Robert: whatever his problem is, it's your fault

[jerkit]

I kid you not. No matter what your husband's problem is, it's your fault because you are not trustworthy.

 

amanhiswifethebible.wordpress.com/2014/12/27/an-insight-on-men/

[polecat]

He's borrowed his life philosophy from a fictional book about a criminal? Hokay, Robbie, that's weird even for you.

Hey, Boobert, grow a set and start accepting personal responsibility for your porn problems and whatever other crap you pull. If a man is supposed to be a leader, he shouldn't be so easily pulled down by his subordinates and he certainly shouldn't blame them when he fails.

[Four is Enough]

I can not believe that these people exist in the world. I mean.. I know they live. I see their writings. But what planet did they come from? Who teaches them this stuff? Who thinks up this stuff?

[usmcmom]

I thought this part was especially insightful: :roll:

If you are a woman and you are reading this you might think you know how cold & hard the world is, and I’m telling you that you don’t have a clue…not in the first world. In the third world, yes. You are surrounded with protection from your birth. You don’t know how cruel the world is, not even close.

Really?!?

For some reason, it made me think of how surprised people are when I tell them about the horrible childhood I had - how some have actually said "But, you seem like you have the perfect life." They react the way I reacted when a dear friend told me the details of the night she was raped. Or the time another friend shared, at a church women's retreat, the horrific and violent abuse she suffered at the hands of her mother. Everybody has a story and many of those stories are quite painful. Many women DO know just how cold and hard the world is. His assertion is beyond asinine.

I have suddenly realized (and sorry if someone else has mentioned this) why people like Robert (and the Alexanders) refuse to believe that women are so often the victims of abuse - why they blame women for rape, etc. It's because to admit those things happen they would be expected to show the Christ-like trait of compassion and they clearly can't do that. For some reason, people like Robert are incapable of empathy and compassion. To deny pain on somebody else's part means they let themselves off the hook of actually ministering to others. They get to cop out.

This post also reads like he's reacting to a specific offense - like once again something has set him off. This line particularly:

Even if she has changed herself, it is not easily forgotten.

It makes me think he's somehow mad at his own wife an wants to throw it into her face how she "lived in rebellion" years ago.

[Jana814]

I can not believe that these people exist in the world. I mean.. I know they live. I see their writings. But what planet did they come from? Who teaches them this stuff? Who thinks up this stuff?

Agree!!

[Burris]

The most interesting thing about the Louis LaMour quote, in this context, is just how inappropriate it is. Robert follows the quote about emotional stoicism with advice that guarantees both he and his wife will have a miserable marriage.

In looking over YouTube interviews with long-time couples, including the ones below, one sees certain trends.

at the time of their interview

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZHSMFRUGmsw. (

)

There are many more like these, and both parties usually say of course they argued once in awhile, maybe over money and child-rearing; but compassion and time erased these differences, leaving people to counsel the generations that come ahead. Several common threads run through the majority of these interviews:

(1) Agreeability - on the parts of both people. If either person holds a grudge, such that they go to bed angry, then their marriage will be a bitter thing. Some couples openly admit to times where neither one would move on an issue so that nothing got done efficiently. Potentially awful circumstances beyond the control of either party - illness, natural disaster, etc. - but if they can remain in step with one another, their families can rebuild.

(2) They suggest married people not try to change their spouses, but rather they should recognize the basic humanity (and related frailty) in one another.

(3) While two spouses married so long really do become as one, each still has to take individual responsibility for his or her actions. How they handle difficult situation is dependent in part on how well they follow with points one and two.

On the other side of the coin is that which causes divorce - and Robert actually sketches a blueprint for how men can destroy their own marriages.

Blame can only accomplish so much. Once it turns into a lack of straight-forward communication and mutates into contempt, it would take a miracle not just to preserve the marriage but to make the effort worthwhile.

As for his other comments about women not knowing how cruel and hard Robert's world is...okay, yeah, whatever you say champ. I just wish you'd rest more: The amount of thinking that goes into your more substantive posts must put a lot of wear on the old ass.

