Duggar Weddings & Receptions

[bal maiden]

I think if Jill got a dress from a Jewish or Mormon shop, that would be acknowledging that *shock!* other religions have the same modesty standards as they do, which is not very speshul-snowflakey at all!

[mausi]

I think if Jill got a dress from a Jewish or Mormon shop, that would be acknowledging that *shock!* other religions have the same modesty standards as they do, which is not very speshul-snowflakey at all!

I can see that, although I can also see Jill getting a dress from an Orthodox Jewish shop -- walking up to the shop wearing her Star of David necklace.

[lagenialester]

I can see that, although I can also see Jill getting a dress from an Orthodox Jewish shop -- walking up to the shop wearing her Star of David necklace.

Uggghhhhh I die inside a little bit every time I see her wearing that.

[DuggarsTheEndIsNear]

A friend in the States got married last summer. She had a dry wedding and the DJ who plays at the local Middle School dances. She was quite upset that none of the formally attired adults at this reception got up and danced to Cotton Eye Joe (any of the five times it was repeatedly played during the 6-9 reception). It was a strange event for many reasons though (the bride's brothers reenacted the couples' relationship, in depth, for nearly 30 minutes; there was also an optional testimony circle).

The testimony circle reminded me of my friends wedding. Instead of one or two key people from each side of the party making a toast, they set up a microphone and asked the guests to make toasts. It was so awkward. And it went on for like an hour and a half. The whole time it was happening, my friend and her husband were sitting on a raised platform overlooking the room with the microphone about 20' away from them. It seriously felt like they were lording over the reception and like they were deciding people's fate based on the things said during the toasts.

I would not ever suggest doing such a thing. I mean what happened could have easily been replaced by a completely normal, not at all awkward, guest book (or guest book alternative).

Also, it cut into party and mingling time. And made it so that it was about 3 hours from the end of the ceremony to the time the cake was cut.

[Rescinded and Mended]

I've wondered this too, and I've come to the conclusion that probably not. Since Jesus is a part of everything, Jesus is a part of sex. It's all threesomes. Sex is for making arrows for Jesus, and lingerie is for the husband! So lingerie must be sinful.

I read a book where one woman who became the second wife in a polygamist marriage actually received the gift of a modest nightgown hand-stitched by her sister, who was the first wife. It wasn't sexy lingerie or anything, but she was shocked that her sister made her such a personal gift for her wedding night.

[HereticHick]

DuggarsTheEndIsNear-- my (civil) ceremony clocked in at 4 minutes. It was a brief lull in the cocktail hour before dinner!

[ariel9]

Although I read about a Christian lingerie company on FJ a few months ago, so some presumably do.

Who wants to go in on a lingerie gift for Jill? I'm thinking something leather or vinyl. :wink-kitty:

I think we should find Jill and Derricks address. We could send when they live together so her parents have no chance of destroying it.

[BeaSnarky]

DuggarsTheEndIsNear-- my (civil) ceremony clocked in at 4 minutes. It was a brief lull in the cocktail hour before dinner!

Long time lurker, first time poster...

My wedding ceremony was all of 7 minutes from start to finish, incluing coming down the aisle. It would have taken less time, but my grandson insisted on walking my Matron of Honor down the aisle (he is a special needs child).

I loved my wedding - all four hours of booze and dancing. At times, thanks to the booze, I was the only one dancing, but it was my day and I didn't care. While I can't imagine a wedding without dancing, if it is something you and your guests normally don't do, then I don't see why it would be odd for them.

Strikes me, Derik's family isn't nearly as fundie as the Duggars - would love to see some of them get up and cut the rug at the reception. :dance:

Edited to fix typos

[Ralar]

I've never been to a wedding with dancing. I've been to garden party type weddings, beach weddings, formal sit down meals, casual church luncheons but none had dancing. (These range from full fundy to full atheist too!) I know a lot of people have dancing but it puzzles me why so many people seem to think it is essential.

Same with alcohol. If alcohol isn't part of your regular life, why would you have it at your wedding. My husband doesn't like the taste of alcoholic drinks and I can't drink with the medication I take. None of his family drink (various reasons) and my family are, at most, very light drinkers. Why would we have alcohol at our wedding? It didn't actually occur to us.

For my wedding, the caterer provided the wine and a couple bartenders. My parents brought several cases of liquor that my dad had recived from business associates over the years. After the wedding, the caterer took back most of the wine and 95% of the liquor was packed up and taken to my house. More than a doozen years later, I still have much of that liquor.

Dancing, OTOH, is a must at a Jewish wedding!

[stardust]

Anybody know how many people they are expecting? This wedding could get VERY expensive.

Jill's very friendly and energetic so I suspect it'll be a lot bigger than any of the weddings we've seen so far on the show. I don't think it'll be as extravagant as Erin's because that's just not who Jill is. She'll probably want it very simple and will brag about how much money they saved on decorations and what was recycled and what not.

