SAHD blog- the Boyer sisters

[justwatching]

8 hours ago, Lurky said:

@denimchastityskirt I saw that, but I didn't see it as proof one of them drives, because that could have been a parent (because after all, delicately nurtured young ladies always need a chaperone).  While the number of cars they had in their garage made me think maybe one of them might, I'll believe it when I see it.

Same.  Hope she's ok, and not regretting things.  Seeing as Jessica was talking about Brigid being dead to her, I also really worry about who she could turn to for support, if things aren't living up to her expectations (and how could they?  Being brought up so isolated, with hope chests and fairytales about Mr Right, I can't believe the realities married life wouldn't be a shock)

Yikes!  I missed this, do you remember how long ago she posted it?

[Lurky]

@justwatching Jessica wrote a blog post that started out about outfits, and got very overwrought, including:
 

Quote

 

You might say, “Wait, wait, wait! You’re saying that you’re not focused on the sadness of your sister’s departure from home? You’re not feeling the loss, or emptiness of her absence?” In answer, I already have. That train left the station with my sister on her wedding day. This has not been said yet, but everything that she was to me, left whenever she said yes to Gabriel’s offer to court her. The Brigid I knew and loved so much, died that day. I didn’t realize it until weeks after when I was feeling very confused about why I could no longer “reach” her like I used to. After days of thinking it over, it finally dawned on me that she had irreversibly changed a while ago, and that the sister I was trying to reach, would never respond again. I had to learn how to address the new Brigid.

So in essence, I have already buried the corpse long ago. I had already said my goodbyes, and mourned the loss. Like I said, the train left with my sister. Now I am in the new chapter: Relating to a married sister, learning more about my Brother-In-Law, and using my time much differently than I used to.

 

(Of course I wonder what she'd have said if Brigid and Charlotte told her that it was like she'd died, when she accepted her proposal - I guess she was reborn when her engagement ended?  But this makes me really worried that if Brigid was having problems adjusting to married life, big or small, she couldn't talk to Jessica about it, because their relationship was over)

[justwatching]

1 minute ago, Lurky said:

@justwatching Jessica wrote a blog post that started out about outfits, and got very overwrought, including:
 

(Of course I wonder what she'd have said if Brigid and Charlotte told her that it was like she'd died, when she accepted her proposal - I guess she was reborn when her engagement ended?  But this makes me really worried that if Brigid was having problems adjusting to married life, big or small, she couldn't talk to Jessica about it, because their relationship was over)

Thank you for the link.  Wow.  Those are some strong words.

[Nina]

Did you read Jessicas latest Post? I get the feeling that there is more behind her hesitation towards her sisters marriage. She comes across as someone who has been dealt a huge blow. She alludes to problems from her brake up creeping back in. And the talk with her father shows that she might have had to smile in front of the whole thing. Also it seems like she let people walk all over her. I would not be surprised if it had to to with her Ex´s Family and his Friendship to her Sisters Husband. 

This could also explain the radio silence on her sisters wedding. Maybe they did not want to open fresh wounds. but I wonder if her sister might be pregnant already and they want to announce it with the wedding post.

[JeanieCat]

28 minutes ago, Nina said:

Did you read Jessicas latest Post? I get the feeling that there is more behind her hesitation towards her sisters marriage. She comes across as someone who has been dealt a huge blow. She alludes to problems from her brake up creeping back in. And the talk with her father shows that she might have had to smile in front of the whole thing. Also it seems like she let people walk all over her. I would not be surprised if it had to to with her Ex´s Family and his Friendship to her Sisters Husband. 

This could also explain the radio silence on her sisters wedding. Maybe they did not want to open fresh wounds. but I wonder if her sister might be pregnant already and they want to announce it with the wedding post.

This may sound funny but, to me, the three of them seemed to operate like identical triplets! As if they had the same thoughts and really spent way too much time together! Their parents have really encouraged them to see themselves as a unit probably as a means of control. Now, they react like it's a death when one of them moves on to the only role they truly can aspire to. What did they expect?  Not certain they all know how to relate as normal functioning adults!

