Lori Alexander 18: Taking Pictures in the Closet

[Maggie Mae]

20 hours ago, louisa05 said:

I pretty much knew that Mr. 05 was not the type to be inconsiderate about those things or anything else before we were serious enough to live in the same house. If someone (a male or female partner) is such an ass that they won't do simple things like pick up their own dirty socks, they are likely asses in many other ways, as well. 

This is so true. My ex was an asshole. He also was one to complain if I asked nicely for him to clean up after himself. Knowing what I know now about people, I really wish that I would have grown a backbone a little bit sooner.

 

20 hours ago, louisa05 said:

Mr.05, for the record, does nearly all the cleaning here. He likes to clean and is particular about how it is done.  I believe I have said that on FJ before. I haven't cleaned a bathroom in nearly ten years (he started cleaning my bathroom while we were dating). I do the laundry. He is not allowed to fold. He has no idea how to fold. I do all the cooking, but I love to cook. He cannot cook anything other than mac & cheese from a box, fried eggs, or processed food that only needs heated. He grew up in a household with gender roles but they did not apply to general cleaning (probably because his dad has issues with cleanliness that border on OCD). Somehow, he left that house without a sexist bone in his body, though. I'm not sure how. 

Folding and cooking can be taught!

Although, is your husband the one who isn't allowed to load the dishwasher? I vaguely remember someone telling me their husband always breaks dishes when loading the dishwasher. Something about not being able to grasp spacial skills, which kind of sounds like a similar problem to the folding of clothes. 

Fried egg on mac & cheese sounds kind of good right now. I'd eat it. 

No I didn't run 26 miles this week. 

[louisa05]

Folding and cooking can be taught!
Although, is your husband the one who isn't allowed to load the dishwasher? I vaguely remember someone telling me their husband always breaks dishes when loading the dishwasher. Something about not being able to grasp spacial skills, which kind of sounds like a similar problem to the folding of clothes. 
Fried egg on mac & cheese sounds kind of good right now. I'd eat it. 
No I didn't run 26 miles this week. 

I love to cook so I don't mind that. And since he cleans everything, laundry is my one job so no complaints. I don't even consider cooking a job, lol.

There have been times when I've been gone or sick when he has attempted to fold laundry. It is sad. I redo all of my stuff.

[Loveday]

1 hour ago, dairyfreelife said:

I don't think my dad did much of the housework when I was growing up, but my mom stayed home and did the work before he got home. My dad would usually do the outside work like mowing and weeding, but they both tended the garden and helped as needed. If my mom was unwell or something, he would take over. He would come home from work and take care of us and he and my mother would split taking us to our practices and games. My dad was a very involved dad. When my mom started to work, he took over more of the work and once she was full time they split the house work in and out. As my father's health has declined, their roles have shifted, but my mother will eventually have to do it all. My father is going on disability due to his condition and my mother is now the full-time breadwinner. My dad is now taken to doing the simple housework (anything in or out that involves much strength he can't do much now) like laundry, dusting, running a vacuum, cleaning the bathrooms, he does. My mom is the one now mowing, weeding, doing the maintenance of the home, and cooking (he can't really cook because of the shaking). My dad's company went out of business a year or so ago and he didn't build up the retirement in the new company yet. My mom has though and it's working out great because she is now going to work from home so she can work and care for my dad. Lori would say my mom is doing wrong, but she is doing right. Trust me, if there's a heaven, my mom will see it over Lori for sure. She's a WAY better person, a WAY WAY better wife, daughter, sister, mother than Lori could ever be. 

This is a marriage that works, and works the way I believe God wants marriage to work. Your post actually made me cry. And makes me want to smack Lori upside her head, hard.  How dare she judge anyone, much less someone in a situation like your mother's? And how dare she tell anyone they're not doing it 'God's ways' when her own marriage rests on a bed of deceit and manipulation rather than trust and selfless caring? And yet, it's all she does, day in and day out. 

[foreign fundie]

My parents and parents-in-law have a combined 90+ years of happy marriage. They are good parents, doting grandparents and supportpillars in their churches and communities. Since we are close to them, we also see the bits that are difficult or broken in their lives. Still they give countless couples an example to follow, without positioning themselves as experts or claiming  perfection or saying their way is the only way.

