Lori Alexander 14: Environmental Notebook Doodles & Self-Righteous Husband Bashing

[mango_fandango]

Trey and Lori can fuck right off. 

[foreign fundie]

Trey sounds slightly socially awkward. He more or less admits he does not get along with women, which of course is not his fault. Women are irrational and confusing. He would prefer to have nothing to do with them, but hormones... Like God made women sexually attractive to men, because if he hadn't, humanity would have gone extinct since women are such a pain in the butt.

Concluding, our sexual services are there to save us from starvation, because it is the only way we can attract a 'provider'.

So in his view (seconded by silly Lori) a wife should be like a prostitute except she should sell herself to one man once and for all.

 

[RosyDaisy]

I've said it a million times, and I'll say it again. Fundies are the most sex obsessed I know. They are downright nasty, gross, and vulgar.

[Hisey]

4 hours ago, Maggie Mae said:

How is that a valid use of anyone's time? Do kids require a cookie when they come in the door? As a latchkey kid who grew up with other latchkey kids, I can't imagine having a parent home to bother you the second you come in the door. How is that making independant adults? 

Even when my dad was home (I had a stay at home dad sometimes) he still didn't greet me with a snack. Half the time he was asleep (disabled) or doing something like laundry or cooking or running errands. Kids don't starve if they don't have food in front of them 24-7. If I wanted a snack, I could either get one myself, or wait. I came home off the bus, did my homework (or not), rode my bike around the neighborhood, came back in time to be taken to whatever practice I had, then came home, had dinner, finished my homework, and maybe watched jeopardy with my dad. 

Because it made them happy. That's a valid reason.

Because it made them feel loved. That's a valid reason.

Because it made ME happy. That's also a valid reason. (There are few greater joys than having your rumpled five-year old jump off the bus and rush to tell you all about his day.) 

There are lots of other valid reasons, too. When they were little, my being at home kept them safe. Now that they are teens, being at home means I can get to know the friends they bring home, make sure I know where they're going in the car, etc.

The Obamas realize this. That's why they recruited Michelle's mom to help with the girls. Is it "valid" for a grandma to be there afterschool, but "invalid" for a mom? 

I have made an effort to be home at 3, whether I was working or not. I feel that the kids are away all day, and i want to show that I care by being there. I do the same with my husband. He travels a lot, and when he comes home from a trip, I try to be at home. If I suspect he is hungry, I try to have some food.

If it's the snack aspect that troubles you, you can relax. Ninety percent of the time, the kids root around in the fridge whether I am home or not. Sometimes I do prepare something, but that's because I've found that if left to their own devices, they will choose the easiest snack, which is usually unhealthy. But if you cut up apples and just leave them on the table, they'll eat those. In general, though, I am not the best at remembering to shop/cook--does that reassure you? Why is that a good thing, anyway?

My youngest loves to eat, and there is a bakery down our street that has cookies that she loves. The bakery has very limited hours, like from 10-2. Once in a while, if I am passing that bakery during the limited time it's open, I'll buy her a cooky. Her joy when she gets home is a beautiful thing. She says, "Thank you, Mama!" and gives me a hug. 13-year olds don't give as many hugs as they did when they were 6, so that is not something I'd like to miss, just because some people think it is "invalid." My kid is a big reader, and when she settles down in front of the fire with her cookie and her books, I feel happy she's had a nice homecoming, and that our house is a safe haven from the tough world of middle school. 

Unlike Lori, I don't feel this is the only way to make a kid feel loved. I think there are lots of ways. Michelle Obama, before she became First Lady, had a huge loving extended family in Chicago. I have only my daughters and my husband, and I perhaps this influences my choices. No one else in the world cares about me, besides them, so it gives me pleasure to be there for them. Unless I can't pay my bills, I'm going to keep on doing so.