[Mommit]

Hoo-boy, that was quite a post by Jessica! She's so bitter and I'm sure Brigid's wedding day was extremely difficult for her because of that. Having to face Levi could not have been easy and that probably tainted the whole day for her. I believe she wants to be happy for Brigid and Gabe, but she just can't get over her own loss. I'm afraid no matter what she says, she'll be bitter until the day she gets married. That will help her get over it, but in a way, she'll probably always carry it with her. Nothing will change what happened and that she wasn't the first to marry. I can't help but feel bad for her. I think that Jessica is very self-centered and that is a tough road to follow. She's trapped feeling sorry for herself and probably feels hopeless. Where is her real prince charming? Sadly, that's the only thing that she sees as her path to happiness!

Meanwhile, it's been over a month and they haven't shared the wedding pictures! Ugh!

[Lurky]

I really, really feel for these girls, and I guess this is the danger of homeschooling/isolation - the kids end up too enmeshed.  And then this total obsessive on marriage - the covenants and hope chests, the idea they're only adults when they marry, and of course, with the obsession with the trappings of Jane Austen novels (without actually understanding the messages), and the romanticised views of past, where of course the eldest daughter marries first, it must be so hard.  And this idea that Courtship protects hearts - Jessica is a classic example of how no, it is far, far more painful to do it this way, than to date (not even sleeping around, just dating)

But I've said this before, about the "she's dead to me" post - it's impressive to me that Jessica can share all these negative feelings, and not be forced to slap a happy face on it.  BUT it's still so Boyer-dramatic, and because their world is so small, and they're so shackled, there aren't the distractions that a 'normal' life would give, that would help her overcome it.  That post makes id sound like she's still suffering, and I wish she had things to help take her mind off it by taking her out of herself.  Her dad pointing her to the bible etc is all very well, but keeping her as a SAHD is so stifling.

1 hour ago, Nina said:

This could also explain the radio silence on her sisters wedding. Maybe they did not want to open fresh wounds.

I feel really, really sorry for Brigid if this is so.  Gutting if she can't share her happiness because her sister is hurting - but I guess I hope it's this, rather than she's struggling.  Actually, my bottom line is I hope Brigid has stepped back from an online life because that's what she wants.

[charmedforsure]

In all of the Jinger/Jeremy wedding hubbub, I thought I would check to see if more pictures had been posted about Brigid & Gabe's wedding. Nope!

That post from Jessica on bitterness. Damn girl. She needs her own hobby/activity outside of the home ASAP. I mean, one of the things that's stifling about living in a super restrictive, sheltered household is the very few methods that are deemed appropriate for creative and emotional expression. She's acting like a petulant tween when she found out her favorite toy was getting taken away. It just shows how dangerous and destructive the Boyer parents' approach to dealing with their daughters' emotional wellbeing is. Her word salad of a rant reminds me of the sad blog posts I wrote on my Livejournal when I was an angsty 14 year old trying to get over how much I pined for a certain boy in my classes, not something a 21-year-old writes after a failed engagement.

I hope with what happened between Jessica and Levi and the emotional rollercoaster for her that followed, Jessica gained perspective on how messed up that the system (that was supposed to keep her from this supposed heartache) really is destructive. Courtship doesn't guard hearts in the slightest. 

It's also really heartbreaking to read Jessica apologizing for watching a Hollywood-produced PG-13 movie. I mean, yeah, I'd probably apologize for seeing it too, but that's because it was a terrible movie (and I usually have such good taste in the media I consume, save for 19KAC/Counting On, the one redeeming point was that it didn't have Kristen Stewart in it!). A 21-year-old shouldn't have to apologize for possibly seeing a romance scene where there isn't anything more defrauding (for a woman) than visiting your local community pool on a summer's day. Having to soothe her modest/fundie readership over something so banal to the masses. It's sad and a bit twisted. I'm glad she was able to relate to fictional characters with her feelings, but that she felt so villainous about her bitterness just shows she has no true outlet for expression (outside the restricted nature of her family blog) in the first place. I hope someone outside her family bubble tells her that it's okay to feel your feelings, that they are valid, and that they're not just a test from Satan.

 

 

 

[nastyhobbitses]

On 11/1/2016 at 11:23 PM, princessmahina said:

Agreed. Those pants are horrifying and they need to hurry up and post some pictures. I want to see more of that...fascinating outfit the groom donned.

