Joy and Austin: dating with a purpose .... or something (part 4)

[sansan]

11 hours ago, closetcagebaby said:

Anyone is perfectly able to skip over anything they don't wish to read, but it's very obvious most people are enjoying this thread drift and it's been very helpful for some!

 

I am another high pain tolerating redhead (true bright copper red) but losing my v was terribly painful and took a lot of practice even with proper warmups!

Exactly, please feel free, skip over me. 

[front hugs > duggs]

3 hours ago, season of life said:

Maybe this isn't the right place to ask, but as a virgin, I'm curious. Did anyone lose their virginity while on top of the man/boy? Did you bleed as well?

I read that this position gives women more control and may decrease a little of first-time pain. Was this your experience?

*raises hand* me! I'm not sure what the decision process at the time was, but with that boyfriend (we lost it together) we not only did that the first time but most times after. I loved it- it worked best for me and he didn't seem to have any complaints. I felt it was very comfortable. 

Now however, I can't get the hang of it. I think it's a combination of me having more body issues in my 20's then my teens and not feeling confident, as well as maybe having a more "mature" body type then I did then and not being sure how to really use my body as well as when I was younger/smaller.

[Gobbles]

TMI: I did that first time thing by myself. I could definitely feel it happen, but it did not hurt. Just a really small amount of blood. Like a drop or two. "First time" with a human being was kinda lame tbh. It did not hurt and no blood. But I was used to male body parts due to my self studies... *cough*

So my advice would be to get the job done by yourself. Seriously, it is so much better when you know what to do and especially when you know what you like. I could give my partner back then an exact instruction on what to do and what not. 

EDIT: I told my boyfriend back then about it and I had a feeling that he was relived about not having to do it. For him it was the first time with a human being as well. 

[Kailash]

DEFINITE TMI AHEAD!

    I have a friable cervix, which means it is easily irritated, inflamed and often I bleed during/after intercourse.  My first time hurt so badly I couldn't let him finish. (Actually that happened the first several times.) And I was super aroused, very into it. But I was also raised fundy, and had thought I wanted to remain a virgin until marriage. ( I changed my mind after I met my first boyfriend, now husband). I'm not sure how much was due to guilt and not being able to relax. Sex now, 20 years later, is better than ever. I'm amazed that it just keeps getting better.

[lumpentheologie]

1 hour ago, Kailash said:

Sex now, 20 years later, is better than ever. I'm amazed that it just keeps getting better.

Definite TMI warning

Seriously!  I am the oldest and hairiest and fattest I have ever been and the sex just keeps improving! It is a total lie that being young and hot = good sex.  Total and complete lie.

Much better when no one has insane expectations about what your body should look like, you're super comfortable with your partner, able to articulate what you like and don't like...it's a world of difference.  Maybe for some people those things are possible when they're young, but for me they weren't, and I was raised very far from fundie. 

[karen77]

18 hours ago, Diggingupdirt said:

I'm a dishwasher blonde.

Dishwater?? I am too

[Denim Jumper]

21 hours ago, DaniLouisiana said:

Okay I have a question, just out of plain old cat curiousity-the ladies that it hurt the first time you did the "deed", how many of y'all are red heads? My reason for asking is this: 1-I'm studying immunology next week and my quick scan of the textbook has a section that deals with the perception of pain and 2-my fantastic lady PCP has mentioned to me on numerous visits that gingers have a higher perception of pain, followed by blondes. Brunettes/Ravens have the highest pain tolerence according to what she's studied. FYI-I'm a ginger, she's a blonde. She's fantastic in making sure that I have good pain control to the point of texting me reminders to not let the pain get ahead of me.

Blonde here. No pain or bleeding the first time, just kind of vague feeling of internal pressure when he first got in there, quickly followed by awesomeness. It did kind of hurt a little when we did it again an hour later, but that was because it turns out that I am sensitive to latex. 

[JesSky03]

8 hours ago, season of life said:

Maybe this isn't the right place to ask, but as a virgin, I'm curious. Did anyone lose their virginity while on top of the man/boy? Did you bleed as well?