[Howl]

In Robert's world view, the woman is protected in marriage and comes to her husband from a family environment where she was protected from the outside world by her father. So yes, I can see how, in this environment, the woman is trained to be clueless/naive about the outside world. Sadly, this leaves the guy out in the guy world, tilting at windmills on his own.

If this is the way things were supposed to be because God, it would work effortlessly. The fact that it doesn't just means that you are in an environment where gender roles are institutionalized using an ARTIFICIAL construct.

However people structure their marriage/relationships, we ALL want care and support from our partner. Yin and Yang play out endlessly in the world.

[Marshmallow World]

Cabinetman says in the comments:

But I can tell you that most modern men look at the modern woman and see porn as the lesser evil/lesser pain to deal with.

Yeesh. That's all about him I need to know.

[Maggie Mae]

If you are a woman and you are reading this you might think you know how cold & hard the world is, and I’m telling you that you don’t have a clue…not in the first world. In the third world, yes. You are surrounded with protection from your birth. You don’t know how cruel the world is, not even close.

I'd wager that Robert, despite his background in amatuer security at a homeless shelter, doesn't have a clue. It's almost like he thinks that everyone is middle class or homeless. Christian or Atheist.

[Grimalkin]

So the highly educated Robert gets his life's philosophy from mediocre outdated formula fiction western novels?

Fucking brilliant!

Believe it or not I sorta relate. As a kid I obsessively read Fantasy. I has some seriously kooky beliefs too. I did outgrow it though.

Do you think he fantisizes about himself wearing a long duster, cowboy hat, boots, spurrs- playing poker at an old timey saloon, with a whore playing lively music on the piano, and another whore on his lap laughing gayly at his quips?

It does not occur the the highly educated Robert on any level that anything a wife could of done to lose faith could at all possibly be a reaction to something he has done? And once it's gone is it gone for good? Would the manly man be willing to discuss or does the wife have to read his mind and guess all the time then get punished for guessing wrong.

[Rescinded and Mended]

I thought this part was especially insightful: :roll:

Really?!?

For some reason, it made me think of how surprised people are when I tell them about the horrible childhood I had - how some have actually said "But, you seem like you have the perfect life." They react the way I reacted when a dear friend told me the details of the night she was raped. Or the time another friend shared, at a church women's retreat, the horrific and violent abuse she suffered at the hands of her mother. Everybody has a story and many of those stories are quite painful. Many women DO know just how cold and hard the world is. His assertion is beyond asinine.

I have suddenly realized (and sorry if someone else has mentioned this) why people like Robert (and the Alexanders) refuse to believe that women are so often the victims of abuse - why they blame women for rape, etc. It's because to admit those things happen they would be expected to show the Christ-like trait of compassion and they clearly can't do that. For some reason, people like Robert are incapable of empathy and compassion. To deny pain on somebody else's part means they let themselves off the hook of actually ministering to others. They get to cop out.

This post also reads like he's reacting to a specific offense - like once again something has set him off. This line particularly:

It makes me think he's somehow mad at his own wife an wants to throw it into her face how she "lived in rebellion" years ago.

To the bolded:

Well, well, well, isn't this a surprise. To find out that I supposedly don't have a clue as to how hard and cruel the world can be. I wonder, Robert, if you have ever had the uniquely horrifying experience of having a child go through a serious illness? Of wondering, fearing, day in and day out, if your child is going to make it, and praying desperately that your child will overcome insurmountable odds and survive?

I have to tell you, Robert, I'm one of the 'chosen' ones. And it's a club you never want to join. Day after day, I get to live with the hard and sickening reality that fear has moved into my life full time. I will never know what the future holds for my own child, only that every day is a struggle because all I want, more than anything, is for him to be okay.

Don't talk to me about struggling and how I supposedly have it easier because I'm a woman. I had no one to advocate for me when I was raised by a mentally ill, abusive mother. I had a difficult childhood growing up, but I always swore I would be a better parent when I had children of my own. I've since made good on this promise, only to have my son nearly taken from me by cancer.

Both your sons are healthy. How would it affect YOU if either of them became seriously ill? No, the fact that you have healthy children is something you take for granted. If, heaven forbid, either one of them should ever become sick, would you honestly denigrate the worrying and suffering of your wife by telling her she doesn't "Know how hard and cruel" it is, all because she is female?

