Michael Bates Brandon Keilen wedding

[nelliebelle1197]

snip

Do the Bates cook? Real food that looks and tastes edible? We know the Duggars cannot and do not. IDK, maybe many of their fundie friends have the same culinary skills.

I think the whole "being a great homemaker" all depends on the mother/role model. MD is an abysmal failure in that department.

That is an hilarious yet valid point :lol:

[princessmahina]

That is an hilarious yet valid point :lol:

I seem to recall a Bates family "recipe" that consisted of frying a piece of bologna, spreading it with mashed potatoes and topping it with cheese, then broiling it.

Here it is on a previous thread:

viewtopic.php?f=101&t=11414&p=325630&hilit=bologna#p325630

I would say they probably don't have great role models when it comes to cooking :lol:

[Rajah061014]

Are people seriously completely ignoring the multiple posters who have said that "cake and punch" weddings are common in their circles? The lack of such weddings in one person's social circle does not negate the presence of them in other circles. It is NOT just a fundie thing. Sheesh.

[NotALoserLikeYou]

I think it's fine, and normal, to have small, simple receptions. However, if you can't afford it, then don't have a large wedding and don't invite so many guests. You can't throw an event for 1000 people and not have adequate seating, food and drinks for them. I do think it's rude. You don't have to give everyone salmon or steak but with all of the family and friends they have, they could put out ample sandwich platters and sides. But I'm one of those 90 year old Italian grandmothers on the inside, so I gotta feed everyone. As for the Duggars they are not poor! They are cheap.

[MalteseBaby]

I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes, thanking the powers that be that NO guests to my one fancy wedding out of 6 marriages had to travel over 100 miles.

I had guilt over the divorce issue for years. Worked through that only to find out my wedding may have left someone hungry for a full meal.

This is both hilarious and pathetic in its own way. The guilt comes in waves, almost 40 years later.

I'm glad I didn't have much on a gift registry ( back then, you picked out a china pattern or two at a jewelry and gift store, a silver stainless pattern and a good silver pattern, and two kinds of drink wear sets, a good set and an everyday set, all at the same sorts of mom and pop jewelry and gift stores. Or went to the mall and did the same thing. I couldn't use a mall because people were coming from towns that didn't have malls but did have jewelry stores that carried bridal china and crystal and silverware and the bridal business made up a lot of their profits. That was all, and I kept my choices moderate).

I THINK in the year 2015 I have one piece of Corning Wear with the matching lid and a large heavy brass leaf thing that my mother said was worth a lot of money ( said years later because I wanted to throw it out so people wouldn't think it was an ashtray) left from that first wedding in 1977 where gifts were given ( and thank you notes were promptly handwritten by yours truly).

Yeah, always homemade butter mints. They were popular, IMO, because if push came to shove, you could have a mint in your mouth and still make small talk with someone who had come by to talk with you. Plus, fresh breath. Ha.

Does anyone remember the ice rings? It was the style in the late 70's for our pitiful non-alcoholic punch drinking First Baptist Church members to have gorgous elaborate ice rings molded with fruit and sometimes flowers in them at event receptions. I went for fresh fruit only in my two punch offerings ( neither with any ice cream- yuck). I think we left the reception before they melted.. We had a plane to catch and no one was in a hurry to leave except us, the bride who was too young to drink, and her groom.

[lascuba]

I agree with almost all of this - especially about the Duggars putting on a super fancy sit down dinner if that's not the norm. How uncomfortable would that have made their friends ? Uggh.

I disagree with the part about the gift registery. IIRC they did have some pricey items, but they also had lots of really inexpensive things listed - like in the $5 range. And everything in-between. Since they seem to know people with a range of incomes, and people often pool for gifts - it seems to make sense to include a range.

Frankly, I don't even understand all the hoopla and math around the cost of the wedding somehow being connected to the price of the gift- in either direction. Whether the couple is somehow trying to recoup their costs in gifts, or the guests feel they should get their money;s worth in refreshments and entertainment. Weird, to me. I always thought you threw the wedding you liked and your guests, if they got you a gift, got you somethig they thought you would like, and fit their relationship with you and their budget. I didn't know there was supposed to be a connection between the two.