I read that this position gives women more control and may decrease a little of first-time pain. Was this your experience?

I'm thinking back 10 years so it's a little fuzzy but I think I was on top, at least at the start. It was not painful and I did not bleed. However a few years later (same partner) sex became painful- I would have a stinging pain upon entry that would sometimes go away, sometimes not. Position didn't really matter. Since stopping birth control I do not have that problem anymore- I think it caused inflammation and swelling in my vaginal walls. Now days (same partner) I get abdominal and side pain (suspected endometriosis) with certain positions depending on the day. Usually being on top or missionary eliminates the pain. Just putting that out there in case anyone else is dealing with painful sex- sex should not be painful; there is an underlying issue if it is.

[KelseyAnn]

10 hours ago, season of life said:

Maybe this isn't the right place to ask, but as a virgin, I'm curious. Did anyone lose their virginity while on top of the man/boy? Did you bleed as well?

I read that this position gives women more control and may decrease a little of first-time pain. Was this your experience?

 

I didn't lose my virginity that way, but I agree that being on top gives you more control and less pain. At least that's what I remember of straight sex. 

[backyard sylph]

14 minutes ago, KelseyAnn said:

I didn't lose my virginity that way, but I agree that being on top gives you more control and less pain. At least that's what I remember of straight sex. 

It's also (hide your eyes, tmi ladies,) more likely to allow you to have an orgasm from penetration—probably not your first time, but after a few times—because you'll be maneuvering things to where they are just the best. We're all shaped differently, so it isn't the same for everyone, but we get to know ourselves better as we gain experience.

My first time, lo these many, many years ago at age 19, was pretty darned good. There was far more guilt than pain, because of Mom's teaching, and no bleeding. And there was rather more pleasure than pain, as well, Years later I realized he was not only a fit hot boy, but very adept at the process for an 18 year-old. I'd love to tell him thanks for that now!

[VeganCupcake]

10 hours ago, season of life said:

Maybe this isn't the right place to ask, but as a virgin, I'm curious. Did anyone lose their virginity while on top of the man/boy? Did you bleed as well?

I read that this position gives women more control and may decrease a little of first-time pain. Was this your experience?

This probably seems counterintuitive and goes against what everyone else is saying, but I think the first time will be MUCH easier guy on top. Being on top and controlling things would have felt like trying to give myself a shot…nearly impossible. Like a mental block. But that's just me. 

[Carm_88]

23 minutes ago, VeganCupcake said:

This probably seems counterintuitive and goes against what everyone else is saying, but I think the first time will be MUCH easier guy on top. Being on top and controlling things would have felt like trying to give myself a shot…nearly impossible. Like a mental block. But that's just me. 

I was on bottom because I thought that the more experienced should have more control. My thoughts were that he knew what he was doing, so that would be better for me. I don't know if I would have been able to try the on top position at first. It's great but I would have been wayyyy to nervous and self conscious. 

[backyard sylph]

16 minutes ago, Carm_88 said:

I was on bottom because I thought that the more experienced should have more control. My thoughts were that he knew what he was doing, so that would be better for me. I don't know if I would have been able to try the on top position at first. It's great but I would have been wayyyy to nervous and self conscious. 

That's certainly a point. You'd have to be so confident to take the reins right off the bat. But you could. :-)

[Carm_88]

1 minute ago, backyard sylph said:

That's certainly a point. You'd have to be so confident to take the reins right off the bat. But you could. :-)

You certainly could and if you did, more power to you!  

[Yes, TOTALLY]

14 hours ago, season of life said:

Maybe this isn't the right place to ask, but as a virgin, I'm curious. Did anyone lose their virginity while on top of the man/boy? Did you bleed as well?

I read that this position gives women more control and may decrease a little of first-time pain. Was this your experience?

I did. I didn't bleed but it did hurt. I'd recommend it though, it was easier and not too uncomfortable. For me, literally nothing had ever been in there before so it probably was bound to hurt a little. 

