All things Razing Ruth

[hywelis]

I'm not in the US or a US citizen so I don't know about resources there and I can't help money-wise right now, but I want to send you hugs if you want them, Ruth.

Hywelis

[SheWoreLemon]

Check with the Human Resources department at your job. You might be eligible to visit a therapist for free through the Employee Assistant Program (EAP).

If you work at University of Illinois in Chicago: Staff from the Counseling Center are available to consult with faculty, staff, or students about the mental health needs of students or employees. To request a consultation, call the Counseling Center at (312) 996-3490 and ask to speak to either the Clinical Director, Dr. Karen Maddi, or any staff counselor who is available. http://www.uic.edu/depts/counseling/ser ... ulty.shtml

Roosevelt University: http://roosevelt156.reachlocal.net/Coun ... erral.aspx

Loyola: There exist a number of Loyola services which provide confidential counseling for personal concerns. They include the Employee Assistance Program, the Counseling Center, and University Ministry. A member of the Loyola community may go to these offices to explore options in confidence.

CSU: http://www.csu.edu/dosa/counselingcenter.htm

DePaul: "The Employee Assistance Program is available to provide assistance to University faculty and staff who may be experiencing difficult personal problems. Employee Assistance Program services include individual and family counseling, psychological evaluations and referrals, substance abuse treatment and similar services."

Concordia: "the Schmieding Counseling Center, which serves all students, staff and faculty" http://gradschool.cuchicago.edu/academi ... rch-result

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Also check this thread about sliding scale counseling in Chicago: http://www.reddit.com/r/chicago/comment ... alth_care/

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I hope you don't mind me overwhelming you with resources. I was paralyzed with depression and anxiety at one point--too much to wade through all the information about finding a counselor. So I hope this helps!

[lizziesmom]

Ruth, I don't know how paralyzed you are right now with all the overwhelming change, but I truly believe that there are a number of people on this site who would be happy to meet you, listen to you, and be a person you can lean on. Message boards are great, but individual humans are better. Maybe a meal once or twice a week. Go with you for a walk. Just be a friendly face to interact with. I hope if you feel you are up to it, you will follow up with those who have indicated to you they are willing to do that.

[browngrl]

Ruth, I hope you read here. Others have offered good advice on resources you might find useful so I won't repeat their words. I can't say that I know what you are feeling but I have had jobs that had a (very) rough start. One of my first jobs was particularly challenging. I pretty much cried in the car on the way home for the first few weeks. One of my older co workers gave me some advice. He said: (paraphrasing here) everyone has a tough time in the beginning - but if you can hang on you'll find that it gets better by about the 6 month mark. I doubted him (strongly) but the funny thing is one day I looked around and realized that the job was working out and I was doing ok and funny enough it was at about the 6 month mark. I hope you settle in much sooner than I did.

[pboreos]

Ruth, I'm sorry to reply here rather than the blog, but it's easier for me, so I hope that's ok. I just wanted to offer you a number 9 and 10 for things you are good at. I've read your blog for quite a while and I wanted to suggest that 9. you are good at surviving. I know that it's hard to see right now, but honestly, look back at where you've come from and how far you've really made it. You have not gone back, no one that has said anything negative about you have been right. You may not have been given all of the tools that you should have been, that most people ideally are/were, but you ARE picking them up. You've educated yourself, you've supported yourself, and you've made big decisions, all on your own.

10. you are good at supporting people. Look at how you helped Rachel and Ellie. You've done a lot for both of them! Rachel went back- that's true, but that's on her. She gets to make her own decisions. And, she made the best one she could by giving Ellie up to be raised outside of ATI. You helped with that, and you helped make it happen.

It seems to me that you are good at a lot. Since I only know you through your blog, I have limited info to go on, I'm sure that if I (and the other people who read it) knew you in person we'd be able to come up with a lot more things. But, I promise you that if we knew the "real" you, we would think more good things. It's hard to see right now, but please know that it's a combination of things and it's NOT you. You're going through a lot- you've lost the only father you knew (and good or bad, that's a thing you have to process) so there's grief. You've made a big move, and that's a big change. You have a new job, which is another change. And you also have some meds that need to be adjusted, which make all of the other things a bit harder to do. It's like if you needed glasses and your prescription wasn't right- we're telling you that the tree has leaves, but you just can't see the individual leaves yet. You will. We know they are there, and we know that you have lots of great qualities and are strong and can do all of this ;o)

[August]

Ruth, you're not failing, really really you're not. I've BTDT feeling like you feel, and it's not failing!!!!

