Tedious, Complicated, and Particular: Erika Shupe, Part 8

[lauraloralara]

The potty training photography talk reminds me of this girl I went to high school with. She has two kids now and really seems to enjoying motherhood, at least on Facebook, BUT she takes these photos of her kids that make me scream. She put up one today of her oldest kid (maybe 2.5 years old?) standing in the corner for punishment with a caption of something like "This is what happens when we don't listen to Mommy and Daddy." That same kid is in the middle of potty training, which we get a status update on every five minutes. The grossest one was when she and her kids were in the drive-thru line at Chick-fil-a or something and oldest kid ("Jack" - not real name) apparently had to poop really bad. So IN the drive-thru line, Mom pulls out a potty seat, slaps it in the front seat of the car, has Jack climb up to the front and do his thing, all while some helpless employee is looking on and the whole thing is being documented and posted (with photos!!) on Facebook. The status she posted said something like "So proud of Jack for going potty today while we were running errands!" Listen, I understand that shit happens (literally and figuratively), but posting it on Facebook for all to see... nope.

[Coy Koi]

48 minutes ago, lauraloralara said:

The grossest one was when she and her kids were in the drive-thru line at Chick-fil-a or something and oldest kid ("Jack" - not real name) apparently had to poop really bad. So IN the drive-thru line, Mom pulls out a potty seat, slaps it in the front seat of the car, has Jack climb up to the front and do his thing, all while some helpless employee is looking on and the whole thing is being documented and posted (with photos!!) on Facebook. The status she posted said something like "So proud of Jack for going potty today while we were running errands!" Listen, I understand that shit happens (literally and figuratively), but posting it on Facebook for all to see... nope.

Wtf is wrong with people? I swear, if I thought parenting had to be like people make it look on Facebook I never ever would have had a kid. It sounds like a disgusting nightmare.

[mango_fandango]

That park post is sad. Erika is clearly a control freak. It wasn't always easy and she had to have a plan?? Fuck's. Sake. IT'S A FUCKING PLAYGROUND WHY DO YOU NEED A PLAN??? 

[Hisey]

6 minutes ago, mango_fandango said:

That park post is sad. Erika is clearly a control freak. It wasn't always easy and she had to have a plan?? Fuck's. Sake. IT'S A FUCKING PLAYGROUND WHY DO YOU NEED A PLAN??? 

I know.

It wasn't easy? Why wasn't it easy? When my kids were small, taking them to the playground was very relaxing for me, because they were happy and running around (to be fair, I had 2 and Erika has 5). What is so hard about taking kids to the park? None of hers are in diapers, they are all old enough to use the playground equipment, they can drink from a water fountain by themselves. . . The kids she took are aged 5, 5, 6, 7 and 9. They should be pretty independent in a setting like that.

Saddest of all was that the kids said, "This is the best day ever!" Really? My kids and I went to the playground 2-3x/week when they were little. From the sound of it, this is really something unique for Erika's kids.

9 hours ago, JillyO said:

So, Erika and the youngest five Shupe kids went to the park. I'm not gonna snark, it looks like they had a fun day. But the fact that Erika added this to the end of her post:

... just makes me sad. This is a FREE activity in what I'm guessing is their neighborhood. Why aren't they doing this all the damn time, instead of it apparently being some huge treat?

It should be on the schedule. Really. It's free, it's probably close by, it's important for kids to get exercise. If she let those kids run around a bit more, she might find she has less of a need for baby gates to keep them contained the rest of the day.

[nastyhobbitses]

15 minutes ago, mango_fandango said:

That park post is sad. Erika is clearly a control freak. It wasn't always easy and she had to have a plan?? Fuck's. Sake. IT'S A FUCKING PLAYGROUND WHY DO YOU NEED A PLAN??? 

Seriously. Going to the park was always my parents' go-to activity when they wanted me and my sister to get our ya-yas out, but they didn't want to have to plan, lead, or very closely supervise an activity for us. Put kids in car, drive to park, let kids out, make sure they don't break their necks or wander too far, herd back into car, go back home.

I really think that a lot of fundies, particularly Erika and the Maxwells, just have this combination of very uneventful/boring lives and a very serious need to be in absolute control, which means that completely mundane, almost automatic things for most people (taking children to a playground, going to urgent care to get a minor injury stitched up, making a salad) must become big, dramatic productions.

[mango_fandango]

Oh yeah. There's a park near my house (lived in the same one since I was a year old) that we regularly walked to. There was a playground bit and some tennis courts, as well as a smallish lake and a huge expanse of grass beyond the cafe. I live in Wimbledon and it's where they stick all the tent queue-ers for the tennis in summer. Anyway. The grass is always being used for football games, barbecues (in summer there are ALWAYS burnt patches on the ground) and just general running around. A kid (and adults too!) can get a good workout cycling round the perimeter. I don't go there often now, but it was the playground of my childhood. We never needed much supervision. It does sound like they don't go out that much, especially if the kids are declaring it as the best day ever. Those kids have such sad lives.

