Another one bites the dust- Daniel Lockwood MERGE

[Jecca]

Jaynee has posted again. My take on it: a long-winded ramble from a desperate woman. The final comment (and title of the post) particularly disturbing IMNSHO, 'Forever. For always. No matter what.'

I really have concerns for her current mental state.

[WonderingInWA]

I think she's just trying to save face for her husband's sake, which is sick and wrong. She's standing by her man, but really, he's a dick and cheated on her (at least that's what I think) and got them uprooted from their home and mission. She's selling all her worldly goods and has no idea where they will end up. That's pretty scary. But, you know, she's got Jesus. Who got her into this mess to begin with.

[formergothardite]

She sounds really depressed and that she is writing what she knows what a "good Christian wife" is supposed to write when something like this happens but I'm not sure she is really feeling it.

[debrand]

Some of her post is written in a way that fundies interpret as humble but it still sounds as if she is too underconfident to realize that she does not have to accept bad treatment.

The comments, emails, phone calls....when I think of them, my heart melts with the love and care God shows through His people. I don't deserve His goodness, and I know much of my life (and maybe to some extent still struggle) I feel like I must do more to be loved.

Friends and family call her but instead of being touched by their faithfulness, she is saddened that she doesn't deserve god's love.

10 years ago, we had a yard sale and sold most everything we had. I remember Timothy and Elijah had a lemonade and cookie stand at the sale. I remember they sold their toys.

This alone would justify any anger she felt for Daniel. Her little kids sold their toys because of their father's dream!

The posters who are telling her that her words are beautiful need to be shaken hard.Her words aren't beautiful or inspiring; they are heartbreaking. If god was real how much more would he have to do to convince her to not blindly follow Daniel?

Is Karen one of you? She is the only one saying anything helpful to Janynee.

[Burpies]

Some of her post is written in a way that fundies interpret as humble but it still sounds as if she is too underconfident to realize that she does not have to accept bad treatment.

Friends and family call her but instead of being touched by their faithfulness, she is saddened that she doesn't deserve god's love.

This alone would justify any anger she felt for Daniel. Her little kids sold their toys because of their father's dream!

The posters who are telling her that her words are beautiful need to be shaken hard.Her words aren't beautiful or inspiring; they are heartbreaking. If god was real how much more would he have to do to convince her to not blindly follow Daniel?

Is Karen one of you? She is the only one saying anything helpful to Janynee.

That's fucked up. I don't care how 'big' or 'Godly' my dream was, I'd have to be in some serious fucking dire straits before I let my kids sell their toys to fund something!

[Howl]

I'm guessing infidelity. She sounds utterly destroyed and is barely treading water. Having experienced this personally, it is like a bomb going off in your life -- shock, grief, loss, betrayal, sleeplessness, endless tears - it sounds so familiar. I appreciate that her faith is tiding her over; I don't appreciate where her faith is taking her once the initial shock is over. I cannot even imagine how this works with a bazillion kids, quite a few of whom are old enough to understand what has happened. Although she is indicating always and forever, what if he leaves HER?

[jenwales]

This one depresses me so much. I check in the Lockwoods every few months and was shocked today. What are they going to do? They have been my favorite fundie family.

Has anyone heard any details?

[tkr322]

I really wish we knew for sure what he did. I hate how she beats around the bush. Also I hate that she makes him out to still be this godly husband when he's anything but.

Honestly she sounds like an abused spouse. Granted it might not be physical but just emotional/verbal but man, she has absolutely NO self esteem or self worth. Those poor children who are watching all of this and think this is what a healthy, godly relationship looks like. I just hope when they're back in the states that someone shakes her into reality and gets her out of that hell hole with that crazy man.

[fundiefan]

As is typical, she is hiding behind her god instead of facing or accepting anything.

Her god is an excuse to hide from responsibility and action. She isn't responsible for her husband, but she is responsible for herself and her children. She is walking from that responsibility to hide behind her god. He'll make it all right - even though he didn't do such a bang up on job in the first place.

Reading today's post made me sad, yes, but it went further to piss me off and remind me how insane the whole 'god's plan/will/what the fuck ever' thing really is. Her god and her religion are making her a pretty pathetic human being and I can't imagine any god choosing that existence for any of his creations. Especially one he supposedly loves.

Whatever he did, he needs to own and she in turn needs to own herself; her life; her choices; her children's future.

[fundiefan]

I feel sick. She is so conditioned in her response. A perfect little robot for god. I read this post from 2009 and wanted to vomit. She has gone to great extremes to become the self loathing doormat she now is.

