Tori Bates Courtship

[LawsonBatesEgo]

6 hours ago, just...sare said:

my brother is the same way. His name is Alan and he HATES "Al".

I'm an Isabel. 

Please don't call me Izzy. Please don't me El. I find Iz/Izzy hideous sounding and I'm not fussed on El either. 

And please don't call me Belle/Bella because they are my maternal grandparents 'special' nicknames for me and I don't want some random I barely know using one. 

My name is Isabel. Just.....please call me Isabel FFS. Ugh. I hate how defensive people get when I ask to be called Isabel. It is my name, not yours. Just have the decency and respect to call me what I wish to be called FFS. 

For some reason, I can't get @19 cats and counting's quote in here, but up, I understand how Matthew feels! People seem to take it as a personal affront that I would rather not be called Izzy. 

[just...sare]

4 minutes ago, LawsonBatesEgo said:

I'm an Isabel. 

Please don't call me Izzy. Please don't me El. I find Izzy an hideous sounding nickname and I'm not fussed on El either. 

And please don't call me Bella because that is my Abuela's 'special' nickname for me and I don't want some random I barely know using it. 

My name is Isabel. Just.....please call me Isabel. Ugh. I hate how defensive people get when I ask to be called Isabel. It is my name, not yours. Just have the decency and respect to call me what I wish to be called FFS. 

I can't get over people arguing with you about what you want to be called. I usually try to call people by whatever name they use to refer to themselves. If Pamela consistently calls herself Pamela, I'm not going to call her Pam. By the same token I have a Cathy in my office who doesn't even answer to Catherine because she just likes Cathy. I don't understand this refusing to use the name YOU want used! I think the only time I'd make an exception to this is when you're closer to someone - in which case by all means develop a nickname for them that you both like and understand the context of.

[Coconut Flan]

2 minutes ago, just...sare said:

Cathy in my office who doesn't even answer to Catherine because she just likes Cathy.

I had a similar problem with my name and that was the easiest solution.  Just don't respond if people use the wrong name.  If they ask why you didn't respond, a bland I thought you were talking to someone else is sufficient. 

[LawsonBatesEgo]

36 minutes ago, Coconut Flan said:

I had a similar problem with my name and that was the easiest solution.  Just don't respond if people use the wrong name.  If they ask why you didn't respond, a bland I thought you were talking to someone else is sufficient. 

That's what I do as well....but there are always those entitled boneheads that seem to think it is some personal affront to them as human beings that Isabel wants to be called Isabel by then and not 'Iz'. 

[19 cats and counting]

1 hour ago, Coconut Flan said:

I had a similar problem with my name and that was the easiest solution.  Just don't respond if people use the wrong name.  If they ask why you didn't respond, a bland I thought you were talking to someone else is sufficient. 

I don't go by a nickname, and most famous people with my name don't either (until last week, there was a little girl with my name that was paraded on stage at her father's presidential rallies and tried to run off).  However, my name is very similar to another female name (mine has a long I sound, the other one has a short i).  In 6th grade, my core teacher kept calling me by the similar name and when I corrected him, he actually gave me detention for insubordination.

[Coconut Flan]

And your mother didn't go jump on him with both feet?

[19 cats and counting]

My mom is the exact opposite of a mama bear type.  She figured that if we got in trouble at school we deserved it and never fought anything.

[is.it.real]

On 7 maj 2016 at 4:51 PM, faraway said:

I think Tori is pretty much a US thing. But I know Josephines who go by Josi(e) in Germany. What would a nickname for a Josephine be in Sweden? Or are nicknames not that common?

While most people call me by my nickname, my parents always call my full name. And my nickname would look ridiculous on paper. All famous women who go by that nickname have a longer full name, so I think it makes perfect sense. 

In Sweden Josefin (the most common spelling of the name here) has been shortened to Jossan (most common I think) and Josse among my friends.

 

[missegeno]

My mom is the exact opposite of a mama bear type.  She figured that if we got in trouble at school we deserved it and never fought anything.

Same here. I was shocked when I found out that my friends' parents would argue with teachers instead of just grounding the children.

[BeccaGrim]

3 hours ago, missegeno said:

Same here. I was shocked when I found out that my friends' parents would argue with teachers instead of just grounding the children.

Its just such a complicated thing. I think I can actually tell if they have done what they're accused of.  Some things come across as just not 'them' in which case I am totally mama bear  But if it sounds like something they might actually have done...