My 16 year old daughter just walked in the door with her friend and they are poking around in the fridge as I write. I don't seem to be "bothering them" at all, and if I do, they are free to go upstairs or outdoors. When she gets home, I don't sit on her lap and pepper her with questions. I just say hello, ask her about her day, and go about my business. 

I wouldn't worry about her becoming an independent adult. At nearly 17, she has done her own laundry for the last seven years. She makes her own breakfast, packs her own lunch, buys her own clothes (with my money), drives, does great in school, and is interviewing for part time jobs. Making someone feel secure when they are young does not hinder them from becoming an independent adult, it helps them to become one.

Maggie, if I may say so, I think you are writing from a place of pain because you did not have these things. I hope you have the pleasure of doing better for your kids. It is a great pleasure.

[Granwych]

7 hours ago, freealljs said:

I wonder who Lori is really pissed off at. There was her post on child-training, with advice from Ken (she made sure that we knew it was from Ken). Maybe Ken (or one of her kids) decided that Lori had gone too far with her version of child training.  Then there was the post about moving and following one's husband. Now, there's another post on giving one's husband sex. I so want to be a fly on the wall in Lori-land. Something is going on.

I'm also trying to figure out why the clothes washing detergent is so phenomenal. If one mixes up 3-4 types of fabric whitener and brightener, wouldn't the end result be whiter or brighter clothes?  Logic fail, maybe? 

I think that Lori can't measure a can of soup with the recommended can of water in order to have the proper consistency of the finished soup.  All she seems to be able to throw together are salads.

4 hours ago, Maggie Mae said:

Furthermore, Melania worked as a model. Which is a job. 

I seriously believe that having sweet fellowship with the Donald is a job(if not torture.)

[Chocolatedefrauded]

Barf. These guys want to walk around adored like a prince in their own home. Why not demand foot rubs too? Barf again 

[desertvixen]

Trey reeks of creepy, tired MRA. 

Quote

Trey says: (a lot of stuff, but I've just snipped out the particular LOWLIGHTS)

January 20, 2017 at 9:26 am

1. I will say this as plain as it is. With very, very few exceptions (rare health issues), if you are a woman who calls herself Godly and thinks she is following Jesus Christ in her life but withholding sex from your husband you are living in a delusional fantasy. You are not serving Christ but satan and Christ (if you even know Him) is severely grieved by your wretchedly SINFUL behavior. PERIOD.

2. God made sex to be enjoyed by men and women equally. “Most” men are driven to it by their hormones. “Most” women must often (out of obedience) choose to do it.

3. And speaking of hormones ladies, if it were not for testosterone and the sex drive that God put into men making them attracted to women for sex, I personally don’t believe that the vast majority of men would choose to have anything to do with women at all. Women are in so many ways different than men and are so confusing, emotional, irrational and so much trouble that without the sex drive, <b>the vast majority of men would not give a woman the time of day</b>. This is my personal opinion and might not be true.

4. I will assure you that every man married to a gate-keeping or refusing wife is both physically AND emotionally abused by their wives!!!

5. Even if you give your husband all of the sex he wants and his physical needs are met, if you do not emotionally participate (rather just give him Duty Sex), his emotional needs are still not met and no intimacy will be created between the two of you. Women, there are no half measures here. You have to give YOURSELF COMPLETELY (physically and emotionally) to your husband for Gods blessings to be realized.

6. Lots of men will just fake it and apologize when they are not even in the wrong and force themselves to do nice things like the dishes or vacuum and pretend to show kindness toward you… all in an effort to get sex because their physical need is so overwhelming but their words and actions are not real! It is just a show they are putting on to try and get you to have sex with them and in their hearts they resent it and it damages any true intimacy that might be between you! If you want their feelings and kind/thoughtful actions to be real toward you, then they require “quality” sex on a regular basis.

 

1. Well, glad he's here to spell this out for us.

2. If God made it so enjoyable, why don't women want to do it more often?  I mean, usually women being TOO free with their sexual favors is a sign of SATAN, not withholding it.

