The "Mentor" On Holding Hands and Wearing Your Wedding Rings

[desertvixen]

I can kind of sympathize with her pregnant commenter. I had to stop wearing mine when pregnant, so wore it on a chain around my neck. After I had her and I was able to put the sucker back on, one of the women who was in our post-partum workout group would NOT shut up about how awesome it was that we had finally gotten married...

And you know what? Having a wedding ring (2 of them even, the one I bought him when we married and a titanium one he wore on deployment) didn't stop my ex from becoming my ex.

[Claddagh]

Let's see...before she died mom had to take hers off because the arthritis in her hands was so bad she couldn't get the ring on or off without serious pain.

Dad stopped wearing his after a hand injury. He got so used to not wearing it he stopped. Mom didn't care.

Grandma keeps her ring on a chain around her neck due to the fact she lost so much weight the ring keeps slipping off her finger.

I've never liked wearing rings so I rarely do so. If I ever get married I would probably wear a ring or have it on a chain around my neck.

[Arete]

My BIL cannot wear his wedding band while he works. When he was first married, he would make it a point to put it back on when he was on his own time, but after a while he got lazy with that. He tells a hilarious story of the first time his mother noticed he wasn't wearing a wedding band. To set it up, he's over six feet and his mom is about five foot four inches. He is standing and she suddenly pushes him into a sitting position on the couch, points her finger down at his hand, looks at him like a roach in need of a heel and says, "Boy! Are you having an AFFAIR?"

That took some explaining to Mama Helpmeet.

[mockingbird]

My grandmother had to have her rings cut off because her fingers got so swollen from arthritis that she couldn't get them off herself. She had the diamond from her engagement ring made into a necklace for me and my sister to share. On the way to the jeweler my grandfather kept teasing her about how she was "leaving him" but HE was still wearing his ring. LOL

I know a lot of people who put them on chains when they are pregnant and some people who don't wear them. My mom didn't wear hers for a year or so because it got bent and she didn't want to pay for it to be fixed/resized right away. I like the idea of wedding and engagement rings and I have seen some that I think are really pretty but on the other hand, I have really wonky fingers and I've never really worn rings before because most of them don't fit me right. I have big knuckles, so I'd be worried about it getting stuck like my grandmother's did. I think I would try it and if it was uncomfortable or I just couldn't get it sized right, I'd put it on a chain and wear it as a necklace. (I do have The One Ring on a necklace. I'm not sure if that counts lol.)

[rock_girl]

I can't imagine wearing a wedding or engagement ring full time. I refuse to wear more than one ring across both hands and am not willing to give up my other rings. I'd much rather an engagement diamond tennis bracelet. Or an engagement strand of South Sea pearls. They'd get a lot more wear. Hints will be dropped when the time comes.

As for hand holding... ick. Who wants to feel someone else's sweaty palm against theirs? Either it's too hot for hand holding or I'm wearing gloves so that my fingers don't fall off and then we've got a lot of bulk in the way. There are like a few weeks a year in which I can hold hands without wanting to punch the other person so what's the point?

[Myfanwy]

I guess we are some special kind of wrong too. I wear my wedding ring all the time however my husband has never had one. We have been married 30+ years and so far so good!

[marmalade]

As I mentor women, they finally see so clearly the lack of love so many of their married friends have for their husbands.

"As" doesn't even make sense in this sentence. Maybe "When" or "In my experience of mentoring, I observe that..." would make more sense. Her writing is as lame as her overall thesis. As written, major FAIL!

FWIW, I'm hypothyroid and my size 5 wedding band from 18 years ago is a thing of the past. My husband's knuckles got bigger and he couldn't get his ring off, so for our last anniversary, we combined both rings to make a larger, wider band for him. He's a "never remove" but it's more because he inherited those awfully big knuckles. Me? I have my engagement ring (from his grandmother, a deco piece made in 1920's New Orleans) in a safe deposit box because I can't size it up any more than a 6 and I'm a 7 these days. Now, I have a white gold band that I designed around the diamonds I inherited from my dad's wedding ring (too big and gaudy for my husband). It's textural and has interest as a piece of art that I wear on my wedding finger. But not 24/7. Right now, it's sitting nested inside my watch on top of my jewelry box. Half the time when I'm running errands or whatever, I forget to put it on. I usually only realize I forgot to put it on when I see someone with a gaudy (fake) ring. Then I remind myself it's just an outward symbol. I've never felt guilt for not wearing it, or forgoing it if I'm really PMS bloated.

