Lori Alexander 14: Environmental Notebook Doodles & Self-Righteous Husband Bashing

[desertvixen]

Glad to see this topic picking up! 

As far as "not quitting": Unless there's an issue (like @usmcmom describes), then my kid has to last  out whatever the commitment is (season, amount of lessons paid for) - but she doesn't have to go back.

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@molecule says:

Anyone else think that Lori has never had an orgasm? The thought gives me the tiniest twinge of sympathy for her. 

Sometimes...then she opens her mouth and I lose it.

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@Hisey says:

Her latest comment is so hypocritical. Women, apparently, can choose to be aroused. They are just too bitchy to make that choice! Men, however, can't help being aroused--they're wired that way, you see--so women must cover themselves with burkas.

On Lori's FB page today, she is railing against "porn for women" in the form of 50 Shades of Grey. This book did not really interest me, but it seems clear that many women find it erotic. So you'd think that would be a good thing, so it would get them "aroused" like they are supposed to be. But, Josh, one of Lori's MRA friends, wrote in to dismiss it scoffingly as female porn. HIS women are supposed to get aroused ONLY by from him. (Josh did not share his opinion of "male porn". I wonder if he thinks it's equally bad?)

50 Shades is HORRIBLE, but not because it is "porn" - it's because of the horrible relationship between the two of them.  In one of the later books it's almost as if the book was written off an "Is your partner abusive?" checklist.

If these men only want women to be aroused by them, then they better get to practicing!

[polecat]

2 hours ago, usmcmom said:

I really do agree with you on this. We just found ourselves in very bizarre circumstances. When our son was in junior high he really wanted to try out for the basketball team despite the coach's horrible reputation for volatile behavior. Think Bobby Knight with junior high players. We were hesitant but let him give it a try and he made the team. The first red flag was when the coach began locking the gym doors during practice, refusing the parents entry even at the designated pick up time. We were denied access to our children whom he had under his authority  for 2 1/2 hours a night. That was just the tip of the ice berg. When I asked the other parents if they were concerned they always answered "Yes, but he is such a good coach."  It was really bizarre. Then he started threatening kids' parents via messages from our children - "Tell your dad I will take him outside if I hear him yelling at you from the stands again."  Our son kept saying he could handle it until one day he admitted he was "emotionally exhausted from being afraid for practice each day."  That was it!  I actually hate myself for not pulling him out sooner. I told him he was done and he insisted he would be the one to tell the coach and his teammates which, in my opinion, is quite courageous for a 13 year old boy who had been bullied by this grown man. This man went way beyond tough coaching and pushing the kids to their full potential.  I really believe he was mentally unstable and dangerous  

With our daughter, the softball parents fought so badly amongst themselves that one mother actually filed a lawsuit against another for criticizing her daughter's pitching. Those battles of course seeped into the girls' interaction and it turned into an afternoon cat fight every day. My daughter actually talked to the coach and told him how destructive things were among the players and he did nothing to fix his broken team. So we told her she could quit, after I found her up several nights unable to sleep because of the dread she felt for this sport she used to love. When the coach asked me to convince her to stay I told him no. I reminded him that she and I (and other parents) had come to him about the serious in fighting that was going on (I mean - LAWSUITS over high school pitching??!!?) and he did nothing to control the mess. He lost a few players that year. The two involved in the legal case remained, of course. 

I don't think kids should be allowed to quit EVERYTHING but adults quit jobs that aren't a good fit; so I personally did not feel I could make my children stick with a miserable situation when most adults would not put up with the kind of things they were dealing with. 

I think kids have to learn get along/ work with difficult people; however, when that difficult person is an adult in authority and has all the power, how do they do that, especially when it is not an essential situation, like a mandatory class? When they become adults, they are on more of a level playing field (pardon the pun) and can address the conflict with more confidence and security. 

Quitting for lack of play time or because they decided they don't want to get up for practice?  No. We just happened to run into two bizarre situations that made our heads spin. 

 

Oh, no, I was referring more to something like quitting right before a big game just because "I don't wanna." If that makes sense ... I think there are plenty of good reasons for kids to not want to continue doing things, and they shouldn't be forced to. Certainly not in cases like those you are describing.

