Lori Alexander: An FJ wannabe

[jerkit]

Usually Lori enrages or entertains me, but today I just felt bad for her and her loveless marriage.

But then I got to the part about her saying marriage shouldn't be hard work if you're following God's Plan and I was back to being enraged.

[formergothardite]

Lori Alexander:

You know Ken is doing this :angry-banghead: because you are daring to defy him and quote Lori. :lol:

Lori's love sounds miserable. I get going through bad times where you have to make an effort to find if you really still love each other and if you are compatible, but at some point if you find you can't bear to be around each other and nothing is helping, you need to realize that the marriage can't be saved and you don't actually love each other. Just from reading the blog and reading the super secret comment section that we aren't supposed to pay attention to, it does not sound like Lori and Ken actually love each other. It sounds like they endure each others company because they feel like they are obligated to do so. Plus no way is Lori going to go out and support herself. Ken is her ticket to a privileged lifestyle and if she has to grudgingly submit to him to keep it that way she will. But I never get love when I read them write about each other and their marriage.

[Nettie]

It makes me mad. She starts off her "advice" saying that every couple is different but then carries on to give the same old advice. Always the woman's fault - it could all have been so happy if only she had been submissive from the start. As ever she thinks that every single problem in every single marriage can be solved by the woman being submissive.

[OkToBeTakei]

Love has do to with 10 minutes, lubrication, and serving others! Haven't you learned anything from Teacher Lori???

Sorry :(

I made the mistake of engaging my brain when I read her today :lol:

[salex]

Love has do to with 10 minutes, lubrication, and serving others! Haven't you learned anything from Teacher Lori???

I thought that was "duty". From what I can tell, Lorri loves nothing and no one, including herself--and certainly not ken.

[2xx1xy1JD]

Well, someone's been busy hitting the delete button on her comments.

Apparently, respectful comments that don't go against scripture are still out if they violate the command of Thou Shalt Not Contradict Lori.

[Koala]

Well, someone's been busy hitting the delete button on her comments.

Apparently, respectful comments that don't go against scripture are still out if they violate the command of Thou Shalt Not Contradict Lori.

I just noticed that several of the comments from yesterday's post have been deleted. It's down to 8 now...I think there were like 14. Nothing rude at all... :evil-eye:

[polecat]

Love has nothing whatsoever to with feelings.

Say wha?

The very idea that I might understand anything that comes from that hateful shrew's fingers does not please me, but I think I know what she's trying to get at here.

While I do believe that love is a feeling, I also believe that it's an action. I don't always feel loving towards my husband, but I do make an effort to always behave with loving actions. When we stop acting loving towards our partners (i.e., taking them for granted, showing them no respect, etc.), the loving feelings are also eventually going to end on one or both sides.

Still, it's quite telling that she states emphatically that love has nothing to do with feelings. I suppose she tries to act loving towards Ken but is quite aware that she does not feel love towards him. I can't imagine being stuck in such a joyless marriage of duty.

[Hane]

Love has nothing whatsoever to with feelings.

Say wha?

This has become kind of a Christian[tm][/tm] meme: that love is a VERB and not a NOUN.

This-here English Major says BOTH.

[2xx1xy1JD]

The very idea that I might understand anything that comes from that hateful shrew's fingers does not please me, but I think I know what she's trying to get at here.

While I do believe that love is a feeling, I also believe that it's an action. I don't always feel loving towards my husband, but I do make an effort to always behave with loving actions. When we stop acting loving towards our partners (i.e., taking them for granted, showing them no respect, etc.), the loving feelings are also eventually going to end on one or both sides.

Still, it's quite telling that she states emphatically that love has nothing to do with feelings. I suppose she tries to act loving towards Ken but is quite aware that she does not feel love towards him. I can't imagine being stuck in such a joyless marriage of duty.

I do understand that. I get that love is more than a rush of hormones and feeling of being "in love" (although Lori made sure to post a couple of days ago about mothers and babies and bonding via oxytocin), and that it requires work.

At the same time, there's supposed to be a certain amount of basic attraction and feeling that you like the other person and want to be with them. If you are feeling nothing, and are hoping that someone talks you out of the marriage, that's not good.

[Curious]

From the comments:

Lori Alexander:

***Disclaimer*** The comments of Lori's blog are kind of like a super secret journal. It's wrong to read them unless you agree with her, and she doesn't mean what she says. If you quote them directly, you may or may not be guilty of using Google tactics.

I don't think we have enough smilies to express what I am feeling reading this quote. Pretty much everything ever written since Grog picked up a stick and scratched on a cave wall to the present day flys in the face of the bold.

What a sad life and marriage the Alexanders must have.

[Curious]

You know Ken is doing this :angry-banghead: because you are daring to defy him and quote Lori. :lol:

Lori's love sounds miserable. I get going through bad times where you have to make an effort to find if you really still love each other and if you are compatible, but at some point if you find you can't bear to be around each other and nothing is helping, you need to realize that the marriage can't be saved and you don't actually love each other. Just from reading the blog and reading the super secret comment section that we aren't supposed to pay attention to, it does not sound like Lori and Ken actually love each other. It sounds like they endure each others company because they feel like they are obligated to do so. Plus no way is Lori going to go out and support herself. Ken is her ticket to a privileged lifestyle and if she has to grudgingly submit to him to keep it that way she will. But I never get love when I read them write about each other and their marriage.

