Sunshine Mary is shaming fat women because she cares

[lilah]

Question: it seem like its acceptable to shame fat men but not fat women, is this true? Is this a FJ way or its the way in America?

When I read the jokes and remarks about Josh being fat, how he will not live long because hes fat, that if he pass gass near flame he will explosion, he lives on nachos, hes going bald on his head, the joking would make me laugh so much. If here you remark about a fat woman, FJ women be upset and bash you.

Whats the explanation of this "double standard" of the FJ board? Theres a big more acceptance to call a man ugly or fat, but not acceptance to do the same to a woman.

Sunshine Mary comments, may be in her culture circle the men generally express only interest in not fat women? So shes being honest to the women in her christian subculture? For example my culture tells women to keep your body slim with out extra fat. We believe we like men to be attracted to our bodies and not just our mind/personality. May be the fundy culture is like that? Every picture I see of fundy people they are not overweight (or fat, I dont know which word is more acceptable), they always have neat hair, nice clothes, etc,. May be she really feels shes helping by toughlove kind of thing?

You bring up a very excellent point.

I make it a point never to make fun of his body and I suspect a lot of his eating habits are a result of growing up in a family where food was probably carefully rationed out and getting to eat take out was a very special once and a while treat. He didn't get hooked up to the TLC money train until he was nearly an adult. Then he marries a woman who is used to cooking huge portions and voila you get a lot of portion control and treating themselves to fast food a lot.

And loving this from SM's comments. WHAT

She's a darling in the MRAsshole (Men's Right advancement Asshole) community and believe me they are a bunch of vile human beings who believe women are subhuman garbage. Some of the MRAssholes are Christian but only because Christianity advances the patriarchy movement not because they believe in loving thy neighboor. I'd argue that most fundies believe in the same shit as MRAssholes but are too invested in keeping sweet to express their views in as such.

[Always_Save]

wow, the comments are just as bad :(

at any rate, i am a size 24 and ive been married for over 20 years, so she can suck it!

i for one am glad for the fat acceptance movement.

[Mecca]

wow, the comments are just as bad :(

at any rate, i am a size 24 and ive been married for over 20 years, so she can suck it!

i for one am glad for the fat acceptance movement.

This is impossible! Have you not heard? Plus sized women are not appealing to the opposite sex, miserable, and they are destined to be alone for an eternity. You must be like a unicorn. ;)

[AVENues]

Is a person automatically "lonely" because they don't have a partner? A very strange idea.

/quote]

I know right? :lol: I'm not trying to explain anymore how I love to get home to a totally quiet place. Interestingly, if people give me that um, commiserative look when they find out I live alone and they express their deep, deep condolences, I just say: thank you. I'm trying to be strong, and smile. But like, honestly smile. No long-winded explanation has gotten it across to them what this one little response does. BTW I'd totally have you and your nieces over if I lived near you.

[AVENues]

Um, as to "gluttony"... has anyone been trying to explain this nitwit that some people have hormonal imbalance or just a larger body structure and they cannot lose weight? This girl is a stupid asshole.

[snuggles911]

I just read the comments section. Some of Sunshine's groupies are more misogynistic than she is. A woman named Hannah posted:

would rather break my jaw than allow myself to become fat.

I found a book that explains my ethos – a book called ‘French Women Don’t Get Fat’.

I give it to people who need it. Overweight women rarely ask slim women their advice but they should.

Hannah also posted:

Some women have lots of excuses for the clothing choices they make – comfort at all costs for example. Stretchy pants and polar fleeces have no beauty and also allow weight to pile on sneakily until it seems too difficult to beat. My husband likes to see me in feminine clothing… interestingly, they’re also the clothes that we’d notice getting tighter if we put on weight. I avoid trackies like the plague!

Gluttony, like any sin is much easier to pull out as a teeny seed than when the weed has strangled our entire garden.

In short, I think we ought to dress for the men in our life – and this will eradicate the influence of society’s propoganda, which at it’s core is anti-men.

