This isn't the first time Lori's made this assertion:

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We didn't have to resort to charts, bedtime routines, stickers, or time outs. We spanked them if they didn't obey us!

Ken?  Well, Ken tells a different story.

Ken Alexander:

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Sitting on the fireplace steps was our most effective discipline tool which was used often, but defiance in a child met with a swat.

Both accounts can't be true.  Lori asserts they never used time outs.  Ken asserts that time out was their most effective tool, and that they used it often.

But back today's post:

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Too many parents seem to be afraid of their children and have fallen for the “gentle parenting” movement which should be labeled the “permissive parenting” movement from what I have seen

Well, at least part of this is true.  Lori wasn't afraid of her kids.  They were afraid of her.

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My children definitely feared us growing up

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Ask my children how controlling I was...

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I think they were actually afraid of me, which I don't necessarily think is bad.  

More from today's post:

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We didn’t worry about building self-esteem into our children. 

They sure didn't.  In fact, it sounds like they did everything in their power to tear it down.  

Near eating disorder?  No big deal.  Body image issues?  Lori doesn't have time for that.  

She concludes with the following:

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Remember, the wisdom of this world is foolishness to God. Stop listening to the latest professional’s advice on child rearing. I just saw a study by the “professionals” of this world that said that spankings and authoritative parenting causes mental harm! 

Huh? She said in the beginning of the post that studies now show they were right:

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Many told us we were too strict but we didn’t think so. We didn’t want to raise spoiled brats so we were intentional about training, disciplining, and teaching them to obey us and clearly knowing right from wrong. We worked hard to break their stubborn rebellious will and direct it towards God’s perfect will. Now, studies have come out to prove we were right...

How do her readers not see this?

[crawfishgirl]

15 hours ago, Denim Jumper said:

She'd get along great with my sister-in-law: mid 30s stay at home daughter, no education or marketable skills, raised to find a man to support her. Well, that ship has sailed, and now she is making it clear that she expects my husband to take her in after their parents are gone. 

Elissa Maxwell, is that you??

[polecat]

Oh boy. 

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Ken and I were authoritative parents.

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In contrast, adolescents with authoritarian parents (high on structure, low on warmth), 

 

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I wished I was more emotional. I wasn’t very affectionate either ...  It’s just the way I am. It’s part of my personality. I’m not emotional which is good in some ways; ...  I’m just not a passionate and emotional person; no matter how hard I try!

 

http://lorialexander.blogspot.com/2015/09/good-news-for-unemotional-women.html

Somebody's tellin' fibs again. (Granted, she's talking about Ken in this entry, but since she's talking about her basic personality, I can't imagine she was much different with her kids). 

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Never pull your children’s hair, punch or slap them, call them names, or yell at them.

It's totally okay to pinch nurslings, though. Definitely, do that. 

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Too many parents seem to be afraid of their children and have fallen for the “gentle parenting” movement which should be labeled the “permissive parenting” movement from what I have seen. 

I don't put much stock in what Lori the Liar has supposedly seen. I practiced gentle parenting (gentle can be authoritative, btw -- you don't have to hit, yell or be cruel to ensure that you are an authority figure in your child's life). My kids are all recognized by the teachers and administrations as stellar students in their schools -- not just academically but in their character and leadership skills. I don't credit my parenting alone for that. My kids' natural personalities play a role there, too, and of course, their dad's influence and parenting, but let's face it, had I beaten them for hours over RAISANS and locked them up for hours a day , they'd quite possibly have ended up a little differently. 

[EowynW]

Heavy authoritarian parenting can definitely leave scars. It wasn't so much the spanking that bothered me growing up but my dad blowing up and yelling orders if we challenged him was very damaging. I remember once, when I was ten or around that, my sister and i questioned an aspect of my fundie raising and my dad got so angry that he started piling our stuff on the porch telling us we could leave if we didn't agree. I was angry but my very sensitive emotionally tender sister (my folk's parenting did a worse number on her) was crying and sobbing and begging to stay home. I tear up just thinking about that day. My dad worked hard and tried to be a good dad, but he's never been my hero or any of that mushy stuff. Feel guilty for admitting that

[Hisey]

45 minutes ago, EowynW said:

Heavy authoritarian parenting can definitely leave scars. It wasn't so much the spanking that bothered me growing up but my dad blowing up and yelling orders if we challenged him was very damaging. I remember once, when I was ten or around that, my sister and i questioned an aspect of my fundie raising and my dad got so angry that he started piling our stuff on the porch telling us we could leave if we didn't agree. I was angry but my very sensitive emotionally tender sister (my folk's parenting did a worse number on her) was crying and sobbing and begging to stay home. I tear up just thinking about that day. My dad worked hard and tried to be a good dad, but he's never been my hero or any of that mushy stuff. Feel guilty for admitting that

No reason to feel guilty. He terrified you at the age of 10, and threatened to abandon you. Of course, he's not your hero. Generally, dads who are "heros" to their daughters provide consistent, appropriate discipline and don't freak out if their 10 year old challenges their authority.