When it comes to marriage role models, if at all possible, you should take your cues from people you know and admire, not from random internet mentors. They can hide the reality of their lives easily. And if their advice to you does not work, they will not take responsibility for your misery.

@FeministShrew Thank God you are out and safe. 

@dairyfreelife Sounds your parents have the flexibility it takes. My DH and I have also gone through times when one of us was unable to earn/ do housework, and you have to fill in for each other. It really helps mutual appreciation to do each other's jobs.

@Loveday I wonder if this judgementalism comes because Lori is a very jealous, unhappy woman, who might deep in her heart really want the kind of mutual respect and care people here write about. It may be her sick way of dealing with this jealousy, making sure others don't get to be happier than her. Don't know for sure of course, it can be hard to make sense of this type of crazy.

[Showtunesgirl]

Re: today's post, I know she's quoting a comment from one of her readers, but (and correct me if I'm wrong) didn't she just try to make the clarification that husbands ARE NOT Jesus last week after saying they ARE JESUS the week before? Now I know she's just quoting the comment, but she's endorsing the idea that husbands are Jesus again. Contradictions and inconsistencies (and blasphemy), thy name is Lori. 

[Pammy]

13 hours ago, polecat said:

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A pharisee is hard on others and easy on himself. A spiritual man is easy on others and hard on himself.

 

I've been thinking about this quote. It sounded great at first, but the more I think about it the more I don't agree with it. Strange. It's kinda stuck with me and got me thinking.

For the first half, Pharisees (the actual historic group) were very strict with themselves. I'm not sure how they thought about "others" but I'm under the impression that at the time you either "were" a Pharisee, or you "weren't" one. The main criticism of the Pharisees is that their hearts were motivated by pride in strict adherence, straying far from the intent/spirit of God's law.

For the second half, truly, the most spiritual people I know are "easy" both on themselves and on others. Self-compassion and kind self-talk is a huge component of vibrant open-hearted spiritually "lively" people. I'd love to see more of that in my life: not more "being hard on myself" as a mark of spirituality.

[BlackSheep]

9 hours ago, EowynW said:

Such dangerous theology. I think it'd be fun to start a blog called Never Learning, Certainly Not Transformed and just take each of these disgusting posts apart.

Okay so after yesterday's post where she said you shouldn't think of your husband's income as "our money" but just be happy that he is willing to share it with you, I've decided that she just wants wives to operate as House Elves. I'm currently reading Harry Potter (for the first time ever) and that thought struck me yesterday when reading through the post. She also deleted my perfectly polite, non argumentative and innocent comment on that post. 

I would subscribe to that.

[onemama]

Here's a line of comments from the "wives who dissipate their husband's income" thread. Sad. 

Commenter posts:

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My husband and I were discussing a co-worker of his and how he always has to have the newest and greatest things. And not just that, he also has to have the most expensive, because obviously it must be better if it costs more right? My husband told him that he was trading all those things for a good wife. He told him that he was trading his cars and toys for a wife that cooks and is available to him and that he was (my favorite part of what he said) trading material things for the things that really matter in life.

The things that really matter in life, we learn, are a wife who cooks for and is available to her husband.  Discussing co-workers isn't gossipping, and showing disdain for a co-worker's choices is planting seeds of truth.

Or at least Lori thinks so:

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Your husband planted seeds into this co-workers life, HH, and this is very good for truth never comes back void!

But Jeff agrees with the co-worker and non-gossips about his wife. 

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I must agree with your husband’s co-worker. After being married for 21 years to a wife who had $106,000 in student loan debt and a brand new car when I married her. Yehaw!

She is not huge dollar spendthrift, though. No, she likes to spend it under $20 on blood letting basis, so you don’t actually know where it went.

 

And Lori supports his gossipping:

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It reminds me of the saying that a small leak sinks a big ship.

A female reader posts a gossippy-veiled-in-question post about her husband being a spendthrift and asks for advice:

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Hi, Lori, another great post  Would you mind doing a post about the opposite situation where the husband is the spendrift and loves eating out, buying fancy things but has a ton of debt… Meanwhile, he wants to put having children off and wants me to work so that he can afford to continue his lavish lifestyle…I do what I can to help, don’t spend any money on myself, cook meals at home, etc etc… Thank you!  What would your advice be?

Lori's advice?

