Looks Like Some Folks Are Rethinking Maxwell-style Isolation

[GenerationCedarchip]

Just saw this article on Raising Homemakers. Looks like at least some folks finally made the connection that keeping SAHDs totally isolated leads to unmarried daughters. Apparently folks need to be more social(granted they're talking church socials and christian conferences, but that's still more than some of these families do)! Wonder if families like the Maxwells or the Duggars will ever let the daughters meet guys.

 

raisinghomemakers.com/2013/re-thinking-waiting-on-the-lord-for-husbands-for-our-daughters/

[Rescinded and Mended]

I vote that the earliest that any Duggar daughter will marry is around 30. It'll be long after the youngest girls get old enough to take care of themsleves and do their own chores. The boys will be married before the oldest Duggar women, so as to guarantee that Michelle will never have to pick up after them (heaven forbid that they should learn to clean up after themselves). If the boys stay unmarried because Dim bulb is still trying to set them up in businesses, then Josie, Jordan, Jennifer and Hannie will still be around to do the cookin', cleanin', mendin, and scrubbin' of the floors.

The only way any of the oldest women will get out sooner is if they make a break for it. I still have high hopes for Jinger and Josiah.

[louisa05]

All those comments about being more holy because of being married are just misguided and stupid. Nowhere in the gospels does it teach that marriage is the way to salvation or makes a person more holy or a better follower of Christ. And the one who says she is better off because if she weren't married with children, she would be "single and selfish". People have a lot of reasons for not marrying and selfishness is rarely one of them. And if it is, then they have the self awareness to know that that kind of relationship is not for them, which is a good thing.

[kpmom]

Interesting article, and even more so, the comments.

So most of them feel they should attend churches or activities with eligible young men? And then they should have their daughters get to know these young men? And then maybe this will lead to courtship and marriage?

Hmmm, sounds pretty much like that word they are so against...Dating!

[mrs]

I am happy that the authors family is moving away from the Maxwells teachings of isolation. Even if it is just a tiny step.

[Rescinded and Mended]

Is that the same Lori Alexander in the comments section that I keep reading so much about here on FJ? She commented that she essentially handed over two of her daughters into arranged marriages. My God, she is insane.

[kpmom]

Is that the same Lori Alexander in the comments section that I keep reading so much about here on FJ? She commented that she essentially handed over two of her daughters into arranged marriages. My God, she is insane.

Oh gosh, I completely missed that. Good eye.

[dairyfreelife]

Is that the same Lori Alexander in the comments section that I keep reading so much about here on FJ? She commented that she essentially handed over two of her daughters into arranged marriages. My God, she is insane.

Yep, though her eldest has been married for a couple years and no children yet. Lori doesn't say much on the subject. If she can't have children, that's fine. If she's using birth control, I can't imagine Lori approving of that, but I doubt Alyssa would tell her anyway if she was. "We just haven't been able to get pregnant yet, Mom. We're, uh, waiting on the Lord and his timing, like you said." I could totally see that happening.

[Mela99]

Interesting...

I like this lady's take on things. Maybe her eyes are opening up.

Lori is still kind of a turd. Sounds like she is basically saying that women will change, so pick one you like and start working.

[debrand]

She still agrees with the basic ideology.

We can’t just send our daughters out to marry any Christian guy, and we don’t encourage the girls to do the pursuing.

See, why can't the young woman decide for herself who she marries or doesn't marry? Of course, it is nice and thoughtful when adult children include their parents' opinion in their choice in a marriage partner but in the end, it isn't really the parents place to make a choice. If the daughter decides to marry a Satanist, the parents have to accept her choice. They might not approve but it is her life.

I worry that my daughters will pick abusive men but if they do, I can only provide a soft place for them to land. I can't force them to make different choices. Hopefully, my relationship with my daughters is strong enough that they will listen to me and leave an abusive man.

We should be taking our daughters to places where young, godly men can “find†them. “

I have said for a long time that to survive fundies are going to have to change their tactics and start actively looking for their children's spouses. Eventually, I predict they will just start arranging marriages.

[NotALoserLikeYou]

In the comments there is a ringing endorsement for this lifestyle:

He met my two non negotiables (beyond being a believer), but not many of my other wants. That being said we both knew it was God’s leading to marry and we did. Not without conflict, but marriage has greatly surpassed my expectations and is better than I thought it would be.

:?

