Lori Alexander Pt. 9: Writing The World's Worst Book

[usmcmom]

3 hours ago, Emilycharlotte said:

Really? Then I guess there is hope that she will stop saying "anyways", which would make me very happy.

YES! I wondered if "anyways" was regional because in these here parts we say "anyway."  I'm going to consult my English major sister and see if one is correct.

Lori needs to polish her writing before she writes this book.  I can't imagine a proper editor would accept her style.  Both of my kids wrote more professionally when they were in sixth grade. 

[Loveday]

1 hour ago, Koala said:

Here's another one that drives me crazy- "doing things God's ways".  Never "God's way"...his "ways"

I'm glad it's not just me that's so irritated by this. And Ken does it too, every single time. "Doing things God's ways." Ugh. 

[Granwych]

5 hours ago, Hisey said:

Here's how it happened. . . 

Lori: I wonder if I should write a book?

Ken: (watching basketball): Yeah, why doncha? 

Voila! Lori has been asked to write a book.

Hey, she's just following her headship's orders.

[lilwriter85]

6 hours ago, Free Jana Duggar said:

I suppose Lori does not realize that dads, grandmother's, aunts, uncles etc. also like to spend time with their children, grandchildren, nephews, nieces, etc.  Heaven forbid mom have a little break.  That would be "pushing the kids off" on someone else.  And those sinful Mother's Morning Out programs like my church has... how dare they!  

When Lori used to post about her granddaughter Emma, she mentioned how she and Ken would babysit so Ryan and Emma could go to church and there were other posts where she mentioned babysitting.

[ClaraOswin]

I don't know much about this woman. But what I've read lately completely disgusts me. I was hate-reading some of it to my husband and he was getting so pissed off. So glad I'm not in a relationship like hers. 

She is just so freaking insane. I have a 2 year old and I could never imagine harming him or spanking him. I think it's sick. 

[Grimalkin]

     I never considerd myself anti spanking. I had been spanked a few times never excessively. I know the other neighborhood kids were spanked too. I don't hold bad feelings about it. I didn't like it of course. Honestly the more I read these fundies the more anti spank I am. The amount of thought they put into it makes it weird and creepy. They are also so proud of it. WTF!

      I also have always believed that it went without saying spanking babies was always wrong under every possible circumstance, and it was just common knowledge.

[lilwriter85]

9 hours ago, Grimalkin said:

     I never considerd myself anti spanking. I had been spanked a few times never excessively. I know the other neighborhood kids were spanked too. I don't hold bad feelings about it. I didn't like it of course. Honestly the more I read these fundies the more anti spank I am. The amount of thought they put into it makes it weird and creepy. They are also so proud of it. WTF!

      I also have always believed that it went without saying spanking babies was always wrong under every possible circumstance, and it was just common knowledge.

I was similar to you. My parents never spanked me but they spanked my older siblings a few times and over time felt bad about it and they stopped. I had a friends who were spanked, but I don't think it was ever excessive. The fundie blogs and cases that I have read over the years are brutal.

The people that I know that still support spanking are/were against spanking babies. When I was a teenager I worked at a cafe one summer. I used to talk quite a bit with the married couple who owned the cafe. They were in their 50s at the time and their kids were all grown. Both said they spanked their kids, but they said they never spanked their kids when they were babies or toddlers.

[Koala]

For Lori, I think it's way more than a warped interpretation of the Bible.  Her talking to SSM about Ken spanking her, and telling the readers of TLHV that she "needed a spanking" from Debi Pearl kind of gives her away.  Hell, she talked about going out in the backyard and cutting a switch to use on herself.  She is sick.  Just sick.

[Koala]

In other news, Lori's logic remains above question:

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I believe all women should be keepers at home since there aren't any career women in the Bible who left their homes all day long and God never commands women to be the providers. 

There also aren't any bloggers in the Bible.  Or Ray Ban sunglasses.  Or Instagram.  I don't recall of anyone ever using the Cyber Knife in the Bible, or driving a Mercedes. 

Lori applies this logic frequently.  When speaking of Josh Duggar's sisters, she asserted that they couldn't be victims because the Bible doesn't have the word "victim" in it, and Christ fixes everything anyway.  

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I have been watching this show for many years and not one of those girls looked harmed in any way. They are joyful and smiling often.

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 The word “victim” is not even used in the Bible since Christ makes ALL things new; even those who have been hurt in their past.

[IrishCarrie]

Uh huh, Lori. Because victims never get doubly victimised by being forced to pretend the abuse didn't happen or that they're fine with it.