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Follow the advice given by the LORD in 1 Peter 3:1-6, Alina. Give it all to the LORD in prayer for Him to convict and change your husband while you learn to be a godly, submissive wife to him. In the meantime, learn to be as frugal as you can. The LORD hears your prayers!

Did you notice how she commiserated with Jeff and exhorts the woman to give it all to the Lord?  Weird... how about telling Jeff to give it all to the Lord and learn how to love and accept his wife for the person she is, and showing some understanding to the wife of the spendthrift?  How about acknowledging that some men are spendthrifts too? Not Lori, no.

And this reply. When will women ever be told to stand up to their husbands and tell them they will take no more nonsense from them?  It's infuriating! 

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be glad that your husband wants to put off having children so he can continue to pursue his chosen lifestyle.
When we are married to men like that, and we have children, sadly not all men change their ways. When we have to drop to one income while having babies, even temporarily, it is nigh on impossible to survive. And as those children grow and their needs become more expensive, if the man still hasn’t changed their ways, it becomes even more impossible.
For many years, I simply could not give up work due to this same problem (my husband has bipolar so he has cycles of spending lots and not spending so much). I returned to work when my babies were just 4 weeks old 

Trust me, there is nothing worse than having no food in the cupboards, an empty fridge, and no money in the bank because your husband has just been on a spending spree, buying more things he doesn’t need. There is no worse feeling in the word than trying to put hungry children to sleep; there is nothing worse than trying to ignore the cries of hungry children with empty bellies.

Lori’s advice is good: just pray.

 

I'm sad that nobody told his woman to leave her husband. She was already working to support herself and take care of the kids. Why did she have to stay and put up with the nonsense?  

The whole argument over the money being "his" or "ours" was settled for us when we were kids. My dad told us that the work my mom did would be impossible to pay with his income and that she worked as hard as he did, if not harder.  So that was it. Whenever we were given money and we turned to him to thank him for it, he told us to go to mom and thank her too because he couldn't have gone out to work to earn money if she hadn't been at home, faithfully looking after all of us.  

[louisa05]

If a wife is just someone to cook for you and give you sex, why not hire a meal service and a sex worker instead? Do they really not hear how they are making marriage sound demeaning and immoral?

[foreign fundie]

54 minutes ago, louisa05 said:

If a wife is just someone to cook for you and give you sex, why not hire a meal service and a sex worker instead? Do they really not hear how they are making marriage sound demeaning and immoral?

Agreed. And I find it equally immoral to 'take' a husband for the money. If the value of a husband was his ability to provide, what hope is there for a marriage when a husband can't find work, earn enough or is too sick to work?

My husband knows that my appreciation of him has zero to do with money. I will never put him under the stress of making our family income 100% his responsibility and then complaining if he brings in less than I want. We are in this together. And we figure out the best way to make ends meet and meet the needs of our children and others who need us. Who has a job or who cooks depends on what works best in that particular situation.

My respect for him depends much more on how he cares for others and deals with challenges, than on the figure he earns. The money for sex&food trade-off type marriage is such a reduction of what marriage can be.

[AlwaysDiscerning]

Lori talks today about what a prophet is. We know she thinks she is one and Ken has called her one before. So she found this list of strengths and weaknesses of prophets. She doesn't claim in the post to be one again, but I got a chuckle out of the weakness list because they all fit her spot on. She probably didn't want to call herself a prophet in this post to not be associated with these traits. 

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A Prophet’s Weaknesses

A prophet’s need to be “painfully truthful” may result in insensitivity or harshness.

Prophets often have little sympathy and patience with people who do not respond objectively.

A prophet’s sense of conviction may tempt him or her to become intolerant or prideful.

Because of the prophet’s deep consciousness of sin, he sometimes seems to have a negative, “gloomy” approach to life.

 

 

[BlackSheep]

From Righteous Judgment Versus Hypocritical Judgment:

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This means that if I was a career woman by choice, I could not teach women to be keepers at home until I became a keeper at home. I couldn’t teach women to obey their husbands, if I was disobeying my husband or I would be a hypocrite.

No one should learn housekeeping from someone who puts hot pots onto a Corian countertop.

From the Corian use and care page at http://www.corian.com/-use-care-:

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Always use a heat protection pad, trivet (with rubber feet) or protective sink mat for hot cookware, or leave cookware to cool first. Never put hot pans, particularly cast iron, directly on a Corian® top or in a sink. Such heat can damage any surface.