[EmmieJ]

First, marriage is not “the goal; serving the Lord is the goal.

Second, we should be training our daughters to be helpmeets, which, does not always mean tea parties, dresses and perfect housekeeping. It may well mean bookkeeping, lively God-honoring conversation, technology and the great outdoors, but it definitely means an attitude of service.

I appreciated that at least one poster didn't narrow women's role in life to one thing only: "marriage and producing arrows."

I'm hoping most of these SAHD families DON'T figure it out in time, thus bringing about a natural end to this particular viewpoint.

[Just_Jane]

I've often wondered if these young women have missed their chance not only from the isolation but from the narrow set of standards of an acceptable partner. What if God's plan is for them to met, fall in love and marry someone from another religion or no religion. It always seems to me that fundie families seem convinced that they know God's plan. I find that to be quite arrogant.

[rward]

From the comments:

I am a young woman who is waiting on the Lord but recently realized that I probably need to find a church where other godly young men around my age are attending as well. I’ve wrestled with this decision for over a year now and am finally beginning to have peace about attending a different church.

A year. It's taken her a year to even consider attending a different church. These girls are mentally crippled by their upbringings. It's beyond abusive.

[tuckerphez]

The fact that a lot of the commenters have (very) young children and are talking about how their kids already want to have some godly spouse is really freaking me out. Way to start the indoctrination early.

[kpmom]

Yep, though her eldest has been married for a couple years and no children yet. Lori doesn't say much on the subject. If she can't have children, that's fine. If she's using birth control, I can't imagine Lori approving of that, but I doubt Alyssa would tell her anyway if she was. "We just haven't been able to get pregnant yet, Mom. We're, uh, waiting on the Lord and his timing, like you said." I could totally see that happening.

Didn't they just have a baby, or am I thinking of another fundie blogger?

[knitwit]

Comment to the post from JAC, about 2/3rds of the way down:

Well said. Our oldest daughter is 4, but our “radar†is up, so to speak, for the future.

Good lord. So their "radar" is up, meaning...what, they're looking at the number of boys their daughter's age in the church, so hopefully she'll they'll have a good field to pick from in 12 years or so? They're forewarned so that when she gets to her teens they can start hunting around for someone?

A lot can change in a decade plus, people.

[Drina Adams]

Suppose the child turns out to be gay.

[GenerationCedarchip]

Interesting article, and even more so, the comments.

So most of them feel they should attend churches or activities with eligible young men? And then they should have their daughters get to know these young men? And then maybe this will lead to courtship and marriage?

Hmmm, sounds pretty much like that word they are so against...Dating!

Now, now...it's not dating if you do it at church! :lol: /sarcasm

Seriously, though, that was pretty much how things were done at my old fundie church when I was still there. The elders were practically in the matchmaking business at young adult activities.

[FloraDoraDolly]

From the comments:

A year. It's taken her a year to even consider attending a different church. These girls are mentally crippled by their upbringings. It's beyond abusive.

I know a woman in her sixties who keeps attending the same Catholic church, even though she would rather be an Episcopalian. This woman lives with her mother, and the mother is a very devout Catholic. I suppose she'll switch to an Episcopal church after the mother isn't around anymore, but not until then. The mother is the one who rules the roost in that family.

[copper]

I especially loved the commenter who called the author out for worrying over how long waits meant the loss of fertile years, ie, if quiverfull is about God's plan, why is God's timing "wrong" if you get married later and only have 3 chidren?

[bananacat]

Suppose the child turns out to be gay.

Are you unfamiliar with the fundie ideology? A gay child would be pressured to stay in closet and go through the motions of hetero marriage anyway.

[Hane]

FloraDoraDolly, I just shivered: I'm 60, and I bet I wouldn't've had the guts to leave Catholicism for UU if she were still alive.

[Sailing on Europa]

Of course, the concern is never about the daughter's happiness or what she wants. Rather, "This is a colossal concern for those of us who hope to raise children who will grow up, marry, and have children to raise as arrows in the hands of a mighty warrior for the Kingdom of God. We can’t fight the enemy at the gates if our kids don’t have a family, and families start with marriage." The daughters are just pawns. How can any mother think that way about her own daughter?

[gardenvarietycitizen]

Interesting how one of the commenters at the end recommended a book by the Botkin sisters though - aren't they still single in their upper twenties?

(Me, I got married at 38, so haven't any room to talk, I guess, but I was living my own independent life in the meantime.)