Lori Alexander, 12: Transformed, But We Can't Tell

[polecat]

13 hours ago, molecule said:

In my marriage ministry, I work with a lot of folks in pretty sexless marriages. In most Christian marriage circles, sexual refusal is viewed as a pattern of pretty much never having sex--not refusing to have sex on a particular night. A years-long lack of sexual intimacy takes its toll on a marriage; it is deeply and emotionally painful. It is a sign that there is a lot that needs to be worked on in a marriage--usually from both sides, too, not just by the wife or the husband. 

So . . . although I agree that Earl should not be posting in a way that his wife and friends can see and that Lori should not be digging for more or trying to minister to him in any way, sex is an area that I see a bit differently from some folks here. 

I don't entirely disagree with some of Lori's comments about sex--but I can't stand that she sees sex only as something a wife does for her husband. I've seen people make gentle comments on her blog about how sex is for the wife, too. The most Lori can manage in a reply is to say that a wife should have sex because God commands her to. Those kinds of comments make me sad for her. With only ten minutes and lube, I can' t imagine that she has enough time to enjoy sex. I think she really doesn't get it.

2

If this were indeed a truly sexless marriage, I'd agree that it was a serious issue that needed to be addressed. But I've seen MRAs refer to a marriage with sex three times a week as "sexless" or marriage with sex that isn't as enthusiastic as they'd like as "sexless." So I'm taking Earl's nasty (imo) aspersions on his wife with a huge grain of salt. It bugs the hell out of me that he's calling her out so publicly, as though he WANTS the world to know she's not doing her "job." 

[onemama]

1 hour ago, Free Jana Duggar said:

Lori probably allows the comments from bitter men since all she wants to do is bash women anyway.  Men can do no wrong in her eyes. 

This is probably true.  All her posts are very anti-woman lately.

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But, for Lori, women are always the problem. She commented recently about how a man should be able to punish his wife by cutting up her credit card if she overspent. Of course, a man could never be irresponsible with money and need his card cut up. *rolls eyes*

Of course! Don't you know the husband has all authority over his wife and has to keep her under control? 

If a man is irresponsible with his money, well, that's his problem, not hers. She has no authority to do anything about it but shut up and try to win him over.  But in Lori's experience, it's usually the women who are the problem. Somehow.

Makes perfect Lori-sense!

 

 

From today's post "Why I don't scold men"

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If I told women how their husbands should be acting, however, it would just make the women more dissatisfied with their husbands. Besides, women can’t change their husbands and make them act like they want them to act or how they are supposed to act. They can only work on themselves and become kind, gentle, submissive, and loving wives.

Well you sure feed the men's dissatisfaction with their wives, my dear, no wonder they are so bitter!  They can't change their wives either. Perhaps you should tell them that. Kindly, of course.

[molecule]

1 hour ago, polecat said:

If this were indeed a truly sexless marriage, I'd agree that it was a serious issue that needed to be addressed. 

If he is who I'm thinking of, this is a marriage that has gone without sex for years--not a "three times a week" or "she asks for a 24-hour pass when she's tired" kind of thing. You're right that there are some jerks who view a marriage as sexless if they don't get sex whenever they want, but I'm pretty sure that isn't the case here--hence my sympathy.

[polecat]

1 minute ago, molecule said:

If he is who I'm thinking of, this is a marriage that has gone without sex for years--not a "three times a week" or "she asks for a 24-hour pass when she's tired" kind of thing. You're right that there are some jerks who view a marriage as sexless if they don't get sex whenever they want, but I'm pretty sure that isn't the case here--hence my sympathy.

 

I have no idea who he is, but I do know that according to his own words, she's an otherwise loyal and loving wife. She's also at least in her mid- to late-50s and possibly older given how long they've been married, which means she's likely menopausal, and there could very well be physical issues causing her lack of desire (or possibly pain/discomfort). Instead of blasting her publicly, he could offer her actual support and encouragement to seek medical help and find alternative, non-penetrative ways to enjoy intimacy. What he did was cruel and callous. He'd have gotten sympathy from me had he not set his wife up for public humiliation. As it is, plenty of men live in sexless marriages for other reasons (physical health problems, for example) and manage to not make public mockeries of their wives. Earl is an ass. imo.

