Stay at home dads

[Olivia]

Yes, my uncle is a SAHD. It's great for their family!

I think it's great to have one SAHP if you can make it work, and I don't think it matters which. However, I would not be OK with it personally for our family -- I want to be the one who gets to be at home with our kids. But we also make very similar salaries with similar advancement potential, and the husband is supportive of my desire, so if one of us ends up staying home when we have kids it will be me.

(In my dream world, we'd both work from home or work part-time so we could both be SAHPs, but that's just not very realistic!)

[dormouse]

My husband has a higher-paying job with more advancement possibilities and benefits, so when/if we have kids, it will most likely be me staying home. I'm also better at cooking and keeping the house in order, even though he's better at heavy cleaning jobs (floors, bathtub).

I agree with Olivia that it's best to have a SAHP, but it doesn't matter which one. My brother-in-law was a stay-at-home dad, because his wife who had the higher income and the benefits. Now that their daughters are a bit older, he's back to work, but 7am to 3pm so he's there for homework time.

[Katiebug]

We're in a two income family. However, I earn twice my husband's salary and if we were to have twins or some unusual child care need (i.e. we had a child with a serious medical condition) he would be the one to stay home. We considered it with DD but decided on continuing with both of us working. The concern that both of us had is that he enjoys working, and that in our society it can be challenging for a SAHP to re-enter the workforce after a time away.

It's our goal that by the time our kids are all in school, I'll be able to work part time and ideally I'll be able to make a pretty significant career change as well at that time (from engineering to nursing). We feel it's important that school age children have a parent available after school and I would prefer that it be me when the time comes. I would prefer to work part time now, but our part time child care options aren't great and all cost nearly as much as full time care.

[deelaem]

No, but I think they're awesome.

Why? Why are stay-at-home dads awesome? Women do that same job 99% of the time and no one goes out of their way to tell them how spectacular they are. Just because he has an X chromosome it somehow makes it so amazing that he can wash dishes and do laundry?

I think parents who stay at home and do a good job are great - regardless of their sex.

[TMS]

My dd's GS troop co-leader, my kids' piano teacher, and my best friend's husband are all SAHD's. In my best friend's case, she was a SAHM for 10 years and when her husband retired from the military, she went back to work and he stayed home. Same circumstances for my dd's troop leader, except he wasn't military. Our kids' piano teacher teaches piano lessons and plays piano for his church on Sundays, but otherwise stays home with their two preschoolers, does the cooking and cleaning while his wife works full-time. All these men love being with their kids and are enjoying their positions.

[dawbs]

Why? Why are stay-at-home dads awesome? Women do that same job 99% of the time and no one goes out of their way to tell them how spectacular they are. Just because he has an X chromosome it somehow makes it so amazing that he can wash dishes and do laundry?

I think parents who stay at home and do a good job are great - regardless of their sex.

Well, a man who is willing to do it is openly bucking stereotypes and subjecting himself to scrutiny and criticism. SHould more men be up for it? of course. But it does take some guts to do it.

( ;) In the interest of full disclosure, I'm not married to a SAHD but I'm the primary breadwinner. I work full-time plus. The Mr. works part time (thus far) and is better cut out as SAH material than I am. So I'm home w/ Baby Friday-Sunday, He's home with her, normally, 2 weekdays plus the mornings on all other weekdays. Although that all changes next week w/ his new schedule...)

[Rosa]

There were a couple dads on the playground after school last year, but I don't know if they worked or not - one as lugging a baby and a toddler & picking up a medium-sized kid, but he could have been out of work (like a lot of men in my neighborhood) or just a late-shift worker. We had a good mix of working & sah parents there, I don't know who was who.

[Childless]

My husband is a SAHD. He quit his job last year to go to school and earn his degree. I make about twice what he did. We decided it would be wise for him to go back to school since he had no degree and its getting increasingly harder to find a job without a college education. The advantage to that decision is that he can be home with our son during the day and go to classes/study during the evening. It means we don't see as much of each other, but it's a small price to pay for a college degree and the opportunity to keep our son out of daycare while he's an infant.

My husband made the comment a few days ago that he's going to have a hard going back to work next year. I agree. I think he's going to have a hard time not being with our son all day long. The two have a great bond in part because he's been able to stay home with him. I'm so happy that my son gets to have a relationship with his father that most kids aren't lucky enough to get.

[flojo]

My ex step father was for a number of years. Wasn't the nicest situation, but that was more who he was, rather than what he was!

