Sunshine Mary is shaming fat women because she cares

[thoughtful]

Hello, Ms. Sunshine. I’m the founder of and photographer for The Adipositivity Project, an all-volunteer nonprofit photo campaign promoting well-being through positive body image and acceptance of others who may not look like we do. Some of your readers have notified me that you’re unlawfully using a copyrighted photo (the woman with the cat, marked “adipositivity.comâ€) which is owned by me, and further, that you’re using it for the purpose of advancing your message of sizeism, misogyny, and misinformation. I’m no theologian, but I’m pretty sure bigotry, hate, and dishonesty are not Christian values. If my photo is not removed within 24 hours I’ll be filing a DCMA cease order against you and will also report the theft to WordPress, as it’s a violation of your agreement with them. I expect you’ll also be hearing from God.

:lol: :clap: at the bolded.

The name SunshineMary keeps reminding me of these characters:

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vzm2k8ogkGk

and this number (NSFW):

gXhSQd_zhnk

all of which are funny associations, in their own way, considering what ShitstainMary is like! :D

[mockingbird]

Thank you. That explains quite a lot. I almost feel sorry for her. Although despite being so thin and beautiful, she still had to beg for sex from her husband. It's not a problem I've ever heard about from the non-submissive women I know. I wonder how she explains that.

Agree, I feel a little bad for her too.

Her husband's demand reminds me a little of a friend who was in an abusive marriage who had a lightbulb moment when her ex-husband told her he wanted her to defer to him all the time - except her revelation was that she needed to get out. Interesting how a similar situation can cause totally different reactions in two different women.

[Lainey]

Sunshine took the image down and then lectured the photographer about how she was only trying to help fat women avoid becoming lonely old spinsters. Some people never learn. Talk about a lack of humility. :angry-banghead:

Wait...but I'm fat (fat enough to have been kicked out of the MRA's "dating market value" test) and married. To a rather nice-looking man who wouldn't cheat on me. I don't even have to beg for sex. Am...am I a unicorn? :?

Meda is right--this is just a sad woman who's unhappy with her lot in life.

[Anxious Girl]

And they're bullying Ms. Jones for asking ShitShine to take down her pics. But I'm sure if a liberal used ShitShine's copyrighted pics to show how hateful Christians are, she'd go all ballistic and have no problems finding supporters to tell that liberal to delete pics taken by her on the liberal's blog. Hypocrite.

[Closed Womb]

"Sunshine" Mary should look at herself and consider the reasons why she feels threatened by other women feeling good about themselves, comfortable in their own skin, etc. What does it take away from HER for someone else to like themselves?

What, exactly, could the fat acceptance movement or fat activism change that would make "Sunshine" Mary unhappy? More clothes stores for larger people? Bigger airline seats? More fat people in public eye? Or is it that these kinds of things might make fat people less othered, thus making her less special?

I'm no psychologist, but from the bio listed above it seems that she needs someone to be lesser than herself; she needs to believe that fat women deserve less, get less, aren't loved, need to beg for sex and NOT get it. She needs to hear from other ill adjusted people who believe these things about fat women. I won't give her the clicks, but I would guess probably needs to believe that the men and women that love fat women are somehow defective. There has to be SOMEONE who is less than her; American society believes this to be the fat woman and she is going to reinforce it (in the name of the LORD.)

I'd like to feel bad for her, but I don't. The path to love, goodness, and salvation is not through demeaning others.

[Full enough quiver]

How is the size of my ass any of this woman's business? I'll add myself to the list of happily married fatties. My husband loves my size 14 body, but more importantly, I love my body. It took a long time to love it, since my mother harped on my weight for as long as I can remember, but you know what? I'm strong, fit, and healthy. I walk 2 miles a day, I garden, I swim almost every day, Im in better health than my size 2 sister. When my clothes begin feeling tight, I know I need to evaluate what I've been eating, maybe make sure I'm being active enough. Life's too short not to eat things you enjoy, no matter what your size. I encourage my girls to practice moderation. If a person is fat and unhappy, and losing weight will help them feel better physically and mentally, then they should do that. Healthy habits are important, but being thin wont solve all of life's problems. An unhappy fat person who loses weight could wind up as an unhappy thin person.

