Lori Alexander: An FJ wannabe

[Curious]

As predicted, Ken chimed in when readers started discussing the different types of love. Lori did, however, come back with this reply:

Raise your hand if you think Mentor Lori married for $$$$/earning potential. And when Ken didn't fall in line and keep her home like she wanted, she disabled her birth control and tricked him into a second baby.

And contrary to her assertion that she was attracted to Ken, she has said otherwise in the past:

Lori has plenty of emotions and they are clear in her writing. That she thinks she is unemotional is telling. I am not a "touchy feely" type of person. I posted about this during the transition. That doesn't mean I do not have emotions or feelings. I am well aware of how some of my posts come across and as such I make an effort to be CLEAR in my writing and if something comes across in a way I don't mean it, then I clarify or apologize or whatever is appropriate in the situation. That I am not "touchy feely" certainly doesn't mean that I have never been in love :roll: Those 2 things are not mutually exclusive, ffs.

I have been in 3 long term relationships in my life (I realize this would horrify Ken and Lori), but in 2 of them there was a lot of arguing. The one I'm in now, which is going on 17 years together we hardly argue at all. I can probably count on one hand the number of times we have actually had what I would call "a fight" (not physical). The difference isn't because I'm submissive in this relationship ;)

[jerkit]

Well, that much is pretty obvious from her writing, I think. What a lovely thing for her children to have in writing though. Why anyone would take advice from her is really beyond me. You could get better marriage advice from a wolf.

Seeing it spelled out like that is so much worse than just assuming.

[polecat]

Seeing it spelled out like that is so much worse than just assuming.

It really is sad.

Lori said:

I am not an emotional type woman. I never have been. I wrote about it in a post recently. There are many people out there who are not the touchy and feely type. We don't make decisions based upon our emotions or our feelings usually. I have also written before that Ken and I argued a lot before married, we got engaged, and it went downhill from there but we got married anyways. I believe I truly "fell in love" {whatever that really means} with Ken after we were married and I had the security of marriage. {It still was not the tingly, seeing stars type of love...never felt that with anyone. It just isn't my personality.} I married Ken because he had all the qualities I wanted in a spouse. Yes, I was very attracted to him so with all of this, I made the decision that he was the man I wanted to marry. Let me ask you a question, Jilly. What is being "in love" mean to you? I love God very much but it has nothing whatsoever to do with feelings but a decision I made long ago to live my life for Him.

I am not a touchy-feely person, and before my husband, I could honestly say that I never really loved anyone before. I didn't come from that kind of family background. But after my husband? It was night and day. I didn't fall in love with him at first sight but rather our relationship grew and blossomed until I realized that I loved him. Deeply, passionately, vulnerably. He'd claimed to have loved me at first sight, so once I had that realization, we got married almost right away. The feelings of passion wax and wane sometimes, but I can honestly say the love itself has grown and deepened every year since we've been married.

And I can also honestly say that I'm pretty touchy-feely when it comes to him now, too. ;)

I cannot imagine marrying anyone for whom I had no feelings. It seems like she just put her mind to being and staying married and stuck to it, but she does not sound like she gets much joy out of it. And to me, as a Christian, I believe that a ***Christian marriage should reflect joy -- not stubbornness. Of course, this comment: "I love God very much but it has nothing whatsoever to do with feelings but a decision I made long ago to live my life for Him," sounds like she doesn't get much joy out of her faith, either

***ETA: specifying "Christian" because Lori uses her Christianity to hold herself up as an authority on marriage in general and specifically Christian marriage

[usmcmom]

Now I'm getting all riled up again over a completely different post of hers.

Remember how she condoned beating a child who would not say hello to somebody? Somehow it is okay to whip the shyness out of a small child, but for her to be "unemotional" and "black and white" is just the way God made her. I'd like to smack the unemotional smugness off her face.

Lori, how would you have felt if your parents had determined that your stoic personality was actually unfriendly and decided to beat you every time you reacted differently than they believed you should? What if every time you were supposed to be excited and emotional, your parents took you into another room and spanked you because you had been unemotional instead?

And while we're at it: WHY on God's green earth, would anybody take advice from you on marriage when you cannot even say you are in love with your husband? I am a Christian, have been married 27 years and have a wonderful, FUN, exciting marriage to the man I consider my best friend. We love the empty nest because we raised our children well and enjoyed each other while we were doing so. We never once had to ask "what will we do when the kids are gone?" You counsel women to toss emotions out the window and to "submit" because you so desperately want others to be as miserable as you are. Your way is not working well at all and it is shameful that you counsel younger women to do as you do.

[latraviata]

It really is sad.