You don't truly understand anything about how hard and cruel life can be, Robert. No one is exempt from suffering, certainly not women. We're not all as sheltered as you claim we are.

You don't understand anything except how to project your own insecurities onto others.

[jerkit]

This is a super weird comment. How can you have a relationship with someone who doesn't talk to you? No really, that's a serious question.

Ann,

I know almost no men that openly express their feelings- including to their wives. If you have a husband & brothers that truly do this with their wives, then they are a rarity (my guess would be 20% or less of men do this in things that truly matter to them on a regular basis). God bless- Robert

[church_of_dog]

This is a super weird comment. How can you have a relationship with someone who doesn't talk to you? No really, that's a serious question.

I swear there are men who think it can be done. I still have trouble with my ex thinking that any kind of talking is the same as communicating. So he can tell me his plans for the new well pump, or something funny the dog did, and "see, I communicate!" :doh:

[Burris]

This is a super weird comment. How can you have a relationship with someone who doesn't talk to you? No really, that's a serious question.

The answer to your question is they can't. Robert's apparent inability to communicate on anything but a superficial level with any woman, regardless of whom, is probably the biggest reason why he knows so little about women.

If he were to admit that individual women are as different from one another as are individual men, then he'd have to also admit that he's the problem; that his beliefs and actions, and not the beliefs or actions of other people. are what lead to his isolation.

If he were teachable, he'd have a happier life and a better relationship.

[church_of_dog]

The answer to your question is they can't. Robert's apparent inability to communicate on anything but a superficial level with any woman, regardless of whom, is probably the biggest reason why he knows so little about women.

If he were to admit that individual women are as different from one another as are individual men, then he'd have to also admit that he's the problem; that his beliefs and actions, and not the beliefs or actions of other people. are what lead to his isolation.

If he were teachable, he'd have a happier life and a better relationship.

I agree too and I'm embarrassed that my silly anecdote gave the impression of endorsing what Robert said. I don't; it's ridiculous.

[littlemommy]

He's so aggressive in his replies to the comments. You really think women are dumb and spiteful, don't you, Boobert? Why so angry? Did Amanda burn your toast and not give you a backrub in apology? Was her duty sex too dutiful?

[lawfulevil]

Women have no idea how harsh the world is? No, I think we're pretty damn well acquainted.

Dear Boobert-

Get back to me when you're sexually assaulted by a "friend". Hell, the next time someone persistently sexually harasses you. My boss at one shitty job sexually harassed me constantly and with enthusiasm, and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. Sallie Mae is not terribly understanding about you quitting a job just because a man your dad's age won't quit running his hands over your bottom and moaning that you smell good. (I did not, I smelled like stale fried chicken just like everyone else who works deli, and I was a greasy sweaty tired mess with a hairnet and a stained apron.) But see, complaining would get me fired, and suing people takes money you don't have when you're 19 and your job pays minimum wage. So I had to put up with it.

Get back to me the next time you're in so much pain you vomit, Boobert. Because it happens to me almost every month at least once. I wouldn't call my pain tolerance amazing, but I've broken my fair share of bones (clavicle was definitely the worst) and sprained the living fuck out of my ankle, so I've got some basis for comparison. Rolling over (I'm a side sleeper normally) on my broken collarbone always made me wake up clutching myself and scream-swearing, but it never made me puke.

Remember those two kids you have? Remember how your major contribution to the first year (conception on) of their respective existences was an orgasm? It didn't go like that for Amanda. Speaking of kids, get back to me when absolutely everyone in your life puts enormous pressure on you to have children, when people call you "unnatural" and "selfish" and "a waste of a woman" and says you "don't understand what real love is"... but if you DO have children, the resulting massive blow to your finances and career was "your choice" and "there's no such thing as the wage gap" and "if you can't afford kids don't have them".

Get back to me when, like my sister-in-law, you make five times as much money as your husband, work twice as many hours (60+), and still perform the vast majority of the housework and child-care.

