Michael Bates Brandon Keilen wedding

[princessmahina]

I'm not going to snark on Anna's dress. It was plain, yes, but so was she at the time- I don't mean plain as in unattractive, but plain as the opposite of ostentatious. Her hair was simple, she didn't wear makeup- she was a "plain" girl. Moreover, it was a dress her sister made. I'm sure it was meaningful for her to wear a gown her sister had made and worn.

Oh and for best dress, I'll put in votes for Jessa and Priscilla. I just can't get on board with the Alyssa love around her. She's irritated me since the Bateses had a show on TLC and she irritates me still. I thought her wedding was a big tacky mess.

/end bitchrant

[Snarkle]

I don't think Michael's dress is that bad, from what we've seen. Whitney actually had a nice dress with the bolero and it was season appropriate. The problem with Anna's dress is it didn't fit her properly. She saved money by borrowing a dress, but she should have gotten it tailored so it fit her better in the bust and arms. It looks "t-shirty" because it is too loose on the top. It could have been more fitted and still been modest without being so frumpy. She also could have added some lace or decoration to the skirt to dress it up a bit - it wouldn't have cost a lot (which is crazy since TLC was paying for a good chunk of the wedding) and would have helped her look more together.

[Mama Mia]

The picture showing Michael and brandon up close shows that the reception is in a gym, you can see a basketball basket. .. I'm sorry, my euro brain doesn't get it. Is this normal for a reception? Why doesn't she rent a nice place with tables and serve actual food? Why is this happening in the afternoon and why is there an early get away by the couple on every fundie wedding? Is this the actual protocol for weddings in the US? This doesn't look like a wedding at all to me.

Warning, this topic comes up in every wedding discussion here, so this isn't about just your remark. Your remark could be perfectly innocent. I know it's a snark site. But this isn't about snarking on the specific people's beliefs or even if you think the dress is awful or if someone else would have made a better bridesmaid or if they want to be getting married. It's snarking on the wedding customs of a fairly large geographic and cultural group. And not even on some of the philisophical issues that come up in these weddings - transfer of authority, submission, leaving the number of children up to God - etc. . It's the basic wedding tranditions that are snarked on. - So, fyi, this is a long rant, about a pet peeve and I'm going to be a complete bitch. I assume you'll reply by saying you didn't mean your post to sound that way, you were just wondering. If that's true , I apologize, but frankly, I suspect it's not.

Why doesn't she have her wedding exactly how you and your friends would have your weddings ? Because she's not you. She's having a wedding that is

( from everything I"ve read here ) entirely "normal" and customary in her peer group.

There are a large number of people , particularly in the southern and mid-western United States, whose weddings are typically at a church, in the afternoon. After the wedding they have a short reception with some sort of punch or other non-alcoholic beverage and cake. Maybe some other sweets or snacks. The reception is located at the church at some gathering place - a meeting room, hall, gymnasium or even in the yard. Then they leave. That's what they are used to. It's what their guests expect.

I live in the U.S. but in a very different area culturally, religiously, geographically and every other way I can think of. I've gone to a lot of weddings, but off the top of my head I don't recall ever going to a short church wedding followed with cake and punch reception -it's possible, but I can't think of any. I have been to a few of the type you describe. A range of others. But even though I've never been to a church-cake-punch wedding, I was able to understand it isn't some attempt to somehow do weddings "wrong", or be cheap, or tacky, or leave the guests without dinner even though they brought a gift, or --- I don't even know what the other objections are. It's just how much of their group tends to do weddings. It's different than your way. It's different than my way. But that doesn't make it "wrong".

I find a couple of things really funny about the posts that, inevitably, turn to complete disbelief that these people have different wedding customs ---1) Someone will say that since the Bates / Duggars have money, they should spring for a sit-down meal. - Without thinking about the fact that the family having a more elaborate wedding reception than the norm might make the other guests uncomfortable- like they suddenly aren't in the same "league" with their longtime friends, or like they should spend a lot on a reception too. Or make the bride /groom uncomfortable - because they might appear like they are trying to point out how much better off than their friends they are now. Which really, is probably kind of strange for them in general. Also, there is the assumption that a sit-down dinner and whatever else goes into these "better" weddings, is , in fact better. It's really just different.