I honestly always wonder what happened that made these women jump down the rabbit hole with a shovel? It can't be instinctive. She has to sincerely hate herself for some reason.

lockwoodfamilytomexico.com/2009/07/14-years.html

[Georgiana]

As is typical, she is hiding behind her god instead of facing or accepting anything.

Her god is an excuse to hide from responsibility and action. She isn't responsible for her husband, but she is responsible for herself and her children. She is walking from that responsibility to hide behind her god. He'll make it all right - even though he didn't do such a bang up on job in the first place.

Reading today's post made me sad, yes, but it went further to piss me off and remind me how insane the whole 'god's plan/will/what the fuck ever' thing really is. Her god and her religion are making her a pretty pathetic human being and I can't imagine any god choosing that existence for any of his creations. Especially one he supposedly loves.

Whatever he did, he needs to own and she in turn needs to own herself; her life; her choices; her children's future.

Exactly this. Her children need her, and they need a healthy home environment. She's making this about her, and honestly, it isn't. Whatever he did is affecting the WHOLE FAMILY, and she needs to stop thinking so much about her and Daniel and more about what is truly in the best interests of everyone involved. Including the 12 kids.

Your marriage and your relationship with your spouse is important. But it isn't more important than feeding your family. It isn't more important than them having a safe and functional home. Once you have assured a healthy environment for your family, THEN you can focus on your marriage.

I know this is tough, but she has TWELVE CHILDREN who need her to be a strong adult right now. Not someone who just waits for God/Her Husband to save her.

[debrand]

KarenMay 2, 2014, 4:23:00 AM

Jaynee, I've been a long-time reader of your blog and am so sorry you are going through a hard time. But I hope you recognize that even just exploring your feelings and being able to blog about them are the first very important steps toward healing. As with any crisis, you are going to have to take it one moment at a time, allow yourself to be angry (it's okay!), allow yourself to sleep when you need to (also okay), and listen to the people who want to help you, whether you agree with their points of view or not. Listen to your heart, not to what you think your heart is supposed to be saying to you. Big difference. Hugs to you.

Reply

Replies

Daniel and Jaynee Lockwood and FamilyMay 2, 2014, 8:57:00 AM

Proverbs 3:5-6- May I trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not unto mine own understanding. In all my ways I want to acknowledge Him and He shall direct my path.

What does the Lockwood response to Karen even mean?

[Prevention]

What does the Lockwood response to Karen even mean?

What does the Lockwood response to Karen even mean?

Karen's post was kind--compassionately said what needed to be said, but in such a way that Jaynee does not blow her off...all responses go thru moderation so Jaynee had to reply to that if she would allow it to go thru and be posted. The Lockwood response is that Jaynee cannot trust her own heart (she will probably quote a Jeremiah passage next about how deceitful and wicked the heart is...). Jaynee has to reley on what her "god" Daniel has told her to be and feel. She will not listen to her own heart and mind about the matter, but constantly deny herself for the sake of "God's will", but guess what? God never intended for wives to be doormats or abused like Jaynee has been. Daniel will answer to God for what he has done to Jaynee and those kids. Jaynee is so far gone--this post was sad and sick all at the same time. Jaynee can read all these posts and say "oh, those poor ppl just do not understand the way of the Lord...their natural minds cannot understand His ways..." Umm--I am a Christian and I have known Jaynee since we were kids and I know that she has been seriously messed up in the head for at least 15 years now. I think she tried to fight off his ways in the beginning, but he wore her down and isolating her to Mexico is probably what finally did it. I asked her sister once how they were doing and she said she had not talked to her sister in years! Seriously, if Daniel is soooo godly why can't Jaynee call her family and speak to them? Oh, probably because they would poison her mind (ie talk some good Christian sense into her). Jaynee is not wrong per Christianity to stay with him if he cheated on her, but she is wrong to blindly follow a man who clearly does NOT follow God AND she is wrong NOT to protect her children...not very Proverbs 31 of her. IMHO

[Palimpsest]