[usmcmom]

3 minutes ago, polecat said:

Oh, no, I was referring more to something like quitting right before a big game just because "I don't wanna." If that makes sense ... I think there are plenty of good reasons for kids to not want to continue doing things, and they shouldn't be forced to. Certainly not in cases like those you are describing.

I think I understand what you meant - there are so many situations that require different actions. You know - EXCEPTIONS AND RED HERRINGS AND DETRACTORS!  I mainly just found this a good time to share our experience which really still has us thinking  "Did all that really happen?"  

The real kicker for all this? The vile basketball coach lives three doors down from us. Neighborhood barbecues are a bit awkward. 

[Emilycharlotte]

6 hours ago, ViolaSebastian said:

Thank goodness this MRA douchebag is here to tell me about how to earn respect. God forbid I get it on account of being a human being.

According to Josh, Ken and Lori, yes---He apparently does forbid it. 

[feministxtian]

Kids and activities - my youngest always wanted to quit when things started getting hard. Like, learning new scales in guitar, or more advanced moves in gymnastics. I knew his game and refused to play it. He wanted to play guitar, he wanted lessons, he was going to keep at it and learn the harder things. He wanted to be on the gymnastics team...he was going to stick it out. Oldest kid...band. Man, I hated driving all over hell and back...band parenting sucks ass...but since she wanted it, I didn't quit. 

"Sexless marriages"...umm...we didn't have sex for the longest time. He was too sick. Oh well. 

[AmazonGrace]

13 hours ago, Koala said:

Reader:

if it were not for testosterone and the sex drive that God put into men making them attracted to women for sex, I personally don’t believe that the vast majority of men would choose to have anything to do with women at all. 

Lori:

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Ken and I have spoken about this and we agree.

I think that speaks volumes...

 

For me personally that would be the last train to fuckthatville.... if somebody thinks I'm too silly and stupid to have anything worthwhile to contribute in their life besides having some anatomy they find useful in getting laid, why would I bother trying to get their company at all? Particularly if they're ten minutes and lube types like Ken and not even trying to make it fun for me too.

[Chocolatedefrauded]

I wonder if they think women's only purpose, besides homekeeping, is sex because they believe women should not be educated or have jobs or do anything really. The women might be a bit boring to talk to. They don't believe men & women can be platonic friends.

Lori must hate women & hate being a woman to be so nasty and judgemental about her gender. I know others have said this before but wow, she just seems to hate women. Nasty woman. Not wonder she doesn't seem to have friends, just alleged mentees.

 

[laPapessaGiovanna]

1 hour ago, Chocolatedefrauded said:

Lori must hate women & hate being a woman to be so nasty and judgemental about her gender. I know others have said this before but wow, she just seems to hate women. Nasty woman. Not wonder she doesn't seem to have friends, just alleged mentees.

I don't know. I am thinking that she's just trying to secure her cushioned life. I mean what would happen if she couldn't grant to Ken the usual then minutes and lube since apparently there's no other reason for him to stay with her. Here we say "mal comune mezzo gaudio" (shared misfortune is a half joy), she can't be the only one who suffers, other women need to be miserable too!

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

Did anyone else notice  among the FB comments on Lori's 50 Shades post that Josh J admits that he was once in a BDSM relationship and that it was really icky and bad for him?

I find this admission ... um ....ah .... interesting .... given that he seems to be a straight vanilla, 5-10 minutes with lube kind of guy.

Not that I really want to know, because I find the guy the worst kind of misogynistic creep with leering rapist tendencies --  but my 1st thought on reading that was " Was he the BD or the SM?"  My 2nd thought was "Was it consensual or did he have to pay for it?"  And then 3rd -- "This must have been outside of marriage, because he's single". 

Not casting any shade at all on anyone involved in BDSM  -- But it just seemed so out of character for him to write something like that -- assuming it was true.

From the things he writes he seems to be a man who wants to control and dominate a woman (women?) because it's not about sexual roles but it's all about control and making them submit. Dominance and control in order to degrade. 

I believe he doesn't like women ( as people) at all, but since women are the only sexual release a godly, Christian man are allowed what's such a godly man like Josh to do.