2) Another amusing? aggravating? thing is that, bluntly, people feel okay with saying derogatory things about this particular cultures unique wedding customs because they are a safe group to snark on. If you were watching a documentary about the wedding customs in a rural village in Indonesia or Kenya or Peru you wouldn't dream of looking down on them because of their choice of refreshments. Because that is a more exotic form of "other".

end rant. Of course I hear that people are much, much nicer about the Bates than the Duggars so maybe this thread wouldn't go that way anyway :embarrassed:

[Monica Joan]

I was re-reading the Bates blog from Erin's wedding tonight, and this reply from Kelly to a commenter stood out:

[Commenter]

Posted at 20:34h, 27 December

Wow. How lovely! Where is Michael? Or did I miss her in the pictures?

KELLY

Posted at 00:50h, 28 December

Dear [Commenter],

She was at the back with Callie, who was suppose to walk down as flower girl. When it came Callie’s turn, she refused to let go of Michael and started sobbing. Erin urged Michael (who doesn’t like to be in the lime light at all) to walk her down. Michael gave in to Erin’s pleas, but without success as Callie cried the whole way and had to be escorted right back out. Michael stayed with a very sad Callie the rest of the ceremony. After it was all over, we asked Callie why she didn’t go down and she said she didn’t want Michael to leave her forever too! So she clung to Michael. Little confusion there, and we realized we should’ve done a better job explaining and preparing her. Love, Kelly

Poor Callie, losing Michael today. :cry:

[Pretzel]

I was re-reading the Bates blog from Erin's wedding tonight, and this reply from Kelly to a commenter stood out:

Poor Callie, losing Michael today. :cry:

Well, that was almost two years ago. Callie should be 6-ish by now and a 6-year-old is way more capable of processing the thought of a sibling leaving the fold. It's a good sign they realized that they have to prepare the younger children better and I hope they did this with Judson, too, who seems very attached to Michael (whereas Jeb is an Erin's boy). I think -and this is my sole impression from their shows and the way Kelly answered on her blog- they are well aware of the impact that a wedding has on their younger children and truly don't want those kids to feel any losses. However, older siblings leaving the nest is a natural part of life and inevitable for anyone in a big family- fundie or not. Since Kelly and Gil seem much more involved with all of their kids those kids might not suffer too hard because their siblings are not primarily their sister-MOMS.

Btw, I might have said in the past that those weddings would be so much nicer with a little more thought put into the food. However, I totally get where Mama Mia is coming from and I'd agree that in their circles nobody would think this was a tacky wedding. I come from a culture that celebrates big weddings, too. Big weddings and according customs are a matter of definition, though. You can serve proper food and have a sit-down reception at a nice hall with 300 guests, but once you hit 800 or 1000 a costly reception either lets you start your marriage broke from the get-go or you realize you can't have everything and decide on some drinks and snacks. Every option is just as valid.

Also I don't get why people think weddings are a gift grab. If a couple decides they would like to receive costly gifts, the guests can pool money. Nobody is obligated to give anything. Nobody is forced to buy something from a registry. Sure some registries are ridiculous (cereal? 10 jars of Himalayan salt?) but if that's what the couple wished to get and you can afford it, go for it. I consider the gift giving an act of thankfulness from the guest's side for being able to witness the intimate moment of two people joining a union together, not a way to pay back for food consumed at the reception.

With most of those fundies it's also not like they are extremely rich and ask for stuff because they can never get enough. Most of them know that their wedding will be the only option to ever really say "This is what we want to have and it would be nice to get it" and in many cultures it is perfectly normal to give some cash on top of a gift as the couple will start with very little anyway.

Would I like a fundie style wedding a la Duggars or Bateses? Hell no. But I really understand the trouble that comes with having to plan a big wedding. On the show they said Ma and Pa Bates give $10.000 to their kid and everything atop of that needs to be covered by the couple. If you want to feed proper meals to 1000+ guests, $10.000 won't even cover a proper rehearsal dinner.