I think those pants really only work if you're like 8 gajillion feet tall and style them just so.

[Palimpsest]

Good grief.  Jessica's post on bitterness.  That is really sad.

Daddy should stop digging into the recesses of her heart and accept that she is suffering from melancholia, going into a decline, or whatever Victorian phrase they want to use for "sounds clinically depressed and a mental health evaluation might be a really good plan."

I feel sorry for Brigid too.  Reading about her marriage being the death of her relationship with her sister must be horrible.  And I feel sorry for Charlotte because living with that amount of angst must be dreadful.

I tend to agree with others that these girls were so enmeshed that Brigid getting married, combined with her own broken engagement and stopping the singing group cold turkey sent Jessica into a tailspin.  However, instead of letting her sit around lambasting herself for feeling bitter Daddy dear should think about encouraging her, and allowing her, to expand her boundaries.  Yes, let her be in control of her own life.  Preferably on her own without Charlotte in tow, otherwise goodness knows how distraught she will be if Charlotte ups and marries before she does.

She needs to do something other than pick out vintage outfits, photograph and blog about them.  Let her sign up at community college for a photography or creative writing class.   Learn croquet because I suppose running and yoga are out.  Join a book club.  Deliver meals on wheels.  Go to some Christian conferences where she can fall in love with other young men.  Hell, even let her go on a co-ed praycation somewhere picturesque.  Preferably not to Scotland though because the kilts will remind her of her sister's wedding!

On 10/18/2016 at 7:51 PM, ChunkyBarbie said:

Usually grooms in kilts make me swoon, but not this time.

I'm with you.  The over the top full dress horse hair sporran didn't help either.  The horse hair looked long enough to trip over and I thought he had a yeti pelt strapped to his waist at first glance. 

[denimchastityskirt]

From personal experience I can tell you that not all wedding photographers get the photos out after a month, some are really unprofessional and take months. Judging from that post on Bitterness I am going to take a guess that Levi was at the wedding? So then it's likely that he features in A LOT of the photos, presuming he was best man or something along those lines. It would be pretty awkward to then post those photos on the blog! If Levi was a groomsman though that is certainly a dick move on Brigid and Gabe's behalf, I know I personally wouldn't allow such a thing but fundie women have no rights and Gabe strikes me as someone who would be an inconsiderate self centered ass. 

I find it really fucked up how selfish and jealous Jessica is. Sorry but she is a horrible person, it's not all about her! It sounds like she was an absolute cunt to Brigid in the days coming up to the wedding which is just so unacceptable. The worst thing is how self aware she is and that she still behaved like that. I'm afraid I don't have an ounce of pity for her because you have to be a total sociopath to feel the way she does. That blog post gave an interesting insight into her personality and she seems like someone who always put herself before others and probably worked hard to keep the other sisters down. So sad. But I mean you can tell how in love with herself she is when you look at her photos, she's very self aware of how attractive she is and the arrogance shines through with every self satisfied smug grin.

[Lurky]

So, do we think Jessica is so angry at Brigid because when Levi ended his engagement to her, Brigid still married Gabe?  I keep thinking about this, because if she's really so, so upset because she didn't get married first, that's the strangest thing - but equally, expecting one's sister to split up is weird too.  I can't work it out.

Anyway, they have another pre-marriage Q& A video, but I can't sit through it all.

[December]

18 minutes ago, Lurky said:

So, do we think Jessica is so angry at Brigid because when Levi ended his engagement to her, Brigid still married Gabe?  I keep thinking about this, because if she's really so, so upset because she didn't get married first, that's the strangest thing - but equally, expecting one's sister to split up is weird too.  I can't work it out.

I've seen sisters and close friends get super competitive when it comes to weddings and engagements. I can only imagine how fundie beliefs about a woman's prospects and purpose would amplify that sort of competition. 

Either way, odd words about a sibling's marriage.

[JermajestyDuggar]

18 hours ago, Lurky said:

So, do we think Jessica is so angry at Brigid because when Levi ended his engagement to her, Brigid still married Gabe?  I keep thinking about this, because if she's really so, so upset because she didn't get married first, that's the strangest thing - but equally, expecting one's sister to split up is weird too.  I can't work it out.