 

[Koala]

A Prophet’s Weaknesses:

-little sympathy and patience with people

-intolerant or prideful

-insensitivity or harshness

-negative

-outspoken, sometimes brash

Lori:

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 Ken has told me that I have the gift of prophecy many times.

Ken:

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She certainly is not trying to offend, but she has a prophetic gift...

This explains a lot, but I don't know that I would call it a gift, and it certainly doesn't excuse the way she treats others. 

Galatians 5:22

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,

1 Corinthians 13:4

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

How would Lori reason that a Biblical "gift" would cause her to have qualities that directly contradict scripture?  Not only does it fly in the face of the "fruits of the spirit", it also goes against her constant assertion that women should be meek and gentle.  You can't be "meek and gentle", yet "harsh and prideful".

This is nothing more than Lori excusing her poor behavior. 

[crawfishgirl]

Wow - what a way to get her fangirls to declare that she must be a prophet, and to try to excuse all of her horrible behavior under the guise of prophecy.  It's so extreme that I am at a loss for words.  I'm surprised that her ego can even fit in her house anymore.

[AlwaysDiscerning]

That's a good point. Now when she is accused of being intolerant and prideful, etc., she can just say "I can't help it" Its just and unfortunate side effect of my gift!! Its tough being me! 

[usmcmom]

I think Lori's argumentative personality has really been showing lately. 

On a recent modesty post (I know there are too many) a Facebook commenter basically agreed with everything Lori writes about modesty but she agreed for different reasons. Still, Lori and her worshipers went after this woman because her reasons for being modest were not godly enough; i.e. they did not include blaming a woman if a man lusted. 

On the recent "Dissipating a Husband's Income" post, some commenters clearly stated they stay home and are striving to live moderately and honor their husband's hard work. Still, Lori goes after them for daring to call it "our money" instead of "his money."  I swear, she cannot let anything drop without a snotty reply that is meant to start an argument. 

Also, aside from his recent "best comment ever," I think Ken has been fairly absent from her blog and Facebook page. I wonder if he is traveling in Europe where he is working so hard and eating so much bread that he does not have time to miss Lori. Because you know Ken travels to Europe for work. Did you all know Ken travels to Europe for work?  He doesn't mention it much. 

Finally, Lori had a post go viral. Just FYI....

[usmcmom]

And just like that, Ken pops in to make a comment. 

[AlwaysDiscerning]

OK that is just CREEPY!  Go, go girl power!! You go Lori! They way he talks sounds so feminine. 

[BlackSheep]

The Prophetess says that because men would "pay, kill, beg, die and lie" for sex - things that they presumably would rather not do - women shouldn't withhold it.

She neglected to elaborate on the women's answers - that they would "cook, clean and cry" for sex - things that they presumably would rather not do. Not a single word about why women might say this.

Once again, picking and choosing her information. She does it with scripture and news articles, and now with Family Feud answers.

I'd laugh, but it's all gotten too sad and pathetic.

[freealljs]

Lori's topics: it's like wash, rinse, repeat.  I'm trying to pin Lori's worldview.

In Lori-land, all money belong to the men. Husbands don't divorce, get sick before retirement, lose their jobs ever, or die before leaving their wives without money in the bank.  Men cheat and lust, but only after whores of Babylon, who end up leaving their wild heathen lifestyles behind once they find God/Lori's teachings and marry husbands. Men cannot control their penis urges and are prone to rape women they are attracted to. Women are asexual.  Women have babies, even if they shouldn't. Women, who don't have babies, have sinned against God, and just need to pray harder. Orphans hardly exist, because women don't often die from childbirth and families stay together. If a woman dies in childbirth, then the husband must remarry, to ensure a 2 parent household. Women don't need higher education, because they won't go into men's domain (i.e., workforce) for any reason and compete with men. But women are expected to home school kids (boys and girls), without much learning themselves. (Logic fail?)  Women are expected to dress modestly (the definition of what is meant by modest changes for Lori, given some of her own pics), or they'll get raped, which is entirely the woman's fault, since she caused the man to lust.  Women are supposed to make their husbands' income stretch (yea, easy for Lori to say, who's never been flat broke), and not complain EVER about anything. Children are to be seen and not heard. 

Did I forget anything? 

And yea, Ken is being creepy and feminine in his latest comments. Ha!