Interestingly enough, I split my time between them and my father, who is "fundie-lite". Growing up in two VERY different worlds :)

[youshouldknowx4]

My DH was a stay at home dad. He was disabled. He was a great dad. Made dinner, went to school activities, coached sports teams etc

He passed away 6 months ago. My children treasure the time they had with him.

[batwing]

My husband is. It was cheaper for him to stay home with the boys than it was for him to continue working. Childcare for two children in my area is $2000 per month, and that estimate was given by our well-loved and trusted in-home provider that was practically an aunt to my oldest, and she gave us a nice discount. Once I found out I was pregnant with number 2, we looked at our finances and we wound up having much more money by him being home.

Our oldest's school doesn't bus children any more so most children get a ride with parents. While I was on maternity leave I was able to do the pick ups and drop offs (now husband does it) and MOST of the parents there were dads. The jobs in our area that are traditionally held by men have dwindled while the ones held by women are faring much better. I think a lot of the dads want to work but can't.

My husband has formed a close friendship with four of the dads from our son's school. We're all in the same neighborhood so they get the kids together during the day to ride bikes or take turns keeping an eye on the kids so one can work on their car or run errands or whatever.

My husband is WAY more sensitive and nurturing than I am. He was also raised by a single father. He enjoys being home with the kids and isn't bothered by the whole gender role thing.

[BlackHawk]

Why? Why are stay-at-home dads awesome? Women do that same job 99% of the time and no one goes out of their way to tell them how spectacular they are. Just because he has an X chromosome it somehow makes it so amazing that he can wash dishes and do laundry?

I think parents who stay at home and do a good job are great - regardless of their sex.

Y Chromosome you mean?

I think any parent that stays at home is awesome! But I can see stating "Stay at home dads are awesome" on this thread because it's about.. well.. stay at home dads. But then again I'm just a guy so what do I know eh? I'm not trying to be combative but why can no one say anything good about a guy without you jumping in to show that women can do that, and do do that, so why praise a guy? Why not praise people who do things instead of tearing people down.

(I may take heat for this, and I apologize if it upsets people, but it's a great pet peeve of mine. I am all for women's rights and think people SHOULD BE EQUAL.)

[deelaem]

Yeah, I meant Y chromosone. Thanks for the correction.

It's good that you think that all people should be equal. However, we live in a patriarchal society so it's just a fact of life that women are not treated equally to men. So I'm sure you can understand that when men get accolades for a job that women have been doing since time began - with very little recognition - it stings some.

I suggest you do some research on feminism before you claim we're not praising guys enough. As it is right now, society exists to reward men, so they sure don't need women feeding their egos.

[titus2_4u]

Aww, sad true story. When I first started reading here, I mistakenly thought the SAHD acronym referred to Stay at Home DADS, instead of Stay at Home Daughters.

I think if SAH Dads were more common in fundie households, the bunch-of-kids mandates would be much, much lower!

[BlackHawk]

Yeah, I meant Y chromosone. Thanks for the correction.

It's good that you think that all people should be equal. However, we live in a patriarchal society so it's just a fact of life that women are not treated equally to men. So I'm sure you can understand that when men get accolades for a job that women have been doing since time began - with very little recognition - it stings some.

I suggest you do some research on feminism before you claim we're not praising guys enough. As it is right now, society exists to reward men, so they sure don't need women feeding their egos.

I'm not claiming you don't praise guys enough. However, when anyone has the gall to mention a guy you seem to get worked up.

I can imagine it stings some. I can imagine it stings a lot. I'm not saying it's right and I do understand feminist principles in order to bring about a more rewarding society to everyone. I get it and support it. However, when someone says "I think SAHDads are awesome" on a thread about stay at home dads... seriously, jumping down their throat does nothing to further your cause.

[deelaem]

I'm not claiming you don't praise guys enough. However, when anyone has the gall to mention a guy you seem to get worked up.

I can imagine it stings some. I can imagine it stings a lot. I'm not saying it's right and I do understand feminist principles in order to bring about a more rewarding society to everyone. I get it and support it. However, when someone says "I think SAHDads are awesome" on a thread about stay at home dads... seriously, jumping down their throat does nothing to further your cause.

Wow, thanks! I really needed a man to tell me what helps my cause! Now excuse me while I go dress in a teddy and dance on a stripper pole while claiming that I'm empowered!

