Jill Duggar and Derick Dillard Engaged! - Part 2

[Toothfairy]

I will hold out hope forever that at least one will either not marry and not be in the position to have a billion kids, or they will spout the line and then mysteriously just not be as fertile as JB&M.

With that many kids, I'm sure there is someone who just isn't cut out for 10 children. I mean, I have wanted to be a mom my whole life, I planned for and tried for my kids for ages. I am so completely overwhelmed by twins sometimes (and they're my only kids) that I won't be having any more kids. I would probably literally lose my mind with 10 children! It doesn't mean I'm a bad mom or person, but not everyone can handle all that. And I wasn't already burnt out on children by taking care of them since I was 5 or whatever the Duggars make those girls do!

And how will they manage? I'm sure if all 19 kids have a bunch of kids Jim Bob won't have enough money to support all of them. And with no job skills or education how will they get income? Where would all of them live.

[Toothfairy]

I hope they adopt rather than just get knocked up repeatedly...

I agree with OP. Adopting is no easy task. Especially international adoption. Some of these kids have many emotional scars. My husband and I are foster parents and adopted kids from foster care.It's very hard work. You have to caring and understanding to really feel empathy about some of these kids situations. I wouldn't want an adopted child to get with a fundie family and go through even more damage.

And a couple should never adopt to replace a child they never had or view them as trophies. I think Jill should leave the fundie lifestyle if she wants to consider adoption.

[Tdoc72]

I have 2 questions about the photos of JillDill on the Duggar Family Blog.

1--They are studying by laying on the floor in the girls' bedroom. You can tell because of the slide. I know they weren't alone (God forbid!) but it just seems a little off to me. I wonder why they couldn't use a desk or table somewhere. But I find it strange JimBob & Michelle would allow a boy in the girls' room.

2--JillDill are out to dinner w/friends. It looks like they are a couple, although I guess they could be bro/sis. It makes me wonder if this couple were the chaperones or if there were other Duggars lurking nearby acting as chaperones. Are they allowed to have non-Dugs?

[salex]

What if the duggar daughters don't start popping out babies right away? What if them or their husbands want to use protection? Do they even talk about this stuff before they get married? Where would they live,income,kids,etc,

Forgot they're fundies :pull-hair:

I am reminded of Ken's response when I asked him about premarital counseling... he said what they had was not good and they didn't realize it for years... my guess is that "good" premarital counseling for half these people is telling the woman to obey and handing her Debi pearl's book. ta da.

[Lillybee]

The thing is that I don't think that Jill and Derrick have ever had a chance to speak privately about anything more exciting than sermons, etc because Boob and/or Mullet and the chaperones are always listening in.

[Snarknado]

I truly doubt that all the Duggar kids will end up fundie. In fact I predict a minimum of half of them leave the lifestyle. That doesn't mean I don't think they will remain Christians but I think they will be less fundie.

[Snarknado]

Oh gross. Can there be ONE Duggar kid that doesn't want to pop out fifty-kajillion?

Yes, her name is Jana. Maybe it's just me but I get a feeling that Jana does not want a zillion kids. Maybe Jinger as well.

[hapamama]

Something else to remember with the older girls (Jana through Jinger) is that they probably remember how tight money was before the TV show, and that might make them think twice about popping out a baby every 18 months...

My parents lived on the edge of poverty, and the memory of that poverty was a major consideration in my family planning decisions.

[Jana814]

Yes, her name is Jana. Maybe it's just me but I get a feeling that Jana does not want a zillion kids. Maybe Jinger as well.

I think u r right about Jana & maybe even Jessa also.

[mausi]

Looks like they want a lot of kids:

abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/jill-duggar-derek-dillard-kids-god-give-us/story?id=23273359

I don't know why, but I find it odd a Duggar uses the term 'popping them out' in reference to 'blessings'. It just seems so...snarky.

[Rescinded and Mended]

I don't know why, but I find it odd a Duggar uses the term 'popping them out' in reference to 'blessings'. It just seems so...snarky.

I was wondering if someone made up that last line at the very least...reminds me of something you'd read in The Onion.

[Rebelwife]

I agree with OP. Adopting is no easy task. Especially international adoption. Some of these kids have many emotional scars. My husband and I are foster parents and adopted kids from foster care.It's very hard work. You have to caring and understanding to really feel empathy about some of these kids situations. I wouldn't want an adopted child to get with a fundie family and go through even more damage.

And a couple should never adopt to replace a child they never had or view them as trophies. I think Jill should leave the fundie lifestyle if she wants to consider adoption.

I have a close relative who adopted a relatively older child (she was 7) from a foreign country. This child was not adopted early because she was "medical special needs" but in this case it just meant that she needed surgery to repair a heart defect when she was 4 so she had aged out of the "normal" adoption process that country uses. The child was raised in an orphanage, but it was considered a very good one in that country and there was not major food or shelter insecurity.