[Vivi_music]

Please please please please no frumpy dress with a t-shirt added on top! :pray: :pray:

Seriously though, Jill is a cute girl, with a very vibrant personality, I could totally see her wearing something along these: totallymodest.com/detail.php?ProdId=6849183&CatId=41650&resPos=14

totallymodest.com/detail.php?ProdId=6862654&CatId=41650&resPos=10

Or maybe she would prefer a more fitted look.

totallymodest.com/detail.php?ProdId=6792481&CatId=41650&resPos=17

I'm keeping my fingers crossed!

[Mela99]

Please please please please no frumpy dress with a t-shirt added on top! :pray: :pray:

Seriously though, Jill is a cute girl, with a very vibrant personality, I could totally see her wearing something along these: totallymodest.com/detail.php?ProdId=6849183&CatId=41650&resPos=14

totallymodest.com/detail.php?ProdId=6862654&CatId=41650&resPos=10

Or maybe she would prefer a more fitted look.

totallymodest.com/detail.php?ProdId=6792481&CatId=41650&resPos=17

I'm keeping my fingers crossed!

Some of these are genuinely cute. I hope she finds a boutique that caters to orthodox and mormon type ideology, and not frump up and ruin a pretty dress.

[DuggarsTheEndIsNear]

I think the Duggars won't go the "normal dress altered" route. Especially because there's likely to be an episode about finding the dress and Jill wouldn't be allowed to show her shoulders on TV.

[Coconut Flan]

I think the very short engagements do the fundie brides in when it comes to wedding dress buying. Unless they order a dress while they're in the courting stage they don't have enough time to order one of those modest dresses online or even do a David's Bridal order much less a designer type gown. I'm guessing that's why there are so many home made dresses and altered messes. They are having to pick from the rack and that isn't giving them a lot of choice.

[Mela99]

I don't know how they pull off weddings in such a short period. It's like they have no respect for them.

"Lets get you married before you have any thoughts about sex - BTW this is a once in a lifetime, soul altering event! No time to waste!"

[nausicaa]

I don't know how they pull off weddings in such a short period. It's like they have no respect for them.

"Lets get you married before you have any thoughts about sex - BTW this is a once in a lifetime, soul altering event! No time to waste!"

That's really struck me as strange as well. As a fundie woman you're taught that getting married is THE most important, life-altering thing you will ever do. Fairy tales are spun about how magical it will be. Marriage is so important that you cannot even hold hands with a boy unless he will be your husband. Essentially, your wedding day is bar none the most important, defining day of your life.

But when you finally get engaged you get some dress that was thrown together with some last minute modesty alterations, the nearest available church basement reception area, and some cookies and pickles your parents could scrounge up from your congregation in the span of three months.

If I were a fundie girl I would feel so cheated.

[DuggarsTheEndIsNear]

Honestly, I expect that these girls start planning the wedding as soon as they've agreed to the courtship. There's no reason for them to doubt a courtship working unless someone wasn't listening to god. And all of them probably assume they are listening to god and that he wants the courtship to end in marriage.

[singsingsing]

Shorter engagements used to be the norm. Really the main reason most modern western engagements are so long is to allow time to save money for and plan these (relatively) extravagant weddings. There's nothing inherently wrong with having a short engagement if feel you can get everything done in the time you've allotted yourself.

[Rescinded and Mended]

Shorter engagements used to be the norm. Really the main reason most modern western engagements are so long is to allow time to save money for and plan these (relatively) extravagant weddings. There's nothing inherently wrong with having a short engagement if feel you can get everything done in the time you've allotted yourself.

I think is this absolutely true if applied to normal, modern couples who are engaged, but these are fundies we're talking about. Your typical fundie girl isn't going to get the wedding gown she's always dreamed of, she's going to get the one that's bargain-basement discounted because her parents can't do any better due to the expense of having 13 other children at home. If the bride does get something even remotely nice, her parents are going to force her to sew a ridiculous velvet shirt into the collar because they think every male in attendance will seize up in paroxysms of lust if they see her collarbone. Pickles, bologna and other common finger foods will be donated or done on a shoestring budget because that's all they can afford, or because the parents don't believe in spending more (I've seen this in fundie circles, something about families forcing themselves to live "as poor as church mice" even though the money is there). Parents want to marry the engaged couple as quickly as possible because they're paralyzed with fear over the couple having sex before the wedding day.

I agree with others here in that it really is sad and confusing - these girls have been brought up since the moment of their birth to become wives and mothers, so why not at least give them a nice wedding? It's not like they'll be allowed many other choices after they marry.

[singsingsing]

I think is this absolutely true if applied to normal, modern couples who are engaged, but these are fundies we're talking about. Your typical fundie girl isn't going to get the wedding gown she's always dreamed of, she's going to get the one that's bargain-basement discounted because her parents can't do any better due to the expense of having 13 other children at home. If the bride does get something even remotely nice, her parents are going to force her to sew a ridiculous velvet shirt into the collar because they think every male in attendance will seize up in paroxysms of lust if they see her collarbone. Pickles, bologna and other common finger foods will be donated or done on a shoestring budget because that's all they can afford, or because the parents don't believe in spending more (I've seen this in fundie circles, something about families forcing themselves to live "as poor as church mice" even though the money is there). Parents want to marry the engaged couple as quickly as possible because they're paralyzed with fear over the couple having sex before the wedding day.