Lori said:

I am not a touchy-feely person, and before my husband, I could honestly say that I never really loved anyone before. I didn't come from that kind of family background. But after my husband? It was night and day. I didn't fall in love with him at first sight but rather our relationship grew and blossomed until I realized that I loved him. Deeply, passionately, vulnerably. He'd claimed to have loved me at first sight, so once I had that realization, we got married almost right away. The feelings of passion wax and wane sometimes, but I can honestly say the love itself has grown and deepened every year since we've been married.

And I can also honestly say that I'm pretty touchy-feely when it comes to him now, too. ;)

I cannot imagine marrying anyone for whom I had no feelings. It seems like she just put her mind to being and staying married and stuck to it, but she does not sound like she gets much joy out of it. And to me, as a Christian, I believe that a Christian marriage should reflect joy -- not stubbornness. Of course, this comment: "I love God very much but it has nothing whatsoever to do with feelings but a decision I made long ago to live my life for Him," sounds like she doesn't get much joy out of her faith, either.

Every marriage should, not exclusively christian marriages.

[usmcmom]

I agree, Latraviata. Lori is proof that Christians don't hold a monopoly on happy marriages.

[polecat]

Every marriage should, not exclusively christian marriages.

No argument there, but since she's holding herself up as a paragon of Christian marriage, I was focusing solely on that.

[polecat]

I agree, Latraviata. Lori is proof that Christians don't hold a monopoly on happy marriages.

Holy crap, that's not at ALL what I meant.

I'm sorry I wasn't clearer.

I was concentrating on "Christian marriage" because that's what Lori claims her "ministry" is.

[formergothardite]

As predicted, Ken chimed in when readers started discussing the different types of love. Lori did, however, come back with this reply:

Raise your hand if you think Mentor Lori married for $$$$/earning potential. And when Ken didn't fall in line and keep her home like she wanted, she disabled her birth control and tricked him into a second baby.

And contrary to her assertion that she was attracted to Ken, she has said otherwise in the past:

When I read the bolded I immediately thought of this:

eUtF034h41Q

I think the main qualities that Lori was looking for when it came to choosing a spouse was money and her ability to manipulate the person to get what she wanted. I wonder if Ken realized when he married her that she didn't love him and was only marrying him because he met the qualifications she was looking for in a husband? I imagine that he didn't and that the realization that she married him because he could provide her with what she wanted and not love might have led to him avoiding her as much as possible during much of their marriage.

[usmcmom]

Holy crap, that's not at ALL what I meant.

I'm sorry I wasn't clearer.

I was concentrating on "Christian marriage" because that's what Lori claims her "ministry" is.

I'm really sorry, Polecat. I tried to delete my post but was not quick enough. I responded to Latraviata without reading your WHOLE post and realized I completely missed the mark. You were completely clear in your post. I was too quick to hit "submit" with mine. My apologies. I promise to work on my reading comprehension today :)

[polecat]

I'm really sorry, Polecat. I tried to delete my post but was not quick enough. I responded to Latraviata without reading your WHOLE post and realized I completely missed the mark. You were completely clear in your post. I was too quick to hit "submit" with mine. My apologies. I promise to work on my reading comprehension today :)

No apologies needed! I really am not sure I was clear enough!

[docmom]

It's OK not to be touchy-feely (except I think when it comes to parenting children- most of them need a lot of love and hugs). It's even OK to go into marriage not wildly in love (however a modicum of mutual respect and actual liking is probably obligatory). It's not OK, though, to "counsel" people that they are DOING IT WRONG if they do marry for love- emtional love. It's even less OK to tell people that their marriage will DEFINITELY FAIL if they marry for love. Because, you know, that's totally untrue. Not that that has ever stopped Lori before.

I've said it before and I'll say it again "Lori and Ken, I'm so glad you have each other! This way no-one else has to suffer."

[latraviata]

Holy crap, that's not at ALL what I meant.

I'm sorry I wasn't clearer.

I was concentrating on "Christian marriage" because that's what Lori claims her "ministry" is.

Sorry Polecat, but since Zsu's last post I am determined to set all records straight!!!!!!!!!!! ;) ;) ;) ;)

I understand what you mean, honestly...

[usmcmom]

Sorry Polecat, but since Zsu's last post I am determined to set all records straight!!!!!!!!!!! ;) ;) ;) ;)

I understand what you mean, honestly...

Latrviata, shouldn't you be drinking some gin and prepping for some abortions or something?

[2xx1xy1JD]

It really is sad.

Lori said:

I am not a touchy-feely person, and before my husband, I could honestly say that I never really loved anyone before. I didn't come from that kind of family background. But after my husband? It was night and day. I didn't fall in love with him at first sight but rather our relationship grew and blossomed until I realized that I loved him. Deeply, passionately, vulnerably. He'd claimed to have loved me at first sight, so once I had that realization, we got married almost right away. The feelings of passion wax and wane sometimes, but I can honestly say the love itself has grown and deepened every year since we've been married.