[Koala]

Lori's back to calling readers out via blog post:

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Most of you know that I receive comments that scold and ridicule me about what I teach. I received this comment yesterday from Pamkitten (at least this is what she calls herself). I thought I would answer her in a blog post.

Yep, it's the internet.  Most people don't use their real names.  Lori and Ken are a prime example of why using your real name is a horrible, no good, very bad idea. When people Google Ken's name and profession, they are led straight to a FJ thread chock full of embarrassing, vile comments by Lori and Ken.

Another example?  Remember the woman who left a negative Amazon review on Lori's book? If so, you'll probably remember that Lori was using her real name to try to find her phone number.  It seems she wanted to call her up.  

If you further remember Lori's threats to a neighbor with a barking dog, you'll get the idea that the purpose of the call wouldn't have been to have a folksy little chat.

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When the dog below us yapped constantly, guess who called them all the time, left notes on their door, and wrote a letter telling them they better shut that dog up Or Else and got all the neighbors to sign it...Me!  

I imagine the call to the Amazon reviewer would have gone like this:

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When a reader left a negative Amazon review for my book, guess who called her all the time and wrote a letter telling her she better shut up Or Else...Me!  

So yeah, Pamkitten sounds like a good choice to me.  Lori won't have an easy time finding her number, that's for sure.

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 If you aren’t interested in learning what the Lord requires of women, you don’t have to read my blog

Except that Lori's blog isn't what the Lord requires of women,  it's what Lori requires of women (except herself).  Her bizarre rants on "burping and tooting" are a prime example of this.

Know where you can find scripture on burping?  Nowhere.  It's not there.  

You know where you can find the scripture on how your husband must haz the vacation sex at all costs?  Nowhere.  That one's not there either.

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I don’t teach nor scold men since I am told to not teach men 

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I am not supposed to teach men anything

The fact that she doesn't teach men makes it really interesting when she TEACHES men like Charles how to handle their wives when they aren't putting out enough.

Lori totally teaches men.  She teaches Earl, Charles, Rob, Dave, and countless others who have interacted with her in her blog comments.  She teaches them (what they want to hear), and they lap it up with a spoon.  

[Koala]

And just like that, the very first comment is from one of the men she doesn't teach teaches.

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Earl Nagle Lori, there are plenty of blogs and preachers out there scolding men for their sins in marriage but your's is one of the few that call wives/women into account for theirs. I have heard from the pulpit sermons aplenty to husbands and their failings but I can honestly say I have never heard one speaking to a wife's sin of un-submission/im-modest dress, or sexual refusal of their husbands.

Like · Reply · 2 · 16 mins

You might ponder exactly what Earl is doing on Lori's blog.  Well, for one, he's complaining about his sex life (to Lori- a woman who is so modest and discreet that she claims to teach younger women how to be as "good" as she is). He's also-brace yourselves-learning from Lori...who says she doesn't teach men.

This whole thing is shameful, and I am horrified for Earl's wife, who did nothing to ask for this public humiliation at the hands of Lori and her husband.  

Yesterday, when Earl hinted that his wife wasn't fulfilling one of God's Lori's commands, Lori was practically salivating trying to get him to tell her which one (you know she knew already, but she just wanted to hear him say it).

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Your wife, Earl? What sentence is she not?

What kind of married woman talks to married men about their sex lives online??  Lori's not a professional...she's just your average, run of the mill keeper at home who talks to Charles and Earl about sex.  I mean, my God....I would be mortified.  

Then she has the gall to flippantly dismiss her female readers (the ones she claims to teach), when they point out that these man babies seem to be taking over her comment section. 

I honestly think that Ken isn't close to being the command man she claims he is, and she wishes he were more like the men who comment on her blog.  She was practically tripping over herself in her apologetic exchange with Dalrock (or whatever the hell he calls himself) when she called Ken out. "Oh, you'll have to excuse Ken...he's a command man people pleaser.  I agree with every little thing you say though.  Everything.  We're totally on the same page, you and I." 