I definitely see why there's cutoffs.

In the end, who cares as long as the couple is happy and has a great marriage ahead of them?

[Monica Joan]

On the show they said Ma and Pa Bates give $10.000 to their kid and everything atop of that needs to be covered by the couple. If you want to feed proper meals to 1000+ guests, $10.000 won't even cover a proper rehearsal dinner.

I got married two years ago. We had a very formal church wedding, followed by a reception at an art gallery with dinner (and wine) and dancing, for under $10,000. To do this, we did not have a large wedding.

We consider weddings to be partly about the new couple showing hospitality to their guests. For us, that meant, at minimum, to sit and enjoy meal with those who had come (some at great expense) to be with us to celebrate our marriage.

It is possible to have a formal, lovely wedding for under $10k.

[Pretzel]

I got married two years ago. We had a very formal church wedding, followed by a reception at an art gallery with dinner (and wine) and dancing, for under $10,000. To do this, we did not have a large wedding.

We consider weddings to be partly about the new couple showing hospitality to their guests. For us, that meant, at minimum, to sit and enjoy meal with those who had come (some at great expense) to be with us to celebrate our marriage.

It is possible to have a formal, lovely wedding for under $10k.

Oh, really? Now that's news to me.

Seriously, it's not possible if your immediate family will already make up 100-200 guests and you want to include family friends and other acquaintances. With 600+ people attending your wedding, you WON'T stay under $10.000. Great for you for doing a small one with WHAT YOU CONSIDER a lovely wedding. Other people do it differently.

[Monica Joan]

Oh, really? Now that's news to me.

Seriously, it's not possible if your immediate family will already make up 100-200 guests and you want to include family friends and other acquaintances. With 600+ people attending your wedding, you WON'T stay under $10.000. Great for you for doing a small one with WHAT YOU CONSIDER a lovely wedding. Other people do it differently.

I think what I'm trying to say is it is how you prioritize your budget, and your guestlist. Jessa Duggar and Jill Duggar's wedding dresses were much more expensive than the one I bought on sample sale. From my perspective, I wanted our guests to feel comfortable more than I wanted a designer dress from this season. Clearly the Bates/Duggar families don't mind not feeding their guests, nor do they see it as a sign of hospitality. (Though somehow the Seewald family managed to feed Jessa and Ben's rehearsal guests, which looked to number in the hundreds.)

But my real question about hospitality is...Will guests at Michael and Brandon's wedding be asked to donate money for their honeymoon, with passed collection plates (a la Erin and Chad's wedding)?

[Mama Mia]

I think what I'm trying to say is it is how you prioritize your budget, and your guestlist. Jessa Duggar and Jill Duggar's wedding dresses were much more expensive than the one I bought on sample sale. From my perspective, I wanted our guests to feel comfortable more than I wanted a designer dress from this season. Clearly the Bates/Duggar families don't mind not feeding their guests, nor do they see it as a sign of hospitality. (Though somehow the Seewald family managed to feed Jessa and Ben's rehearsal guests, which looked to number in the hundreds.)

But my real question about hospitality is...Will guests at Michael and Brandon's wedding be asked to donate money for their honeymoon, with passed collection plates (a la Erin and Chad's wedding)?

sigh..... and the point just sails right over your head :roll:

[NotALoserLikeYou]

I saw in the pics that Marjorie Jackson was there.

@devonnakillin posted a pic.

[MalteseBaby]

How it felt to be a bride in the Deep South in a large church, and why some things happened like they did

My first wedding was a very huge SBC affair. Both the groom and I essentially had two hometowns- there were the two towns 130 miles apart in which our relatives and parents were from and were well known, and then the town in which we ended up in as teens with our families and met, fell in love, and decided to get married.