Men and women may experience DIFFERENT challenges in some ways, Boobert, but that doesn't make women's challenges less real. And women's work is STILL WORK. I love how Boobert's kind of men always act like the house miraculously cleans itself and the dishes in the kitchen cook the food and the kids clean up their OWN barf... up 'til they have to do any of it. When it becomes, like, the hardest thing EVER you guys. Heroic Boobert, doing a WHOLE sink of DISHES.

Christ, it reminds me of my friend's teenager whining that I have no idea how hard it is like I hatched from an egg aged 25 with a credit card clutched in my still-damp hands.

[cindyluvs24]

his mother must have been some piece of work

[browncoatslytherin]

This is a super weird comment. How can you have a relationship with someone who doesn't talk to you? No really, that's a serious question.

looks like somebody's doing well in ken alexander's school of statistical analysis :P

[polecat]

his mother must have been some piece of work

Why on earth would it be his mom's fault he's an asshole? I would think it far more likely that Boobert had a mother who was fairly meek and mild and a father who was loud, overbearing and boorish.

[Grimalkin]

I love how not only is he an expert on women, but on men too. All men. He can't comprehend people of both genders have individual personalities.

[Grimalkin]

Why on earth would it be his mom's fault he's an asshole? I would think it far more likely that Boobert had a mother who was fairly meek and mild and a father who was loud, overbearing and boorish.

Maybe his Mom was like Lori Alexander submissive yet.....

Though not Christians my MIL never worked after having a child. Never drove a car, or balanced a checkbook. She only had one child who left home at 15. Her entire life is about cleaning her house and talking about how exhausted she is all the time.

There is a reason he left home at 15. My submissive MIL took all her pent up rage and anger out on her son. My FIL is a shit and she is one crazy sick twisted manipulative POS.

The shit trickles down.

[jerkit]

More weirdness.

Ann,

I think we will have to agree to disagree on the majority (anything above 51%) of christian wives being refusers or gatekeepers- but the evidence backs it up completely. You yourself admit how screwed up the teaching is, you just don’t want to face the reality of the fruit that teaching bring forths.

I’ll go so far as to say this. Our leading christian lady sex teacher tells women twice a week. If you do the math 52×2=104, but then you have to back out the week off she tells women is their right to have off during their cycle, so you have to back out 13 weeks per year, or 26 “timesâ€. Now you are left with 78. This is what is considered our brightest and best, most sold out, sex positive, teaching women that sex is awesome christian teacher is teaching ladies. Now consider the average for any married couple in America, saved or not, is somewhere between 100-130 for her target audience (depending on the study).

I will let you look up the numbers on refusers & google what percentage of married women would be fine to never have sex again. Try not to fall over. But think about the stat I gave you. When the teacher that is the women christian sex teacher that is considered the expert and most sex positive christian woman out there is recommend 30+ times per year less than what the unsaved married world is doing…and don’t forget all the teaching done on being able to say no as often as you want. I’ll stick to my story and the stories I hear from men.

As you know Ann, I type with gusto and don’t mind a spirited debate. Sometimes it is not easy to tell from my writing, but we can agree to disagree and there are no hard feelings. We’ve always loved having you around and enjoy your input…so keep it coming. You are amongst friends even if we don’t see eye to eye on this. God bless- Robert

No matter what anyone says, Lorken and Boobert seem to always come at it from a negative point of view. He's claiming here that this teacher says "you only have to have sex twice per week." Why so negative? Why not come at it from a place where normal, Christian women WANT to have sex. At least twice a week. Women like sex Boobert! It's okay.

[lawfulevil]

I think it's important to replace every time Boobert says 'sex' with 'an orgasm for me, Boobert'. Because that's what he means. If it weren't, he wouldn't be acting scandalized that some women don't feel like having sex when they're menstruating (it makes some women horny and lots of women don't care). Boobert's sex has nothing to do with mutual pleasure or bonding or affection. He's just using Amanda's body to jerk off. Which is why he's acting like a whiny kid whose parents told him he can only play Mario Kart after he finishes his homework.

[jerkit]

When you put it that way, it makes total sense. I'm thinking about the only sex I've ever known which is "an egalitarian pleasure party." If I were a human sex toy that my husband masturbated into, i would probably be a refuser too.