Lori Alexander, 12: Transformed, But We Can't Tell

[louisa05]

18 hours ago, Colby said:

My fiance says he tries not to look at the communion line at mass because of all the butts showing, so he does just that...DOESN'T LOOK!  He doesn't blame those girls.   (It is kinda sad though when people dress "sexy" for church....my opinion)

In my RCIA, someone asked the priest about people dressing so casually for mass. In many Protestant traditions, people dress up quite a lot for church, so that can be a big change of mindset for some converts. The priest said it doesn't bother him except for women that come to mass in things that are a bit too skimpy especially low cut tops in summer. Basically, he said, he is taller than most of them and they come up for communion with their hands right at chest level and he looks down at their hands to place the host and sees cleavage. Quote: "I may be celibate, but I'm not dead". So while I hate modesty lectures and don't advocate dress codes in church, I do sometimes see someone at church in summer wearing something really low cut and think about the view the priest or EME is getting in the communion line. 

People can wear what they want, but I do think we've reached a point in American culture when we are sometimes way too casual. My sister-in-law wore capri length yoga pants, a workout top and a zip up hoodie to the last family funeral we all attended. A quite formal funeral in a church. She and my mother-in-law have also shown up to events like grad parties, sit down dinners in restaurants, etc...in paint stained or torn workout clothing. Then they tell me I am overdressed because I am wearing something clean and well kept. We saw a guy in grass stained shorts and flip flops in a rather expensive restaurant this summer. One of the pharmacists at the cancer center where my dad was treated wore yoga paints and spandex tops with bra straps showing to work regularly--in a setting where everyone not in scrubs was wearing professional clothing. None of that is a modesty issue as much as it just seems lacking in common sense or respect.  

[older than allosaurs]

The first time I went to an African American Baptist church with my kids and their birthfamily, I realized I had screwed up significantly with my attire. My girls were wearing dresses, thank goodness, but I had what I would have worn to our rare Unitarian outings in childhood--clean pants, clean top, basically casual office clothes. Every other woman had a nice dress, heels and most had church hats. I stood out more for my clothes than my color. I never did get a church hat (see below if you don't know the genre), but I did find a dress for future trips.

There is a photo book devoted to church hats and their wearers' memories of how they got them and how they felt wearing them. It's terrific. Here's a link: http://content.time.com/time/photogallery/0,29307,1874131_1830147,00.html

A little thread drift for a Saturday morning.

[bitterseltzer]

You know, I started reading Lori's blog because she remind me of my mother in a lot of eerie ways. My mother probably would have called herself an mra if she had known the word, spent my life telling me that men have it so hard, what with the evil feminists, and need nothing but sympathy no matter what they do. She nitpicked every book I read and complained that it was the feminist agenda if a dude was depicted in any way less than perfect. My mother taught me that I was inherently manipulative, mean, selfish, and unfeeling whenever I stood up for myself against my brothers or refused to accept their behavior. She too twisted facts and memories and rewrote history whenever it put her in a bad light, sometimes even within the same conversation, until i couldn’t trust anything to be true.

I too, defended my family, accepted my mother's stories, believed that she was 100% right. For awhile.

<p>But you know what happened? I haven’t spoken to her in a very long time. She doesn’t know where I live. Now, granted, I don’t know how much she cares beyond the annoyance of having to concoct stories to other people about why I disappeared, and maybe Lori wouldn’t either. But that is eventually what happens when you wake up and realize you have a parent who has been fucking with your mind and destroying your sense of self. I don't know if Lori realizes that the consequences of her behavior are likely not pretty.

[louisa05]

11 minutes ago, older than allosaurs said:

The first time I went to an African American Baptist church with my kids and their birthfamily, I realized I had screwed up significantly with my attire. My girls were wearing dresses, thank goodness, but I had what I would have worn to our rare Unitarian outings in childhood--clean pants, clean top, basically casual office clothes. Every other woman had a nice dress, heels and most had church hats. I stood out more for my clothes than my color. I never did get a church hat (see below if you don't know the genre), but I did find a dress for future trips.