Hell, today, I was wearing a soccer jersey and jeans (collarbone nowhere to be seen and the jersey is tunic-length on me...longer than a Duggar slave's tops), but had on my "trendy" ring (when I go where I think I might get the real deal stolen). Talk about dissonance: I'm built like a linebacker, dressed like a boy, but wearing all my girly rings (forgot earrings...I almost never wear them anymore).

[emmiedahl]

After a decade of marriage, I gave up on the rings. Rings annoy me. Ten years later, I was still not used to wearing it and I constantly twirled it or moved it up and down my ring finger. I gradually stopped wearing it--I would take it off to clean bathrooms and forget to put it back on for increasing amounts of time.

I am not a jewelry person. Metal things on my body annoy me. I am not a hand-holding person either. I am just not physically affectionate by nature. A public, spontaneous hug is hard for me. My wedding ring/engagement ring set are beautiful and I treasure them, but I rarely wear them. Rings are a token. My husband knows that he is the center of my world because I do real things, not token things, that show him this. I wish I could give him this token, but he understands that they make me uncomfortable and does not want me to go through it just to give the correct societal cues.

[Convicted Blossom]

From Lori

lorialexander.blogspot.com/2012/09/keep-holding-hands.html#idc-container

What a shining beacon of warmth & compassion she is towards her sisters in Christ.

lilwriter85 the latter may be common saying in the US but it's the first time I've heard it. :lol:

[dawbs]

on the

As I mentor women, they finally see so clearly the lack of love so many of their married friends have for their husbands.

bit...

Isn't that the very definition of confirmation bias?

"Women who come to me, as a part of fundiedom, wanting to be more submissive tell me tales about how people around them aren't submissive"

[Lady_M]

I wear a ring, but it's mostly because I got so used to having one on that by the time I started nursing school and wasn't allowed to wear my "real" rings because of the diamonds, it really felt weird not to have one on. I'd realize that my rings weren't there and have a momentary panic that I'd lost them until I'd remember why I wasn't wearing them. So hubby bought me a plain $27 band that I was allowed to wear because it made me happy, but he really didn't care one way or another if I wore a ring or not.

Funny enough, now that I'm allowed to wear the "real" rings, I typically don't. The way the stones are set, it makes it too easy to rip gloves at work, and with some of the stuff I have my hands in, well...it's just not stuff I want in contact with my bare skin. That and I feel like there are too many little places around the stones that can't be cleaned adequately (unless I take them to be professionally cleaned) and there are just too many germs I come in contact with in nursing to be okay with that.

It's not really unusual for me to forget to put my rings at all on either - and funny enough, it doesn't make me any less married. Although I have to wonder what Lori would think if she saw me without my rings and my husband in a restaurant holding hands since he's usually wearing his ring! Clearly we're having some sort of affair... :D .

[notsocommon]

I do not wear rings because I am allergic. My whole hand puffed up and got all red and itchy. We sold the gold years ago and the diamonds are in my jewelry box. I have a silver promise ring that I wear sometimes, but my recent health issues make me puff up and it does not fit most of the time.

My husband lost his years ago.

[caito]

*are you serious rage face.jpg*

Well isn't this a heaping pile of poo? We only wear our rings in public, and sometimes my husband forgets his. I berate him for like .5 seconds and we get over it. They're just pieces of metal, to me they don't really mean much of anything other than a symbol that we're married.

And the thought of constantly, perpetually shutting up and never ever interrupting my husband and staring at him with a glassy-eyed vapid gaze just isn't my idea of a good time. Nope.

[SquirrelySquirrel]

I took the comment to mean that non-married couples (in her eyes, since all married couples wear their rings 24/7/365) are enjoying each other more than married couples, and this is so horrible and we should all put on PDA shows with our rings glistening in the sun to promote staying married (?). Also? She needs to check some facts. Couples inside the church have higher divorce rates than those of us outside the church. And also? Women are perfectly capable of deciding whether or not they want to end their marriages without being shamed. Sometimes I wonder if I'm all alone in not being upset that so many marriages end in divorce. It's only so high in this day and age because it's legal and socially acceptable. People weren't happier in the past; they were trapped.