[AVENues]

Whenever I go back skinny... It's always due stress and I fall from one sickness into another. Skinny. Doesn't. Mean. Healthy.

[Avalondaughter]

You guys rightly point out that you're healthy, but people like SSM 1. Won't believe you're healthy and 2. Believe skinny trumps everything. As far as people like SSM are concerned you could be living on coffee, speed, and Fruit Loops and as long as you look good for your husband.

She references Chateau Heartiste, one of the internet's biggest misogynists. He has actually said a beautiful thin woman doesn't need a personality because all she needs to do is look good for men. He even plans to tell his daughters that the most important thing they can do is keep up their looks so that men will value them. He believes any man married to a fat woman (whatever he deems as fat) is simply not alpha enough to go after the woman he truly wants, wishes his wife were thinner, is secretly miserable, and will cheat on you with a thin woman if given half a chance.

So no, SSM doesn't care if you're healthy. She thinks you're ugly regardless. She also won't believe your husband is attracted to you. He's just biding his time until he can do better.

[2xx1xy1JD]

If SM is going to quote Chapter 23 of Proverbs, and insist that it be taken literally instead of metaphorically, she should at least do a thorough job and start at the beginning:

When you sit down to dine with a ruler,

Consider well who is before you.

Thrust a knife into your gullet

If you have a large appetite.

Proverbs 23:1-2

[laura oz]

I'm on painkillers, so go with me on this. If you have a masterpiece of art in your living room, sure, you'll look at it and appreciate its beauty. For a while. And then it will just become part of the furniture. If a woman is merely beautiful and thin, what happens if *gasp* there's no substance underneath the gilt and glitter? You'll get bored. I hope that made sense, and wasn't just a lortab deep thought. :lol:

[2xx1xy1JD]

SM also ignores the fact that beauty standards change over time.

100 years ago, fat was more likely to be seen as a sign of health. Food was more scarce, and diseases like tuberculosis resulted in weight loss. White flour and white sugar were seen as luxuries, while nobody had high-fructose corn syrup. So, fat was also associated with wealth.

It is only in relatively recent times that fat has been associated with poverty, since highly refined carbs are now cheaper than fresh fruit and veggies, lean meats or milk. That's shaped the social stigma around fat.

[Dinorah]

I'm underweight, have been so most of my life in spite of eating normally, and I'd feel very awkward if an overweight woman asked me for advice because I don't actively do anything, and actually there are times where I wouldn't mind have a few pounds more, so as to have a proper cleavage and stop people from wondering if I have an eating disorder.

[ems]

Sunshine Mary has a new thread today about gluttony in which she attempts to shame fat women because she cares about them: /sunshinemaryandthedragon.wordpress.com/2013/05/24/pride-and-gluttony

She sees the fat acceptance movement as an evil feminist ploy to "uglify" American women:

You see, fat women are sinners:

When commenters suggested that fat shaming isn't such a good idea, Sunshine insisted she's only trying to help women attract men:

Wow. Just wow. That's just the type of encouragement my overweight girlfriends need. :angry-banghead:

She really is a biatch.

She also doesn't get the principle that even if you want to change something (eat healthier, lose weight, etc.) you need to first come to a point of self-acceptance.

I mean, maybe she thinks the self-shaming has worked for her, but it clearly has led to a lot of hatred and judgement that she directs outward.

And if she's so set on shame as a means of change, why not shame gluttony, rather than obesity/body size? They are not one-and-the-same.

[ems]

Another thing:

If men are as absolutely turned off and disgusted by fat as she says they are...

then why do they call them love handles?

[idonthaveajname]

When I met my husband I was more than 100lbs heavier than I am now. He absolutely can't keep his hands off me, even after almost 13 years together. I never, ever had trouble getting dates, even at my heaviest. My husband is of an average weight, and is very attractive.

Sunshine Mary can go fuck herself.