I agree with others here in that it really is sad and confusing - these girls have been brought up since the moment of their birth to become wives and mothers, so why not at least give them a nice wedding? It's not like they'll be allowed many other choices after they marry.

Exactly... they would get the same kind of wedding no matter how long or short their engagement, so why drag it out? I'm sure that's their philosophy. Plus when you can't even give your future spouse a full frontal HUG or have a private conversation until you're married, well...

[DuggarsTheEndIsNear]

I think is this absolutely true if applied to normal, modern couples who are engaged, but these are fundies we're talking about. Your typical fundie girl isn't going to get the wedding gown she's always dreamed of, she's going to get the one that's bargain-basement discounted because her parents can't do any better due to the expense of having 13 other children at home. If the bride does get something even remotely nice, her parents are going to force her to sew a ridiculous velvet shirt into the collar because they think every male in attendance will seize up in paroxysms of lust if they see her collarbone. Pickles, bologna and other common finger foods will be donated or done on a shoestring budget because that's all they can afford, or because the parents don't believe in spending more (I've seen this in fundie circles, something about families forcing themselves to live "as poor as church mice" even though the money is there). Parents want to marry the engaged couple as quickly as possible because they're paralyzed with fear over the couple having sex before the wedding day.

I agree with others here in that it really is sad and confusing - these girls have been brought up since the moment of their birth to become wives and mothers, so why not at least give them a nice wedding? It's not like they'll be allowed many other choices after they marry.

I'm not sure how much these girls really expect that kind of wedding. I mean, they've spent their whole lives being told that wanting what you don't have is disrespecting god and that cheap is better than beautiful/functional. Even if they want the really big, extravagant wedding, they'll push those sinful and prideful thoughts out of their head when they realize it wont happen.

[DGayle]

Although I read about a Christian lingerie company on FJ a few months ago, so some presumably do.

Who wants to go in on a lingerie gift for Jill? I'm thinking something leather or vinyl. :wink-kitty:

I just found a place called christianlingerie.com, and I don't think for a second it's "Christian lingerie." THe site pegs itself as "safe on the eyes," as in they blur our all features so much that it's distracting. wwwDOTchristianlingerie.com/Teddy--Red-and-Black-Mesh_p_149.html#.U3LS2xYdWrc Why not just use a store mannequin? I think the "Christian" and the bat photoshopping is a gimmick to get people to talk and spread links.

I'll really pitch in for a lingerie gift for Jill. I think something lacey. Let her feel a bit like a princess.

[singsingsing]

I hope people aren't really serious about finding Jill and Derick's address and/or sending her lingerie. I know it's probably meant as a joke, but it's still kind of freaking me out, I have to admit. So, uh, yeah - please don't do that.

[ViolaSebastian]

I was just joking! Although I have thought about sending her the toilet plunger off her Walmart registry. (Also a joke...)

[DGayle]

I've never been to a wedding with dancing. I've been to garden party type weddings, beach weddings, formal sit down meals, casual church luncheons but none had dancing. (These range from full fundy to full atheist too!) I know a lot of people have dancing but it puzzles me why so many people seem to think it is essential.

Same with alcohol. If alcohol isn't part of your regular life, why would you have it at your wedding. My husband doesn't like the taste of alcoholic drinks and I can't drink with the medication I take. None of his family drink (various reasons) and my family are, at most, very light drinkers. Why would we have alcohol at our wedding? It didn't actually occur to us.

What I think the beef is more, for fundy weddings, is that there is nothing for the guests to do but stand there talking. There aren't games, there's no dancing, there's nothing. At least a family bbq gives you time to run around and play around. So a fundy wedding is a step down from even regular get-togethers.

I don't get the idea of tons of dancing either. Typically it's teens and younger adults who want the night to be a night club, and older people who dance usually are already into ballroom or are dancing out of obligation. If there are other activities, is dancing really vital?

As for alcohol, I never got that. I was severely stressed because we're related to some alcoholics, the sort who aren't deterred even by cash-bars. But it's so expected that a dry wedding wasn't going to happen. Thank goodness no one told me until later what my mom did that night. Her alcohol-fueled actions almost got the reception shut down, and it's only thanks to some of my husband's co-workers pleading that it wasn't shut down. We found out a few days later, and he was actually sworn to secrecy since no one wanted me to feel embarrassed. He did tell me out of concern I'd hear it from someone else.

All our venue offered was a cash bar, which meant either running up a tab all night for us to pay, or letting everyone pay for themselves. A bunch of people decided to ask if they could pay for their own drinks to lessen our tab, and that caught on. At the end of the night, out alcohol tab was $15. Still, despite having a warning of the people not to serve under any circumstances, my mother ended up plastered by grabbing drinks when no one was looking.

For a lot of wedding, alcohol is the big ticket. I don't like how bridal couples are expected to pay thousands upon thousands for other people to get wasted, assuming the liability of it too, and are called tacky if this is the one thing they have people pay for themselves in an attempt to curb how drunk people get.