[Koala]

The crazy thing, is that Lori is still on her blog bitching about someone who borrowed their car and left it messy/didn't refill it with gas.  She's being "attacked" because people on the net disagree with her.  When Ken came here she was "being denied her First Amendment rights" because people were quoting her.  She has no problem playing the victim card when she's the victim.

But the Duggar girls?  They are just fine and dandy!  Lori's proof?  They smiled on camera for their reality tv show!  Those smiles are iron clad proof that they "weren't harmed in any way".

[Hisey]

Today's post yammers on about Lori's usual talking points. A woman with no kids wants to be a SAHW because Bible. Husband thinks she should work. Hubbie seems to enjoy housework and does most of it, and sometimes takes opportunity to work less when his boss offers the chance. Hubbie seems like a decent guy who likes helping out. Wife resents that hubbie is not working all the hours possible, so she can stay at home full-time and do. . . what? She has no kids.

Personally, I don't understand this adversarial attitude, but then, I have the prize this woman is seeking. I am at home most of the day (I do have kids). First of all, I'd never be a SAH-person if I had no kids It seems unhealthy to be home all day long just cleaning the house. I'm sure I could find things to clean, and better meals to cook, but that's just not a goal of mine, personally. If I didn't have my kids to make me laugh and to watch grow up, I'd be bored silly at home. Too isolating.

Like this lady's hubbie, my husband has the ability to decline extra work I do all I can to encourage him to take off work when he gets the chance. He is getting older, he certainly gets tired, and if he'd rather hang out at home, then that's what he should do. He'd never stop working before all the bills were paid. His problem is, he always wants the kids and I to have "more." Because I love him, I try to encourage him to take care of himself. Where is that love in this lady's post? 

The flaw in Lori's logic is this: Yes, the Bible says the husband should be the provider. It's assumed that this does not usually take every second of every day, and hubby is allowed time to read the paper, put his feet up, have hobbies, etc. The Bible also does say the woman should be the keeper of the home. It does NOT say this takes 24/7. What if you can keep your home from 9-12? The Bible doesn't say keeping house is all you have to do. 

[Koala]

That letter was  ...well, it was something. 

My favorite parts:

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He just replied that I should do whatever makes me happy.

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Plus with him waiting on me hand and foot, it makes me view him as less of a man.

Damn the luck!  He helps her with the house and just wants her to be happy.  WHY?!?!?!  Why, couldn't she have been one of the lucky ones who got stuck with an MRA that treated her like shit?  You know, a real man.

Girl, please. 
 

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I try to be nice and appreciate his help, but sometimes I get so furious and frustrated because our roles are all reversed and twisted. 

Yes, there's definitely nothing worse than a man who washes the dishes and tosses his dirty clothes in the wash.  Sooooo twisted!  The Lord just didn't intend for it to be that way.  Tell me he doesn't vacuum too.  That would just be unbearable.  Definitely grounds for divorce.

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Do I just quit my job and hope everything works out and make my husband just deal with my decision? 

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It’s like he is using his helping with the housework as a way not to be at work. 

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I feel like my working is enabling him to skip out on his job

Fabulous idea!  You should quit your job and abandon adult responsibilities because Jesus.  Besides, if you both work, that might prevent him from having to work 2 jobs, or an insane number of hours at the one he already has.  Where's the holiness in that?

No, you should definitely quit your job and comment on blogs all day.  Let him figure out what to do about all those pesky bills.  Not your problem, amiright?

[Florita]

My summary of today’s post:

Dear Mrs. Alexander, My job is so incredibly stressful and time consuming that I am unable to use a crock-pot or plan meals ahead of time. Even though my house is clean it could be cleaner if I worked on it 24/7. I resent my husband because he takes unpaid time off of work and does most of the housework, shopping and cooking. I want to quit my job so that I can have loads more unpaid time off and can do more housework than him. Because Jesus. I haven’t a clue how to add or subtract so I don’t know if we actually need the money from my job or not. I think we don’t. Love, Jane.

Dear Jane, You must manipulate him into letting you stay home by bribing him with promises of food, cleanliness, and sex. Because Bible. Love, Lori.

[Free Jana Duggar]

I see how one would be busy with children at home, but to be home with nothing to do but clean all day?  Come on, there is only so much cleaning that needs to be done.  How much of a mess can 2 adults make when they are gone all day?  Sorry. but any woman who has no kids and does not work, volunteer, or go to school is just plain lazy.  Meals and cleaning for just two people should not take but 2-3 hours a day.  You can do a quarterly deep cleanIng on a weekend for cleaning behind furniture, washing  windows etc.