[Lillybee]

Stay safe, Mary/Ruth, i understand a terrible storm is going to hit Chicago tonight. It is called a Derecho. I have never heard of it but it may bring hail, high winds and maybe tornados.

[Val78]

Just spent quite a bit of time catching up on this...and I'm so sorry, but I have no doubt you'll pull through. Best wishes for it all.

[eightykatie]

Hang in there Mary Ruth! It's got to get better. Starting a new job is always kind of dreadful, because you don't know all the stuff you need to know. And a lot of it is just knowledge that you'll build up as you go. It's fabulous that you've identified why some of the people are being hostile to you. Hopefully they'll come round, but until then I think all you can do is what you are doing - try and kill them with kindness.

I have no good suggestions for you for counselors or whatever. I wish you had better support in Chicago, but I guess that's one of the things that's so sucky about moving across country - you lose all your family/friends who you can just hang out with.

So, hang in there, and know we're pulling for you and have your back! Even if it's from far away!

(and you SO have not failed. Don't listen to those voices!)

[Aurora rising]

You.Did.Not.Fail, Ruth. You made it that far and you´ll make it even further, believe me. I´m sorry that you´re through such rough times, but it´s good that you are asking for help - and hopefully getting it, of course.

And if I would be you, I would wait maybe one month or so and if the behaviour from your colleagues do not change, then I would try to talk to your supervisor (not the one who didn´t want to hire you, obviously). It´s not cheating or bitching - what they do is called "mobbing" and in Germany (where I live) there are even laws against it.

[razingruth]

Thank you for the warm fuzzies.

It's complicated. I have always had depression- I think I was depressed as a child, too. I kind of thought it was situational depression when I left- but it never got better after leaving, so then I knew it was more than just the family. I'm not proud of it, but I know it's important not to hide it or ignore it. I take meds to help regulate it. But, I think the move and the stress of the new job and the weather here are all adding to my already tenuous mental state. Even though life was difficult in California, I had built some friendships and, even if it was hard and financially tough, I knew the area and it was my "normal". Here, I feel very isolated, even though I've met some FJers and am around people. I don't have my "new normal" yet. Plus, I really, really didn't anticipate how high the cost of living would be here. Not just rent and the big stuff, but all the little things. Produce is high here, whereas, I had a coop and farmer's markets that sold local, fresh, inexpensive things in California. Traffic is bad here. The lack of sunshine is really throwing me off as is the humidity. Utilities seem to be higher and all of those new moving expenses are adding up. I-passes and transportation and the stuff that I took for granted in California. It's different and different is tough for me.

Strangely, and to add to the stress, my mother and brother have been contacting me by email and putting the full court press on to rejoin the "faith". I'm closer to headquarters and there is no shortage of people here who would "help me, if only" I would do "x,y,and z." They know I'm in a weak place and they're trying to take advantage of it.

The good news is, Ellie's family is planning to come this way later in the summer. I can't get specific until after the visit because, let's face it, people in my old life are nutty and they could decide to show up or make things difficult. I miss that little, precious girl so much.

[Peas n carrots]

Thank you for the warm fuzzies.

It's complicated. I have always had depression- I think I was depressed as a child, too. I kind of thought it was situational depression when I left- but it never got better after leaving, so then I knew it was more than just the family. I'm not proud of it, but I know it's important not to hide it or ignore it. I take meds to help regulate it. But, I think the move and the stress of the new job and the weather here are all adding to my already tenuous mental state. Even though life was difficult in California, I had built some friendships and, even if it was hard and financially tough, I knew the area and it was my "normal". Here, I feel very isolated, even though I've met some FJers and am around people. I don't have my "new normal" yet. Plus, I really, really didn't anticipate how high the cost of living would be here. Not just rent and the big stuff, but all the little things. Produce is high here, whereas, I had a coop and farmer's markets that sold local, fresh, inexpensive things in California. Traffic is bad here. The lack of sunshine is really throwing me off as is the humidity. Utilities seem to be higher and all of those new moving expenses are adding up. I-passes and transportation and the stuff that I took for granted in California. It's different and different is tough for me.