So, because 3 large churches and towns of people were involved emotionally, I had at least 5 bridal showers, teas, coffees, and luncheons. I look back on it all now, almost 40 years later, and realize that so many people did this for me because of the generosity of MY parents and grandparents, and a loyal group of the groom's parent's friends and extended famiy in another town 2 hours away as well. It was really a sort of social pay back, I guess. I was just a shy, no, a very shy, barely 18 year old who had never even attended a tea, didn't drink coffee, and had been to maybe 5 of our "First Baptist Church" weddings in my entire life.

The wedding ceremony was lavish. Because I was so thin, I picked out and my mother was oh so gleefully able to buy a teeny, very lavish Priscilla of Boston sample dress from a lovely bridal shop for under $50. It hadn't sold because of the tiny size and because there was a thin blush colored ribbon at the waist ( not a tie but an accent ribbon). An all- white beaded gown with lots of re-embroidered lace was the color and style brides wanted in that decade, so this gown was passed over because of the easily removable and replaceable blush pink accent. Also, it had an extremely ornate cathedral train. I am tall enough to carry this long train well. but most girls wearing a (now vintage) size 3-4 wouldn't be able to look tall with a 6 ft. train. ( I should, for honesty's sake, point out that I was moderately anorexic at the time, and extremely active with school and the pre-wedding festivities. After overcoming anorexia, I maintain a normal weight for height. I gave the dress to a girl who could have been my twin sister, almost, when she asked if she could borrow it when she married shortly afterwards, but there's no way I could wear it now and neither could she). :)

My bridesmaids were from my original hometown 100 miles away, except two were my best friends in nursing school, which we were still attending.

Their dresses were designed so they could use them later in multiple ways. Solid color, no frou frou or pouf to the gown or sleeves. I was a bit minimalistic with my selections for them, because I didn't want them to look like clowns so I would look " more radiant". We were all radiant together for that brief, shining moment.

I know the flowers were gorgeous and plentiful all white flowers, but have no photos of them as the marriage didn't last long enough for my parents to purchase the final wedding photos. I had a wedding planner, a wedding director, a floral designer, and two professional caterers.

My parents offered us $25,000 to have a small civil ceremony and go to Europe on our honeymoon, but I was totally snowed by all the Brides magazines, having read them obsessively for 3-4 YEARS and I wanted my huge WEDDING. I never saw beyond the wedding to the marriage...

The lady who asked to make my wedding cake out of love for our family was the aunt of my mother's best friend since 4th grade. Oh, it was a magnificent cake, so much love and talent in that huge and elaborate confection. All these many years later, this still makes me cry. I loved Mrs. Hunt so very much!! She was a professional baker from before I was born. Actually, I think she made the cake for my first birthday party soiree' which was held in the finest hotel in the area, with all the children of my parents' friends invited as my little guests. Me, I ate my floral corsage and teethed on a bow from a present box according to the professional photographer's art. :)

The wedding reception was held in what was, at that time, the church's fellowship hall. All Baptist brides or grooms from the church had their reception there. It was our tradition. While many of our members were doctors, attorneys, professors, and other professionals with memberships at the local country club, their daughters and sons had their wedding reception in that same, rather plain nondescript room. Just like our prom was in the gym, and our sorority dances were 30 miles away on a river bluff restaurant. Lots of traditions for many generations there.

My aunt's best friend, a redhead named Fanny Bobo, made like 500 cheese straws.. the Southern kind with the hint of red pepper .

A caterer made the groom's cake, the punch, the savory and sweet silver trays and platters of hors d'oeuvre.

IF a sit down dinner had been the tradition at the time in that part of the South, I would have had the most fun one imaginable. IF dancing had been in style at the reception, I would have had a live band and a DJ, because I love music and dancing more than anything. I did have music played at the reception on piano, mostly classics, nothing religious, but I don't remember much about it all. I would have danced til midnight but not for a cash donation. I got married before brides and grooms asked for money for more than the parking meter, ha ha.

Our church, which is still my mother's church, has a large bridal party room. It's for the bride to change into her gown, put on her veil, have adjusted what needs adjusting by her stylist on a pedestal with a 3 sided mirror and lots of lovely room screens for the bridesmaids to do likewise with their finery. At the time, I was one of the first brides to use the room, and it felt very special. :) I was able to change out of my bridal gown into my "going away" dress or suit ( I don't remember what I wore at all to the airport) and the groom went to the men's room and changed, I guess.