This was not my relative's first foreign adoption, although the other child was adopted as a very young toddler, and the parents did tons of research, had a huge support system and spent months learning the basics of the child's language so that when they did get her they could communicate as best they could. They also had a therapist they used for both the child, their other children and themselves (a therapist who spoke the child's first language fairly well) and were using a school system that had a strong ESL program in place.

Even so, it was a HUGE transition and my relatives were shocked at how hard that first year was, despite all their preparation and help. There were attachment issues galore that had to be worked through and more than once in that first year they thought "what the hell have we done?" I can't imagine that child coming to some fundie family who just expected instant obedience and gratitude for being rescued from his or her "godless" existence. It breaks my heart to think of it.

Today (8 years later), the child is doing very well and is well integrated into the family, but it was in no way easy and at times almost destroyed their family.

[DuggarsTheEndIsNear]

I'm so not ok with Jill adopting, unless she completely leaves fundieland behind. I'm very, very uncomfortable with fundie adoptions, particularly international adoptions, ESPECIALLY older children. I don't care how sweet she seems, there's no way that someone who believes in strict obedience and blind gratitude can be a good parent to a child who under those circumstances. Can you imagine the kind of damage she could do? Discipline will be especially harsh because adopted children should be grateful they were saved by the likes of Dill.

Woah. That's not fair at all. Strict parents come from any sort of religious background. And one can be a fundie without being an asshat to their adopted (or even biological children). And one can be an atheist and be an asshat to their adopted or biological children. It has very little to do with their religion. Or even who they grew up under (my grandmother was severely abused growing up and she never once did anything close to abusive to her kids/grandkids/students).

The idea that she'd automatically be a horrible person and shouldn't be allowed to adopt is appalling. We know nothing about the choices she and Ben will make. Heck, we know nothing about the choices she makes when raising children. Remember, punishment authority went to Jana when Joy (Jill's buddy) had to threaten the kids.

[DuggarsTheEndIsNear]

I don't know why, but I find it odd a Duggar uses the term 'popping them out' in reference to 'blessings'. It just seems so...snarky.

I'm glad I'm not the only one that thought that was weird. It actually makes me think that it's either not her saying it, or she's saying it through her teeth. Like "ya mom and dad want me to say this and I'm going to because for now I still live with them."

[Toothfairy]

Yes, her name is Jana. Maybe it's just me but I get a feeling that Jana does not want a zillion kids. Maybe Jinger as well.

Maybe Joy too

[church_of_dog]

I'm glad I'm not the only one that thought that was weird. It actually makes me think that it's either not her saying it, or she's saying it through her teeth. Like "ya mom and dad want me to say this and I'm going to because for now I still live with them."

It struck me as off as well. My first thought was that it was a fake quote or another spoof. But there were other things that indicated it might be real -- like the missing word "our" before "fertility" -- if someone was making up a quote, they would make it up with all the words, not have a word left out or implied, although in real life when people speak, that happens all the time and has to be corrected as it was in this quote. I suppose maybe she said it with a certain tone of voice, or wink in her eye, that made it seem less odd, but the tone of voice or facial expression doesn't translate into a written quote...

[DuggarsTheEndIsNear]

It struck me as off as well. My first thought was that it was a fake quote or another spoof. But there were other things that indicated it might be real -- like the missing word "our" before "fertility" -- if someone was making up a quote, they would make it up with all the words, not have a word left out or implied, although in real life when people speak, that happens all the time and has to be corrected as it was in this quote. I suppose maybe she said it with a certain tone of voice, or wink in her eye, that made it seem less odd, but the tone of voice or facial expression doesn't translate into a written quote...

[word] isn't necessarily a word is missing so much as "this word fits better." Which made me wonder if they were quoting someone other than Jill and using Jill as the speaker.

It's not like the media isn't known for doctoring or completely making up quotes/sources.

[louisa05]

I guess I think that we don't know what they will do with their life together. It is pretty clear that Derick wasn't raised in quite the same amount of crazy as Jill. And if your life has panned out exactly as you said it would at 23 or 25....well, that's odd. Because I don't know anyone who can say that at all.

[church_of_dog]

[word] isn't necessarily a word is missing so much as "this word fits better." Which made me wonder if they were quoting someone other than Jill and using Jill as the speaker.

It's not like the media isn't known for doctoring or completely making up quotes/sources.

True -- if it was someone else speaking they would have said "their" fertility, not "our" fertility and the bracketed would indicate a change, not an addition.

