All things Razing Ruth

[Pammy]

I'm usually just a lurker here, but I wanted to offer you my support, because I've been following your blog for a long time, and I feel as if I know you. The internet is weird that way, isn't it!

I want you to know especially that you don't have to endure people pressing you to rejoin their "faith" -- you are free to choose the boundaries that will protect your mental health, especially as you settle into this new place and way of doing life.

I think you know that the way you were raised included various kinds of abuse... and the reason I *HATE* abuse is not just because we've decided it's not a good way to treat others, but because I believe it does real and lasting damage... not that I want to cast you as a total victim or anything like that. I'm just trying to say that you are currently living with the results of many of the things that happened in your past -- things you didn't do, choices that you didn't make. It wouldn't be logical to expect you to be healthy and dandy after your experiences. You have extra crap to wade through, and you are doing it admirably.

So, don't let yourself get caught up in thinking that you caused this set of difficulties, or that you aren't coping well enough in your own eyes. It's you that has to endure and conquer your situation, but you aren't responsible for having inherited it in the first place, and therefore you aren't responsible for the fact that it is taking you a reasonable amount of time as you move towards full recovery. (If "abuse" left people just dandy in its wake, it wouldn't be right to call it "abuse", would it?)

[August]

Pammy, you should post more.

[snarkopolis]

Ruth, keep plugging away. We are all rooting for you. Ignore your mother and brother and make sure to take a walk around your neighborhood each night if you can. Change the view. Appreciate how far you have come and know there are many people out here/there who admire your strength.

[gypsygirl22]

Ruth, I have a couple of suggestions on things to do on your days off from work. Check your local library website for activities, our library system has things going on every day for both kids and adults. Author visits, exercise classes, craft classes, book discussions, watching classic movies, etc. Also, I'm pretty sure you are near one or two Major League Baseball parks. Go to the teams websites and look at their promotions schedule. We only have a minor league team here but about once a month, on a Sunday, they will give you a ticket to sit on the berm if you donate a can of food. The team(s) you are near may have similar offers. Make sure you can bring along an empty water bottle, that way you don't have to buy their super pricey drinks.

[Genk]

Just thinking of you, I hope that things are getting a little better.

[nolongerIFBx]

Also thinking of you this morning. Hope this week is seeing some improvements in your work environment.

[MamaJunebug]

Hey, girl. Just a word of advice on dealing with workplace gerbils:

When you greet someone and they are grumpy back, DO NOT think, "Oh, shit, what did I do to her???"

Think - MAKE yourself think - "Ah, she's having a bad day. I'll act accordingly around her."

It's small but you will NOT believe the difference it makes in facing a work situation where people are into conflict and turf wars and stuff like that. Don't let them make it personal. I wish somebody had told me that years before they did.

Also, a word about your family of origin's e-mails: Yes, direct them to a folder called "Mom/Bro" or just mark them as spam, and open them up when (and only when) you feel strong. Don't worry that you might miss something very important that happened, that they're writing you about. You won't.

Love you, angel-girl. Stand strong.

[Genk]

Has anyone who has met Mary/Ruth personally let us know if she is ok? Quite a few people are worried about her. Hopefully all is ok.

[library_youth]

I'm concerned as well; I hope she updates soon and lets us know how she's doing.

[lizziesmom]

I know it's been 9 days since her last blog but she sounded almost upbeat in the one she posted on June 12th. Hopefully she's busy exploring Chicago and getting settled in.

[nokidsmom]

I have been wondering how she's doing as well.

[razingruth]

I'm so sorry. I had a problem and I couldn't get on line for several days.

I had been feeling very uncomfortable in the pelvic area for about a week and thought it was the move (my periods were off and I just felt odd). I went to work on Saturday morning and the discomfort turned into pain. By the end of the day, a coworker noticed that I couldn't really stand up straight and she recommended I go to this urgent care facility next to the school. They ended up sending me to the ER and that led to testing and surgery. I had a twisted ovary that was kind of beyond saving by the time they got in there. I'm totally fine now- in fact, I feel physically better than I have for a while. But, of course, with no insurance, it's becoming a monster stressor. They're ok letting me make payments but it's ridiculously expensive to need care without insurance and I am now in a huge pickle. But, it could be worse, I was told that it could have been much more serious and could've ended up in a hysterectomy if I had waited much longer to seek care. I was without internet for several days in the hospital and have decided to give up my internet at home in the meantime to save money. I can check it during lunch and break here at work. My employers were very understanding and thankfully I did not lose my job. Thank you for caring enough to worry about me during my absence.

[Dysfundamental]

Feel better soon! I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Glad your job folks were understanding.

[sleepygirl1]

God bless you Ruth. Will be praying for you!

[martian]

Oh, wow, that sounds painful. I'm so glad you're feeling better!

If you need anything, and you feel comfortable with it, reach out and give one of us a poke in PM. I'm sure any number of us would be happy to bring you some soup and muffins.

[flyawaystray]

You should put a Paypal donate button on your blog, I'm sure some people would help out :)

[lizziesmom]

You should put a Paypal donate button on your blog, I'm sure some people would help out :)

She has one.

[flyawaystray]

Oh, I haven't read in a while, my bad.

[mrs]

Ruth/Mary, you can try to negotiate the medical bill. It might be a good idea to call the billing department at the hospital. Speak to a representative about reducing the total, you may be able to decrease the amount owed. I have heard of relatives being able to decrease the bill by a third.

I hope you recover quickly. :-)

[Just_Jane]

You might want to find out if the hospital has financial aid grants for those without insurance or for those who don't qualify for other federal or state help. a few years ago I ended up in the ER and had a bill pushing close to 10k. The hospital gave me a grant for the whole ER visit plus 90 days post care at one of their related clinics.

[snarkyjan]

You could also try asking the hospital if they would be willing to bill you at the Medicare rate. Good luck and hope you feel better.

[Coconut Flan]

I'm glad you were seen before it got any worse and that you're doing better now. I second asking for any breaks you can get on the bill.

[browngrl]

Hi Ruth, just chiming in to add my voice to the other voices of support. I know that my words are the secular equivalent of "I'll be praying for you" but I hope that there is some comfort in knowing that there are people like me who are rooting for you.

[August]

Ruth, that must have been horrible for you, painful, but also scary and sad being in hospital with no friends or family nearby. Is work getting any better?

I'm sure your doc has told you this but one ovary is not an impediment to your fertility later in life.

[Pammy]

I'm glad you got the care you needed.

(I think the American medical system sucks. Sorry. Just being Canadian.)