Listen, you're a gay man, and I'm sure you don't like straights telling you what it's like to be gay and what does or does not help your cause. You really don't understand feminist principles or you wouldn't have said what you did. So just give it up.

Besides, there are plenty of women here who jump down MY throat every time I post a rad fem concept. My scolding is being taken care of. :roll:

[deelaem]

Aww, sad true story. When I first started reading here, I mistakenly thought the SAHD acronym referred to Stay at Home DADS, instead of Stay at Home Daughters.

I think if SAH Dads were more common in fundie households, the bunch-of-kids mandates would be much, much lower!

Yeah, Word! :lol:

[BlackHawk]

Wow, thanks! I really needed a man to tell me what helps my cause! Now excuse me while I go dress in a teddy and dance on a stripper pole while claiming that I'm empowered!

Listen, you're a gay man, and I'm sure you don't like straights telling you what it's like to be gay and what does or does not help your cause. You really don't understand feminist principles or you wouldn't have said what you did. So just give it up.

Besides, there are plenty of women here who jump down MY throat every time I post a rad fem concept. My scolding is being taken care of. :roll:

Way to jump off the deep end. But if that's honestly what you think, good for you. Good luck.

[emmiedahl]

My stepfather was a work-at-home dad until he finished his teaching degree. He worked as a painter (like artist/sign painting/etc, not houses) and went to school in the evenings. It wasn't a political statement or anything, he was at home because of his job so he ran things there while my mother worked outside the home and made most of the money.

When I was a housewife in CA, I had a neighbor who became a SAHD because his wife's job was more stable and had benefits. He had a hard time at first (men in our society are often not taught to perform a wide range of household tasks) but he caught on.

It was really cool for his son because he was a manly type of guy and much more adventurous than the typical housewife. He had this huge mud-pit that he made for the kid, because the baby liked mud so why not? It was like a sandbox, but filled with dirt that the dad would "water" every morning. The little boy would spend most of the day sloshing around a homemade bog while the dad gardened and read books in the yard. He would spray him down with a hose at the end of the day. The dad told me it was just too much work to mess up the house and then have to clean it.

It sounds horrible but it was AWESOME. I ended up designating a mud hole in our own backyard because my preschoolers were soooo jealous.

[Patsy]

This isn't a surface-level forum. People examine one another's motivations all the time here. That includes calling people out for why they said something a certain way - which doesn't necessarily mean that everything they said was bullshit. Saying "why do you feel the need to say SAHDs are awesome, I don't often see people jumping to say that about SAHMs" is absolutely the sort of thing this board encourages, and rightly so.

[mnb357]

In answer to the question, I am married to a stay at home dad. My husband is much older than me, and a retired military/commrecial pilot. (35 years.) We had kids after he retired, and he took over most of the primary care of them. Let's just say he has changed his outlook on lots of things...he now considers any clothing on a baby beyond a diaper and t-shirt wasted effort, for instance. Also, his idea of the "chain of command" has changed greatly. He keeps quoting Bill Cosby with "Parents are not interested in justice; they're interested in quiet."

--I just asked if he'd change anything, and he said not a thing...except maybe the pitch of our daughter's voice! When I talk to him about things I read about the fundies, he either laughs at the folly, or curses at the cruelty.

[Witsec1]

I am married to a former "manny" = male nanny. We both worked part-time when the sprog was young, and did a child-care co-op with another family with a SAH dad and a Ph.D. candidate mom. When the SAH dad ran for city council a few years later, he got flack for not having a "real job". So I think SAH dads do need our support.

The hubster can be quite humorless about movies and tv shows that make fun of dads being clueless about childcare - e.g. Daddy Day Care, etc.

[AtroposHeart]

Yes, I was raised my a stay at home father and woring mother.

I was the only kid I knew in that situation. Then again most of the other kid's parents were divored too.

I never felt strange except when I watched T.V I saw that all the Daddy's on T.V didn't know anything about raising kids and I was very confused

[dawniecakes]

If you want to be annoyed, don't watch Mark Driscoll bloviate on the ebilz of Stay at Home Dads:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1WPVxndUcHQ

T.O.O.L.

[Shirley MacLaine]

If you want to be annoyed, don't watch Mark Driscoll bloviate on the ebilz of Stay at Home Dads:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1WPVxndUcHQ

T.O.O.L.

I just watched this a couple of days ago! So painful. I watch Mark Driscoll instead of cutting myself.