I wonder if Lori would want someone like Josh to have married one of her daughters?

 

[polecat]

Also from good old Josh J:

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 Fun tip from a man, ladies. If you read Fifty Shades, no good Christian man will like, date or respect you. You look down at us for porn, we feel the same when you read bodice rippers.

 

But I thought the problem with porn was that women get angry about it -- which was the woman's sin, not the man's? So isn't this the man's sin for getting upset with his wife's bodice ripper-y? 

***I'm being deliberately obtuse here.  I know that's not what she's really saying with the porn issue, but it's one of those double standards of hers that always annoyed me.

****Also, I hate to admit to agreeing with Lori on anything, but that book series truly is abysmal. The sheer quality of the writing is horrible not to mention its description of an abusive (sorry -- that's not bdsm) relationship.

[lilwriter85]

22 minutes ago, polecat said:

Also from good old Josh J:

But I thought the problem with porn was that women get angry about it -- which was the woman's sin, not the man's? So isn't this the man's sin for getting upset with his wife's bodice ripper-y? 

***I'm being deliberately obtuse here.  I know that's not what she's really saying with the porn issue, but it's one of those double standards of hers that always annoyed me.

****Also, I hate to admit to agreeing with Lori on anything, but that book series truly is abysmal. The sheer quality of the writing is horrible not to mention its description of an abusive (sorry -- that's not bdsm) relationship.

I agree with her on that too. I think she brought Fifty Shades of Grey last year when she did that online radio interview.

[AlwaysDiscerning]

Josh also said he has read "parts of those books". LOL, yet while shaming women who read them. Of course he just was curious, right? And God doesn't judge men for that kind of stuff. 

On Lori's sex post Tammy says:

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I, too, had a husband who was critical and harsh, both in private and in public. Having read your blog for several years, I followed the advice you gave to AnonM and ignored his verbal abuse. I tried to serve my husband as best I could and praised his good qualities at every opportunity. The result? My husband had an affair and left me for a coworker 14 years younger than us. He willingly says that I was a fantastic wife, taking care of his every need. He said that for every nice thing I did, he felt worse about all the mean things he did and that he had absolutely no respect for me because he could yell and criticize me whenever he wanted and I would just smile and continue serving him. I asked him how things would have been different if I had stood up to him. He said he still wouldn’t have changed his behavior, just that it would have been easier for him to leave me.

Lori:

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You are only accountable to the Lord for your behavior and no one else. You did what He has called you to do and have stored treasures in heaven. He saw Jesus in you but I am sorry he chose to do evil. Keep praying that he will one day repent and believe because I am sure you still care for his eternal soul.

I was surprised at Lori's decent response. No further shaming about how she must have not done it right or else he would have stayed. Usually she would say something like "with God all things are possible, since he left there must have been no God in your relationship". However, this proves a point that I and probably most here have always thought. What Lori suggests, being respectful, winning without a word, is no guarantee. 

[helenprev]

20 minutes ago, AlwaysDiscerning said:

I was surprised at Lori's decent response. No further shaming about how she must have not done it right or else he would have stayed. Usually she would say something like "with God all things are possible, since he left there must have been no God in your relationship". However, this proves a point that I and probably most here have always thought. What Lori suggests, being respectful, winning without a word, is no guarantee. 

Yes! That's actually the kindest response I've ever seen from Lori! And yes, in the real world her advice to keep sweet and win him over with kindness and respect doesn't always (ever? No idea as I never managed it!) have the desired effect.

[AlwaysDiscerning]

In comes Trey to explain to Tammy what Lori didn't (of course, prayers can't just be said for Tammy and move along):

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Trey says:

January 22, 2017 at 1:48 pm

I don’t know if this is applicable to your marriage or not but there is a possibility that it might be, especially if your husband is a “command man” personality. I hope you will give it consideration.

Often there are issues in a marriage that are much more important to the husband than they are to the wife. In fact, it might be of utmost importance to the husband and the wife just does not understand what the big deal is about it. The husband typically starts out gently trying to get his wife to do (or not do) whatever it is that is important to him. It could very well be sex and intimacy as this post is bringing to light. It could be other things like how she disciplines the kids, how much effort she puts into cooking, how she dresses, her adherence to the budget, not keeping herself physically fit, how clean she keeps their home, or any number of things. Some things a husband can compromise on, some things he cannot.