Oh, I HATE the mentality that some people have about guests "paying back" the cost of an event. No, you throw a party because you want to and your guests give the gift they can comfortably afford because that's the polite thing to do, not because they have to reimburse you for the food. I do think there's something to be said for the scale of things, though. Yes, a gift registry should have a range of prices, but big ticket items are completely out of place when you make it a point to publicly state that you don't want to spend a lot of money and are therefore reusing decorations and having your guest stand around a parking lot.

[VaSportsMom]

Okay, now I'm worried. Fiance of Awesome and I are planning a wedding for next September after we have our baby. Because of the pregnancy, our already-small budget became even tighter. We have an informal hors d'oeuvres and dessert reception planned with no alcohol served as I'll still be breastfeeding and it saves a ton of money on booze, bartender, and security. With all this talk of cake-and-punch receptions being poor hospitality, am I being a cheapskate by going this route? Will there be complaints at the lack of sit down dinner or buffet as being too chintzy for words?

I mean, we're spending less than $5,000 for a wedding with 50-75 guests (Wal-Mart makes very pretty wedding cakes!) but now I'm worried that we'll be seen as poor/rude/cheap hosts. I'm in the North Central Midwest and this is a secular wedding, FWIW.

I think a lot of this comes down to appearance and expectations. Are you driving expensive cars and inviting your friends to play rounds at the country club? Did you register for $300 salad tongs? If so your friends probably expect to see you throw a lavish wedding & reception.

If it is obvious that you're middle class, you don't expect your friends to buy you ridiculously expensive gifts are new parents then I think your wedding sounds perfect.

[NotALoserLikeYou]

In other news, I learned a new food this thread: "cheese straws."

[PennySycamore]

Some years ago, I read this great book The Eternal Bliss Machine about weddings and the wedding industry. The author pointed out the upper class ("society") weddings on the East Coast would tend towards an expensive gown worn during an Episcopal ceremony and a rather simple reception held in a private club. The reception would be champagne and maybe some hors d'oeuvres, but there would be music and dancing to an orchestra. There was no sit-down meal. In Texas, however, there would be a barbecue and the ceremony might be Baptist or Methodist, but the gown would be just as expensive as one worn by society bride in Boston or the Main Line. It would not be "dry" in most cases. Jewish weddings were a different matter as were those in other regions and of other classes.

Times have changed, of course, but it was still a good read. I need to see if Alibis has a copy of this book

[princessmahina]

In other news, I learned a new food this thread: "cheese straws."

Mmm, cheese straws. Is that not a food they have elsewhere in the country? I don't remember them where I lived out west, but the food was...very different there.

[nelliebelle1197]

Are people seriously completely ignoring the multiple posters who have said that "cake and punch" weddings are common in their circles? The lack of such weddings in one person's social circle does not negate the presence of them in other circles. It is NOT just a fundie thing. Sheesh.

Are you missing the part where people are saying it is not the reception style but the giant weddings that are thrown for the sake of having a small city of guests without even bothering in some cases to provide chairs or heating that are the issue? It is a fundie thing to invite a 1000 people to travel from all over the country then not be able show adequate hospitality. Everyone here who knows of this type of wedding indicates the weddings are more intimate than what we see with the Buggars. Sheesh.

[NotALoserLikeYou]

Mmm, cheese straws. Is that not a food they have elsewhere in the country? I don't remember them where I lived out west, but the food was...very different there.

I live in California and had never seen nor heard of them.

[Mothership]

Some years ago, I read this great book The Eternal Bliss Machine about weddings and the wedding industry. The author pointed out the upper class ("society") weddings on the East Coast would tend towards an expensive gown worn during an Episcopal ceremony and a rather simple reception held in a private club. The reception would be champagne and maybe some hors d'oeuvres, but there would be music and dancing to an orchestra. There was no sit-down meal. In Texas, however, there would be a barbecue and the ceremony might be Baptist or Methodist, but the gown would be just as expensive as one worn by society bride in Boston or the Main Line. It would not be "dry" in most cases. Jewish weddings were a different matter as were those in other regions and of other classes.