There is a photo book devoted to church hats and their wearers' memories of how they got them and how they felt wearing them. It's terrific. Here's a link: http://content.time.com/time/photogallery/0,29307,1874131_1830147,00.html

A little thread drift for a Saturday morning.

A college course I had to take on diversity for education included a five day trip out of central Nebraska to an urban area. One of the events was attending an African-American church on Sunday morning. Our professor was quite specific about being appropriately dressed up as most rural or small town white kids would have dressed as you said you did. She did not suggest or require hats, though, but there were indeed some amazing ones there. 

 

[onemama]

The newest reply to her Yoga Pants post;

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Lori, I have a question about yoga pants: my husband asks me to wear them on occasion, but my pastor says camel toes are unholy. What are your thoughts?

I can't stop laughing!!!! The comment made it past her moderation! hahahaha!

[polecat]

2 hours ago, onemama said:

The newest reply to her Yoga Pants post;

I can't stop laughing!!!! The comment made it past her moderation! hahahaha!

 

 

 

Surely someone is trolling!!!! Her pastor actually said "camel toes are unholy"?!?! Good Lord, these people are freaking nuts.

From another commenter:

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There was a woman shopping there in nothing but leggings, a sports bra, and a tank top with holes cut out of it, and the arm holes reaching down to her waist so you could see everything. My poor husband had to keep turning away and our shopping took longer because he was really trying not to look. It’s very unfair to men who try to be faithful to their wives with their eyes.

 

 

I guess she's using this as an example of how much her husband loves and respects her, but man, I'd be really irritated if my husband made such a damn production of NOT checking someone out. That's just ridiculous. It seems way more disrespectful to me, like, "Hey baby, that woman is smokin' hot and sexy and I so want to visually undress her and do all those nasty things that pervy Josh mentioned (in my brain, of course), but I love you so I'm going to use some self-conrol, but I wanna make sure you see me doing it, so ... " 

Not a violent woman, but I think I'd want to smack the ish outa Mr. Polecat if he pulled that nonsense.

[Hane]

8 hours ago, AlwaysDiscerning said:

 Were yoga pants around 35 years or so ago? Maybe she is thinking more leggings or tights. Not sure of the history though. 

Also, its seems the reasoning why women shouldn't wear them is Ken told her no, so its a no for all women. Ken is every woman's husband. 

No--they absolutely were NOT.  I should know--I was 30-something back then. Leotards and tights were popular wear at exercise salons and dance studios, but nowhere else.  The stretch pants that experienced a resurgence in the late '80s were of a thicker and less clingy material than today's yoga pants.

[polecat]

6 minutes ago, Hane said:

No--they absolutely were NOT.  I should know--I was 30-something back then. Leotards and tights were popular wear at exercise salons and dance studios, but nowhere else.  The stretch pants that experienced a resurgence in the late '80s were of a thicker and less clingy material than today's yoga pants.

 

Funny how Ken had no objection to those shorty-shorts she was wearing in that picture of them in front of their trailer, but he threw a hissy about her leotards/stirrup pants or whatever else she has decided are totally the same thing as yoga pants.

[desertvixen]

@louisa05, agree with you on lack of formality/appropriateness.

And no, stirrup pants and yoga pants were NOT the same.  The material might have been similar, but the stirrup pants (at least the ones I wore as a kid in that era) were not as comfortable as yoga pants. 

[Koala]

Oh god- stirrup pants...worst things ever.  I hated those things.  Always looked so weird.  No sock/shoe combo looked right with them.

17 hours ago, polecat said:

Funny how Ken had no objection to those shorty-shorts she was wearing in that picture of them in front of their trailer, but he threw a hissy about her leotards/stirrup pants or whatever else she has decided are totally the same thing as yoga pants.

No kidding.  Her shirt didn't even cover her stomach.  

