All things Razing Ruth

[ILoveJellybeans]

People should have more respect. Ruth is a normal person who doesnt deserve to be stalked.

Just because someone runs a blog that you are a fan of (or is in a TV show/movie/band you like or whatever), does not mean you are entitled to their attention when they are going about their own business.

[Coconut Flan]

I'm getting upset over someone going to Ruth's work and demanding to see her and her driver's license.

I'm a bit cranky plus considerably older than Ruth and no way would I show any stranger that happened to show up my driver's license. Call the police for harassment is more like it for me.

[mrs]

Ruth/Mary just added a recent post and I am absolutely floored that people have done some of the things she says they have. One woman tracked her down at the campground she stayed at while traveling and another went to her work and demanded to see Ruth after being stood up for a F2F. This is nuts and very stalkerish behavior. Who does things like this?

I am actually frightened for her. People are so obsessed and you never know what they may do or say. Now we all know why she is afraid of reveling her true identity. People suck.

I thought she "thanked" the campground family in a blog post(when she was traveling to her new home).

I didn't know she had a book deal(that fell through) or CNN offers(that she didn't take).

Wow, that is a creepy story.

[hywelis]

These people are acting in a most disrespectful manner. Ruth-Mary, you don't need to prove anyone anything. I'm sorry you had to go through this because of people being so damn inconsiderate.

Hywelis

[J'ean Skirt]

I'm getting upset over someone going to Ruth's work and demanding to see her and her driver's license.

I'm a bit cranky plus considerably older than Ruth and no way would I show any stranger that happened to show up my driver's license. Call the police for harassment is more like it for me.

That made me LIVID. What the hell was this person thinking? And what was her driver's license supposed to prove?

:pull-hair:

[OkToBeTakei]

If you don't wish to meet people then don't. There is enough information in that blog that even *I* who live on another continent could work stuff out. In one breath you ask for help. In another it is too much. It confuses me. I never have and never will donate to some anonymous online persona. I just don't. Call me cynical. OR just I have enough local or international charities that when I have the money will be my focus.

I do not doubt your story. But I feel strongly that you have to deal with putting it out there. By doing that you are going to attract all kinds of weird. If you don't want the weird, don't put it out there. If you want help and support you have to separate one from the other. Unfortunately they are not mutually exclusive. I don't think you can win in either situation.

What I hope is that you can eventually attain the life you want which does not rely on any of these things. Part of being a victim is breaking the pattern.

Not a flowery be well post. Just my hope and wish for you.

[Koala]

I'll be totally honest here and say that there are some things about this story that trouble me. I'm not saying it's not true- there's no way of knowing that, but there are some red flags imo. Ruth is in no way obligated to fill in the missing pieces, however, she also has to realize that when soliciting money on the internet, one will be met with skepticism from some.

If there are people showing up at Ruth's place of employment, that is very concerning. No one in their right mind would do such a thing.

I hope everyone (both Ruth and her followers) will exercise a healthy dose of common sense and skepticism. If you feel comfortable giving money to a stranger on the internet, there's nothing I can say to talk you out of it, but to me it seems sort of risky. There are so many stories of elaborate internet hoaxes...you just never know these days. And for Ruth- be careful who you give your information to. We are just people behind a computer screen. The people on FJ and your blog aren't vetted in any way. They could be anyone. It is very easy to be someone you're not here. As generous as some of these offers for meet ups are, please be careful.

[theresa]

So Ruth says someone showed up at her work demanding to talk to a Mary or Ruth but didn't bring the item she was going to donate to her. Is that someone from Freejinger who did that? Anyone?? There were a few people on here offering her things, I can't imagine anyone from here wouldn't own up to doing that.

[Lainey]

And for Ruth- be careful who you give your information to. We are just people behind a computer screen. The people on FJ and your blog aren't vetted in any way. They could be anyone. It is very easy to be someone you're not here. As generous as some of these offers for meet ups are, please be careful.

This!!! I have been very open here, and I have had reason to regret it. My advice to you is to stay anonymous, because you really don't know who you can trust. And this is coming from someone who is super-snoopy and would love to know who you are just for curiosity's sake (although it's unlikely I would recognize your name, anyway). But I can't even emphasize enough how important it is that you protect your privacy. Having someone show up at your work...that is terrifying.

[TeaNCrackers]

Thread name changed

Not changed . . .

[lilith]

Not changed . . .

Damn TapaTalk. Trying again.

[lilith]

Fixed. Had to go out of Tapa to do it.

[TeaNCrackers]

Fixed. Had to go out of Tapa to do it.

Yay! :clap:

[ladyamylynn]

I'll be totally honest here and say that there are some things about this story that trouble me. I'm not saying it's not true- there's no way of knowing that, but there are some red flags imo. Ruth is in no way obligated to fill in the missing pieces, however, she also has to realize that when soliciting money on the internet, one will be met with skepticism from some.

If there are people showing up at Ruth's place of employment, that is very concerning. No one in their right mind would do such a thing.

I hope everyone (both Ruth and her followers) will exercise a healthy dose of common sense and skepticism. If you feel comfortable giving money to a stranger on the internet, there's nothing I can say to talk you out of it, but to me it seems sort of risky. There are so many stories of elaborate internet hoaxes...you just never know these days. And for Ruth- be careful who you give your information to. We are just people behind a computer screen. The people on FJ and your blog aren't vetted in any way. They could be anyone. It is very easy to be someone you're not here. As generous as some of these offers for meet ups are, please be careful.

I'm glad you said it...

[nellautumngirl]

So you're saying Ruth should edit her blog and remove everything that could point to her location? I always thought she was careful, but what do I know, apparently not careful enough. At least it wouldn't take her much time to edit the posts about her move.