[AVENues]

I just read the comments section. Some of Sunshine's groupies are more misogynistic than she is. A woman named Hannah posted:

I'd so accept that book, gracefully. I'd thank her and tell her I'd run out of toilet paper.

[sadie673]

Um, as to "gluttony"... has anyone been trying to explain this nitwit that some people have hormonal imbalance or just a larger body structure and they cannot lose weight? This girl is a stupid asshole.

Exactly. I was recently diagnosed with thyroid cancer and had a thyroidectomy. I can't start taking thyroid replacement hormone until after my radioactive iodine ablation and am gaining weight at an alarming rate despite eating much less than I did before. Being overweight isn't always a choice and it isn't always brought on my making poor choices. I didn't choose cancer. :angry-banghead:

[JesusFightClub]

AVENues, we would love to visit you :) You would be like the super cool auntie's pal that all small nieces secretly wish they could be when they grow up.

Oil, I think, makes a really good point. We shouldn't fat-shame men any more than we do women.

However,I don't follow the Duggar-threads much but I think the idea about Josh is that he's sort of joyfully gluttonous, which makes him a hypocrite if he really is a Christian. If he indulged in lust, for example, he wouldn't get the Get Out Of Jail Free card that he gets for eating huuuuuge portions of crap.

So he's being called out for being a hypocrite. People dislike him for the discrepancy between his stated beliefs and his actions.

[Katiebug]

Question: it seem like its acceptable to shame fat men but not fat women, is this true? Is this a FJ way or its the way in America?

No, it's much more socially acceptable to shame fat women than men in the US. Overweight men usually don't face social issues or rude comments the way women of comparable size often do - despite the average woman in the US wearing a size 14 (which is not exactly skinny). Obese and morbidly obese people earn less than equally-qualified workers of normal weight. Many people who have never struggled with weight are of the opinion that if fat people just "eat right and exercise" the pounds will just melt off. In fact, yo-yo dieting makes it even harder to lose weight and maintain the loss, so the deck is already stacked against a lot of people. Overweight people are thought to lack self-control and therefore are expected to perpetually diet in order to slim down and thus gain societal acceptability. :roll:

As a size 14/16 when not pregnant, I find it awkward to eat around my husband's sister and other very slender relatives, or even around coworkers. Because I'm overweight I'm expected to subsist on salads and fruit even when everyone else is piling plates full of food. Never mind that when not pregnant I run and lift weights and am often more physically fit and healthy than the naturally-skinny folks! It is possible to be fit and healthy when overweight, and also to be unfit and have health issues when of a normal weight but all people seem to notice is what you look like.

The morbidly obese are susceptible to shaming and social ostracism regardless of sex.

[apple1]

Totally agree with that, but what I was trying to say (maybe in a crap fashion) is that attitudes like SM's cause real harm, and fat is by far the lesser problem when you've been in a unit where your table-mate literally can't eat because she's so terrified of putting on a pound. One of the things I remember was the "No, I can't. I CAN'T" when food was offered and how she secretly tried to get us to eat her food and pretend she had eaten it when the nurses weren't looking. She was by far the scariest anorexic I knew, and I've known a few. And all of the things she said could have come straight off Sunshine Mary's site.

I think all shapes of women are great and the most important thing is to be relaxed and like yourself, if you are thin, fat or anything in between. It's just that a really determined anorexic who thinks she is huge and disgusting to men is a horrific thing to behold. This girl had a lovely personality and a warm nature that anyone would be drawn to, as well as a pretty face and a good deal of intelligence and that was all lost to her because of her controlling obsession. I feel like it's people like Sunshine Mary who end up forcing vulnerable people into this condition.

I totally got what JFC said the first time. She was NOT skinny-shaming. She was pointing out that not all skinny is good.

The hospital I work for has a children's anorexia unit. I will just say that it is heart-breaking.

I also know that not everything that causes one to lose weight is good; I did my own chemo time.

Anyway - you know what I mean.