Times have changed, of course, but it was still a good read. I need to see if Alibis has a copy of this book

I remember that book. It really needs an update, as I recall there wasn't anything about fundie weddings. Although I do remember something about fundie honeymoons (and clueless newlyweds--really very sad) I'm sure the author would have included another reality TV show wedding if not a Duggar wedding.

[Growelly]

I live in California and had never seen nor heard of them.

I have heard of them, but have never had them. Being from Wisconsin, we do many delicious things to cheese. See: cheese curds, fried (though plain squeaky is fabulous, too).

[lascuba]

Are you missing the part where people are saying it is not the reception style but the giant weddings that are thrown for the sake of having a small city of guests without even bothering in some cases to provide chairs or heating that are the issue? It is a fundie thing to invite a 1000 people to travel from all over the country then not be able show adequate hospitality. Everyone here who knows of this type of wedding indicates the weddings are more intimate than what we see with the Buggars. Sheesh.

I agree with the general idea of this...I think number of guests is one of the things you limit when money is a factor. No one is close 1000 people. Don't have a huge guest list and then scrimp on the most basic courtesies. But in the case of the mega fundie weddings...who are these 1000 people who show up for a wedding of people they barely know? I kind of think they don't deserve much. They're fundies, they know what's up; they want to attend a wedding so they can brag that they went to the wedding of fundie people who have a tv show. Anyone outside of the family or close friends who actually travels for these weddings is getting exactly what they want for their troubles.

[Snarkle]

I have heard of them, but have never had them. Being from Wisconsin, we do many delicious things to cheese. See: cheese curds, fried (though plain squeaky is fabulous, too).

Beer battered deep fried cheese curds are the BEST. My favorite place to get them burned down in the '90s and I'm still searching for the perfect kind again. Not a huge fan of the cold cheese curds, though.

[Growelly]

Cold curds are best if they're very fresh... Have you ever had flavored ones? I brought bacon ones to an aunt who lives in Wyoming (and misses them terribly). They were very yum.

I find the biggest crap hole bars that also serve food have the best deep fried whatever.

[Lewy]

Anyone notice who's in the background in this picture?

Definitely 'dem some Dauers there, I can tell that's Cooper and his bushy eyebrows even from the back.

I definitely like the beige bridesmaids dresses way better than the pink ones, especially at that long length they look super dowdy. Now Erin looks AWESOME. Fab fab makeup, she should sit Jill Rodriguez down, burn her green eyeliner, and give her some pointers.

Like others, I'm very disappointed in Michaela's dress, especially after seeing the preview images from next week's BUB of her trying on dresses that are WAY better. Look at how lovely she looks here, why didn't she buy THIS dress!

Oh gosh, this is actually a bit sad. She looked so nice in that dress and with the darker hair but the dress she went with and the lighter hair doesn't seem to flatter her as well as this look.

I'm guessing maybe this dress didn't meet her modesty standards or was very over budget or couldn't be ordered in in time , because I can't think of any other reason she wouldn't pick it.

[quiversR4hunting]

I think a lot of this comes down to appearance and expectations. Are you driving expensive cars and inviting your friends to play rounds at the country club? Did you register for $300 salad tongs? If so your friends probably expect to see you throw a lavish wedding & reception.

If it is obvious that you're middle class, you don't expect your friends to buy you ridiculously expensive gifts are new parents then I think your wedding sounds perfect.

Pheobe I agree with VA - it's about expectations. I went to a wedding in VA (traveled from MI) and we had cake and punch. We didn't know that is what was going to happen. We were starving because the wedding was at 11 am and the reception during lunch.

Another wedding (Chicago- first weekend of October) was OUTSIDE! WTF?! It was in Chicago! Chicago has gotten snow in October. Nothing on the invite that it was OUTSIDE! My kids and I froze. Of course I handed over my little shrug to one of my kids and my husband was wrapping up another kid in his sport coat. (they did have a full meal, etc but it took all the guests about 1 or 2 hours to warm up after that).