[nausicaa]

3 hours ago, Carm_88 said:

I was on bottom because I thought that the more experienced should have more control. My thoughts were that he knew what he was doing, so that would be better for me. I don't know if I would have been able to try the on top position at first. It's great but I would have been wayyyy to nervous and self conscious. 

Yeah, I was waaay to self-conscious for a long time to be on top. You have to be really confident, both with yourself physically and sexually. I really didn't do any other position other than missionary with my first boyfriend. 

But now that I'm older and a little more confident...two thumbs up to whomever came up with lady on top.

[nickelodeon]

1 hour ago, nausicaa said:

two thumbs up to whomever came up with lady on top.

Lilith, right?

[Marly]

22 hours ago, season of life said:

Maybe this isn't the right place to ask, but as a virgin, I'm curious. Did anyone lose their virginity while on top of the man/boy? Did you bleed as well?

I read that this position gives women more control and may decrease a little of first-time pain. Was this your experience?

After having tried it two times in missionary position, and it hurting so much that he couldn't really get in, we decided to try it with me on top. I did not bleed, but it hurt A LOT. I was almost 23 and I knew very well what was happening and how everything 'worked'. And we did foreplay, we used lube, I felt completely comfortable and relaxed with him (we're still together), but it still hurt like hell. (i'm a brunette btw). It was easier to do it with me on top because it made me feel like I was in control, which made it easier to relax. I could go in (or on) as slowly as I'd preferred. That did help.
It took about 5 months before it didn't hurt anymore btw. All the while it was also very nice, I wouldn't have kept doing it otherwise, and the pain became less and less every time. But where some say "I don't know what all the fuss is about", I'm like: "how can women lose their viginity in a one-night-stand? Why do films and series and novels portray losing your viginity as something that 'just happens' without any pain involved?
And this is also why I feel very sad for women who have an arranged marriage/are very religious and who have their first time on their wedding night. I just can't imagine it's going to be a positive experience for them. Especially since people in an arranged marriage don't really know each other that well prior to the marriage, and because sex and sexuality isn't something that's talked about in very religious families. I'm kind of happy for jinger that she married a man who (most likely) already had sexual experience, because he knows (or should know) how to make it a pleasurable experience for her as well.

[Audrey2]

4 hours ago, Marly said:

Snip

I'm kind of happy for jinger that she married a man who (most likely) already had sexual experience, because he knows (or should know) how to make it a pleasurable experience for her as well.

Not only this, but Jeremy should have known that it should be a pleasurable experience for Jinger. Many of these other young fundie guys, I feel, would be more in for their pleasure, not knowing or not caring that a good time should be had by all. After all, their wives are taught to be submissive, or, as my favorite line states, "lie back and think of England".

[Nashville92]

I feel embarrassed saying this but it's prety obvious I'm a virgin, and I'm planning on waiting till I'm married.  But the first time I went to the OB/GYN a few years ago for a pap smear it hurt so bad I almost cried.  My doctor had to do it twice because the first time she used a brush like tool and it wouldn't fit.  I was mortified.  Now I'm almost afraid about if I ever have sex how much pain I'll be in

[Teaistheway]

35 minutes ago, Nashville92 said:

I feel embarrassed saying this but it's prety obvious I'm a virgin, and I'm planning on waiting till I'm married.  But the first time I went to the OB/GYN a few years ago for a pap smear it hurt so bad I almost cried.  My doctor had to do it twice because the first time she used a brush like tool and it wouldn't fit.  I was mortified.  Now I'm almost afraid about if I ever have sex how much pain I'll be in

Seriously, do not worry - smears and sex are completely different experiences.  I'm very far from being a virgin and still hate smears -sex, on the other hand, when you're ready and with the right person is fabulous!