When all is said and done, what I remember most is the love shown to me and my family through me. I don't remember much about the vows, the wedding ceremony, the groom, or the groomsmen. Nor the nine months in which we lived togther as husband and wife. I do, however, remember the decades of shame at being a divorcee', even after remarrying in a small private ceremony in the chapel of that same church and having a child. I still felt shame.

I hope, whatever the tradition of the wedding, the love is the backbone of the festivities and not a dreamy eyed girl and her parents with deep pockets who wanted to please her above all else.

My last marriage was before a justice of the peace or a judge, I don't remember, and it's lasted the longest and been the happiest by far. :) Almost 20 years together. I only regret that I cannot live long enough to see my 50th anniversary because of young foolish mistakes.

[Lewy]

There is so much to snark on these people for, but Michaela and Brandon appear to have had the wedding they can afford (although I'm sure Gil grifted a bit, but the point still stands) and good on them for that.

The wedding industry and Pinterest has convinced people now that simply have to have the 'best of everything' and now all you see is couples going into debt or blowing all their savings (as in, $25k+ worth) to have the most 'impressive' weddings and I just find it stupid. Instead of being excited to start their lives together and planning for the future, all they are worried about is making sure their wedding is WAY BETTER than cousin Susie's wedding or that annoying Sally girl from the office who totally STOLE one of her wedding ideas from THEIR Pinterest board, stupid cow!

Brandon and Michaela are from a very large social circle where it is expected you'll invite everyone to the wedding, including their large litters of children (in my circles, the norm is kids aren't invited except for kids in the bridal party or very very close relatives/family friends, like the bride's two nieces or the grooms godson).

So someone in the ATI/IBLP circle getting married is going to have a very large amount of guests. It makes sense they aren't having a sit down meal with that size of wedding, and are having a casual sheet cake and refreshments reception. It is what they can afford and is also the 'norm' in their circle.

I'd rather see a 'cheap' (as in budget wise) wedding a couple can afford than something fancy that is blowing their budget and having them start their marriage in debt. And that goes for any couple.

And honestly? Most of the big show-off Pinterest weddings I've been too have all blurred together into one big 'try hard' blur and half the couples don't even make it to their 5th wedding anniversaries because they cared more about the wedding than the marriage. Half of these weddings have been boring because I felt like I was there to be 'impressed', not there to celebrate.

In fact, the nicest wedding I remember going to was the wedding of one of my best friends from University. She got married at town hall in a knee length dress she found on Modcloth for $100 and carried flowers from her grandma's garden. After the wedding, we all went to her husband's uncle's property and threw meat on the grill and ate cake off paper plates and sat around chatting on fold up chairs for hours while the kids rode the uncle's ponies. No formal 'sit down meal' but everyone has SO much fun.

[HuggleMonster]

I saw in the pics that Marjorie Jackson was there.

@devonnakillin posted a pic.

An Instagram claiming to be Marjorie has been posting photos from the wedding. I'll see if I can find it.

[Lewy]

I got married two years ago. We had a very formal church wedding, followed by a reception at an art gallery with dinner (and wine) and dancing, for under $10,000. To do this, we did not have a large wedding.

We consider weddings to be partly about the new couple showing hospitality to their guests. For us, that meant, at minimum, to sit and enjoy meal with those who had come (some at great expense) to be with us to celebrate our marriage.

It is possible to have a formal, lovely wedding for under $10k.

How many guests did you have at your wedding though? I know people who have done a very nice, formal wedding for under $10, but their guestlists were more in the 50-70 people range, not the 1000+ people range. Let's say the dress/venue hire (Church and Reception)/suit/decorations etc takes up $5k of the budget (which is a modest budget for all of that). $5k left, divided by 1000= $5. If you think you can do a fancy formal wedding for $5 a head, I have a bridge to sell you.