Karen's post was kind--compassionately said what needed to be said, but in such a way that Jaynee does not blow her off...all responses go thru moderation so Jaynee had to reply to that if she would allow it to go thru and be posted. The Lockwood response is that Jaynee cannot trust her own heart (she will probably quote a Jeremiah passage next about how deceitful and wicked the heart is...). Jaynee has to reley on what her "god" Daniel has told her to be and feel. She will not listen to her own heart and mind about the matter, but constantly deny herself for the sake of "God's will", but guess what? God never intended for wives to be doormats or abused like Jaynee has been. Daniel will answer to God for what he has done to Jaynee and those kids. Jaynee is so far gone--this post was sad and sick all at the same time. Jaynee can read all these posts and say "oh, those poor ppl just do not understand the way of the Lord...their natural minds cannot understand His ways..." Umm--I am a Christian and I have known Jaynee since we were kids and I know that she has been seriously messed up in the head for at least 15 years now. I think she tried to fight off his ways in the beginning, but he wore her down and isolating her to Mexico is probably what finally did it. I asked her sister once how they were doing and she said she had not talked to her sister in years! Seriously, if Daniel is soooo godly why can't Jaynee call her family and speak to them? Oh, probably because they would poison her mind (ie talk some good Christian sense into her). Jaynee is not wrong per Christianity to stay with him if he cheated on her, but she is wrong to blindly follow a man who clearly does NOT follow God AND she is wrong NOT to protect her children...not very Proverbs 31 of her. IMHO

Thanks for your input and explanation, Prevention.

I think you are probably right about Jaynee, and if Daniel has messed with her head that much and cut her off from her family, then he is indeed abusive. That is so incredibly sad.

[Prevention]

My Mother sent me an email from Daniel: Here is a summary of the email. I guess I am not supposed to just copy/paste the email. idk i'm new here. :geek:

dear peoples,

Jaynee and I want to sincerely thank you the encouragement and prayer at this time in our lives. Our mission agency, Central Missionary Clearinghouse (CMC), has graciously offered to keep handling our finances for six more months while we move back to the USA.

Sunday another pastor named Brother Benito with his wife Monica will be coming to take over the church.; they are friends we have known for 22 years.

we are trying to sell our house here in Mexico to help us get started in the states again. We have sold most everything and plan on selling the house furniture before moving. Jaynee and I will be going to the states to find a house to rent and furnish before bringing up the kids.

Pray for the kids as they leave their childhood home that God will grant grace to them as they leave Mexico and start new lives in a new place.

We believe that God will be glorified through all.

Summarized by me-Prevention!

-------------------------------

Interesting.....CMC's move is interesting...."leaving the children" in Mexico...again, interesting. For those wondering how the church would be left. at least they have a new pastor now.

Edited for rules, I think.

[fundiefan]

I shouldn't have read any of their old blog posts. I went back looking for the lost/found money story and reading it the first time, I was bothered by it but moved along, not wanting to dedicate any time or energy to them and their 'miracle'. Reading it now - it was such a perfect reprsentation of how these people live - how Jaynee is told to live. She is a passive, stangnat part of her own life. She is not a participant at all. She does what she is told and condtioned to do, nothing more. She berates the hell out of herself if she isn't/doesn't do/act what Daniel (I am assuming) says.

Back to the money story. These people did not go out looking for someone who lost money. They did not post signs, tell their church members, tell anyone in the community. Nothing. They prayed that if someone had lost it, their god would send that person to them. When their god sent no one, they decided the money was theirs.

Who does that? I found a $50 in the parking lot at Target when I was a kid - so, it was worth even more at that time than it is now, and it's still a tidy sum of money. No one had to tell me to turn it in or find the owner. I took it to the service counter. I didn't pray for god to bring the owner of that money to me; I didn't stand in the parking lot doing nothing, deciding that if it wasn't meant for me the owner would come forward.

This bothers me so fucking much. They prayed to their fucking god for him to send the money's owner to them and did not a single thing to find who it belonged to or if someone else lost it. Which, among other things, tells me they didn't give a shit if someone had lost it. It could have been someone's rent, food, medical money - but no, they decided it was for their damn turkey dinner and blamed it on their god.

No wonder Jaynee can't handle this reality, whatever it is. All use of her own mind has been removed. The fact that she pees in the morning is thanks to her god.

I should really stop reading about these people because as more time passes, the more angry I actually become.

[Firiel]

Not sure you can post the entirety of the e-mail because it is semi-private (sent only to supporters). You may want to edit it and replace a text with the summary of the e-mail. :)

Feel free to correct me, long-time members!

[Prevention]

Not sure you can post the entirety of the e-mail because it is semi-private (sent only to supporters). You may want to edit it and replace a text with the summary of the e-mail. :)

Feel free to correct me, long-time members!

It is not sent only to supporters. My Mother has never sent them money. It is sent to whoever has asked them to be added to their email list. I will correct the post if necessary--just lmk

[Firiel]

It is not sent only to supporters. My Mother has never sent them money. It is sent to whoever has asked them to be added to their email list. I will correct the post if necessary--just lmk

Oh, then I'm pretty sure it's okay! Thanks for posting it!