Growing up the only dry wedding I was at was at a friend that was underage. Otherwise all the German/Irish/French descendant in the area always had booze, almost always got married in a church (even if they only went for Christmas, wedding and funerals). LIke others have said- it was an eye opener the first time I went to a cake/punch wedding. I would have been fine with it if I would have known prior to and planned accordingly. So set your expectations and you will be fine! And have fun!!

[Palimpsest]

I have heard of them, but have never had them. Being from Wisconsin, we do many delicious things to cheese. See: cheese curds, fried (though plain squeaky is fabulous, too).

Cheese straws! I have always thought of them as a particularly English atrocity delicacy. I think of them as funeral food, manufactured in large quantities by the WI (let's all sing "Jerusalem") for that purpose. I (once or twice a year) make them from off-cuts of savory pastry plus cheese so as not to waste pastry. I eat a couple but the rest get chucked. Most Americans I know give them the hairy eyeball.

[busdrivingmom]

In other news, I learned a new food this thread: "cheese straws."

I love cheese straws, but these are the ones that you make a dough with cheese and a little bit cayanne pepper, pipe it on a cookie sheet and bake.

[MalteseBaby]

I love cheese straws, but these are the ones that you make a dough with cheese and a little bit cayanne pepper, pipe it on a cookie sheet and bake.

Yes, this is the type I referenced in my post. Yummy, yum.

[Mela99]

That dress is stunning -- I'd wear it -- but I think it showed a little too much neck and arm for Michaela. She's always seemed the most modest.

[Mama Mia]

How the hell isn't this just as judgmental, if not more, than the people who criticize the fundies for not feeding their guests? I'm also really surprised, and disappointed, that Mama Mia liked this post. If you're going to argue that cake and punch receptions in gyms are a regional thing and criticizing it is a form of bigotry, fine. But your whole point is completely lost if you then turn around and criticize people for having big weddings and paint all of those groups as materialistic, pretentious, and soon to be divorced.

I thought MamaMia made good points in her post, but comments like Lewy's frankly just come off as bitterness and envy with a whiff of class warfare (I hate this term but can't think of a more precise one at the moment). Make no mistake, you are not some social crusader, you're just judgmental of people being different from you.

Edited to explain rhetoric.

Well, FWIW, I actually liked this post for parts you didn't include here, where the poster was talking about the reasons she thought Michael and Brandon's wedding was what they wanted, and was appropriate to them.

Truth be told, I was kind of half skimming :embarrassed:

No, I agree with you that people shouldn't be pitting one type of wedding against another. If you have the money, and the desire, spend away. And, realistically, money and extravagance are completely relative in any case . "Too much" for a hospital CNA is likely very different than "too much" for a Doctor at the same hospital.

I do think it's unfortunate if someone turns a wedding into a competition, but that's the type of person who will turn EVERYTHING in life into a battle to outdo everyone --after the wedding it will be the best house and the best baby and on and on-- that's a personal problem, not a product of what type of wedding someone has. I think pinterest and social media have upped the ante and expectations of lots of people, just due to the exposure. So someone who may have been happy with the $500 or $5,000 or $50,000 they were planning on spending -is now distressed they can't have more. But , again, that's a certain type of person, and that trait will follow them throughout life. For most people looking at Pinterest, it will just give them some good ideas ( and waaayyy too many pretty choices - Good God, how do people pick anything ????).

As an aside, what do other people do when you " like" a great deal of a post, but dislike some parts ? I'm always undecided and tend to "like" it if there was something that really stood out to me as positive and ignore the rest. Maybe I shouldn't do that. Sorry

[griffin]

Everyone has differing opinions on what is acceptable or tacky. I don't have any argument re: food/no food, booze/no booze, dancing/no dancing..etc.. What I think is the height of tackiness and lack of class is inviting 1000 people to your wedding when I'll be damned if the bride or groom could look at a majority of them and say their names. Why would you invite hordes of people you've never met or ever said two words to ( and their dozen kids)? The whole thing's a freakshow.