Secondly, I think the sit down 'alternate drop' meals at weddings are overrated. I can't tell you how many times the meal has either been overcooked and unappetising or so fancy I didn't feel like eating it (I'm not a foodie so I'm not a 'raspberry, coconut and pineapple prawns' kinda girl, just give me a steak) and I've just gone to McDonalds on the way home. I'd have been perfectly happy for them to have saved their money, given me some cake and sent me on my way.

[Gimme a Free RV]

Maltese Baby, your wedding sounded a bit like "Steel Magnolias" but even more like the wedding of my friend from Mississippi, right down to the description of who attended. If I had to guess where you got married, I'd say either FBC Jackson, MS or FBC or Bellevue Baptist, Memphis, TN. Am I close?

Southern Baptist (the denomination) weddings are generally not more than an hour long (if that) and--at least from the ones I've attended, including my own--the receptions are held in the largest venue on the church property. This is usually the fellowship hall or gym--wherever the church's largest kitchen is. No dancing, no alcohol, and I've personally never seen money donations sought. If one of the families is a member of the church, there are low or no rental fees and usually only fees for the custodians and the sound technicians who work at the church. Other church-related fees might include the church's musicians and minister.

I have never attended a sit-down dinner-type wedding reception.

[MalteseBaby]

Maltese Baby, your wedding sounded a bit like "Steel Magnolias" but even more like the wedding of my friend from Mississippi, right down to the description of who attended. If I had to guess where you got married, I'd say either FBC Jackson, MS or FBC or Bellevue Baptist, Memphis, TN. Am I close?

Southern Baptist (the denomination) weddings are generally not more than an hour long (if that) and--at least from the ones I've attended, including my own--the receptions are held in the largest venue on the church property. This is usually the fellowship hall or gym--wherever the church's largest kitchen is. No dancing, no alcohol, and I've personally never seen money donations sought. If one of the families is a member of the church, there are low or no rental fees and usually only fees for the custodians and the sound technicians who work at the church. Other church-related fees might include the church's musicians and minister.

I have never attended a sit-down dinner-type wedding reception.

LOL, all you needed was a town in GA and you would have " danced a circle" around where I had the first and formal wedding.

I lived in N.W. Alabama, close to the " home of the Swampers", according to the Lynyrd Skynyrd song released a short time afterwards.

I've been gone for so long, and left no traces when I left. I left for good and for all time, so it's safe to name a general area publicly which was relevant to me in the 1970's. :)

Long time gone, but I only miss it in my dreams, occasionally...

[MalteseBaby]

I have a superfluous question- Did Michaela do something blonde to her hair? I've seen several photos where she looks blonde. I only ask because it seems out of character for what I imagined about her. She seems like a natural, free, outdoorsy, shy type of person. It's very pretty either color.

[Pretzel]

I have a superfluous question- Did Michaela do something blonde to her hair? I've seen several photos where she looks blonde. I only ask because it seems out of character for what I imagined about her. She seems like a natural, free, outdoorsy, shy type of person. It's very pretty either color.

Looks like she's gotten some highlights pre-wedding. Looks nice, imho.

[sockinshoe]

I really liked the wedding arch. Something tells me that Michaela did a better job of being low key, stress free, and carrying off her theme than Jill Dillard.

[Diana]

I think Brandon has better taste than Michaela, so thats why everything else looks super nice except the wedding dress, he couldnt help her choosing that. lol

All the sister dresses i have seen so far looked nice, althought i like the brown version more, but that is personal taste, since i dont like baby pink that much. Josie (https://instagram.com/p/6bfZD5gdft/) as always very pretty and stylish (i think she and Erin are the more beautiful of the sisters).

[hollywood]

In the picture of Brandon and Michaela with the basketball hoop in the background--I think that is Cooper Dauer and his mom also in the background. Haven't seen or heard about them in a while. Anyone else think it is them?

That is absolutely them. If there is any kind of fundie event, you can trust they will be somewhere around

[DuggarsTheEndIsNear]

She has gotten that sort of lollypop/bobblehead look, where her body is so small, her head looks over sized because she is so thin :( I really hope she is alright, as it's unlikely she can find any real help living with her parents. She would be lucky if they even noticed.