If your husband is saying that he has lost respect for you, then there is probably something that he considers to be YOUR responsibility that you are not handling in a way that is acceptable to him. Whatever the issue is, it is something that is of critical importance to him and unless it is done in a way that satisfies him, he will not have respect for you and it will materially impact his life in a negative way. It could be something that is a conscience issue with him and he sees the way the wife is or isn’t handling it as sin. His conscience will not let him just ignore it.

The husband often starts by talking to his wife, giving hints and suggestions, then making requests, making his thoughts and desire(s) known to her but she is either oblivious to what her husband wants or (because of how SHE feels about it) chooses to discount him and do it her way regardless. I guess in some cases she might just be contentious and rebellious and tells herself that she has the right to do it the way she wants to and that her husband will just have to get over it.

A steady man or a visionary might let it pass (even though it damages the marriage) but a command man is just not going to be able to do that. In most cases, his conscience will not let him. He wants or believes that it must be done a certain way, and he knows that before God he is the one responsible for it all and that his wife is supposed to be being his helpmeet and submitting to him in everything. He strives for patience and continues to try different things to get his wife to comply but for whatever reason, she does not.

Suggestions become complaints and requests become demands but eventually, (and it has most likely has taken years to reach this point) if his wife continues to contend with him and refuses to help him to accomplish life in the way that he is convinced is right, he looses respect for her. He finds it hard to love her and impossible to like her. Instead of being his helpmeet, she is a constant hindrance to him. Instead of being his best friend, she has made herself his (possibly worst) enemy.

He will try and persevere but at some point the accumulated level of frustration and pain that this contentious wife has created in her husband becomes more than he can bear and he begins to respond to his wife (at times) in sinful ways. He might withdraw from her physically and emotionally (to try and minimize the pain). He might get angry and yell and say harsh things. The harsh things that he is saying might be absolutely truthful but he says them in a less than loving way. He is beginning to give up on his wife and his marriage. Instead of being the best thing in his life, it/she has become the worst. He has become miserable due to the exhaustion, pain and frustration of having to constantly be contending with his uncooperative wife who is continually blocking his goals.

Wives, if you find yourself with a husband that is unhappy, complains a lot, is emotionally unavailable, physically withdrawn, or all the way to the point where he is treating you like an enemy, it might just be because of your sinful attitude, behavior and actions. You might want to consider what the Bible says about a contentious woman. Better yet, consider what it says about being your husbands submissive helpmeet. Get this part right and your marriage and the sex WILL be so much better for the both of you. Continue to get this part wrong, and nothing but more pain and despair will follow.

If you want to figure out what the issue might be in your marriage, here is what you need to ask yourself. What is it that your husband has complained to you about the most over the years? Is there an issue that you often argue about? What issue are you just sick of hearing him talk or complain about? What ever this issue is, and no matter how petty or insignificant you might consider it to be, it is very important to your husband. If it weren’t, he wouldn’t have spent so much time and effort complaining to you about it!

Also, if you are convicted that just in general you are more contentious than cooperative with him, that would be a great place to start also. I hope this might help some wives out there to understand their husbands and their marriages better.

 

Lori's response to Trey:

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Lori Alexander says:

January 22, 2017 at 2:00 pm

I can absolutely see this being married to a command man. I used to be very bothered how “harsh” Ken was with me when I wouldn’t do things the way he wanted me to, like keep up the checkbook. He didn’t ask much of me but what he did ask he expected me to follow and would be upset with me if I didn’t. I have learned to try to do what he asks to the best of my ability now but since he knows that I have a submissive heart towards him, he shows me more grace.

I just read an article about Melanie Trump and how she handles her command husband. She seems to easily accept the way he is and doesn’t try to fight him about it because I am sure he is harsh with her at time. “You cannot change a person. Let them be. Let them be the way they are.”http://qpolitical.com/melania-trump-reveals-heartbreaking-journey-achieving-american-dream/

 

Now that is more like her. So a man first has to see a submissive heart before he is less harsh? Hoops to jump through. You have to earn your husband's love and grace, but submission should flow freely without the man having to do anything. 