3. Like I said, MRA.  I'm not sure how we're the irrational ones when apparently men are the ones who will die if they don't get laid.

4. If either partner is always refusing sex, and not looking at how it could be changed, then there is a problem that needs to be addressed.  If one's wife is too tired, then maybe you need to look at how that could be fixed.

5. Hear that, Lori? Ten minutes and lube isn't going to cut it.

6. If men are going to fake acting like decent human beings, then they will just have to live with women faking sexual enjoyment.

The focus on sex is troubling - as @feministxtian said, there are so many other things that are important to intimacy.

Like Henry Fonda's character says in Yours, Mine and Ours, it isn't going to bed with a man that proves you love him, but getting up and facing every day with him.

[quiversR4hunting]

I couldn't read the whole thing but Trey sounds like Cabinet Man. 

[usmcmom]

Sadly, we all know that Ken and Lori's standard sexual encounter is ten minutes and lube. This tells me thar Lori is NOT giving 100% physically, spiritually, emotionally....or however it is that Trey demands.  Shame, Lori.  SHAME! 

I'm also going to go out on a limb and guess that Trey has not had any sort of sexual encounter in a very long time, if at all. 

[Hisey]

8 minutes ago, usmcmom said:

Sadly, we all know that Ken and Lori's standard sexual encounter is ten minutes and lube. This tells me thar Lori is NOT giving 100% physically, spiritually, emotionally....or however it is that Trey demands.  Shame, Lori.  SHAME! 

I'm also going to go out on a limb and guess that Trey has not had any sort of sexual encounter in a very long time, if at all. 

I am also guessing that Trey would not win any awards for his performance in bed.

[Koala]

5 hours ago, Maggie Mae said:

How is that a valid use of anyone's time? Do kids require a cookie when they come in the door? As a latchkey kid who grew up with other latchkey kids, I can't imagine having a parent home to bother you the second you come in the door. How is that making independant adults? 

I can't speak for anyone else, but being around for my kids is just about the most valid use of my time that I can think of.

Do you really believe that if a parent is waiting at home in the afternoons, offering a snack, asking about their child's day, and overseeing homework, that child will not grow into an independent adult? 

If so, that's almost as absurd as the fundie notion that if mom has to work, the kids will all turn out to be delinquents.  

It's just pure silliness.   

Lest you worry, I have taken care to see that my kids are capable, responsible individuals, and I am 100% certain that me being here in the afternoons won't deter from that.

 

[usmcmom]

9 minutes ago, Koala said:

I can't speak for anyone else, but being around for my kids is just about the most valid use of my time that I can think of.

Do you really believe that if a parent is waiting at home in the afternoons, offering a snack, asking about their child's day, and overseeing homework, that child will not grow into an independent adult? 

If so, that's almost as absurd as the fundie notion that if mom has to work, the kids will all turn out to be delinquents.  

It's just pure silliness.   

Lest you worry, I have taken care to see that my kids are capable, responsible individuals, and I am 100% certain that me being here in the afternoons won't deter from that.

 

I agree with all you have written.

This discussion reminds me of the "never let your kids quit an activity" argument.  We did allow each of our kids to quit a sport as teenagers; after we said we'd never do such a thing. When people challenge us with things like "So, do they even have a work ethic now?" I play the military card and say "I challenge you to question the work ethic (and independence) of a United States Marine."  As for my daughter, she attended college out of state where she pursued her Bachelor's of Science in Nursing while also working part time. She spent a summer studying in Italy and traveled to six other countries while doing so. Now she is a registered nurse in yet another state, working night shift on the oncology unit of a large city hospital. 

Clearly, those after-school cookies and milk hindered my children's maturity and independence. Lazy bums. 

 

[lawfulevil]

Refusing to let your kids try things unless they're willing to commit 100% to doing them forever is a shitty thing to do to someone- there's a huge difference between not letting your child quit something that they otherwise enjoy because they're in a hard spot, and forcing your child to do something they hate because quitting is bad always and eternally.