Finally, today's post confirms in my mind that Lori was probably complaining to her (seriously ill) 86 year old mother about all of the meanies online.  I thought that was an odd thing for her mom to say out of the blue, but today's post tells me that she had probably been listening to Lori whine about how mean the interwebz is.  Because it's all about Lori, all the time.

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

The vast majority of MRAs that post on Lori's blog I dismiss as bitter, misogynistic jerks who think a sexless marriage is anything less than a woman putting out on demand, whenever and wherever, and who cannot fathom that a woman might have an independent thought.  They are terrified that someone, somewhere will question their masculinity if they don't continually harp on how the wife isn't submissive enough.

Dave of the Spousal Discipline, though, scares me.  Because I truly believe he 1) already beats his wife, or 2) is full of enormous simmering rage that erupts all the time as verbal abuse and is a nano second away from a beat down.

I've always thought that Proud to be Dave's Doormat is Cabinet Man's wife., and that Discipline Dave and Cabinet Man are 2 separate people.

Cabinet Man's posts were pretty vile, but I thought he was mostly talk  -- except for the 'don't get your wife off, it's all about the man's pleasure' screed.

Discipline Dave I find more articulate and he posts in a more thoughtful way, which makes his advocacy for physical disciple and general misogyny all the more frightening because of the reasonableness of his tone.

[Free Jana Duggar]

Does anyone have a link to the Proud to be Dave's doormat post? I don't think I've see it.

Also hate to be the grammar police (former English teacher), but her title today sounds so childish.  "How come", no, Lori, that would be "Why I Don't Scold Men".  or "Why Don't I Scold Men?".  

[Koala]

32 minutes ago, Free Jana Duggar said:

Does anyone have a link to the Proud to be Dave's doormat post? I don't think I've see it.

http://lorialexander.blogspot.com/2013/12/priveleged-to-be-doormat.html

The comments are worth reading too....especially Kelley's.

 

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"Doormats serve a very specific and even edifying purpose, do they not?  What if the doormat said, 'I don't want to be a doormat anymore' in a grumbling, complaining attitude?  Then what would the floors of the house look like?  All manner of dirt and filth from the outside world would be spread throughout our homes.  But if the doormat takes pride in serving the home, filtering it of all the junk that would otherwise enter that home, then I say, 'God, would you allow me to count it a privilege to be a doormat for my home?  Can I serve my husband so that before he enters his castle, he can swipe his shoes of all the outside mess he's stepped in all day?  Would you let me count it a privilege to be that good man's doormat?"

 

Where in Scripture does it say to not be a doormat?

From the comments:

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Whoa, Lori. My comments about being Dave's doormat which you quoted in this post have, um, struck a cord... Oh, well. May I yet be a doormat for my husband. 
 

 

[AlwaysDiscerning]

On the voting post, Jeff apologizes and Lori's response:

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Lori Alexander says:

December 15, 2016 at 10:04 am

No offense taken, Jeff. I would never scold or try to shame the men who comment on this blog and I only allow those comments that are appropriate, therefore, if your comment is on my blog, I have approved it. I agree with you.

 

 

[Koala]

Welp, Ken just rode in on The Horse of TRUTH...again...

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 Husbands know their responsibilities to a wife. There are none who do now know what God has asked of them but there are millions of Christian women who have no clue what God requires of them to have a great marriage, or they choose to ignore it, instead wanting to blame their husband.

Lori is a voice crying in a wilderness...

Men know what God wants.  All of them.  Every single one.  The women though....MILLIONS who have no clue what God wants.  Except Lori...she actually speaks for the God of the Universe! 

Lori:

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Many women today are so easily offended and have no trouble scolding those they disagree with (me).

People are scolding Lori  Oh, please.  Lori's entire blog revolves around scolding women. There would literally be no blog without it.

 

[AlwaysDiscerning]

Lori is a crying voice in the wilderness, LOL, make it stop! No man is fit for the job, only her it seems, and this is why men flock to her blog. 