[polecat]

17 minutes ago, AlwaysDiscerning said:

If you want to figure out what the issue might be in your marriage, here is what you need to ask yourself. What is it that your husband has complained to you about the most over the years? Is there an issue that you often argue about? What issue are you just sick of hearing him talk or complain about? What ever this issue is, and no matter how petty or insignificant you might consider it to be, it is very important to your husband. If it weren’t, he wouldn’t have spent so much time and effort complaining to you about it!

 

 

Why does this ever only seem to work one way with them? If a woman continues to complain repeatedly about something "petty" or "insignificant" to the point that her husband is sick of hearing about it, then it's dismissed as nagging or badgering. But if a man does it? It's him being godly. 

This is crazy-making stuff.

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

Obviously reading comprehension is not something at which Trey and Lori excel.

Tammy told us *exactly* why her husband had no respect for her -- because she was doing *exactly* what a submissive wife is told to do -- smile, keep sweet, and win him without a word.

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"...that he had absolutely no respect for me because he could yell and criticize me whenever he wanted and I would just smile and continue serving him. 

It wasn't a question of not following her Command Man's instructions to the letter (Trey you moron) -- the hubby just wanted out. Her being sweet to him made it a little harder for him to leave. But he still left. Tammy tells us that being sweet or not hubby said he still would have left.

So I guess Tammy has the hollow victory of knowing she kept sweet and was submissive. Rather than, perhaps the satisfaction of standing up for herself against his abusive behavior and possibly throwing his cheating self out. 

Trey just needs to STFU and stop commenting.  And I've always suspected Trey is really Ken -- very similar writing style and overly long, bloviating posts that are full of the White Horse of Truth (Hi Ken!) . Anyone else think Trey is Ken's alter ego?

[lawfulevil]

I'm about 95% convinced at this point that "Trey" is Cabinetman.

-Long-winded. So, so long-winded.

-Obsession with sex, particularly the sex the woman owes her husband- unlike Lori, he's not content with 10 minutes and lube, the wife is "in rebellion" if she can't magically overcome physical reality and put out like a porn star on demand.

-Loves the SAME bible verses when bashing women over the head about sex:

Trey:

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God made sex for marriage and he tells you in the Bible that you should be having it and that you should not cease from having it often except by mutual agreement and then only for a short specific time period for a specific purpose. (1 Corinthians 7:2-5) God made sex to be enjoyed by men and women equally. “Most” men are driven to it by their hormones. “Most” women must often (out of obedience) choose to do it.

Cabinetman used the same verse as the justification for his infamous "Sex Advice" post where he recommended that wives should orgasm only 80% of the time. I saved a lot of his blog posts for future reference, this is a direct quote:

Spoiler

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Coming off the post from the other day and a couple more emails today I figure it’s time for a sex advice for men post.  It is one of the most common questions I get…”Our sex life sucks, how do I fix it?”  So here is a bullet point post that is by no means all inclusive.

1. Get rid of any sexual immorality in your life.  No more porn.  Yes it will be hard, especially until she comes around, but deal with it.  She’s going to have some dealing with of her own, why do you feel justified to ask her to do it if you aren’t willing?  Be godly.

2.  Never listen to your wife, or women, about sex.  First, women don’t know what they want.  What they say they want and what they do are opposites.   Trust me, it’s not the sensitive, best friends guys who are getting laid.  Anybody that believes that has never spent an hour in a bar, a college campus or a church.  If you follow your wife’s lead there is no bigger turn off for a woman.  Women are attracted to men.  Be a man.  Be strong.  Be independent.  Be a little dangerous.  Above all be dominant…which is the thing women are attracted to most.

3.  Listen to your wife about sex.  I know this seems to be the exact opposite of what I just said, but it is not.  Once you are a man and leading, it helps to be her best friend and to be sensitive.   Be safe.  Be caring.

4.  The biggest aphrodisiac for women is being wanted by a man they want/desire.  It is far more important to be the object of her desire than any technique you will learn.