[Prevention]

Oh, then I'm pretty sure it's okay! Thanks for posting it!

Went ahead and summarized it so it is not an exact quote just in case! thx for letting me know. :)

[WonderingInWA]

I thought Jaynee's response to Karen was rude. Nothing but scripture. It seemed like an eff-you, if you ask me. I don't need your worldly advice -- I've got Jesus and this is my evasive response!

[Palimpsest]

It is not sent only to supporters. My Mother has never sent them money. It is sent to whoever has asked them to be added to their email list. I will correct the post if necessary--just lmk

It's usually good to err on the side of caution with "private" emails. AFAIK, this is thought to be a matter of politeness and good taste but is not actually against the TOU at FJ -- or if it is, I can't find it! Mods?

(ETA, you modified already, but it is still a question that a mod could answer.)

It seems that they are moving to get Daniel out of Mexico very fast, aren't they? Good for the church that another pastor can step in so fast -- and at least he is a "national."

What does it mean that CMC is continuing to handle their finances for 6 months -- that what Daniel did was not "that" bad or that CMC has compassion for Jaynee and the kids and doesn't want to penalize them for Daniel's crime sins?

IDK, about leaving the kids in Mexico while they find and furnish a house in the USA. That might be a better plan than dragging them away from the only home the younger kids have ever known to live in a popup camper for months. Poor kids.

[WonderingInWA]

They are lucky they get 6 months financial support (I guess that means 3 months in Mexico and then 3 months back in the US?).

I have an issue leaving the kids in Mexico during their re-settlement, but at the same time, if Jaynee really plans to stay with Daniel (and it appears she does), it might give them time to rebuild their relationship and lay down some solid plans for when the kids come to the States. I'm glad for her and the kids that some things are falling into place. I have mixed feelings about her. Where she's rammed her beliefs down the throats of others, she's also had the same rammed down her own. And she believes she is worthless to some extent.

Edited for clarity.

[Palimpsest]

They are lucky they get 6 months financial support (I guess that means 3 months in Mexico and then 3 months back in the US?).

I have an issue leaving the kids in Mexico during their re-settlement, but at the same time, if Jaynee really plans to stay with Daniel (and it appears she does), it might give them time to rebuild their relationship and lay down some solid plans for when the kids come to the States. I'm glad for her and the kids that some things are falling into place. I have mixed feelings about her. Where she's rammed her beliefs down the throats of others, she's also had the same rammed down her own. And she believes she is worthless to some extent.

Edited for clarity.

I read the bolded as CMC still being willing to handle money donated in the past for their support, and new monies donated for the transition rather than actually financing them for 6 months. CMC sounds like a clearing house not a "missionary board." They could have cut off transferring $$ cold turkey if Daniel has really been booted abruptly from missionary status ... but I don't know. Anyone?

Sadly, I don't think there is much chance of Jaynee leaving Daniel. Yet. Perhaps someday, if she ever gets enough support and concludes that he is really bad news.

She comes over as an abused woman and an exploited wreck to me. Sad.

[Letgo]

What does it mean that CMC is continuing to handle their finances for 6 months -- that what Daniel did was not "that" bad or that CMC has compassion for Jaynee and the kids and doesn't want to penalize them for Daniel's crime sins?

I think that is exactly why they are continuing to pay him. Jaynee and the 12 children did nothing wrong and they would suffer (even more than they already do) if all funds were suddenly cut off immediately. Giving 6 months will allow them time to move back to the US and job hunt. I hope Daniel finds something quickly.

Poor Jaynee. That last post is so sad. She is so in need and seems to feel worthless-she says she still struggles with needing to do more to be loved. I think I know where that came from! Daniel has totally gotten to her. I bet part of her anguish over this is how HE is slowly spinning this to be at least partially her fault, in one way or another. The end of the post certainly indicates to me that he cheated. And she will stay. No matter what Daniel does, Jaynee will stay. I knew she would. Those poor kids. What is this doing to them? Living with Daniel as a father cannot be healthy emotionally.

Prevention, thank you so much for coming here and explaining. I found Jaynee's blog years ago and her posts about how wise Daniel was, how he set her straight on whatever issue, and how he was right in whatever, struck me immediately as manipulative and abusive. She sounded brainwashed. As if she was this little idiot who was graced with the gift of Daniel's presence and vision. I wish she'd break free of him.