Edited to add: Make that 3-4 hours to allow for errands and shopping.

[Grimalkin]

       I don't have a problem with childless stay at home wives as long as the arrangement works for both. I don't think a person needs a paying job in order to be busy and productive. That said, not being busy and productive is not healthy. 

        This woman though. What is it with dropping hints? I hate that. I know a woman who does this a lot and to be honest I got sick of it and just pretend to be obtuse with her. It frustrates her to no end and amuses the hell out of me. She was a co-president of our PTO last year. Why not have a real conversation with your husband? There is no in between with her. Maybe look at getting a different less demanding job. Look at other options and discuss it with your husband. I don't think she will be happy home all day because she will be home alone with herself and she seems like a miserable person. Lori tells her to be gentle which is code word for passive aggressive. She drops 'hints' and is pissed her husband can't read her mind. Lol.

    Stop speaking in riddles lady.

[Loveday]

47 minutes ago, Free Jana Duggar said:

I see how one would be busy with children at home, but to be home with nothing to do but clean all day?  Come on, there is only so much cleaning that needs to be done.  How much of a mess can 2 adults make when they are gone all day?  Sorry. but any woman who has no kids and does not work, volunteer, or go to school is just plain lazy.  Meals and cleaning for just two people should not take but 2-3 hours a day.  You can do a quarterly deep cleanIng on a weekend for cleaning behind furniture, washing  windows etc.

Edited to add: Make that 3-4 hours to allow for errands and shopping.

My kids are grown. One still lives at home as he's in graduate school, but he takes care of himself and his surroundings; I don't clean up after him. I don't volunteer any more, I don't go to school, and I don't work outside the home. I thought about a job, then decided not to. Why? One reason is that I have some health issues that are somewhat minor now but will become worse in a few short years, and I'd probably have to quit at that point anyway (not to mention, I'm not far off from general retirement age, so there's that). As well, my in-laws need a lot of help, and my own mother lives near me now and needs me to clean for her, do her laundry, and now drive for her as she's just decided to stop driving. I guess you could call that volunteer work, but I don't really look at it that way. It's just what someone has to do, and because I don't have a job, I'm the one most available to do it.

When I'm not helping the older members of my family, I clean my own house, cook, grocery shop, and do the other stuff Lori deems essential in every SAHW's life.  I also do genealogical research, garden, cross stitch, and read. I doubt she'd approve of any of that, because I do that stuff for myself, not for anyone else. But I seldom sit around and do nothing (unless you count hanging out on FJ 'nothing.' I don't; I find it highly educational, not to mention far more entertaining than most television shows).  Ain't got time for that.

So, 'just plain lazy?' Please don't paint all stay at home wives with the same extremely broad brush. We're not all Lori Alexander. 

[Free Jana Duggar]

2 minutes ago, Loveday said:

 

So, 'just plain lazy?' Please don't paint all stay at home wives with the same extremely broad brush. We're not all Lori Alexander. 

I apologize. i neglected to acknowledge those who have health issues who can't work, and, of course someone of retirement age or near it should be able to enjoy relaxing.  You sound like you are still pretty busy caring for family. You just care for in-laws instead of small children..  No way is that lazy. Sorry. 

[EmiGirl]

1 hour ago, Free Jana Duggar said:

I see how one would be busy with children at home, but to be home with nothing to do but clean all day?  Come on, there is only so much cleaning that needs to be done.  How much of a mess can 2 adults make when they are gone all day?  Sorry. but any woman who has no kids and does not work, volunteer, or go to school is just plain lazy.  Meals and cleaning for just two people should not take but 2-3 hours a day.  You can do a quarterly deep cleanIng on a weekend for cleaning behind furniture, washing  windows etc.

Edited to add: Make that 3-4 hours to allow for errands and shopping.

Judgemental much? To be honest I see this view just as damaging as those of Lori's. The beautiful thing about feminism is giving each woman a choice to live her life as it suits her and her family's lifestyle. 

[Loveday]

Just now, Free Jana Duggar said:

I apologize. i neglected to acknowledge those who have health issues who can't work, and, of course someone of retirement age or near it should be able to enjoy relaxing.  You sound like you are still pretty busy caring for family. You just care for in-laws instead of small children..  No way is that lazy. Sorry. 

Thank you, apology totally accepted. 