Ken has a lot of weird fashion preferences for Lori, like the length he prefers her skirts/dress to be.  He's very specific that he wants them above the knee, and it's been mentioned multiple times, so it's obviously a big deal for him for some reason. 

He's also got some weird thing about not wanting her to wear her hair in a bun, and of course the yoga pants.

Now that I think about it, he was big into dying the girls' hair when they were at home.  And then when he was here he mentioned noticing when one of them was "carrying an extra five lbs. on bottom" <---yes, he said that.

All in all, it adds up to Ken being a really odd duck, with some strange control issues.  
 

 

[Koala]

On the off chance that Ken ever denies he made those comments:

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Yes, we talked to (daughters name redacted by me) about her weight gain, but we did it as we thought sensibly. (daughters name redacted by me) would never be considered fat but she carried with her some fat in the areas women tend to get it, and it doesn't work for ballet well. Fortunately, the group she danced for always wore elegant longer dresses to the knees... and all looked better than regular ballet in my opinion. I do not like the skinny look myself, and (daughters name redacted by me) looked good, but a couple of times probably added an extra 5 lbs on top of the 5 she normally carried more than most ballerinas.

He continued:

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Does anyone want to hear that tey have gained an extra 5 lbs in the behind?

 

[mango_fandango]

20 minutes ago, Koala said:

On the off chance that Ken ever denies he made those comments:

He continued:

 

Kim Kardashian probably would want to gain 5lbs more ass, if that's physically possible...

Some women like the idea of having a big ass. Some don't. It's all personal preference.

[Maggie Mae]

1 hour ago, Koala said:

Oh god- stirrup pants...worst things ever.  I hated those things.  Always looked so weird.  No sock/shoe combo looked right with them.

Um, three pairs of push down socks with converse all stars looked amazing, thank you very much. 

 

1 hour ago, Koala said:

Ken has a lot of weird fashion preferences for Lori, like the length he prefers her skirts/dress to be.  He's very specific that he wants them above the knee, and it's been mentioned multiple times, so it's obviously a big deal for him for some reason. 

He's also got some weird thing about not wanting her to wear her hair in a bun, and of course the yoga pants.

Ken is creepy. If he had any idea how the internet works, I'd suspect he hangs out giving advice to red piller pick up artists. 

[polecat]

1 hour ago, Koala said:

I do not like the skinny look myself, and (daughters name redacted by me) looked good,

This is a really, really gross thing for any father to say about his daughter, imo.

[desertvixen]

2 hours ago, polecat said:

This is a really, really gross thing for any father to say about his daughter, imo.

Yes.  My father and stepfather have never made any comment on my appearance other than  "you are beautiful" and "where do you think you're going wearing that young lady?"

[older than allosaurs]

I thought abut Lori today while vacuuming. I hate to vacuum, so I figure doing it makes me holier. That's how it works, right? Mostly I thought about how much nicer my life is than hers, and how awful it would be to be judged only by keeping a clean house and submitting to lots of bad sex.

In the last day I've worked on a freelance writing project, done prep for next quarter's university class, made and frosted cookies with the grandchildren, read a couple articles that made me think hard, done some Christmas shopping, walked with the dog and with an old friend who was feeling down. And tonight if the streets don't ice up, a friend and I, both of whom have at least 10 years on Lori, are going out dancing. Meanwhile she gets to stay home and wait for Ken.

[nokidsmom]

On 12/17/2016 at 8:02 PM, polecat said:

I guess she's using this as an example of how much her husband loves and respects her, but man, I'd be really irritated if my husband made such a damn production of NOT checking someone out. That's just ridiculous. It seems way more disrespectful to me, like, "Hey baby, that woman is smokin' hot and sexy and I so want to visually undress her and do all those nasty things that pervy Josh mentioned (in my brain, of course), but I love you so I'm going to use some self-conrol, but I wanna make sure you see me doing it, so ... " 

Not a violent woman, but I think I'd want to smack the ish outa Mr. Polecat if he pulled that nonsense.