Do we know why Ken doesn't have a blog to teach all these men? Or I get it men already know everything...but if that is the truth...why is he mentoring men personally. 

[Koala]

6 minutes ago, AlwaysDiscerning said:

Do we know why Ken doesn't have a blog to teach all these men? Or I get it men already know everything...but if that is the truth...why is he mentoring men personally. 

Ken mentors "godly guys" with "difficult wives".  

[AlwaysDiscerning]

On facebook, Stephanie, the one who gave Lori that reviewer real information says...

I guess we all here have mental health issues now. How to win people to Christ? Tell them they have mental issues!

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Steph Gibby They just like hearing women scold and emasculate men. I don't think you "scold" women... you just tell the biblical truth.

Like · Reply · 2 · 50 mins

Steph Gibby In reading your article... #1 is so obvious! But they won't want to listen to that because they don't want to take responsibility for their time where they spend it reading. If you are one of those angry women who constantly read Lori's blog, you are the one seeking out things that make you angry. That's a mental health problem that only you can confront and admit. No one can really help you with that short of your husband taking away all your electronics to try to help you control yourself better. Bottom line: you seek after what you WANT to seek after. If you're seeking after things that make you angry, deep down, you WANT to be angry.

Like · Reply · 2 · 45 mins

The Transformed Wife Steph, your comment reminded me of something Dennis Prager said the other day on his radio program. Before each segment, he plays happy, Christmas music and said, "I doubt the universities play such happy music because they like 

 

 

[ViolaSebastian]

Uh, universities don't play Christmas music because they want to be angry?

First off, universities don't have feelings. They're institutions--institutions made up of people, but it's quite a stretch to say that everyone in them wants to be angry. 

Secondly, the only places that I've ever heard music in at universities are bookstores, restaurants, and the gym. I've heard Christmas music in the bookstore and restaurants. Also, they're run by outside companies that are going to listen to corporate about what to play and when. 

Lastly, universities are multi-cultural institutions. There are scholars and professors from countless countries, ethnic and religious backgrounds, and traditions. Not everyone celebrates Christmas, and that's okay. 

[Emilycharlotte]

Idiots. 

Yes, the Bible tells us all to be servants to one another--it's part of being humble, kind,  unselfish. The Bible does not ever say that being a servant means we should tolerate  being abused, demeaned, mistreated or taken advantage of. THAT is the definition of a doormat, and it is NOT the same thing as a servant. 

Also, the idea that the wife should do all the serving, even to the point of living with abuse/being a doormat is blatantly unBiblical.  Who is it we are emulating when we serve others?? That would be Jesus, a man, a rabbi, God incarnate, the King of Kings---basically, the one person who you might think had a right to demand service rather than give it to others. 

The whole wifely submission obsession these people have completely ignores the admonition for husband and wife to submit to each other, which I think is earlier in the chapter. How can you claim that Christ's relationship to the church is a picture of marriage, and then declare the woman the servant/doormat and the man some exalted tyrant? Where does Jesus' relationship with the church look anything like this?? Jesus loved and served people (the church), with endless patience and compassion, even when they let him down; he mourned for the lost, but I don't recall him forcing people to obey because, "Hey, I'm the leader here!" (And it's crap if these men say they should be allowed to be asshats because they might, in some unlikely future scenario, be called upon to die for their wives; Jesus loved and served the church on a daily basis, not just that one time on the Cross.)

It's just so bizarre. Lori claims to be a teacher of women only, who does not want her "ears tickled". She says it's important for Christians to exhort and correct each other---but she turns a deaf ear and closed mind to the concerns of reasonable women in favor of listening to the compliments of angry, bitter men.  

 

[AlwaysDiscerning]

So God doesn't care about the color scheme of our homes, but yet we are called to make our homes beautiful!! How many posts have there been about how women are suppose to beautify their homes. They need to be marked with a disclaimer---but if your husband brings home ugly chair, don't worry that you home isn't beautiful, because God doesn't really really care.  This beautify home harping is really to impress and show off to other women. 