[ILoveJellybeans]

Once kids are past the toddler age where they need a parent to help them climb the equipment, taking kids to the park is super easy and relaxing-just let them do their thing while you sit on a bench and pay enough attention to make sure all of the kids are still in the park-and at their age, they wont really wander off. No plan necessary.

[Granwych]

I'm beginning to think that Erika needs a plan to tie the kids' shoelaces.  And her own, most likely.

If anyone I knew ever entertained the thought about having a big family, I'd send them to the Shupe site.  And the Rodrigues site.  And the Anderson site... plus any others posted about here.

[Tim-Tom Biblethumper]

<<had to have eagle eyes watching for everyone on the giant play structure at the park, had to think ahead with a plan all the time>>

I admit I'd get a case of the nerves watching 5 kids at a park (then again I don't have much experience watching ANY kids being a childless only-child myself).  But for Christ-sake Erika, you chose to have these children, and if a mundane thing like going to the park is such an undertaking, maybe you're overthinking it, or maybe you just have too many kids.

<<also got to relax, helped them develop their character and relationships learning to play with each other>>

This!  I was really hoping the end of the sentence would read "learning to play with other children".  

[feministxtian]

Geez...I'd take my tribe to the park with only one instruction..."if you aren't bleeding, you'll live"...I'd let them run their little butts ragged and have peace the rest of the afternoon!

Planning? Umm...usually consisted of "Let's go to the park...get in the car kids" and that'd be that. IF I had one in diapers, I'd toss a couple in my pocketbook or in the back seat of the van...I mean, it wasn't exactly some huge production! 

[nastyhobbitses]

42 minutes ago, Tim-Tom Biblethumper said:

<<had to have eagle eyes watching for everyone on the giant play structure at the park, had to think ahead with a plan all the time>>

I admit I'd get a case of the nerves watching 5 kids at a park (then again I don't have much experience watching ANY kids being a childless only-child myself).  But for Christ-sake Erika, you chose to have these children, and if a mundane thing like going to the park is such an undertaking, maybe you're overthinking it, or maybe you just have too many kids.

<<also got to relax, helped them develop their character and relationships learning to play with each other>>

This!  I was really hoping the end of the sentence would read "learning to play with other children".  

Oh heavens! Playing with other children might expose them to ideas like "there are valid belief systems besides Christianity" or "pants are comfortable and practical for girls and will not turn you into a harlot" or "unstructured free time is OK" or "having independent thoughts is good".

[Hisey]

These kids are together 24/7 and they still need "to learn to play with each other" If so, you are doing something wrong, Erika. They should've learned to play together years ago. Maybe if you didn't have baby gates separating them while they were productively engaged, they might naturally pick up this "skill."

 

I counted the number of complaints she made in ONE paragraph: 

1. After telling us she had a fun afternoon, she adds that it's "not always easy"

2. Then she tells us that she,  "had to have eagle eyes watching for everyone"

3. And she also "had to think ahead with a plan all the time"

4. And at the end "The work is so worth it"

All that bitchin' about taking five beautiful, healthy children to a park! Honestly, I'm not sure if she really had fun.

[mallallory]

I read the park post last night and found it heartbreaking.  I can't imagine the park being the best day ever, I have a multitude of memories of various parks with my parents and siblings.  I regularly take twin 9 year olds and their 5 year old sibling to parks, swimming, the beach, restaurants, shopping, etc.  I actively watch them when swimming or at the beach, but the park?  I bring out my crochet or a book at the park and tell them to go play.  I look up to make sure they're still in sight and not being a problem to anyone else. 

@Hisey is absolutely correct, those kids, siblings who are together 24/7, should know how to play together; that should not be something they are learning at this late point in life. 

[mango_fandango]

Oh man. There's more. A 2.5 mile hike, lunch on the beach, then ice cream cones with Papa (I think that's the name they give Erika's dad). Erika bit off more than she can chew. (Her words). I fail to see how. 2.5 miles would take about an hour, or maybe a bit more. Why is she making this out to be so hard? You can't cope with a shortish walk, picnic lunch and ice cream cones?? Cry me a river.

[fundiesarefascinating]

Has anyone else noticed the amount of sugar this family eats despite Erika's continuous claims that they "eat little to no sugar". It seems like every time they leave the house it involves a sugary treat (ice cream, Slurpees, frozen yogurt). Not that I am against a treat now and again - and lord knows Erika's children need every single calorie they can get.  I wonder if it is a control tactic. Like every time they leave Erika promises the kids a treat if they don't misbehave. 

[Antimony]

22 minutes ago, mango_fandango said:

Oh man. There's more. A 2.5 mile hike, lunch on the beach, then ice cream cones with Papa (I think that's the name they give Erika's dad). Erika bit off more than she can chew. (Her words). I fail to see how. 2.5 miles would take about an hour, or maybe a bit more. Why is she making this out to be so hard? You can't cope with a shortish walk, picnic lunch and ice cream cones?? Cry me a river.