[desertvixen]

Question: it seem like its acceptable to shame fat men but not fat women, is this true? Is this a FJ way or its the way in America?

When I read the jokes and remarks about Josh being fat, how he will not live long because hes fat, that if he pass gass near flame he will explosion, he lives on nachos, hes going bald on his head, the joking would make me laugh so much. If here you remark about a fat woman, FJ women be upset and bash you.

As to the bolded, it's just one of the many ways that FJ members vary, and are not a hive vagina.

That, and many people do acknowledge that Josh was likely set up for failure by the way his parents related to food when he was growing up.

[OnceModestTwiceShy]

I'd so accept that book, gracefully. I'd thank her and tell her I'd run out of toilet paper.

SO, no bullshit but I've actually honestly heard my mom say this. She'd never be so mean, but she's absolutely obsessed with her weight (and she does look INCREDIBLE for her age, and for any age frankly) and kind of doesn't get that other people don't necessarily care if they have zero body fat. Like me, for instance. Somehow she didn't manage to pass this particular hangup onto me, and I have a mostly healthy relationship with food. But she was constantly praising me when I was stick-thin from a speed addiction a few years back (and quite obviously NOT looking healthy), and keeps saying that's the best I've ever looked... :doh: I also lost a bunch of weight during my first year of IBS and am now starting to gain some of it back, and every time I see her I can see she is watching me and measuring the increase in dismay.

[rward]

I'd so accept that book, gracefully. I'd thank her and tell her I'd run out of toilet paper.

Really, ask slim women for advice? I eat 4,000 calories a day, most of it fat, to keep weight on. I know jack shit about "staying slim." If you didn't have my genetic disease and took my advice, you'd weigh 800 lbs.

Of course, if you did ask my advice, I'd tell you to be grateful for a body that works and a life not soaked in pain.

[Flossie]

Sunshine Mary can suck it.

[GolightlyGrrl]

Sunshine Mary can suck it.

Maybe if she did, her husband wouldn't cheat on her. But blow jobs are for whores. Only baby-making sex for Sunshine Mary.

And seriously, Sunshine Mary? More like Toxic Waste Mary. What a hateful woman. I can't even articulate how angry this blogger makes me. She's just awful! And she's lucky we live in a world where if a woman is thin, white and blonde she is considered attractive. I'm sure being attractive is Toxic Waste's only redeeming feature. She certainly isn't smart, loving, articulate or compassionate.

Also, I do think Oil brought up a salient point. We do tend to snark on Josh for being fat, while getting our knickers in a twist when fat women are shamed. I'm guilty of this. But perhaps, my snark is more about Josh being a Duggar-a smug, incurious and woefully undereducated young man who happens to like fast food a bit too much.

However, we do live a world where a woman's weight are commented more on than a man's. A man has to approach Chris Christie territory (pre-lap band surgery) before someone will call him out on his girth. A woman just has to be a size 14 with a poochy belly and matronly upper arms.

[gilora]

Oil does make a good point. I think a lot of the snarking on Josh's weight has to with hypocrisy. Josh's culture values thinness in women, but men are apparently allowed to gain weight without consequence.

[AtroposHeart]

As a fat woman I would gladly take being fat and single for the rest of life; than be slim and have Mary's jerkass "alpha" of a husband.

[GolightlyGrrl]

As a fat woman I would gladly take being fat and single for the rest of life; than be slim and have Mary's jerkass "alpha" of a husband.

Toxic Waste Mary would probably rip one of my friends because she isn't a size two, has a job, is a liberal, and uses birth control. However, my friend is also engaged to a wonderful man who wouldn't even think of cheating on her.

[AVENues]

Um, unrelated, quick question: why on earth is this fine lady called "Sunshine" again? I think Shitstorm Mary would be a much more accurate blogger name for her. :3

[Lainey]

I don't know much about "Sunshine" Mary...but you say her husband cheats on her? Shouldn't she be infidelity-proof, according to her, if she's so concerned about keeping slim for him?