I'm trying to imagine what Michelle would do if she found out her daughter suffered from an ED. Like, she "overcame hers with the help of JB." But neither of them had any idea what they were actually doing, and it's hard to tell if she actually overcame it or not (I mean, she still seems to really have an issue with body image and food). I'm afraid of what their "treatment" would include.

[nelliebelle1197]

I am southern. Have been for my whole life and going back to 1701 when my first American ancestor stepped off the boat in Carolina colony. I was born in Mississippi, a state certain ancestors settled in 1815, near TN, where another swath moved after the Revolution. I live in Georgia now, spent my teen years in north Florida.

I am saying all that to note that I have never known anyone who had a wedding with 500-1000 guests and cheap receptions. This is NOT Southern thing in my Southern universe. Cake, punch, mints and nuts are what you did for a wedding or baby shower when I was growing up. Even church reception weddings without alcohol (which everything in my universe was) had food, if not dinner, then appetizer type food- cheese straws, sausage balls, meatballs, cheeses, crackers, a ham, salads. Weddings of 500 or more are nuts and gift grabs.

This is NOT my experience growing up and living across the south so please don't paint this tackiness southern culture. I think it is tacky as hell what the Bates and Duggars do at weddings. My momma would have a heart attack and disown me if I invited people to this sort of ... thing. I you don't even want to know about my grandmother would say.

The only time this sort of reception would be acceptable would be at a tiny wedding of 20 or so or after a courthouse marriage. I think my great aunt had that sort of informal, a few family members over for coffee and cake for her second wedding in the 1940s. But you don't invite a ton of people, make them travel, dress up and buy you a present then cheap out on the wedding.

These people are not doing weddings they can afford. They are trying to do big, grand affairs on the cheap and it shows. They could afford to have 100 or so for decent celebration, but what they want is a lot of attention and everyone in the world there. FFS, the Rodrigues have been to TWO Bateseses weddings; we all thought they crashed Erin's but I don't think so now that they have attended Michael's.

If that is what these people want, then fine. But don't say it southern culture.

Warning, this topic comes up in every wedding discussion here, so this isn't about just your remark. Your remark could be perfectly innocent. I know it's a snark site. But this isn't about snarking on the specific people's beliefs or even if you think the dress is awful or if someone else would have made a better bridesmaid or if they want to be getting married. It's snarking on the wedding customs of a fairly large geographic and cultural group. And not even on some of the philisophical issues that come up in these weddings - transfer of authority, submission, leaving the number of children up to God - etc. . It's the basic wedding tranditions that are snarked on. - So, fyi, this is a long rant, about a pet peeve and I'm going to be a complete bitch. I assume you'll reply by saying you didn't mean your post to sound that way, you were just wondering. If that's true , I apologize, but frankly, I suspect it's not.

Why doesn't she have her wedding exactly how you and your friends would have your weddings ? Because she's not you. She's having a wedding that is

( from everything I"ve read here ) entirely "normal" and customary in her peer group.

There are a large number of people , particularly in the southern and mid-western United States, whose weddings are typically at a church, in the afternoon. After the wedding they have a short reception with some sort of punch or other non-alcoholic beverage and cake. Maybe some other sweets or snacks. The reception is located at the church at some gathering place - a meeting room, hall, gymnasium or even in the yard. Then they leave. That's what they are used to. It's what their guests expect.

I live in the U.S. but in a very different area culturally, religiously, geographically and every other way I can think of. I've gone to a lot of weddings, but off the top of my head I don't recall ever going to a short church wedding followed with cake and punch reception -it's possible, but I can't think of any. I have been to a few of the type you describe. A range of others. But even though I've never been to a church-cake-punch wedding, I was able to understand it isn't some attempt to somehow do weddings "wrong", or be cheap, or tacky, or leave the guests without dinner even though they brought a gift, or --- I don't even know what the other objections are. It's just how much of their group tends to do weddings. It's different than your way. It's different than my way. But that doesn't make it "wrong".