Anyway, they have another pre-marriage Q& A video, but I can't sit through it all.

It makes more sense when we look at it through their perspective. They have grown up sheltered and cut off from normal socializing. So they are all one another's best friends along with being sisters. They are most likely enmeshed. When the two sisters started seeing two set friends it probably seemed perfect. They would get married and go on double dates, be pregnant together, and live perfect fundie wife lives. And then that all came crashing down when Jessica and Levi broke it off. Not only did she have to deal with a broken heart from a boy, now she has to deal with a broken heart from her sister getting married and leaving. Like she said, Jessica expected to be the first to be married and leave their home. Now she's stuck at home with her teenage sister clinging to her hope chest and only her blog post keep her busy. She probably just sits around the house stewing in heart ache. Their parents built their entire lives up for marriage. And she failed to fulfill at expectation. Their parents screwed them all over but dressed it up as "god testing her." 

[hoipolloi]

1 hour ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

It makes more sense when we look at it through their perspective. They have grown up sheltered and cut off from normal socializing. So they are all one another's best friends along with being sisters. They are most likely enmeshed. When the two sisters started seeing two set friends it probably seemed perfect. They would get married and go on double dates, be pregnant together, and live perfect fundie wife lives. And then that all came crashing down when Jessica and Levi broke it off. Not only did she have to deal with a broken heart from a boy, now she has to deal with a broken heart from her sister getting married and leaving. Like she said, Jessica expected to be the first to be married and leave their home. Now she's stuck at home with her teenage sister clinging to her hope chest and only her blog post keep her busy. She probably just sits around the house stewing in heart ache. Their parents built their entire lives up for marriage. And she failed to fulfill at expectation. Their parents screwed them all over but dressed it up as "god testing her." 

Good analysis.What's unusual here is a SAHD who's gone through all of this but isn't being quiet about it. 

[catlady]

On ‎11‎/‎10‎/‎2016 at 11:45 AM, Palimpsest said:

[re:  Gabe's wedding attire--]

I'm with you.  The over the top full dress horse hair sporran didn't help either.  The horse hair looked long enough to trip over and I thought he had a yeti pelt strapped to his waist at first glance. 

this is too funny!  i'll never be able to regard Yeti/Sasquatch/BigFoot again without thinking of this!!

[Lurky]

2 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Their parents built their entire lives up for marriage. And she failed to fulfill at expectation.

Thanks, that makes tons of sense.  I'm coming at this as someone whose family and friends have been brought up to see marriage/partnership as something we hope we'll have, and we hope will be forever, but not an achievement, as such.  A celebration of love and commitment, for sure, but we may already have committed to our partners in different ways (moving with them, supporting each other through illness/hard times, buying a house together, sharing good times and bad), so marriage/civil partnership is a symbol of our love.  Our achievements are different - but for SAHDs, it's the thing everything's been leading to, and the only time she gets to be the most important one.

The trouble with being a SAHD is it must be so hard to deal with this kind of disappointment - realising their parents were wrong about courtship etc, but not being able to express it... I guess it's good Jessica is vocalising it via the blog, but it's such a shame she doesn't seem to have friends to pour out her heart to (and as we've all said, paid or volunteer work to distract her) - and I really hope the impact on Brigid isn't too much.

[Palimpsest]

On 11/11/2016 at 1:27 AM, denimchastityskirt said:

I find it really fucked up how selfish and jealous Jessica is. Sorry but she is a horrible person, it's not all about her!

I'll agree that she came over as very selfish and self-absorbed in that post.  If you take out the God-speak she sounded a bit like a teenager who is utterly convinced that her life is over because the boy she had a crush on didn't ask her to the prom but her sister got a date instead.

I don't think she is necessarily a horrible person though.  Like a lot of these young women, she comes over as stunted emotionally and extremely immature for her age.  She's only 21 or 22 with very little life experience and has been raised to believe that marriage is her only goal.  She's also been raised to believe that if she does all the "right" things as a Godly maiden and Daughter of the King then her life will always be happy, happy, joy, joy.  

Levi's defection pulled the rug right from under her naive, inexperienced, and self-righteous little feet.  I cut her a break for that and hope she can put herself back together - and broaden her horizons a bit.