[polecat]

I've recently discovered SSM's blog and just cannot stop myself from reading it. It's like a train wreck. I've definitely read self-loathing in her words, but it's not just her: The MRA (or red pill men or whatever they call themselves) commenters have some serious issues. They want women, but they hate them. They are more concerned with getting a hot chick with an intact hymen than they are having an actual life partner. And because they are (I suspect) by and large average guys with serious self-esteem problems, they aren't getting these hot chicks with intact hymens. And they are mad as hell about it. A recent comment thread re: making rape a property crime against *men* was horrifyingly eye-opening. Never mind all the whining about women who are on the "carousel."

Oh, and add me to the "fatty f-ing feminist" group. I'm a good size 18-20, have been happily married for more than 12 years and have never had to beg for sex. Heck, I still regularly get checked out by other men, too. That's because, believe it or not, fat women CAN still have it going on.

I feel bad for her, and I feel bad for the men who read her. There are no winners there.

[graysmama]

Wow she is delusional. I'm a size 22/24 and happily married. My husband is a larger man himself

[wtylcf]

SSM completely misses the point of fat acceptance - it's not to "glorify" fatness or even promote it as "attractive" over thinness - it's to acknowledge the condition of fatness as socially acceptable and to recognize the personhood of fat people.

You may think this is completely absurd, but it's not. To many people, fat bodies are de-humanized public property. Last week I was visiting my parents, and we drove by a bus stop where a morbidly obese man was sitting on a bench waiting for the bus. My own dad made some comment about how terrifyingly fat he was. It was like he wasn't a person to my dad; he was the condition of obesity he exhibited. My dad has had it drilled into him by his doctor that he needs to maintain his weight at a certain point, and is fastidious about it, but it seems to have made him unsympathetic to the fact that for some people, being at a healthy weight isn't so simple as cutting out sweets for a few months and dropping 15 lbs. I was at a loss to explain how it doesn't help to look at only the fat and not the person, as if being fat cancels out one's personal value, and this was frustrating and sad.

People don't think about what they're doing when they shame fat people. They're essentially telling them that they cannot exist in public as they are, because it will draw negative attention. What is the fat person supposed to do? Disappear? Starve themselves until they attain an appearance that is considered socially proper and then re-emerge as a socially acceptable public body? Apologize for their existence? This is not about "concern" for fat people's health - only the person and their doctor know the true status of their health. This is about the last publicly acceptable form of ostracism - fat shaming. Sure, you're so concerned about the health of the fat man on the bench that you will call him names behind his back, although you'll probably never run into him again in your entire life. (I love my dad and overall he's a wonderful person, but this rankled, as you can tell.)

I also think that being on a chronic diet, as SSM seems to advocate, is a great way to waste one's intellectual resources. Certain parts of healthy living, such as eating a healthy and nutrient-rich diet and exercising several times a week, are a great use of one's brain and body, and will make you feel physically and mentally fantastic. But the controlled starvation of calorie restriction for the sake of vanity, and not medical necessity, seems almost impossible to maintain over the course of one's entire life, in my personal experience. It can exacerbate unhealthy tendencies like binge eating and feelings of self-loathing, and can mess up your metabolism so it is resistant to weight loss and prone to re-gaining weight.

[Mela99]

So what if the headship is a chubby chaser? Not all men want twigs.

[louisa05]

Whenever I go back skinny... It's always due stress and I fall from one sickness into another. Skinny. Doesn't. Mean. Healthy.

It doesn't mean unhealthy either.

[ADoyle90815]

I'm also one of those fatties that's in a long term relationship, and actually engaged. He loves me regardless of my size and he's never cheated, plus I don't have to beg for sex. In my case, a major reason I'm the size I am is that I was on antidepressants where one of the major side effects is weight gain. At least, the thing I could say is that I do eat healthy and get regular exercise, but the only thing my lifestyle has done was prevent me from gaining even more weight. Every lab test from physicals have come back normal, and that includes things like blood pressure and cholesterol levels. My mom on the other hand, probably would fit Shitstain Mary's ideal, but she has to take medication to keep her cholesterol levels in the normal ranges.

[Dysfundamental]

The only thing you can discern about an individual person from looking at their weight is the amount of mass they displace in Earth gravity. Yes, there are health risks that are more present among certain BMI groups, statistically, but one person is not a statistically significant sample!