I find a couple of things really funny about the posts that, inevitably, turn to complete disbelief that these people have different wedding customs ---1) Someone will say that since the Bates / Duggars have money, they should spring for a sit-down meal. - Without thinking about the fact that the family having a more elaborate wedding reception than the norm might make the other guests uncomfortable- like they suddenly aren't in the same "league" with their longtime friends, or like they should spend a lot on a reception too. Or make the bride /groom uncomfortable - because they might appear like they are trying to point out how much better off than their friends they are now. Which really, is probably kind of strange for them in general. Also, there is the assumption that a sit-down dinner and whatever else goes into these "better" weddings, is , in fact better. It's really just different.

2) Another amusing? aggravating? thing is that, bluntly, people feel okay with saying derogatory things about this particular cultures unique wedding customs because they are a safe group to snark on. If you were watching a documentary about the wedding customs in a rural village in Indonesia or Kenya or Peru you wouldn't dream of looking down on them because of their choice of refreshments. Because that is a more exotic form of "other".

end rant. Of course I hear that people are much, much nicer about the Bates than the Duggars so maybe this thread wouldn't go that way anyway :embarrassed:

[calimojo]

The point, I believe that mamamia was making, is that there is no "right way" to have a wedding. Attaching your value of what a wedding should be, is judgmental. There is nothing wrong with an intimate and elegant wedding with a sit down dinner as you were able to have, and there is nothing wrong with a church wedding followed by a casual reception in the church Gym or basement with cake and Ice cream. Just like there is nothing wrong with a destination wedding on the beach with 20 of your closest friends, or, as one of my good friends had, a golf wedding, where the Wedding party Play a round of golf ending with an exchange of vows overlooking the ocean at Pebble Beach while their friends cheer them on from the side of the course and toast them with champagne.

Your value is not my value, is not Michael Bateses' value, etc.

I grew up in a rural area in the northern midwest. The typical wedding was a Saturday afternoon church ceremony followed by cake, punch, homemade mints (those were the best), and mixed nuts. The reception was held in the church basement and lasted maybe an hour.

Honestly, that is still my preference. Then slowly in our area, the wedding culture switched to include a reception held away from the church, along with a meal, a DJ or live band and dancing etc.

As a guest, these types of weddings are long and arduous activities. It literally takes up your entire day/evening, and sometimes into the next day as well, especially if you are in the bridal party or very close to the bride/groom as group brunch the day after is becoming common.

I love my friends and family, but honestly, I just want to go to the wedding, which hopefully never lasts more than an hour, and then go to the reception, for an hour or two at the most and then go about the rest of my life.

These huge weddings that expect guests dedicate 8 or more hours from wedding through reception are not my favorite way to spend time. We have on occasion attended only the wedding ceremony and declined the reception because we either couldn't spare giving up our entire Saturday, or we just simply didn't want to. We still shared in their moment, still gave a nice gift, but after the ceremony we left and went on our merry way.

So give me the nice little church wedding, or sweet little ceremony at a beautiful park, toss me some cake/ice cream and punch and then send me on my merry way 2-3 hours later and I will be more than happy.

I would agree, however, that it is really poor planning and selfish to invite more people than you have seats to accommodate at the reception as Jill and Jessa both did. Even if you are only serving cake/ice cream and punch, you should still make sure that every guest has a place to sit while they eat. Expecting people to mill about a parking lot on a cold November day while you only serve them ice cream is inconsiderate to your guests.

[freethemall]

Anyone notice who's in the background in this picture?

Definitely 'dem some Dauers there, I can tell that's Cooper and his bushy eyebrows even from the back.

I definitely like the beige bridesmaids dresses way better than the pink ones, especially at that long length they look super dowdy. Now Erin looks AWESOME. Fab fab makeup, she should sit Jill Rodriguez down, burn her green eyeliner, and give her some pointers.

Like others, I'm very disappointed in Michaela's dress, especially after seeing the preview images from next week's BUB of her trying on dresses that are WAY better. Look at how lovely she looks here, why didn't she buy THIS dress!