[Pixie_Ham]

16 hours ago, just...sare said:

I can't get over people arguing with you about what you want to be called. I usually try to call people by whatever name they use to refer to themselves. 

I'm a Katherine who sometimes goes by Kathy. I've been asked why I go by Kathy, 'because it's so old fashioned' why not Kat, or Katie. It's like people forget that they're talking about your actual name. By far the worst thing that happened was when I was at work, where they know me as Kathy, and someone found out my name was Katherine and said 'urgh I can see why you go by Kathy, Katherine is such an awful name isn't it?' I was stunned. 

[tumblr]

It's hilarious to me that so many people here have had nicknames forced upon them because I basically have the opposite problem. I hate my first name, much prefer to go by a middle name, I have told people I prefer to be called by my middle name since about 12 and still, no one cares. People have laughed at me and told me I don't get to choose what people call me. I have had people tell me that god knows me by my first name so that's what I have to be called, and my personal favorite, I have had people say I am disrespecting my dead mother by not being called what she wanted me to be called.

I don't understand why anyone in any situation would not just call someone by what they ask to be called by. 

[19 cats and counting]

@tumblr I interviewed (and later hired) someone who goes by his middle name.  It confused me as his email read one name and resume the other (full name).  My first question for him was what he prefers to be called (and I called him that-- his middle name).

Going by a middle name is very common in my family (my dad, uncle, and cousin).  I'm just glad that it wasn't the choice for me as my middle name is not a first name.  

[stevie]

My name is Stevie and I am a girl. I'm named after the lovely Stevie Nicks. People ask me all the time what my name is short for and I say it's just Stevie. Some people say that is so cute some say that is weird. I've been asked why I have a boys names. I don't really see as a boys name or girls because it's to me it's technically a nickname for Steven or Stephanie. It just so happens my parents didn't want to give me a "full" name. Some people shorten it to Steve sometimes I really don't care if they do. Sometimes other people yell at the people calling me Steve and will say "her name is Stevie not Steve!" I just say I don't really care. It's not that big of a deal to me. I don't like it though when people see my name on list and pronounce it as Steve there's clearly an "I" in there. I get annoyed by that

[just...sare]

4 hours ago, Pixie_Ham said:

I'm a Katherine who sometimes goes by Kathy. I've been asked why I go by Kathy, 'because it's so old fashioned' why not Kat, or Katie. It's like people forget that they're talking about your actual name. By far the worst thing that happened was when I was at work, where they know me as Kathy, and someone found out my name was Katherine and said 'urgh I can see why you go by Kathy, Katherine is such an awful name isn't it?' I was stunned. 

Rude, rude, rude.

My mother's name is Catherine, too. She was always "Cathy" until she went back to work when all her kids were grown, when she started using Catherine. My grandmother once told me she wished she had named her Katherine with a K so her nickname would have been Katie instead of Cathy.

26 minutes ago, tumblr said:

It's hilarious to me that so many people here have had nicknames forced upon them because I basically have the opposite problem. I hate my first name, much prefer to go by a middle name, I have told people I prefer to be called by my middle name since about 12 and still, no one cares. People have laughed at me and told me I don't get to choose what people call me. I have had people tell me that god knows me by my first name so that's what I have to be called, and my personal favorite, I have had people say I am disrespecting my dead mother by not being called what she wanted me to be called.

I don't understand why anyone in any situation would not just call someone by what they ask to be called by. 

"Don't get to choose what people call you"? That's a crock of shit, sorry. You do get to decide, because if they don't respect you enough to call you by the name you'd prefer to use, you don't have to talk to them. Full stop. That's insane.

EDIT to clarify all my irrational anger is directed at them, not you, and obviously I'm not advocating you cut people out of your life over a disagreement about what your name is :/

[JordynDarby5]

1 hour ago, tumblr said:

It's hilarious to me that so many people here have had nicknames forced upon them because I basically have the opposite problem. I hate my first name, much prefer to go by a middle name, I have told people I prefer to be called by my middle name since about 12 and still, no one cares. People have laughed at me and told me I don't get to choose what people call me. I have had people tell me that god knows me by my first name so that's what I have to be called, and my personal favorite, I have had people say I am disrespecting my dead mother by not being called what she wanted me to be called.

I don't understand why anyone in any situation would not just call someone by what they ask to be called by. 

I don't understand either. I'll call people by any name they want me to call them. 

 

[BeccaGrim]

2 minutes ago, JordynDarby5 said:

I don't understand either. I'll call people by any name they want me to call them. 

 

Yes this. I'll someone whatever they want to be called. 