Strangely, and to add to the stress, my mother and brother have been contacting me by email and putting the full court press on to rejoin the "faith". I'm closer to headquarters and there is no shortage of people here who would "help me, if only" I would do "x,y,and z." They know I'm in a weak place and they're trying to take advantage of it.

The good news is, Ellie's family is planning to come this way later in the summer. I can't get specific until after the visit because, let's face it, people in my old life are nutty and they could decide to show up or make things difficult. I miss that little, precious girl so much.

See you got some got something good to look forward to!

If you haven't already I think the hispanic groceries are the best places to get produce. It's alot cheaper than Jewel/Dominick's.

Chicago is just, ugh expensive. However, there are lots of great free activities! There are festivals in Grant Park almost every weekend.

I don't have much going on Sunday during the day, so PM me if you want to meet at a Starbucks and have a coffee.

[hywelis]

Thank you for the warm fuzzies.

....

The good news is, Ellie's family is planning to come this way later in the summer. I can't get specific until after the visit because, let's face it, people in my old life are nutty and they could decide to show up or make things difficult. I miss that little, precious girl so much.

Snip mine.

You're most welcome, first of all.

I'm so glad you'll be seeing Ellie again soon. That's really awesome.

For your depression, please disregard this if you wish to, but I had a very good experience with St. John's Worth. Granted, my depression was situational/seasonal, so your situation may be different. For myself, I felt it helped immensely. As I said, do feel free to disregard.

Hywelis

[FlorenceHamilton]

Ruth/Mary,

I totally understand your situation. I am a doctor and suffer depression and anxiety as well. Hardship led me also to make difficult decisions and changes that were quite unexpected. In the last 5 years, I have moved to 4 different states. All of the moves were positive and good decisions for my life and career. The actual moves were very traumatic. Moving to a now geography, a new culture, a place full of strangers is very overwhelming. I plunged into a very difficult emotional place with each move.

Like you, I was able to spare my ability to do my job and secure a space to live, but little else. It does pass. It takes about 6-8 weeks, but it gradually eases up and passes. Instead of noticing the negative behaviors in other people, you start to see the little kindnesses. Intead of rushing right home to your solitude, you start to lag back at the end of the day and chat. Paths become familiar. The trees and architechture become landmarks of your trodden path. The new place begins to open up.

I am so glad that you recognize that this is part of your emotional make up. It helps to do self talk to get you through it. You know that this will pass. You mentioned that it is something that you are not proud of. Depression is not something that needs this sort of qualifier. It is not something about which to be proud or ashamed. It just is. Like your height or your shoe size, you just accomodate this personal trait.

You do need to address your food insecurity. Do a little bit of research. I know that there are food co-ops and other resources in the area. You will find the tools you need to survive and thrive. I am so happy that you are spending some real time with the FJ's. I am also happy that you are connected to Ellie and her family.

Keep us updated. I care. Lots of us care.

[BravaAmica]

Ruth, Have you thought about sending and emails from your family to a folder that's not your inbox? That way, you don't have to see the emails and read them when you're feeling down. Read them when you want to. I do that with emails from particular people- about every two or three weeks, I read the emails.

[wild little fox]

Courage is not defined as not having fear! It is pushing forward through the fear! You are doing great. You are being far too hard on yourself.

You and I were both taught that we don't have what it takes to make it in the world. I know you do because you have made it this far.

Remember you are lived and supported by us here who believe in you. Draw on our strength when it is dark.

Lots of people feel insecure when starting a new job. It's okay. We care!

*we as in the people who are rallying to your side.

[kitkat]

There are co-ops and CSAs in Chicago, I don't know how they compare in terms of price, but if you go to localharvest.org there are a bunch listed.

[martian]

There are co-ops and CSAs in Chicago, I don't know how they compare in terms of price, but if you go to localharvest.org there are a bunch listed.