And I can also honestly say that I'm pretty touchy-feely when it comes to him now, too. ;)

I cannot imagine marrying anyone for whom I had no feelings. It seems like she just put her mind to being and staying married and stuck to it, but she does not sound like she gets much joy out of it...

I feel the same way.

My husband was attracted to me first, while I initially thought of him as a nice, friendly guy. It took about 6 months - and finally kissing - to realize that I was attracted to him as more than a friend. So no, it's wasn't only hormonal and physical, and it did involve me realizing what a great guy he was.

The thing is, we didn't fight all the time. We had a lot of political discussions and debates (and still do!), but no big arguments. We enjoyed being with each other. We actually LIKE each other, and always treat each other with respect. We fell in love. We didn't rush things, but when I suddenly realized that I never wanted to live without him, we got married. [There was a suicide bomb attack across the street when he was staying with his grandmother, and when I first saw it on the news, I had no idea if he was alive or dead and flipped out. It sounds twisted, but that's what pushed me to get more serious after 7 years of dating.] We're still in love, and it grows deeper all the time.

I view Lori as a sad, cautionary tale.

[salex]

It looks like Lori is probably in a fire evacuation zone tonight. The county has several wildfires going and conditions aren't going to improve much until Friday.

I went to ken's website to find their ciity and it was wholly redone. New site new branding opening an international practice. So he was lying about hos being here not being relatwd to his work internet presen ce. But we knew that!

[latraviata]

Latrviata, shouldn't you be drinking some gin and prepping for some abortions or something?

I got my quota today, abortions that is.

[Coconut Flan]

I went to ken's website to find their ciity and it was wholly redone. New site new branding opening an international practice. So he was lying about hos being here not being relatwd to his work internet presen ce. But we knew that!

I keep their address handy. :) That one fire was actually fairly close to them ( a mile or less it seemed) and the wind was blowing it their way. Since it's a pretty dense residential area, the fire department handled it quickly but even so there were some total loss houses and other buildings.

It seemed to me that Ken never wanted to admit the truth that what brought him out in the open was people associated Lori and his business. That was his real issue with "Goggle" tactics.

[HoneyBunny]

I view Lori as a sad, cautionary tale.

Best sentence ever on FJ, and worthy of being a post count title!

[formergothardite]

I went to ken's website to find their ciity and it was wholly redone. New site new branding opening an international practice. So he was lying about hos being here not being relatwd to his work internet presen ce. But we knew that!

He has completely redone it, hasn't he. It looks like he is trying to push his sons more into the spotlight of the business. I know he claimed that he didn't care if people associating his job with Lori's blog and even if it happened he would be fine with the business getting slower, but just looking at that website it is clear that he lied. He wants the business to be successful for his sons and he came here to make sure people didn't link his company with his words about disciplining your wife. He doesn't want people to google him and his company and find out his disturbing internet life.

[usmcmom]

He has completely redone it, hasn't he. It looks like he is trying to push his sons more into the spotlight of the business. I know he claimed that he didn't care if people associating his job with Lori's blog and even if it happened he would be fine with the business getting slower, but just looking at that website it is clear that he lied. He wants the business to be successful for his sons and he came here to make sure people didn't link his company with his words about disciplining your wife. He doesn't want people to google him and his company and find out his disturbing internet life.

Do his sons have their shirts buttoned in those photos? In that post she did about her son and his "Duggar girl" her son really had a Saturday Night Fever look with his shiny shirt unbuttoned down to there. Blech.

[Coconut Flan]

I think Ken began the website redesign about the time he came here. They had a prototype up and running about a month after he showed up here.

News update about the fire near Ken and Lori: nbcsandiego.com/news/local/Poinsettia-Fire-Damage-Estimate-225M-259410051.html

[ViolaSebastian]

I think Ken began the website redesign about the time he came here. They had a prototype up and running about a month after he showed up here.

News update about the fire near Ken and Lori: nbcsandiego.com/news/local/Poinsettia-Fire-Damage-Estimate-225M-259410051.html

I predict that she'll soon write a post about how Jeebus saved their house (and not, you know, those incredibly brave firefighters) because they're God's speshul snowflakes.

[Arete]

Hey Ken,

If you still read here, you may want to take if under advisement that in this latest round Lori basically outlines her marriage as monogamous prostitution. And don't think we are the only people getting that from her writing. She endures sex with you to finance the lifestyle she feels she is entitled to. You are so stuck on submission you willingly collaborated. Thanks for showing the world any Christian can become a pimp with the proper spin on Ephesians.

You two are a disgrace.

[latraviata]

I predict that she'll soon write a post about how Jeebus saved their house (and not, you know, those incredibly brave firefighters) because they're God's speshul snowflakes.

Yes the same with her brain tumor, apparantly it is going well. They thank god and not the neurointerventional radiologist, I feel personally offended!