I am fat, and yet I'm pretty sure my husband would never cheat on me. I had a "friend" express to me once that she couldn't understand why I'm married and she's not, since I'm fat and she's not. I mentioned that to my husband, and he said he suspects it has something to do with her personality.

When I was younger, though, I was super-skinny. I couldn't gain weight. I wasn't particularly healthy, either. But I sure notice a difference in the way people treat me. When I was skinny, I didn't have to do anything to be treated with respect. Now it often feels like I have "Please treat me like crap" tattooed on my forehead.

[MamaJunebug]

I'm overweight because I'm a compulsive overeater. I do thank God daily that I turn to food and not alcohol as my drug of choice. (I figure in an emergency, I can drive safely having eaten half a pizza - not so much if I'm in my cups. *shrug* That's my logic, I'm stickin' to it. ;) ) Yeah, I have issues. Where's the compassion, Sunshine Mary? Jesus had compassion on sinners and those who were ill. Hm, something to think about.

[danvillebelle]

I have gained a lot of weight in the last year, because two of the medications I'm on increase appetite and can slow down metabolism. These medications keep my depression, anxiety and BPD symptoms at the point where I don't indulge in activities like binge drinking, slicing up my arms or best of all, falling into a dissociative state where I lose hours at a time and usually engage in the aforementioned activities. Or entertain suicidal thoughts.

The last time I was slim was right before I landed in the psych hospital. I wasn't eating at all for days at a time.

I'd rather be fat than dead. She can kiss my size 16 ass. :nenner:

[moodygirl86]

I am just so appalled. Who the hell does she think she is? There is a word for women like this, but I'm too much of a lady to say it. Overweight people can lose weight and change their looks, but she's a bitch to her core and I don't think anything will change that. Most of my family is overweight, and my God, they have struggled to slim down to what society thinks they should look like. They have more kindness and compassion in their little fingers than this "Christian" woman has in her entire being. I'm just so angry because my cousin who is a bbw was told a "fat joke" at a bar one night when she and I went out. The joke was something like how do you have sex with a fat woman? Roll her in flour and hit the wet spots. It turned what was a wonderful night to celebrate her upcoming wedding into a tear-fest, and the cops were called on me. Not a good night. Laura has a fucking temper.

Don't worry Laura, I don't claim to be no lady, so I'll say it for you: Sunshine Mary is a CUNT! She fat shames because she's a nasty little bitch with no life, and that's why she has to stick her nose into other people's business. Good on you for sticking up for your cuz, I'm sorry these bastards spoilt her night out.

[NoneandDoneinCali]

Um, Mary. Some men *DO* like big girls.

I'm working on treating Bulimia - for years I didn't eat every day of the week, I purged at least some of every other meal, and I stayed at a size 8 with a six pack until I was 28 (34 now). While I treated the purging, I've had trouble with the binging, and am now a 16 (but down from a 20 - yay!). Yeah, I'm not super happy about it, because it makes the exercise I used to do uncomfortable, I feel crappy/tired a lot of the time, etc. And it's frustrating because every now and then I wonder why the fuck I bothered trying to be healthier and that type of thinking really sets me back.

Back to my point - I date. A lot. Not, like, with guys that are mean to me or think they can prey on me because they assume I have low self esteem. When I started dating again after the weight gain, I was actually surprised that I spent so much time hurting myself to stay thin for male attention, when I *STILL* get it, even though I'm twice the size and in my thirties. I'm no beauty queen either. Just a normal, friendly girl who dresses to highlight her curves instead of squeezing them into something too small. Men still tell me I look nice, they invite me out for drinks or dinner. No, not as much as when I was 22, but ain't nobody got time for that anyways.

So Sunshine Mary, I hate to tell you, but based on anecdotal experience I'd say you have no fucking clue. Also, you're a real bitch. And if some dude (aka your asshole husband) expected me to stay thin solely for him, and not for my health, I'd tell him not to let the door hit him on his way out.