But I did have the impression that the rules for quoting are taken pretty seriously (not that things aren't made up sometimes, as you say, just that it's a pretty big deal if that deception is caught). So I have to wonder why they would [bracket] a word to indicate an altered quote, if they were trying to pretend that Jill said it herself -- they should have just changed the word to "our" and left it unbracketed -- seems like drawing attention to their edits, which doesn't make sense if they're trying to pretend it was a real quote and not edited in the first place.

I know, I tend to overthink this stuff, but since you replied, I couldn't resist delving in a bit more. In any case, to me, "popping out" kids doesn't sound like something any supporter would say, so unless she said it with a teasing tone, as I mentioned earlier, it seems more like something an onionish spoofer would say. :think:

[nokidsmom]

I was wondering if someone made up that last line at the very least...reminds me of something you'd read in The Onion.

I also thought the "popping them out" comment was strange and questioned right off the bat if she really said or someone put that in to be well...snarky.

If she really did, I hope she's saying it simply to please her parents. I mean, now is not the time to start saying what you really think but rather keep telling yourself "Escape is within reach....bite your tongue now, almost there".

[Hisey]

I'm so not ok with Jill adopting, unless she completely leaves fundieland behind. I'm very, very uncomfortable with fundie adoptions, particularly international adoptions, ESPECIALLY older children. I don't care how sweet she seems, there's no way that someone who believes in strict obedience and blind gratitude can be a good parent to a child who under those circumstances. Can you imagine the kind of damage she could do? Discipline will be especially harsh because adopted children should be grateful they were saved by the likes of Dill.

Yes. It's much better to have a childhood of unrelenting poverty, disease and hunger, than to experience Jill Duggar's imperfect parenting. Plus, abuse never happens in orphanages.

Plus, there's no way that some adopted kid from overseas can overcome Gothard's teachings as an adult. It's much better for him to face a lifetime in a third world country with no connections, family and little education. That means, quite possibly, a life of chronic unemployment, menial labor, prostitution or worse, but that's the best choice.

[Snarknado]

Yes. It's much better to have a childhood of unrelenting poverty, disease and hunger, than to experience Jill Duggar's imperfect parenting. Plus, abuse never happens in orphanages.

Plus, there's no way that some adopted kid from overseas can overcome Gothard's teachings as an adult. It's much better for him to face a lifetime in a third world country with no connections, family and little education. That means, quite possibly, a life of chronic unemployment, menial labor, prostitution or worse, but that's the best choice.

I think of the point being made was that sometimes when a very fundie couple adopts an older child from a third world country they end up sending them back because they cannot conform. It's sadly a very real aspect of fundie adoption.

Thinking more on the whole 'will they all remain fundie and have a zillion kids' aspect. I have an aunt who is a sort of catholic fundie. VERY conservative, modest, similar in a lot of ways to a lot of the fundie families we discuss here. She had 9 children. Out of those 9, seven of them are now adults. Only one is married (age 31) and has only one child. The others are 19, 21, 23, 25, 27 and 29 and all went to college and have careers. Its really interesting to me because neither my aunt or uncle even finished college (uncle never went). So sometimes kids do end up taking their own route. (all the kids are still very religious however).

[LogansMama]

Maybe Joy too

I absolutely think Jana will pop out as many blessings as god will give her! Joy and Jinger, on the other hand, not so much. I like Jana a lot, but think she's gulped enough kool-aid is too far gone to escape.

[Toothfairy]

Yes. It's much better to have a childhood of unrelenting poverty, disease and hunger, than to experience Jill Duggar's imperfect parenting. Plus, abuse never happens in orphanages.

Plus, there's no way that some adopted kid from overseas can overcome Gothard's teachings as an adult. It's much better for him to face a lifetime in a third world country with no connections, family and little education. That means, quite possibly, a life of chronic unemployment, menial labor, prostitution or worse, but that's the best choice.

Some adults never do overcome Gothards teachings. They learn how to manage but it still leaves emotional scars. I wouldn't want a child from a poor third world country to come from poverty then come over here to experience more pain and poverty. Gothards cult leaves scars that can take years to heal. It's not about Jill's parenting skills it's about the cult she's in. Which doesn't even acknowledge adoptions because they're sins. Some of these kids that come overseas have many emotional problems that can't just be fix with pray or leaving it up to god. They need intervention and professional help. I've seen too many stories including american adoptions where parents couldn't take it anymore and send the kid back. Fundies don't even believe in mental illness because it's a sin. If Jill wants to adopt she needs to leave her cult behind.

[Toothfairy]

I absolutely think Jana will pop out as many blessings as god will give her! Joy and Jinger, on the other hand, not so much. I like Jana a lot, but think she's gulped enough kool-aid is too far gone to escape.

Jana just seems worn out and sad. Maybe she will like a big family,maybe not. I just hope the guy she may marry will listen to her and maybe even help her seek professional help.