[faraway]

I honestly never had this problem. People call me whatever I tell them to. Maybe cultural differences? In Europe nicknames are not as big as in the US and it can come across as very informal to just use a nickname without being introduced that way.

[MorningMist]

7 minutes ago, faraway said:

I honestly never had this problem. People call me whatever I tell them to. Maybe cultural differences? In Europe nicknames are not as big as in the US and it can come across as very informal to just use a nickname without being introduced that way.

Same for me. Whenever I've started a new class at school, met a new tutor at university, even at the doctors etc. I am referred to as my full name at first and they usually ask me what I prefer to be called as I have one of those names that people love to shorten. The only nicknames I seem to hear that have been bestowed by others on a person are ones that are completely unrelated to their name.

[Snarkle]

My name is a derivative of the name Christian and as a female I hate when people want to automatically shorten it to {Chris} because that is usually the nickname for Christopher, and I don't like being mistaken for a guy.  Since I was little I have always automatically spelled my name because no one ever does correctly.  I get many emails and letters mis-addressed, in which case I know that it's junk or someone who doesn't pay attention.  What really chaps my hide is when I email someone with my name spelled correctly and they reply with some random other spelling.  I'm like, Really?   You can't SEE the spelling right there?  (Sorry, sore spot.)  Add to that my married last name has a short u in it (like duck), yet people pronunce it with a long u (like June, even though there's not an E on the end), and I just sort of give up with people ever getting my name right.  It's also why I try to take care in getting other people's names correct, both in spelling and pronunciation.  It's also why I named my son a very standard Hebrew name with the traditional spelling.  He goes by his full name or its nickname and doesn't mind either.  I told him I knew he'd have enough trouble with his last name, so I tried to make his first name easier.

Oh, and in this realm I will say at least the Bates family didn't name their kids with all the same starting letter like the Duggars, or get super kreative-spelling-like to fit a J-pattern (Jinger comes to mind).  

[church_of_dog]

8 hours ago, just...sare said:

"Don't get to choose what people call you"? That's a crock of shit, sorry. You do get to decide, because if they don't respect you enough to call you by the name you'd prefer to use, you don't have to talk to them. Full stop. That's insane.

EDIT to clarify all my irrational anger is directed at them, not you, and obviously I'm not advocating you cut people out of your life over a disagreement about what your name is :/

I actually had an ex say this to me once.  We were talking about someone in town who works at the cafe, and I'm hazy on the details now but I think he was trying to claim she'd behaved rudely to him, because she maybe said something brusque or wasn't especially chatty (it's a small town and we all know each other).  He had called her by some shorthand nickname, and when I suggested that maybe she didn't like that he used a nickname without making sure he had "social permission" ie was considered close enough to use a nickname, he said, just as you said, people "don't get to choose what people call them".

I kind of understand that he was coming from the realist perspective of "don't be too upset if people call you by your non-preferred name, because it's bound to happen" but I can't get how he thought that made it ok for him as the perpetrator of the behavior to justify doing it!  Even if he's just socially awkward and ends up saying things he hasn't thought through, and even if he doesn't feel like he has the ability to control that, I would still think it's something to apologize for, not something to declare inevitable and everyone should just get used to it.  SMH

On May 8, 2016 at 4:26 PM, just...sare said:

I can't get over people arguing with you about what you want to be called. I usually try to call people by whatever name they use to refer to themselves. If Pamela consistently calls herself Pamela, I'm not going to call her Pam. By the same token I have a Cathy in my office who doesn't even answer to Catherine because she just likes Cathy. I don't understand this refusing to use the name YOU want used! I think the only time I'd make an exception to this is when you're closer to someone - in which case by all means develop a nickname for them that you both like and understand the context of.

I have a fairly bland/ordinary first name that was common in the 50s and 60s.  I've never liked the full name but I do like the standard shortened nickname, so I go by that.  One time on a new job my new boss called me the full name and I asked him to call me by the shorter name, and he refused!  He said he's not comfortable using nicknames.  Whatever, but why not just pretend that the name I give you is my real, full name?  It's not like I was asking him to use some risque or overly familiar name, just "Mary" instead of "Maryanne" or "Katie" instead of "Katherine" (examples).  On the up side, I worked for him for a year and a half and in that time I got used to it, and became much less annoyed with people who call me by the full name.  Which is good, because over the years there have been several people who do that.  Most of them just don't seem to register the distinction and I'm pretty sure wouldn't remember if I asked them to use my preferred name, so I don't bother anymore.