5.  Study your wife.  Get her off most of the time she desires.  Some women will want to come every time.  Comply 80% of the time.  You might think that is selfish, and if you only take a short term view you might be correct.  But long term for attraction and for you to remain dominate (remember the single most attractive thing to a woman) in her eyes you have to leave her longing and knowing who is in charge (in charge in a loving way) once in awhile.  Keeping her attracted to you long term is not selfish. Some women will want to orgasm only once in awhile.  For some the orgasm is just  not important, at least not every time. Understand that up to 75% of women will never orgasm from PIV sex alone.  So learn some technique.

6.  Be a godly, loving husband.  One that cares about his wife.  One who serves his wife, cherishes her and cares for her.  Honestly, your relationship outside of the bedroom makes a huge difference.  The manosphere tells you that you have to be a jerk.  It’s not true.  But you do have to be a man.  Someone she looks up to.  You are far better off being dominate, but loving and caring.  And pray for your wife, daily.  Praise her for the things she does well and thank her for what she does for you.  Try to overlook small offenses.  Assume the best.  Communicate.  Help her.

7.  If met with refusal, be persistent but not whiny or needy- those are not dominate traits.  Figure out in a non sexual moral way to get rid of some energy and frustration.  And be persistent.  No long term is not an acceptable answer and make it very clear.  Get her to the doctor if necessary.  Understand that more than half of American women are on medications, from anti-depressants to hormonal birth control that absolutely tank their libido.  No long term is not acceptable.  Sexual refusal is a sin.  Run her to doctor appointments, and make it uncomfortable enough that she has no way but to deal with the issue.

8. If she has a problem, help her to heal.  There are women that have been sexually abused or raped.  There are women that have physical issues.  Work with her, with patience and kindness.  Hold her and her needs above yourself. But she has does have to work towards the goal of healing and do her part.

9. Do not say no yourself.  Don’t pay her back for the months, years or decades of hurt & loneliness she caused you.  I know this is easier said than done, but as our moms said & were right about- two wrongs don’t make a right.  Neither is it Christlike behavior.

10.  Understand that your wife will probably never be you. The majority of women are not as adventurous or have as high of libido as men.  It is okay to ask her to come your way- even a whole lot of the way.  But, and especially if you are a former porn user, most women are not porn stars.  Most are not into things like anal sex.  And that is okay…probably even good.  Be happy with a wife that is trying to please you and enjoy the marriage bed with you.  Don’t go crazy.  Be content.  And don’t defile or bring sexual immorality to your wife.  Remember part of your job as a christian husband is to present her to Christ washed- so stay within scriptural & biblical lines.

Lastly, love your wife.  Enjoy her.  Worship and obey God next to her.  Raise godly, healthy kids with her.  Get up each day and keep your promises. Never utter the word divorce and promise you’ll be sitting on the porch next to her when you are both old and grey.  Stick through the tough times and hold tight.  Never stop protecting her and if in doubt, choose love.

Oh and it never hurts, at least often, to stay showered, keep your nails trimmed and brush your teeth!

For this post please feel free to comment anonymously.  And it is okay to make up an email address.  We are discussing the sacred.  It has to be discussed, but it should be treated sacredly.  As always, be respectful to your fellow human.

…each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband. 3 The husband must [a]fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.5 Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

 1 Corinthians 7:2-5

 

-Some ways he writes- numbers are pretty much always numbers, even when many people would write ten instead of 10. Lots of parentheses use. Lots of short sentences when he's being expository, longer sentences are only used when he's emotional about something, usually about how much women suck.

-Cabinetman really really loved the bold setting in his blog, I think the ALL CAPS words are the same thing in comments.

-Weird pop culture references, like "Bonnie to his Clyde?"

-Obsession with everything in a marriage being the woman's fault. It's unpossible that this is a two-way street- that maybe she doesn't want to have sex or feel a close bond with him because he's ignoring HER priorities and preferences- because women aren't allowed to have those. Jesus said so.

-Blaming a husband's abusive behavior on vague faults in the wife.

-Obsession with how hard it is to be a man married to a woman with a spine, zero concern with how hard it is for a woman to be married to an unrepentant asshole.