To the woman who showed up at Ruth's work: What a despicable, selfish, dumb, pointless thing to do. I hope you're proud of yourself for making her already hard life a little bit harder, and that you can live with that. I couldn't.

[snarkykitty]

Did anyone call the police or security?

[Peas n carrots]

Ugh, that is weird having someone show up at your work. As curious as I am and as much as I've loved to have coffee and what not...I respect the fact that if she doesn't want to meet anyone (myself included!) it's just that...she needs her space/privacy or whatever else.

I'm pretty sure I have an idea of where she works, but it's just crossing a line to show up and demand a driver's license. I mean WTF???

[mrs]

Did anyone call the police or security?

I wonder if campus security could have been involved.

[August]

So you're saying Ruth should edit her blog and remove everything that could point to her location? I always thought she was careful, but what do I know, apparently not careful enough. At least it wouldn't take her much time to edit the posts about her move.

To the woman who showed up at Ruth's work: What a despicable, selfish, dumb, pointless thing to do. I hope you're proud of yourself for making her already hard life a little bit harder, and that you can live with that. I couldn't.

I couldn't have located her previously but there's been enough pointers recently that given a day and google I could track her down.

Anything specific, from travel time, event names, professions, weather, anything can be traced. A DIY blogger was recently traced because she described the bushes in front of her house. Stick to " I am August, I have youngish children, we went to the park. During the last month it rained, last winter there was snow. I work at a job".

[nelliebelle1197]

I'm glad you said it...

Me too. As much as I hate to say it...

[happy atheist]

This thread long ago stopped being Snark, hence the move to Chatter.

Perhaps for everyone's health and sanity, y'all could dial back the obsession a little bit?

[Closed Womb]

I follow this tread, and the Razing Ruth blog, but rarely comment.

A few weeks ago, when Ruth/Mary wrote about people showing up at the campground, I found it very odd that R/M sounded so thankful; that would have creeped me out. I also found it a little odd that R/M explained exactly how they found her. To me that is something best kept secret. Anyway, I am also slightly (maybe 10% skeptical) about R/M, so maybe it was a figment of her imagination added for legitimacy? Who knows.

At first I was really bothered by the (alleged) person who appeared at R/M's work. But, the more I think on it, I wonder if that person (who R/M had apparently given personal information to) was trying to get to the bottom of this whole thing? Did this person donate a ton of money to someone who might not be real? Was this person 95% sure they would not see R/M there? Did this exchange even happen?

I know that offering some grace to the offending mystery woman probably won't be popular around here, but I'm just not willing to convict based on one side of a story (which might only exist in order to legitimize the entire, overarching narrative.)

As others have said, don't give money to strangers on the interwebz. If you do donate something (money or hard goods), FFS don't track the recipient(s) down. If they are backing out on meeting you, just accept that you've been scammed. If you think people can't keep up a long term internet scam, you're wrong. I have a college professor friend who was sucked in by one "cancer stricken" woman named "Lilli." It wasn't until a second man I know fell in love with the same woman (who subsequently "died" while still being alive for Gent One; I guess my friend was pretty generous with his lady, while Guy Two played it close to the wallet) that I told him of my suspicions. He ignored me, such is the power of internet love.

[Mustang Sally]

Here's the thing - given all the Munchausen by Internet we [meaning, those of us on the internet] have experienced or witnessed over the last decade and more, I can totally understand why people would be suspicious of Ruth's story. I really can - I have been similarly skeptical of other blogger's stories, and been horrified to find out later that they actually sucked people into what turned out to be an elaborate hoax - for money, attention, or whatever. It hurts people.

But at the same time, when you give money (or attention) to an unvetted stranger on the internet, especially in 20-fricken-13, you never expect anything back in return. You just don't. You kiss that money/attention/goodwill/whatever goodbye. If you're going to give, you give with no strings attached, because there are no guarantees in this world, especially online with strangers. If you give, you give with your eyes open - yes, this might be a scam, or perhaps the truth, or perhaps even somewhere in the middle - bits of truth interspersed with omissions or fabrications.

Don't give ANYTHING if you are suspicious. It's not that hard. Don't give your time or attention or money to something you cannot verify and do not trust. It is totally beyond the pale to show up at someone's workplace, even if you think they have lied to you. If you must research and find out the truth, do it in another way - don't bring someone's real life job into the matter unless and until you have good reason to believe they are *doing something illegal that involves their workplace.*

Even in the case of a notorious scammer like MckMama, I have never thought it was okay that certain readers would drive by her house or go to events to see her, or whatever. It's just gross. There is more than enough evidence obtained through public records and her own blog to show what she's been up to without it crossing the line into real life surveillance.

I don't think Ruth is in the same category as MckMama at all, however. But even if she were, it would not be okay to be showing up at her workplace, no matter what you think you've given or offered to give her.

People really need to get a grip, and I hope Ruth can protect herself.

[So Many Lies]

Wow Ruth. Thank you so much for sharing. I really enjoy your story and dry, witty writing style. I have to say though it's quite harsh that the "ungodly" children were conspicuously absent but still included in the tally! As far as the prostate cancer goes, I have seen it take hold and kill very quickly. I do find the position that this death will provide "ammunition" interesting because most "naysayers" wouldn't trample on that. Good luck processing your grief and mixed feelings.

[Chibi Author]

To be brutally honest, the "You don't have to believe me, I'm staying anonymous" posts on Ruth's blog are seeming a little too regular and obligatory - and for the long-term readers, we KNOW about the anonymity, and we know it's not going to change. Maybe an FAQ for new readers could be set up, so it doesn't have to keep being rehashed?

Also, would I be a complete bitch if I asked for paragraphs rather than a really long wall of text? I appreciate the update, and all, but it's really hard to read.