Example- I played volleyball as a kid. I was terrible at it, and once I was old enough to know I was bad at it I was ashamed and upset. No amount of practice helped (and it never would have- I have terrible depth perception). My mother wouldn't let me quit and try something else because quitting is always bad. For the same reason I had to endure years of tap dancing and ballet lessons. All I learned from that and gym class is that all exercise is torture and you should never try anything new because if it sucks you're stuck with it.

One of the best things about adulthood has been the ability to be interested in something, try it, and decide it's not for me with no harm done and nobody angry at me.

[TeddyBonkers]

The job that I have enables me to be at home when my kids get out of school. It's what works for me, my husband, and my kids. It's what we are able to do, and it's not feasible for everyone. 

When my brother and I were in school, we got picked up from (grade) school by a family member and hung out at her house until Mom got off work and picked us up. Again, not feasible for everyone, but it's what worked for Mom.

As for Trey? that guy should just get a blowup doll and leave womankind alone.

[Maggie Mae]

2 hours ago, Hisey said:

Maggie, if I may say so, I think you are writing from a place of pain because you did not have these things. I hope you have the pleasure of doing better for your kids. It is a great pleasure.

 

You are very, very, very wrong on this aspect. 

 

[Hisey]

I like the way Trey described his desire for sex as a "Physical Need" and also an "Emotional" one. As if putting it in capitals makes his horniness real and valid. 

Oh, he used a capital P! That must mean his feelings are definitely valid and his wife is terribly evil for not "giving" him some sex. Wasn't sure till I saw it was capitalized.

3 minutes ago, Maggie Mae said:

You are very, very, very wrong on this aspect. 

 

OK.

It's just that most people don't get that upset or angry about a mom giving her child a cookie. Or a mom wanting to see her child after school. Not really terrible things, to most people.

 

[polecat]

3 hours ago, dairyfreelife said:

You must choose (yes it is a mental choice on your part) to become aroused

Is it now? IS IT? 

Because if it's a CHOICE for her to become aroused, then it seems obviously a CHOICE for him to control his urges, right? But he's apparently UNABLE to do that. So maybe, just MAYBE, it's not a choice for her to become aroused.

WTH world are these idiots living in? 

If your wife is struggling with arousal, take more time, try different things, be patient, explore variations on the old things, etc. And if that's not working, maybe talk to a doctor. Telling her to just CHOOSE to become aroused is pretty much never going to work because it doesn't work like that. Biologically, it does not work like that.

[desertvixen]

@polecat, I agree with you that if the wife isn't getting aroused, it's not because she's consciously choosing not to.

It's hard to get aroused (or even just get off by yourself) when you're tired and stressed. 

Or when your religion means you don't get decent sex ed, and you don't learn enough about your own body.

Or when the man you're sleeping with doesn't have a clue what he's doing.

[Granwych]

4 hours ago, Maggie Mae said:

6 hours ago, Hisey said:

Maggie, if I may say so, I think you are writing from a place of pain because you did not have these things. I hope you have the pleasure of doing better for your kids. It is a great pleasure.

 

You are very, very, very wrong on this aspect. 

Along with my sisters, my mother was home waiting for us when we got out of school.  However, it was no cookies and milk or whatever-happened-that-day stuff.  It was "You do the vacuuming, this one does the dishes, this one does  laundry, and you better get it done before your father comes home.  And Mom was off to yak on the phone, catch up with soap operas, and nitpick our assigned jobs.  I'd really have preferred she had been elsewhere.

[Hisey]

48 minutes ago, Granwych said:

Along with my sisters, my mother was home waiting for us when we got out of school.  However, it was no cookies and milk or whatever-happened-that-day stuff.  It was "You do the vacuuming, this one does the dishes, this one does  laundry, and you better get it done before your father comes home.  And Mom was off to yak on the phone, catch up with soap operas, and nitpick our assigned jobs.  I'd really have preferred she had been elsewhere.