[Emilycharlotte]

50 minutes ago, AlwaysDiscerning said:

If you are one of those angry women who constantly read Lori's blog, you are the one seeking out things that make you angry. That's a mental health problem that only you can confront and admit.

And yet the women who questioned Lori about the manosphere taking over her comments appear far less angry than most of the other commenters, this charming lady included.  Hmmmm. 

[Colby]

1 hour ago, ViolaSebastian said:

Uh, universities don't play Christmas music because they want to be angry?

First off, universities don't have feelings. They're institutions--institutions made up of people, but it's quite a stretch to say that everyone in them wants to be angry. 

Secondly, the only places that I've ever heard music in at universities are bookstores, restaurants, and the gym. I've heard Christmas music in the bookstore and restaurants. Also, they're run by outside companies that are going to listen to corporate about what to play and when. 

Lastly, universities are multi-cultural institutions. There are scholars and professors from countless countries, ethnic and religious backgrounds, and traditions. Not everyone celebrates Christmas, and that's okay. 

I work at a major  University, and the bell tower on the quad was ringing Christmas music over the lunch hour!

[onemama]

Does this woman do anything other than blog, doodle and facebook?  I have my serious doubts.

Ken's words are so easily turned around;

Often the record shows that the imperfect wife is indeed showing commitment and love in ways that the husband cannot appreciate, or outside of his desires, so he  goes into his selfish Box and begins to think bad thoughts and do bad things all self-justified by “my wife does not submit to me.

For example, Dave. Instead of loving his wife, he goes into his selfish Box and not only thinks bad thoughts, he expresses them on a woman's blog, all self-justified by "my wife doesn't submit to me!" "women don't know their place in the world!" 

And Lori and Ken gently pat his hand and tell him he's so right, well, perhaps a little bit over the top, but it's so understandable...

What a pair of hypocrites.

 

[Jellybean]

1 hour ago, AlwaysDiscerning said:

So God doesn't care about the color scheme of our homes, but yet we are called to make our homes beautiful!! How many posts have there been about how women are suppose to beautify their homes. They need to be marked with a disclaimer---but if your husband brings home ugly chair, don't worry that you home isn't beautiful, because God doesn't really really care.  This beautify home harping is really to impress and show off to other women. 

At least she's sending people to the wrong website - hopefully that will reduce her chances of going viral again

[onemama]

37 minutes ago, Emilycharlotte said:

And yet the women who questioned Lori about the manosphere taking over her comments appear far less angry than most of the other commenters, this charming lady included.  Hmmmm. 

Emilycharlotte,

I think the women questioning Lori are the ones who think she's a "Titus 2" lady of virtue. The ladies defending her seem to enjoy the occasional (or frequent) kerfuffle.  Something tells me the lady who made that particular comment enjoys stirring things up and conversing with the likes of Dave, Jeff and the other men in desperate need of some "Titus 2 lady" teaching.

[AlwaysDiscerning]

LOL yet another typo!

[SilverBeach]

I've been reading this what the fluckery for a while and never posted before. But enough is enough. I am so pissed.

I am a Christ follower and honestly, I have zero in common with smug, hypocritical, self-righteous, insensitive Loriken. I understand why people would turn away from Christianity with them as an example.

The way she turned a deaf ear to those women who actually appreciated her drivel appalled me. She didn't even try to address any of their (valid) criticisms. But all hail the men, who are not even her target audience! What a smug no-it-all biotch. Lorikens' understanding of Scripture is abysmal and the love of God is not apparent in either one.

A thousand times UGH!!! Fluck Loriken.

[slickcat79]

1 hour ago, AlwaysDiscerning said:

So God doesn't care about the color scheme of our homes, but yet we are called to make our homes beautiful!! How many posts have there been about how women are suppose to beautify their homes. They need to be marked with a disclaimer---but if your husband brings home ugly chair, don't worry that you home isn't beautiful, because God doesn't really really care.  This beautify home harping is really to impress and show off to other women. 

God probably could have thought of much better uses for the $1500(?) that Lori spent recovering her furniture too. LORI, GOD DOESN'T CARE ABOUT THE COLOR SCHEME OF YOUR HOME!!