[VeganCupcake]

2 hours ago, Nashville92 said:

I feel embarrassed saying this but it's prety obvious I'm a virgin, and I'm planning on waiting till I'm married.  But the first time I went to the OB/GYN a few years ago for a pap smear it hurt so bad I almost cried.  My doctor had to do it twice because the first time she used a brush like tool and it wouldn't fit.  I was mortified.  Now I'm almost afraid about if I ever have sex how much pain I'll be in

Some people's doctors must be terrible! A Pap smear should not hurt or even feel uncomfortable. The cervix is one of the numbest parts of the body. My first gynecologist visit was not uncomfortable in the least. I really recommend switching doctors. 

[JillyO]

8 hours ago, Marly said:

After having tried it two times in missionary position, and it hurting so much that he couldn't really get in, we decided to try it with me on top. I did not bleed, but it hurt A LOT. I was almost 23 and I knew very well what was happening and how everything 'worked'. And we did foreplay, we used lube, I felt completely comfortable and relaxed with him (we're still together), but it still hurt like hell. (i'm a brunette btw). It was easier to do it with me on top because it made me feel like I was in control, which made it easier to relax. I could go in (or on) as slowly as I'd preferred. That did help.
It took about 5 months before it didn't hurt anymore btw. All the while it was also very nice, I wouldn't have kept doing it otherwise, and the pain became less and less every time. But where some say "I don't know what all the fuss is about", I'm like: "how can women lose their viginity in a one-night-stand? Why do films and series and novels portray losing your viginity as something that 'just happens' without any pain involved?
And this is also why I feel very sad for women who have an arranged marriage/are very religious and who have their first time on their wedding night. I just can't imagine it's going to be a positive experience for them. Especially since people in an arranged marriage don't really know each other that well prior to the marriage, and because sex and sexuality isn't something that's talked about in very religious families. I'm kind of happy for jinger that she married a man who (most likely) already had sexual experience, because he knows (or should know) how to make it a pleasurable experience for her as well.

Obviously, everybody is different, and so everbody's experiences are also different. For me, it was EXACTLY like the bolded. My first time was a one-night stand, and it was fucking great. It (obviously) wasn't planned at all, but I've always been very confident and have always known what I want in that regard. So yeah, it kind of "just happened" and I'm so glad it did. It didn't hurt one bit - it actually was really good sex even in hindsight with several partners to compare. By the way, I didn't tell the guy I was a virgin. Didn't really feel like something he needed  to know. He was quite a bit older (I was 17, almost 18) and pretty experienced. Worked out really well for me.

[lucypepys]

 

 

7 hours ago, Nashville92 said:

I feel embarrassed saying this but it's prety obvious I'm a virgin, and I'm planning on waiting till I'm married.  But the first time I went to the OB/GYN a few years ago for a pap smear it hurt so bad I almost cried.  My doctor had to do it twice because the first time she used a brush like tool and it wouldn't fit.  I was mortified.  Now I'm almost afraid about if I ever have sex how much pain I'll be in

5 hours ago, VeganCupcake said:

Some people's doctors must be terrible! A Pap smear should not hurt or even feel uncomfortable. The cervix is one of the numbest parts of the body. My first gynecologist visit was not uncomfortable in the least. I really recommend switching doctors. 

Pap smears are agony for me too, but that's thanks to vestibulodynia (which has also completely wrecked my sex life.  Fun times!).  They used to be fine before I had it though! They're so bad now that my vag will actually force the speculum out of there if they don't do the smear fast enough!  I didn't even realise I had that degree of muscle control, but apparently I do!

[Mela99]

10 hours ago, Nashville92 said:

I feel embarrassed saying this but it's prety obvious I'm a virgin, and I'm planning on waiting till I'm married.  But the first time I went to the OB/GYN a few years ago for a pap smear it hurt so bad I almost cried.  My doctor had to do it twice because the first time she used a brush like tool and it wouldn't fit.  I was mortified.  Now I'm almost afraid about if I ever have sex how much pain I'll be in

It's not you, honey. It's probably the doctor. I was the same way. The first one I went to was agony and horrifying. I'm short and small and I thought it was me. Relaxing and having the right doctor makes all the difference.