I have a really nice/fairly unusual middle name that I wish I had switched to as a kid.  I know I still could, but it just doesn't feel like "me" even though I really enjoy the name.  It feels like too much hassle to get everyone and all the paperwork to switch.  Ah well.

[kjmackin]

2 hours ago, Snarkle said:

My name is a derivative of the name Christian and as a female I hate when people want to automatically shorten it to {Chris} because that is usually the nickname for Christopher, and I don't like being mistaken for a guy.  Since I was little I have always automatically spelled my name because no one ever does correctly.  I get many emails and letters mis-addressed, in which case I know that it's junk or someone who doesn't pay attention.  What really chaps my hide is when I email someone with my name spelled correctly and they reply with some random other spelling.  I'm like, Really?   You can't SEE the spelling right there?  (Sorry, sore spot.)  Add to that my married last name has a short u in it (like duck), yet people pronunce it with a long u (like June, even though there's not an E on the end), and I just sort of give up with people ever getting my name right.  It's also why I try to take care in getting other people's names correct, both in spelling and pronunciation.  It's also why I named my son a very standard Hebrew name with the traditional spelling.  He goes by his full name or its nickname and doesn't mind either.  I told him I knew he'd have enough trouble with his last name, so I tried to make his first name easier.

Oh, and in this realm I will say at least the Bates family didn't name their kids with all the same starting letter like the Duggars, or get super kreative-spelling-like to fit a J-pattern (Jinger comes to mind).  

Are you happen to be another Christina ( I think this the usual spelling)? Because the name Christian is how my mom came up with naming Christina. But I have a somewhat crazy spelling version that would be highly popular today with the adding in "y"; hell it's popular in Czech Republic. Due to the crazy spelling it's just became default and if it's for paperwork hostipalize or legal I just hand them my license because it would take less time since both last & first always have to be spelled out. Actually if  I took my hubby's last name things would have been worse.

With nicknames I just let it be. Normally I use Krys because it's easier but if someone wants to call me something else I just let them due it. Based on the nickname they use I can figure out where I know them from. Also during grade school & college, letters would get cut off on things like attendance sheets which brought on being called something else. And if all the letters were there but teachers were not confident then it usually resulted in some of the craziest results.

[19 cats and counting]

Funny story about nicknames-- Kirsten Gillibrand (US senator) went by Tina as a kid and through college.  When she was interning for a judge, the judge called her Kristen (as opposed to Tina) and told her that if she wanted people to take her seriously she should use her full name.

Considering she's a US Senator, I think it worked out for her.

[nausicaa]

16 hours ago, stevie said:

My name is Stevie and I am a girl. I'm named after the lovely Stevie Nicks. People ask me all the time what my name is short for and I say it's just Stevie. Some people say that is so cute some say that is weird. I've been asked why I have a boys names. I don't really see as a boys name or girls because it's to me it's technically a nickname for Steven or Stephanie. It just so happens my parents didn't want to give me a "full" name. Some people shorten it to Steve sometimes I really don't care if they do. Sometimes other people yell at the people calling me Steve and will say "her name is Stevie not Steve!" I just say I don't really care. It's not that big of a deal to me. I don't like it though when people see my name on list and pronounce it as Steve there's clearly an "I" in there. I get annoyed by that

FTR, I love when girls have "boy" names, and think Stevie is an awesome girls' name (I'm also a Fleetwood Mac fan, so maybe that's it.)

I go by a nickname that is pretty much exclusively male. There are so many issues with it. For one, it's my initials. So it's as if my name were Theresa Olivia Miller (*Not my actual name*), and I went by "Tom." People are so bothered when I introduce myself as "Tom," that I constantly have to explain my name. Several people will then call me Theresa, even though I've said I go by Tom, just because Tom feels weird to them I guess. 

Even better, people won't like calling me Tom or feel it's too casual for a situation and so they make an assumption about my real first name. I have been called "Thomasina" so many times I actually answer to it now. And to top it all off, my actual given first name is an old Irish name that is often mispronounced and made really ugly by doing so.

I got name problems, people...

(On the upside though it's a good litmus test for compatibility. If I introduce myself and you just roll with my name, it's a safe bet you're pretty smart and cool and we'll get along. And every dude I ever met who refused to call me Tom and decided to "rename" me has been a douche with issues with women.)

[HarleyQuinn]

My son technically has a nickname for his first name. So many people asked me "Why don't you just name him xxxxx" Because I'm not going to call him that, I'm going to call him xxxx. Makes more sense. lol