I had an exbf who did this shit which is why he became an ex.  Incidentally he was a seminary student and out of all my bfs he was the most pervy of them all.  Big surprise.

[polecat]

Quote

 I cannot believe how almost all movies make the men wrong and the women right. 

It's something like 6 degrees outside today, so I'm guessing it might also be fairly chilly in hell. That's the only explanation I have for the fact that I actually agree with one point on Lori's post today. (That or the fact that even a stopped clock is right twice a day). 

This annoys me, too, along with those commercials where men are made to look like idiots or incompetent fools. But I wonder if Lori realizes that she does it, too, when she implies that men can't do anything around the house? Or that they are helpless in the face of their libidos? Rigidly enforced gender stereotypes/roles do none of us any good. 

[Koala]

Today's post is  even for Lori.

It seems she watched a movie over the weekend:

Quote

On Saturday, I was sick so I watched a Christmas movie on a Christian channel.

Every.single.movie she watches goes against her world view (women are always at fault).  

Quote

I watch Hallmark movies. In every single movie, the woman is mad at the man for a time. I can’t recall when the couple separated because the man was mad at the woman. What’s up with this?

Lori's frugal, so she won't know about this, but I've got one of these new fangled televisions that has a "power" button.  If I see something I really don't like, I hit that little button and it makes the screen go black.  Crazy how that works.  I never even have to take to the net to complain.

Luckily though, this movie turned out just like Lori wanted it to.  THE WOMAN WAS WRONG!!!

Quote

This Christian movie ended, however, with an older, godly women coming to this old chapel and giving all the women wise counsel. “No, you shouldn’t be arguing with your husbands. They are the leader so they are the ones who get to decide what to do. Also, sometimes husbands will neglect their families to provide for them. It takes a lot of work for many men to make ends meet. This is how they show their families that they love them. It’s a heavy burden they have to carry their entire lives. Many women today chose to work but men don’t get that choice. Respect him for who he is and what he does for your family. Love him and accept him just the way that he is for you are his wife and not his mother.

We are called to seek peace with all men (Romans 12:18) and this includes with your husbands. Being angry with him doesn’t work the righteousness of God (James 1:20). Stop wasting precious time being angry and instead, enjoy him and don’t get upset about so many things. It is almost never worth it and tears your home down. Build it up instead by building up your husband and chose this day to not argue or be mad at him. You will be glad you did!” 

Except not really.  Lori just made that up.  Because reasons.

Quote

As you can imagine, I was thrilled and had to stop it frequently to get all of these wise words from this older, godly woman down on paper so I could share with you. Not. Nope, there was no godly, older woman who showed up and said all these things to these women. The men were wrong and the women were right and once the men figured this out, they lived happily ever after. Blech.

Good lord she has too much time on her hands.  Shouldn't she be baking cookies or wrapping Christmas gifts for her grandchildren instead of whining to the net about Hallmark movies.

How is what she's doing any different than what she claims the movies she watches do?

Movies say the men are always wrong, she says the women are always wrong.  It's a wash. 

[molecule]

The post is so dumb. She says...

Quote

I cannot believe how almost all movies make the men wrong and the women right. Probably because they have female writers writing these things or if men are writing them, it’s been their experience.

In other words, she is saying that the movies are like this because it is what the writers have experienced. Why does she seem so surprised by this? Earlier in the post, she tells us that's the way things were in her marriage, too.

She gives us examples--from movies and from her own life--of a stereotype about marriage. And then she decides that the movie should have ended with a godly older woman (probably one who's written a post that went viral) coming in to save the day. If only Christian movies wrote her in as a character, we would all be so much better off.

She shouldn't write blog posts when she's sick and crabby. Or ever, really.

 

[church_of_dog]

4 minutes ago, molecule said:

The post is so dumb. She says...