 

[AmazonGrace]

So "he's a  command man" is Christianese for "he's a huge dick"?

[desertvixen]

@polecat - yes, exactly.

I agree that Trey might be a CabinetMan clone (although it's sad when you realize that while he advocates only letting his wife orgasm 80% of the time, he seems to be the only one who realizes women need more technique than lube thrust thrust thrust collapse).

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Trey:

1. Often there are issues in a marriage that are much more important to the husband than they are to the wife. In fact, it might be of utmost importance to the husband and the wife just does not understand what the big deal is about it. The husband typically starts out gently trying to get his wife to do (or not do) whatever it is that is important to him. It could very well be sex and intimacy as this post is bringing to light. It could be other things like how she disciplines the kids, how much effort she puts into cooking, how she dresses, her adherence to the budget, not keeping herself physically fit, how clean she keeps their home, or any number of things. Some things a husband can compromise on, some things he cannot.

 <snip long list of BAAAD THINGS that happen due to #1>

 

1. So why, if this is such an issue, can't the husband just say, "Babes, it really bothers me when you do X/don't do Y because of X" ?  Even if you're all hung up on the husband being the leader, this should work better than him getting all hurt because she's not doing what he wants.  I'm in the Army, and my leaders can and have said, "I need you to do Y OR not do X."

[AmazonGrace]

32 minutes ago, desertvixen said:

@polecat - yes, exactly.

I agree that Trey might be a CabinetMan clone (although it's sad when you realize that while he advocates only letting his wife orgasm 80% of the time, he seems to be the only one who realizes women need more technique than lube thrust thrust thrust collapse).

1. So why, if this is such an issue, can't the husband just say, "Babes, it really bothers me when you do X/don't do Y because of X" ?  Even if you're all hung up on the husband being the leader, this should work better than him getting all hurt because she's not doing what he wants.  I'm in the Army, and my leaders can and have said, "I need you to do Y OR not do X."

It seems like a part of being a command man, a la Trey, is, "expect your wife to be a fucking mind reader and then get pissed if she's not".

It's an essential part of the fragile-male-ego defense in which you need to be able to blame the wifey for something when things go wrong, which they inevitably will because you're a dick.

[quiversR4hunting]

1 hour ago, lawfulevil said:

I'm about 95% convinced at this point that "Trey" is Cabinetman.

Yeah the last time he spouted off I started thinking the same thing! 

[lawfulevil]

Just now, quiversR4hunting said:

Yeah the last time he spouted off I started thinking the same thing! 

He's also commented on Lori's new blog that he reads every day but tries not to comment too much... which seems like Cabinetman being afraid we'd catch on.

It's certainly not because it'd bother Lori, she LOOOOVES "Trey".

[AmazonGrace]

Why is a command man reading a woman's blog anyways? Lori is not supposed to teach men, and command men are not supposed to give a shit what a woman has to say.

[Hisey]

3 hours ago, quiversR4hunting said:

Yeah the last time he spouted off I started thinking the same thing! 

Maybe, but Trey sounds like he isn't getting any, and Cabinetman had Amanda committed to 3-4x/week. Remember? It was one of his conditions for taking her back when she left once.

I was at the Women's March yesterday. I didn't go to walk, I just happened to be in the city at the time, and the March marched right passed me. If it were happening again next weekend, I would march. It brings tears to my eyes that there are women in 2017 who are stuck in horrible relationships with crazy men like Josh and Trey and Cabinetman. That there are women, like those who comment on Lori's facebook, who say things like, "Best thing for a wife/mother is to be at home." Who struggle whether they are breaking God's law when they won't have sex with their husbands because their doctor tells them it will hurt their baby. Hello? Give your baby a lifetime of problems so your man can have 4 seconds of pleasure? And who are these selfish bastards, anyway? If I were in that situation, my husband wouldn't even raise the subject of sex, he'd be so terrified of hurting the baby. Even sicker, it sounds like that woman is giving her husband what he wants despite her doctor's orders.

I was so glad to see the thousands of women marchings, each with their own story and reason for being there. It gave me hope that not everyone secretly believes like Lori and her minions.

[RosyDaisy]

Oh yeah, Woody Woodpecker is definitely back.