Sorry, Granwych, that sucks. I can understand you preferring she'd have been elsewhere.

[onemama]

Trey is disgusting. And so is Lori for supporting him. They are proof of what pride will do to a person.  Now, pride comes before a fall.  I hope they fall very soon. 

[AmazonGrace]

Quote

At this point, my wife will never hear me say I love her again. Even during the occasional moments of intimacy that might occur, I will not tell her I love her because I hate her. 

 I would do anything for her, but she refuses to let me love her.

and that, in a nutshell, is the reason she doesn¨t want to have sex with him.

[onemama]

25 minutes ago, AmazonGrace said:

and that, in a nutshell, is the reason she doesn¨t want to have sex with him.

Why doesn't he just have a divorce? I don't understand these men commenting on Lori's blog and facebook page. If they are so miserable, if women have failed them so badly, why not simply opt out of the marriage option (because they don't really want a marriage and what it entails) and go for paid sex?  That seems to be what they want. 

Except, of course, they also want a woman to support them in every single endeavor, a woman to keep a home for them, do their laundry and raise children for them.  Some of them admit that their wives love them in other ways. How about choosing to be content with her love and see how you might be contributing to her lack of sexual desire? How about asking her why she doesn't want sex?  Macho-man Mark Driscoll said that problems in the bedroom are usually caused by problems outside of the bedroom. Those need to be addressed first. 

Do they know how many women live in less-than-satisfying marriages? Heck, I do! My mom does! My sisters do! But you know what? When we whine, after being allowed to shed a few tears and moan a little, (unless we went to Lori, of course....), we're reminded that we are the other half of that marriage and we are asked after what we might do to make things better for ourselves.  We are asked whether we are trying our best to meet our husbands' needs. We are reminded to seek the good in the men we chose to marry.  

By all means, have a moan, men, but then man up and get on with life! 

 

[foreign fundie]

10 hours ago, usmcmom said:

I agree with all you have written.This discussion reminds me of the "never let your kids quit an activity" argument.  We did allow each of our kids to quit a sport as teenagers; after we said we'd never do such a thing. When people challenge us with things like "So, do they even have a work ethic now?" I play the military card and say "I challenge you to question the work ethic (and independence) of a United States Marine."  

 

I never heard about the 'no quit' rule. I happily quit music lessons, (my teacher was an old creep and I hated sitting alone with him) and choir (not enough time). My parents never made a fuss about that. I continued to play and sing because I like it.

I see these activities not as a commitment, but as a fun chance to see what you like and develop your abilities. Like dating. You don't tell your teen 'never quit a relationship'. Marriage is a commitment, but dating is finding out if you want to make a commitment and learn some life skills in the process.

If extra-curricular activities have to be a lifelong thing, it immediately takes the fun out of it. I don't see the point of willful self torture to prove you have character. You will get plenty of opportunities to prove your character in situations where it matters.

 

[onemama]

1 hour ago, foreign fundie said:

If extra-curricular activities have to be a lifelong thing, it immediately takes the fun out of it. I don't see the point of willful self torture to prove you have character. You will get plenty of opportunities to prove your character in situations where it matters.

I think you hit the nail in the head, foreign fundie.  

I dropped out of guitar lessons two times after one year of lessons. My parents let me try twice and did ask me to finish the year before dropping out. 

Nine years after my last guitar lesson, I went out and bought myself a guitar and learned from anyone who would sit with me and teach me to play for the songs I wanted to sing.  I loved it and still do! 

I think part of parenting is teaching our children, by our example, what it looks like to stick it out even when it's hard and we aren't enjoying it.  And stick it out with a good attitude because there is a good reason to do so.  If your child wants to play piano, then yes, you might have to help him or her learn the discipline of practising daily and not quitting when a piece is hard to get down right.  But if your child doesn't like to play the piano, then don't force her to continue!