In other words, she is saying that the movies are like this because it is what the writers have experienced. Why does she seem so surprised by this? Earlier in the post, she tells us that's the way things were in her marriage, too.

She gives us examples--from movies and from her own life--of a stereotype about marriage. And then she decides that the movie should have ended with a godly older woman (probably one who's written a post that went viral) coming in to save the day. If only Christian movies wrote her in as a character, we would all be so much better off.

She shouldn't write blog posts when she's sick and crabby. Or ever, really.

 

Of course there is more to it than just what the writers have experienced themselves.  There is also "what will sell", as in what the audience wants to see.  I could imagine that an entire genre of movies where the man is consistently deemed to be in the right not because of any logical/identifiable correctness he puts forth, but simply because penis, would not go over too well with the paying audience.

I gotta add, I've been listening to the autobiography of Ruth Bader Ginsburg, and each time the narrative discusses court cases involving sex discrimination and the issue of equality between the sexes, I am continually reminded of Lori's life argument, but with a clear and logical voice (Justice Ginsburg's) explaining how it doesn't make sense, isn't just, and is something to be moved past.  Including the premises underlying these issues, such as "the man is the head of the home" etc.  Fascinating to remember that this used to be a view with some teeth throughout society, legally speaking, in the USA, even without religion being explicitly identified as the underlying reason for those views.

[Chocolatedefrauded]

She's not very educated about movies. Most directors are men, most producers are men & the best paid actors are men. This is simply not the case of feminists movie people forcing a "men are responsible for all the world's problems" viewpoint on people. Truth is women do not have much power in the entertainment field.

So once again, Lori is twisting things to suit her silly, outdated purposes.

[onemama]

Has Lori watched the movie "War Room"? There's an older, godly woman in that one. She has no problem scolding the wife and mom, telling her to stop the arguing and pray instead.

I'm betting she found fault with the movie because the older woman didn't tell the wife and mom to go home and obey her husband and quit her job, did she? And the main female character is a well-known Christian Bible teacher (in the US. I only found out about her when I watched the movie).

Oops... she loved it. I found her review on her blog.

[Colby]

On 12/17/2016 at 9:15 AM, crawfishgirl said:

They are still there, but buried underneath other's comments.  Just click on the "view more replies" or "view previous replies", mainly under the comments that Heather Spencer has made (she's made many comments, so you may have to look for a couple minutes).  

I've thought about creating a new fb profile just to be able to reply to Lori, but I've decided it's not worth it, since she is unwilling to actually listen to anything that doesn't fit her MRA views and she would either argue illogically or just delete my comments.  And I definitely don't want to argue with her under my true profile - both because she is crazy, and because I don't want my fb friends to see it.

 

LOL I'm glad I'm not the only one!

[quiversR4hunting]

6 hours ago, polecat said:

It's something like 6 degrees outside today, so I'm guessing it might also be fairly chilly in hell. That's the only explanation I have for the fact that I actually agree with one point on Lori's post today. (That or the fact that even a stopped clock is right twice a day). 

This annoys me, too, along with those commercials where men are made to look like idiots or incompetent fools. But I wonder if Lori realizes that she does it, too, when she implies that men can't do anything around the house? Or that they are helpless in the face of their libidos? Rigidly enforced gender stereotypes/roles do none of us any good. 

The Disney channel & Nickelodeon does this with most of the parents. It is so annoying.  Good luck Charlie, LIv and Maddie, The Thundermans, Henry Danger, & KC Undercover are examples of the parents being dumb or children running their parents. The only one that doesn't seem to do it (or at least not very often) is Girl Meets World. Topanga is an attorney and bakery owner, Corey is teacher, even Maya's screwed up mom has good advice and gets her life on track.

But as for Lori- she is just UGH!!! However, I am trying to figure out which movie she watched. Like many things, I think she is jealous that people might have lives more similar to the sappy Hallmark movie lives than her and Ken's "godly" example of a marriage.