CSAs are a good value but usually require an upfront payment - at least all the ones I looked into in the Chicago area did. We haven't been able to swing ours for the last couple of years because of that even though we really, really loved it. Maybe that's something for Ruth to keep in mind for Fall or next Spring. Man, do I miss ours. The fresh eggs were insane. There are great farmers' markets all over Chicago, though, even downtown.

This is the city of Chicago's handy info page on all of the markets: http://www.cityofchicago.org/city/en/depts/dca/supp_info/farmers_market.html

I think the best deal I see around the city is the random trucks full of produce that pull over, park on the street, put up a sign, and just sell over the tailgate. I saw a guy selling strawberries for a buck a pound last week and they looked beautiful - wish I could have stopped. It makes it worth carrying one of those scrunchy, little shopping bags around with you.

There are places out in the suburbs with nice produce at great prices - it just takes time to find them. Jerry's out in Niles is terrific with an awesome selection and cheap prices. They don't seem to have a website so here's their Yelp page: http://www.yelp.com/biz/jerrys-fruit-and-garden-niles.

You'll get your footing soon, Ruth. Even driving here won't seem so bad after awhile, believe it or not.

[SamuraiKatz]

Ruth/Mary

Aldi Foods (think Trader Joes) has 20 stores in the Chicago area. Check their website for a store close to your home or work. Aldi has a so/so selection of produce which is often available more cheaply than even Walmart Supercenter or Neighborhood market. Also in my area (heart o duggarland) Aldi puts out a grocery ad in the local newspaper. Walmart does price matches.

http://www.aldi.us/index_ENU_HTML.htm

I'm sorry your family is trying to pressure you back into the cult of Gothardism. I think doing as another poster suggested and filtering their email from your main inbox is a good idea.

Keep moving forward. You are doing a great job.

[Peas n carrots]

With the food insecurity issue, look to see if you might qualify for a LINK card. I've had friends who have had to use them at certain points in their life. Many farmers markets accept them as well.

http://www.dhs.state.il.us/page.aspx?item=30371

[August]

Snip mine.

You're most welcome, first of all.

I'm so glad you'll be seeing Ellie again soon. That's really awesome.

For your depression, please disregard this if you wish to, but I had a very good experience with St. John's Worth. Granted, my depression was situational/seasonal, so your situation may be different. For myself, I felt it helped immensely. As I said, do feel free to disregard.

Hywelis

Just a quick reply, because I'm late for a meeting, but you CANNOT take St John's Wort along with antidepressants, they do the same thing so they interact and do bad stuff.

[duplessis3]

http://chicagofoodnotbombs.net/Chicago has a group - this would be a great way to get fed and meet some interesting people. That will almost certainly know how to get by on the cheap in Chicago.

[msgovernment]

During the summer, I'd also look up where your local farmer's market is. I don't know exactly where you are, but Rogers Park, River North, and Oak Park have farmer's markets once a week in the summer that are great. There are probably more. I also second Aldi and the ethnic groceries (Latino and Indian). All the Indian groceries over on Devon have relatively inexpensive produce.

Also--Chicago has no shortage of free summer festivals, which might be nice in terms of meeting people and just getting out. Go to metromix.com and check out what's happening and what you'd like to go to. I think it's been mentioned, but all the museums have free days as well, and the Grant Park Music Festival is free for lawn tickets--pack some food, bring a blanket, and go enjoy some great music for free downtown.

[hywelis]

Just a quick reply, because I'm late for a meeting, but you CANNOT take St John's Wort along with antidepressants, they do the same thing so they interact and do bad stuff.

Thank you for pointing this out, I was not aware of that. Sorry for giving a bad suggestion.

Hywelis

[Dev83]

Hi Ruth,

So sorry you are having a difficult time right now - but it will get better. You can do this - remember, you are stronger than you have ever even imagined. You have proven this over and over and over again. There are not many people in the world that have shown the kind of strength and dedication you have - make sure you take a moment to be insanely proud of yourself.

This is a complete shot in the dark because I have never used them for this purpose, but I would consider going to your local Planned Parenthood and seeing if they have any recommendations for low cost or no cost resources in the area. They are very connected in the low cost medical care world, and I have a strong feeling that they would have some really good references for mental health professionals. All the experiences I have had with clinics have been awesome.