It doesn't sound like they even LIKE each other very much (although the picture Lori, herself, paints doesn't exactly make her seem very likable).

[HoneyBunny]

These Christians sure seem to have hateful marriages, don't they? Can you even imagine walking down the aisle for your wedding and thinking you ought not be doing this? I had the hugest smile on my face; I was marrying my best friend and best lover (ever) and knew it, 'cause I had dated a lot of frogs and had my share of bad sex, too. We've had a lot of bad times in 30 years, together and against the world. I can't imagine making it through if we hadn't been besties. And I've said for years that Ken and Lori obviously HATE each other and themselves, and I don't blame them. I couldn't live with either of them either.

[usmcmom]

I think Ken should be a decent headship and make Lori delete that post and then make a public apology to the Warrens. She's despicable to attack their marriage when she knows nothing about them. Her blog oozes contempt for anyone that has a happy life and she so wants everybody to be as miserable as she is. The best she can say about her husband is that she's learned to accept him.

That whole submission thing sounds very appealing, huh? :cray-cray: :cray-cray: :cray-cray:

[usmcmom]

Some of her commenters are bringing up different types of love - eros, agape.... but nothing about phileo, yet. I think Lori is going to be very confused. Don't "educated" comments bother her?

I feel a couple of deletes coming on.

[Koala]

Some of her commenters are bringing up different types of love - eros, agape.... but nothing about phileo, yet. I think Lori is going to be very confused. Don't "educated" comments bother her?

I feel a couple of deletes coming on.

Lori Alexander:

Lori Alexander

I made it very clear that I am not "pro-abuse" and frankly, you write a bit too intellectually for me. This is why I usually have Ken respond. My posts and thoughts are fairly simple. I am not a highly academic person. I would like to think I am a wise woman and that is all that matters to me. All your interpretations of words confuse me. I do read your responses but I don't always understand the point you are trying to make.

She's not highly academic...she was just a teacher :? :evil-eye: :o

[polecat]

Lori Alexander:

She's not highly academic...she was just a teacher :? :evil-eye: :o

Well, if you've got to TELL people you're a wise woman, Lori ... :shifty-kitty:

[usmcmom]

Well, if you've got to TELL people you're a wise woman, Lori ... :shifty-kitty:

I guess just saying it makes it true. I often get mistaken for Heidi Klum and have won two Pulitzer prizes. :cracking-up: :cracking-up: :cracking-up:

[Rebelwife]

I guess just saying it makes it true. I often get mistaken for Heidi Klum and have won two Pulitzer prizes. :cracking-up: :cracking-up: :cracking-up:

I thought you looked familiar!

[FloraKitty35]

Lori Alexander:

She's not highly academic...she was just a teacher :? :evil-eye: :o

Then she was a piss poor excuse of a teacher.

[Arete]

Some of her commenters are bringing up different types of love - eros, agape.... but nothing about phileo, yet. I think Lori is going to be very confused. Don't "educated" comments bother her?

I feel a couple of deletes coming on.

There is no eros, agape, or philia in Lori's marriage. Explaining the types of love is really casting pearls before swine when referencing the Alexanders. Sad.

[Coconut Flan]

It looks like Lori is probably in a fire evacuation zone tonight. The county has several wildfires going and conditions aren't going to improve much until Friday.

[jerkit]

She said in the comments yesterday that she's never been in love. How awful.

[Koala]

As predicted, Ken chimed in when readers started discussing the different types of love. Lori did, however, come back with this reply:

I am not an emotional type woman. I never have been. I wrote about it in a post recently. There are many people out there who are not the touchy and feely type. We don't make decisions based upon our emotions or our feelings usually. I have also written before that Ken and I argued a lot before married, we got engaged, and it went downhill from there but we got married anyways. I believe I truly "fell in love" {whatever that really means} with Ken after we were married and I had the security of marriage. {It still was not the tingly, seeing stars type of love...never felt that with anyone. It just isn't my personality.} I married Ken because he had all the qualities I wanted in a spouse. Yes, I was very attracted to him so with all of this, I made the decision that he was the man I wanted to marry. Let me ask you a question, Jilly. What is being "in love" mean to you? I love God very much but it has nothing whatsoever to do with feelings but a decision I made long ago to live my life for Him.

Raise your hand if you think Mentor Lori married for $$$$/earning potential. And when Ken didn't fall in line and keep her home like she wanted, she disabled her birth control and tricked him into a second baby.

I do have a funny story to end this with. Ken told me I could stay home after I had my second baby. I was a full-time school teacher. I wanted to stay home with Alyssa so badly that I put a hole in my diaphragm and we conceived Ryan! I was so happy because I got to stay home and raise my babies.

And contrary to her assertion that she was attracted to Ken, she has said otherwise in the past:

I wasn't attracted to Ken when I first met him.

[Curious]

She said in the comments yesterday that she's never been in love. How awful.

Well, that much is pretty obvious from her writing, I think. What a lovely thing for her children to have in writing though. Why anyone would take advice from her is really beyond me. You could get better marriage advice from a wolf.