2.5 miles should be about ...40 minutes? Maximum? I walk a mile home to and from work and it takes roughly 10 or 15 minutes. I try to leave 20 minutes I need to be there and I am usually early. Depends on crosswalk timing too though.

Kids probably wander and look at stuff which slows them down. Then again, I stopped to take a video of a caterpillar on the way home today.

[mango_fandango]

45 minutes ago, Antimony said:

2.5 miles should be about ...40 minutes? Maximum? I walk a mile home to and from work and it takes roughly 10 or 15 minutes. I try to leave 20 minutes I need to be there and I am usually early. Depends on crosswalk timing too though.

Kids probably wander and look at stuff which slows them down. Then again, I stopped to take a video of a caterpillar on the way home today.

I took into account that the kids are relatively young and so wouldn't have the same walking speed as an adult.

Still. How is that biting off more than you can chew?? Is she so incompetent at basic, everyday things that she needs Bob and/or the older girls around to help out? Wonder what the older ones were doing. Hope they raided the jelly bean supply.

ETA: Nope. They went with Bob to some religious conference in Florida. Florida!! This is the furthest the Shupes have ever gone.

[mallallory]

Florida! Run, Karen, run! 

[JillyO]

So this is where Bob and the four oldest kids went: http://www.ligonier.org/blog/2016-national-conference-audio-and-video-now-available/

"Ligonier Ministries, the teaching fellowship of R.C. Sproul"

[JemimaPuddle-Duck]

52 minutes ago, JillyO said:

So this is where Bob and the four oldest kids went: http://www.ligonier.org/blog/2016-national-conference-audio-and-video-now-available/

"Ligonier Ministries, the teaching fellowship of R.C. Sproul"

That's senior, not junior. 

A 2.5 mile hike was too much for her? Because she's not fit enough? She's not used to taking care of all the littles by herself? Now I have to wander over there and read for myself, darn it. 

[Coy Koi]

3 hours ago, mango_fandango said:

ETA: Nope. They went with Bob to some religious conference in Florida. Florida!! This is the furthest the Shupes have ever gone.

They went to the West Coast Conference in the Seattle area. Erika linked to the National Conference which took place a few months ago instead of the West Coast one which was June 3-4. I checked because going all the way to Florida didn't sound like them.

[elliha]

I am so sad for the kids, having a normal childhood is "the best day ever". Perhaps I am exposing myself as a bad mom now but I think I could easily have left a group of kids those ages alone at the park with the instructions "you better be alive when you come home for dinner and *most responsible kid* is allowed to tell on you if you do something bad and then you can't go back here again."

[nastyhobbitses]

8 hours ago, mango_fandango said:

I took into account that the kids are relatively young and so wouldn't have the same walking speed as an adult.

Still. How is that biting off more than you can chew?? Is she so incompetent at basic, everyday things that she needs Bob and/or the older girls around to help out? Wonder what the older ones were doing. Hope they raided the jelly bean supply.

ETA: Nope. They went with Bob to some religious conference in Florida. Florida!! This is the furthest the Shupes have ever gone.

I always find it oddly sad/hilarious (sadlarious?) that fundies who go on and on about what awesome homemakers they are can barely handle simple tasks and activities like going to the park, completing a DIY project, cooking a meal, or going for a walk, or if they do accomplish those things, they write about them like they solo-climbed Mt. Everest. With Teri I kind of get it, since clinical depression can make everyday tasks incredibly difficult, but Erika, the other Maxwell cultists, the Duggars, and Sierra do not have that excuse.

[Eternalbluepearl]

Recently, Erika has had some comments on facebook about her only posting the happy pictures of motherhood and seeming fake. I think with the park post, she was trying to show that she has struggles when it comes to parenting 8 thousand kids in a shoebox. Just my guess. 

[lauraloralara]

I am cutting Erika some (tiny, tiny) slack on the "biting off more than she can chew" thing for two main reasons: 1) she had the park outing the day before or two days before, it seems, and 2) Bob and the big kids weren't there, which is seemingly unusual when the Shupes do whole family recreational outings. I will also say a 2.5 mile walk with five littles (although hers aren't that little) does seem like it has the potential to be overwhelming. I know, I know: Erika is their mom, she spends every waking moment in their vicinity in the sardine-like confines of their otherwise (to me) lovely home, she should be capable of doing things with them, etc. BUT the reality of her world that she's created for herself is that she doesn't take the kids out super-regularly for fun, and when she does, the big kids - and often Bob - are there to help. Not excusing her weirdness, just trying to comment on how this is really indicative of the type of cycle the Shupes and Maxwells, etc. set up for themselves: stay at home all the damn time, rely heavily on your oldest kids to parent the youngest because you've had approximately 8 million kids too many, and then when a change in routine happens, get overwhelmed because you have subscribed to this ridiculously narrow view of how your family life is supposed to work.