[December]

17 hours ago, Denim Jumper said:

Well, that ship has sailed, and now she is making it clear that she expects my husband to take her in after their parents are gone. 

That's pretty bold. (Also, I'm suddenly very relieved my husband doesn't have a sister.)

19 hours ago, Koala said:

Exactly.  She doesn't give any real tips for saving money and surviving with a dozen kids on one income (probably because she's never lived like that).  When asked for advice, she just assures her readers that God owns everything.

Yeah, it's painfully obvious that they live a lifestyle very different from what she's preaching others should be happy with. (Gwyneth Paltrow food stamp challenge disconnect, anyone?)

Many of the solutions she hints at depend on other people's hard work and generosity, which is equated to God's influence (like suggesting the church will fund widows staying at home). But other positives in a person's life don't seem to get the same treatment (like if those same widows are able bodied and educated, it's never a sign that God is enabling them to work to help keep their family afloat). It seems very selective. 

[onemama]

On 15.5.2017 at 2:40 PM, Koala said:

 

I thought Lori was supposed to be mentoring (and sometimes even counseling) women.

In the comments of Saturday's (beyond stupid) "you can survive on one income, no matter how small" post, she is confronted by 2 women living in situations that don't allow them to live on one income.  One goes as far as to ask for practical solutions.  Lori offers none.  She hurls Bible verses and admonishes them to pray.  

How is that helpful?  How is that counseling?  How is that mentoring?

 

I don't understand why women keep trying to get the Lori Seal Of Approval. She won't change her stance. Keep on doing what works for you and ignore her. Eventually, ,she'll get tired of posting the same thing over and over again, to the same gushing handful of ladies who enjoy reading the same recycled material over and over and over again.

Lori's blogs could be condensed into one page of writing:

I am the mentor, ye shall do as I say. I speak for God. 

Submit to thy husband.

Obey thy husband. 

Thou shalt be a housewife.

Thou shalt be frugal. 

Thou shalt never divorce thy husband. 

Thou art responsible for thine husband's eternal soul. Thou shalt never forget that.

Thou shalt beat thine kids with a special little strap.

Womanhood is the source of all evil and women today are the epitome of evil. Yeah, an abomination.

Thou shalt reverence thy husband.

To the women I say: thou shalt not pursue higher education for It is vanity and vexation of spirit.

The Proverbs 31 Woman was a real woman and she did what I say she did. I was there. I saw her and she never left her home.

Thou shalt flee yoga pants and bikinis. The temptresses of old surely wore them.

Thou shalt ignore the Old Testament, except for the bits I pick and choose from it.

Thou shalt only read a handful of passages that pertain to womanhood and have been approved by thy mentor: Lori.

Mentors are exempt from having to practice any of the above. 

I am  thy mentor. Obey me. 

 

Did I forget anything? 

[Hisey]

14 minutes ago, December said:

That's pretty bold. (Also, I'm suddenly very relieved my husband doesn't have a sister.)

Yeah, it's painfully obvious that they live a lifestyle very different from what she's preaching others should be happy with. (Gwyneth Paltrow food stamp challenge disconnect, anyone?)

Many of the solutions she hints at depend on other people's hard work and generosity, which is equated to God's influence (like suggesting the church will fund widows staying at home). But other positives in a person's life don't seem to get the same treatment (like if those same widows are able bodied and educated, it's never a sign that God is enabling them to work to help keep their family afloat). It seems very selective. 

She is always telling people to work hard, yet she herself doesn't do anything that might leave her "exhausted". And she seems to get exhausted at the drop of a hat. What's today's warning? She had a friend who didnt' whack their kids into obedience, and that friend found child-rearing "exhausting." Oh noes!!! 

I suppose it might be easier, at least in the early years, to smack your kids with plumbing line if they disobey. However, you pay for it at the other end, when your kids move far away, as Lori's kids have (except the one who needs Kens' business to survive).

I did not hit my kids. When they were small, it was exhausting, but it was exhausting because they were unable to care for themselves. They couldn't cook, do laundry, brush their own teeth, plus they were constantly asking me questions. Whacking them wouldn't have helped with these things (well, maybe the last one, but who wants to discourage curiousity?). I never had a real problem getting them to obey. I can remember many times when they were about to do something "naughty", they'd look back at me inquisitively, grinning, as if to say, "Should I?" A simple shake of the head usually took care of it. That's not to say they were never outwardly disobedient, but it wasn't as constant as Lori and her crowd seem to make out. 

Kelly C., Lori and others are death on "outward disobedience." Maybe that's because they have so many kids in such a short time. Personally, I just re-directed small children (small kids have no idea what they are doing anyway, half the time they are surprised when adults are upset with them). Older kids lost a privilege or a toy--something that might seem small to us but matters to them.. So much easier and no screaming.  I still do this. My 17 year old just broke a rule and lost the privilege of driving to school today. Seems like a small thing to me , but it really matters to her