[usmcmom]

24 minutes ago, usmcmom said:

And just like that, Ken pops in to make a comment. 

I cannot stand it when a man calls any female "woman."  It is so crass and screams misogynistic caveman. 

Interestingly, Ken makes an appearance when the post is about sex. He probably just wants to be notified of future comments so he can follow along in that creepy way of his. Nothing brings Ken running like the topic of sex.  He's like my cat hearing the can open on her food.  

I am also glad to see Josh has responded. I'm going to go ahead and guess that Josh is "given" very little sex. Either that, or he prowls the bars all weekend and has several one-night stands with women wearing leggings. 

[AlwaysDiscerning]

Ken:

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You bet, aisha! She definitely has the gift of prophesy. As one who has spent 36 years with Lori, I am confident that she has the gift of prophecy in a personality and “forth telling” way, not a foretelling way. I have never heard her try to foretell anything in terms of what might come true, but she absolutely adores the Word of God and wants to be as godly as she can be, wanting others to know it and obey it too.

Those with prophetic gifting are not without their weaknesses, like any gifts or personality style… and these must be harnessed by putting on grace and understanding, which Lori has learned to do over the years. As much as she may “speak the truth in love,” she will be the first to rally around any sinner, love them and cheer them on in their walk with Jesus. She is all about condemning sin, but has no desire to condemn the sinner. Too often those who hear truth find themselves under condemnation and accuse the one speaking truth as being unloving or ungracious, when it is not the prophet condemning the person, but their own sin as it stands in the face of God’s Word. Lori tries to keep all things Christian and Biblical, and if she is faulted by others, it is that she wants to believe ALL of God’s Word in CONTEXT, even the things that are difficult to believe in today’s society. I don’t find that to be a bad thing in a culture where the church is watering down the Word in so many areas and picking and choosing what to believe.

 

Lori:

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Those who have the gift of prophesy are usually those who see everything in black and white as I tend to do, Becky. I love the Word and want to obey what the LORD has commanded for me to obey. I have been called out on the negatives of this gift and have learned to get rid of them as I grow wiser and more mature in the faith. Whereas those with the gift of prophecy can error on the side of legalism, those who lean more towards gray can error on the side of compromise. This is why we must measure everything according to the Word of God.

HAHHAHAHAHH!!!!!!

[Koala]

Wait just a minute.  When Ken was here, he said the following regarding his wife:

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She is almost puritanical about what she watches and sees.

Tell me, why would a woman who is "puritanical" about what she watches and sees, watch a man on a game show, talk to other adults about sex?  Not only did she watch, now she's talking about it on Facebook.  

In 1 hour, 4 men have responded.  Several more men have "liked" it.  Only one of those men is her husband.  

I would be mortified.  Never in a million years would I watch that, much less post about it on my Facebook wall.  Guess Lori isn't as puritanical as Ken thinks she is.

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

1 hour ago, freealljs said:

Children are to be seen and not heard. 

Did I forget anything? 

 

Actually I think in Lori Land it not seen and not heard.  Remember she sent the children to their rooms every afternoon for several hours so she could rest.  

Lori may be puritanical about TV when Ken's around.  But I bet when he's not at home/in Europe it's soap operas and Lifetime movies all the way. Maybe even late nght "SkinMax" if they have cable.

I can well believe Lori is puritanical about actually having sex.  I think "10 minutes and some lube" means 10 minutes of Lori lying there completely unresponsive waiting for it to be over.

However, Lori is in no way puritanical regarding talking about sex.  She talks about it all the time. Recommends expensive cream for "down there". Recommends coconut oil for lube.  Tells us she and Ken take 10 minutes to have sex. Discusses sex (or the lack of) with her men commenters.

A truly puritanical woman would never, ever, never do/ say/ write any of those things. 

[feministxtian]

I'm a freak when it comes to TV watching. My tastes run to documentaries, medical shows and cop shows (NCIS, Blue Bloods). I don't watch sitcoms (I think they're dumb), I don't watch game shows, I don't watch most "reality" shows, my fall back is the syfy channel (yes, I love those stupid movies). The shows Lori talks about, I have literally NEVER watched. But, since I'm an ebil working wife...who had a career and now has a few gigs going on...and I'm definitely NOT "submissive" and even have my own bank account...so Lori would feel the need to give me shit. 

Fuck her.