[dawbs]

I took the comment to mean that non-married couples (in her eyes, since all married couples wear their rings 24/7/365) are enjoying each other more than married couples, and this is so horrible and we should all put on PDA shows with our rings glistening in the sun to promote staying married (?). Also? She needs to check some facts. Couples inside the church have higher divorce rates than those of us outside the church. And also? Women are perfectly capable of deciding whether or not they want to end their marriages without being shamed. Sometimes I wonder if I'm all alone in not being upset that so many marriages end in divorce. It's only so high in this day and age because it's legal and socially acceptable. People weren't happier in the past; they were trapped.

AMEN.

Know one of the awesome things about my (almost 10 years of) marriage?

I could leave.

So my husband doesn't get up in the morning and wonder if I'm happy. He doesn't wonder if I want to leave. He doesn't wonder if I could support myself.

He knows the answers (Yes, no, yes :)) to those questions. He knows I"m here because I *WANT* to be here.

(He also knows that I wouldn't divorce lightly, blah blah, so, no, he doesn't get up and wonder if I"m going to walk out today-just to head that off at the pass)

[haveapicniclife]

Well I wear my rings all the time but that's because I'm a jewelry whore. It has no meaning to me and we didn't even get engaged with rings. I've just acquired a bunch along the way during 12 years of marriage. It doesn't make us any more or less married, and this is why I get so annoyed when I read the indignant "you're an ungrateful twat" posts on WeddingBee about ladies that *gasp* dare to take their rings off after the wedding.

[bananacat]

I also agree that divorce isn't inherently bad. Sometimes relationships (of any kind) will end, and it's better for both people to move on than to be trapped.

[katecake]

I lost my wedding ring, and my husband's is now too small. My mother didn't wear hers for probably over 10 years because she couldn't afford to have them sized. My grandparents NEVER wore them for religious reasons (of course, that was patriarchy/weird religiosity wielding it's ugly head...but still). Wedding rings are precious metals and jewels! Spewing judgment over them is the definition of elitist!

[Distant Lines]

I'd like to introduce this woman to one of my mentors. She's a very religious woman who has been married for about 20 years and has two children that she homeschools. She seems a bit fundieish in that regard, but she's fairly liberal and I've never seen her wear a wedding ring. She has a great marriage where she and her husband both support each other in their endeavors and I know there's no way she's going to submit to everything her husband says, yet they seem to have made it work. Imagine that.

[emmiedahl]

I also agree that divorce isn't inherently bad. Sometimes relationships (of any kind) will end, and it's better for both people to move on than to be trapped.

My parents' divorce was the greatest gift they gave me.

[Distant Lines]

My parents' divorce was the greatest gift they gave me.

Seriously. I'd hate my life if my parents were still married.

[Artemis]

Twenty fifth anniversary next month.

Happily married.

Never worn a ring.

[Trynn]

Wonder what she would think about Seventh Day Adventists? Jewelry is against their religion. Wedding rings are discouraged, but allowed. (This varies by sate, mind you. Some conferences are more liberal than others. I'm speaking for Michiganders here.)

Most Seventh Day Adventists I know do not wear wedding rings. So, now they're whores because they believe the bible doesn't allow for them to wear wedding rings???

You just can't win with some people.

[MrsKay]

Seriously. I'd hate my life if my parents were still married.

QFT. I seriously BEGGED my parents to get divorced when I was 10. Life was hell when they were together. They were wonderful people in a shitty marriage.

My first husband freaked any time he saw me not wearing my rings, and got paranoid if I didn't reach for his hand. I left him less than 10 months after we got married. The current MrKay and I have been together for going-on-ten years, most of those without a ring, and we never hold hands. Go figure.

[lilwriter85]

Someone like Lori will never understand the reasons some people get divorced. My aunt divorced her first husband because he cheated on her and the woman he cheated with got pregnant. I can see Lori trying to come up with some reason for my aunt to have stayed married to her ex. I have friends whose parents are divorced and all of them have said that it was for the best.

Lori brags so much about how she and Unabomber look a like have raised their children right. She frequently uses pictures of her two married kids and their spouses in her blog entries. I bet one of the Lori's kids will ended getting a divorce someday. It might not be Ryan or the daughter that is already married. Not all of Lori's kids are going to live their lives exactly how she hopes they do.