 

*I have to confess I probably DO spend too much time on FJ and teh interwebz in general, but some days that's all that stands between me and total insanity. 

[Grimalkin]

3 minutes ago, Free Jana Duggar said:

I apologize. i neglected to acknowledge those who have health issues who can't work, and, of course someone of retirement age or near it should be able to enjoy relaxing.  You sound like you are still pretty busy caring for family. You just care for in-laws instead of small children..  No way is that lazy. Sorry. 

       To me this went without saying.

[Florita]

1 hour ago, Grimalkin said:

       I don't have a problem with childless stay at home wives as long as the arrangement works for both. I don't think a person needs a paying job in order to be busy and productive. That said, not being busy and productive is not healthy. 

        This woman though. What is it with dropping hints? I hate that. I know a woman who does this a lot and to be honest I got sick of it and just pretend to be obtuse with her. It frustrates her to no end and amuses the hell out of me. She was a co-president of our PTO last year. Why not have a real conversation with your husband? There is no in between with her. Maybe look at getting a different less demanding job. Look at other options and discuss it with your husband. I don't think she will be happy home all day because she will be home alone with herself and she seems like a miserable person. Lori tells her to be gentle which is code word for passive aggressive. She drops 'hints' and is pissed her husband can't read her mind. Lol.

    Stop speaking in riddles lady.

Sitting down and having an honest dialogue with your spouse about one's beliefs, needs, dreams, goals, is far too grown-up egalitarian for the passive aggressive Alexanders.

[Koala]

Those two will lie when it'd be better to tell the truth.  

Lori posted some nonsense she'd scribbled in her notebook on Facebook.  

Ken replied:

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So our little 10 x 40 trailer where we lived when we were first married taught you all this? :). We were broke and in love, so it really didn't matter much.

Lori immediately chimed in:

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It sure didn't!

Sounds sweet huh?  A lot of us have been there.  Young, broke, and helplessly in love.

Signed- 
I married my highschool sweetheart when we were still teenagers.  

Anyway, as nice as it is that they're in a frantic bid to scrub history, the following quote is Princess Lori reflecting on their time in the trailer:

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Ken and I got married in December of 1980. He was in seminary and I was in graduate school to get my teaching credential. {My dad insisted we all have a career.} We had very little money. We found this little trailer that we paid $230 a month for and my parents gave us that little, used VW Rabbit. As you can see, I was not raised like the Duggars. I wore short shorts.

Ken remembers being so happy there. I remember being so unhappy.

So much for being in love.  Nice try though.

[desertvixen]

My thoughts on today's post:

1. It sounds like this woman either needs to try to find another job that's less demanding OR needs to talk to someone professional about how she feels. 

2. She needs to TALK, not hint to her husband about how she feels.  He seems like a decent enough guy in the letter.

3. It sounds like maybe their plans for life have changed, and there needs to be talk about that.

4. At least Lori had the grace not to hint she should try to sabotage her birth control (likely because infertility issues addressed up front) but of course had to add that she'd be more available for sex, as if that's the one thing that will tip the scales.

[seasonsoflife]

8 hours ago, Loveday said:

My kids are grown. One still lives at home as he's in graduate school, but he takes care of himself and his surroundings; I don't clean up after him. I don't volunteer any more, I don't go to school, and I don't work outside the home. I thought about a job, then decided not to. Why? One reason is that I have some health issues that are somewhat minor now but will become worse in a few short years, and I'd probably have to quit at that point anyway (not to mention, I'm not far off from general retirement age, so there's that). As well, my in-laws need a lot of help, and my own mother lives near me now and needs me to clean for her, do her laundry, and now drive for her as she's just decided to stop driving. I guess you could call that volunteer work, but I don't really look at it that way. It's just what someone has to do, and because I don't have a job, I'm the one most available to do it.

When I'm not helping the older members of my family, I clean my own house, cook, grocery shop, and do the other stuff Lori deems essential in every SAHW's life.  I also do genealogical research, garden, cross stitch, and read. I doubt she'd approve of any of that, because I do that stuff for myself, not for anyone else. But I seldom sit around and do nothing (unless you count hanging out on FJ 'nothing.' I don't; I find it highly educational, not to mention far more entertaining than most television shows).  Ain't got time for that.

So, 'just plain lazy?' Please don't paint all stay at home wives with the same extremely broad brush. We're not all Lori Alexander. 

I think FJD meant younger women who don't actually have kids. Not women who already raised their kids and are of retirement age. You deserve some rest.