 

[FormerlyFundyLite]

I'm still seeing a lot of people lamenting the "fact" that Jessica doesn't have any outside interactions, or thinking that she spends all day cooped up inside dressing up and taking pretty photos, or that it would help a lot if she had a job or volunteered more outside the home or had more friends.

This is a friendly reminder to everybody that Jessica does have a job outside the home. She works for a friend's (a friend! who went to college!) flower farm (she wears tank tops! and shorts!) part time.

http://boyersisters.com/2015/07/my-work-on-a-flower-farm/

[Palimpsest]

42 minutes ago, FormerlyFundyLite said:

This is a friendly reminder to everybody that Jessica does have a job outside the home.

Yes, I do remember that.  Jessica had seasonal employment (Spring - Fall) for a whole 6 hours a week (Monday and Wednesday 8 - 11 am) for three years.  It is unclear whether she still has that job today.  So she worked with a Daddy-approved young woman gardening and picking flowers - and (gasp!) wore pants and shorts while doing so.  She was communing with flowers and nature, not exactly getting out and meeting people.  Nellie did all the marketing side of the business.

I still think she needs to get out more.  She needs to get a job or volunteer where she can meet people and move beyond just blogging and singing with her sisters.  She isn't against it in theory.  From the same post she says [my bolding]:

Quote

 

We are real, living breathing creatures made for work. Kingdom Work. Having an open mind for whatever occupation the Lord brings your way is a great help to guide you through the tough labor, and gives you a cheerful disposition. I think it is silly that our society thinks that we can live our lives autonomously (i.e. doing whatever makes us feel good). This is wholly unbiblical. We are to live lives that extend the gifts that the Lord has given to us to reach those who do not see the light. Those gifts may take us to offices, to homes to rear children, to construction sites, to the moon! And the gifts that we are given help guide us to the proper work the Lord has given us! This to me is wonderful, and I am so thankful for this clarity.It has not always been easy for me to understand what I was meant to do, because I am a “Jane of ALL trades”. I could do just anything I put my mind to, except science and math, so I have struggled to keep a good focus on just one thing. Someone said to me that it is ok to have the ability to adapt to many jobs; that the Lord made some people like that so that they can fill in the cracks and make everything cohesive. When I was told this, a balm of peace came over me. I knew who I was at last, and I knew that the Lord had given me freedom to be able to help others in many different areas. My main focus right now of course is the work I do with my sisters, singing and blogging, but if I have time to earn money elsewhere, I am free to take on the task.

 

 But only until she is married: 

Quote

This is how I view my work before the Lord right now. It probably is very different than most perspectives, but it is the right one for me. And when I am married, I will be able to enjoy the different talents and mindsets of my children, and Lord willing be able to teach them how to best use the gifts they will have to use to further Christ’s Kingdom.

http://boyersisters.com/2015/07/my-work-on-a-flower-farm/

[refugee]

She sounds thoroughly brainwashed. One of mine, bright, articulate, could have written that whole spiel five years ago. And been convinced in her own mind.

[Mommit]

Jessica got a haircut...7 pictures and 11 paragraphs up on the blog. The haircut + prayers have saved her and she's all better again! We'll see about that! 

I must admit, the cut does look good on her but I think it ages her. It works well with her hair texture and frames her face nicely. 

Also, this: P.S. Get ready everyone! Wedding photos are going up later on this week!!!

[Pianokeeper]

How do you misspell Elizabeth Taylor's name? Twice?! While linking to information about her??11eleventy!1

Sheesh.

[nickelodeon]

Gorl, if I could solve my problems by cutting my hair I would've snatched myself bald years ago. Her haircut is adorbs though.

[FormerlyFundyLite]

9 hours ago, Palimpsest said:

Yes, I do remember that. 

Valid points all. I understand the thinking that some more interaction with the outside world might be beneficial for her, I just got the impression from some of the lamenters (not necessarily you) that they truly think she does absolutely nothing but stay home, blog, sing, and play dress up. I think that the girls get out in the world (not necessarily unsupervised, mind you, what with the driving issue and all) more than they show on the blog.

I was just making a technical point not a judgement for or against the overall thinking.